Guy Asks For Advice After Wife Finally Admits How She Really Feels About His Hobby

Everyone needs something to take the edge off. For Reddit user AtreidesOne, that something is video games. The 42-year-old has been enjoying them throughout his entire life and believes he has managed to do so without having to sacrifice much else.

However, the man’s wife recently told him that the hobby makes him look childish and less attractive. Considering that she’s always been aware of how he spends his free time, he was shocked and didn’t really know what to make of the sudden news. So, he turned to the internet for help.

This 42-year-old has always loved to wind down by enjoying a video game

Person playing video games in a cozy room surrounded by collectibles, screen showing a playful game character.

Image credits: Erik Mclean / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

But after years of marriage, his wife suddenly had an issue with it

Text discussing a wife's opinion on video games being juvenile and less attractive, mentioning various game titles.

Text expressing a wife's perception of video games as juvenile, highlighting a husband's enjoyment despite her views.

Text about video games being seen as juvenile and affecting attractiveness.

Man and woman on a sofa, woman expressing frustration, man looking away.

Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text discussing video games, stereotypes, and personal hygiene.

Text discussing the impact of video games on relationships, questioning their appeal and potential sacrifices.

Image credits: AtreidesOne

Man in blue hoodie sitting with hands on face, expressing stress about video games.

Image credits: Guillaume Issaly / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Long-term relationships can suffer even if nobody was betrayed

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, told Bored Panda, “It’s common for partners to lose attraction for each other in long-term relationships due to stress and burnout, which could occur either within or outside (e.g., work, family, friendship problems) of the relationship.”

“Additionally, as the relationship becomes more stable and consistent, often less effort is contributed to maintaining it, which often results in less quality time spent engaging in shared hobbies, experiencing novelty experiences together, and showing mutual interest in each other’s lives outside the relationship.”

Because of that, Romanoff said, priorities can shift away from maintaining the relationship (once it’s been safely established), and this could lead to partners feeling emotionally, physically, and intellectually neglected. “The predictability of being with your partner long-term can start to make intimacy feel stale and boring,” the clinical psychologist said.

The good thing is that these processes are reversible. But it takes work. “Reigniting the spark rarely starts with physical intimacy. Instead, look at how you both are connecting emotionally and intellectually. Does the relationship feel safe? Do you laugh together? Are you each there for the other in times of vulnerability and need? Do you have emotional intimacy? Try to increase each of these experiences with your partner by being more vulnerable, sharing your feelings, being a more active listener, and also by reducing blaming and defensive posturing,” Romanoff explained.

“Next, increase experiences of fun, novelty, and entertainment together. Reflect on [them] and express gratitude to each other for what you genuinely appreciate in your partner. Plan date nights. Try a new class or hobby. Find a new funny show you both adore. Make more effortful moments of physical contact, like holding hands, giving back rubs, and hugging.”

Once the groundwork is done, you can then begin to spice up your physical intimacy by introducing variation and new experiences in the bedroom.

In response to some of the most common questions, the guy clarified a few important points

Text explaining a father's gaming schedule with his kids, discussing late-night gaming on weekends.

And later joined the discussion that unfolded in the comments

Reddit discussion about video games and relationships, featuring davejb_dev and AtreidesOne sharing insights.

Online discussion about video games causing relationship tension and advice on marriage counseling.

Reddit exchange about video games vs. Marvel movies perception.

Comment exchange on hobbies, comparing video games to period dramas and nature documentaries.

Discussion on whether video games are juvenile, with opinions exchanged in an online chat.

Comments on video games being juvenile and less attractive.

Reddit discussion on video games and relationship perceptions, highlighting different viewpoints on attraction and maturity.

Reddit discussion about video games and relationships affecting attractiveness.

Text on a forum discussing if video games are juvenile, mentioning self-confidence and romance novels.

Discussion on gaming habits and relationship dynamics, highlighting gaming's impact on attractiveness perceptions.

Text discussing relationship dynamics and perspectives on video games.

Reddit discussion about video games being seen as juvenile and affecting attractiveness in relationships.

Reddit discussion: balancing mental load in a marriage where video games are seen as juvenile.

The couple’s problems are likely larger than video games

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (or the DSM-5), which is the American Psychiatric Association’s professional reference book, includes a section on the warning signs of problematic video gaming.

According to its criteria, you need to have five or more of these signs in one year to qualify:

• Thinking about gaming all or a lot of the time;
• Feeling bad when you can’t play;
• Needing to spend more and more time playing to feel good;
• Not being able to quit or even play less;
• Not wanting to do other things that you used to like;
• Having problems at work, school, or home because of your gaming;
• Playing despite these problems;
• Lying to people close to you about how much time you spend playing;
• Using gaming to ease bad moods and feelings.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

If the post’s author is honest about his relationship with his computer, it doesn’t sound like he has an issue.

Furthermore, a study by the University of Oxford on video games and well-being that involved 39,000 participants has concluded that gaming has no measurable effect on well-being or overall life satisfaction. So, it really can just be a way to spend time.

Attraction consists of a combination of a person’s physical, mental, emotional, and intellectual attributes.

While stability and security are important ingredients in a healthy long-term relationship, as Dr. Romanoff said, getting too comfortable with each other can make the partnership feel predictable and stale.

People eagerly shared their advice for him

Comment discussing views on video games and personal interests in a relationship.

Reddit comment discussing reasons a wife dislikes video games affecting attractiveness.

Comment discussing relationship issues related to video games.

Text discussing someone's perspective on balancing video games and relationship satisfaction.

Text about playing video games and perceptions of them being juvenile, featuring irony with Candy Crush.

Text from a discussion about video games being seen as juvenile and affecting attractiveness in relationships.

Reddit comment questioning if Netflix and TikTok are as time-wasting as video games.

Reddit comment discussing video games as a scapegoat for deeper issues.

Text discussing video games as a universal passion, not limited by age or gender.

Reddit comment on relationships and gaming, discussing video games, attraction, and argument dynamics.

A person shares their view on gaming, relating it to reading and watching TV, amidst a debate on video games being juvenile.

Text about video games being enjoyable, with a discussion on maintaining interests and happiness in relationships.

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