"My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck."

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"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'" — Don Marquis

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"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it." — Bill Gates

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“The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.”

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"Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door."

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"Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free."

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"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." — George Carlin

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"Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright."

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Ryan H

Ryan H

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1 year ago

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Facts

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Cassi Lyris

Cassi Lyris

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1 year ago

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I s'pose this was true before they all became easily replaceable LEDs. How ironic.

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Tee Rat

Tee Rat

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1 year ago

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And there's that one blinking one that's desperate for attention.

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TrippyBanana

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And then there's that connector at the end trying to get everyone to work together.

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Mike_the_nike

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And then there’s you; the tree.

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Vira

Vira

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Just remember you're in one of those groups for those around you, too.

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“I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.”

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"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey

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"When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes, and one day I braided them." – Steven Alexander Wright

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"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around." — Homer Simpson

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“There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.”

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"Getting paid to sleep... that's my dream job.​"

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“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.”

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"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse." — Dennis Miller

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"Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done." — Peter Drucker

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"As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement." — Tom Goins

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"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali

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"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." — Jerome K. Jerome

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"Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say." – Andy Stanley

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"My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work."

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“Don’t be a fool. Stop hating Mondays. Be a professional and hate the whole week!”

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"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!"

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"The reward for good work is more work." – Francesca Elisia

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"I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams."

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"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." — John Gotti

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“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”

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"It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you." — Dwight D. Eisenhower

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"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." — Oscar Wilde

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"The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished." – Groucho Marx

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"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant." – Scott Adams

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"I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday."

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“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

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"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." – Phyllis Diller

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"No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early." — Groucho Marx

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"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." — Will Rogers

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"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great." – Mark Twain

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"Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work." – David Ogilvy

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"A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job." — Zig Ziglar

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"It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children." – Alan Alda

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"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.​" — Homer Simpson

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"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." — Niels Bohr

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"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." — Charles Lamb

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"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." — Sarah Brown

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"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." — Robert Frost

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“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” — Doug Larson

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"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" — Edgar Bergen

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"If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock." — Claude McDonald

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"Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon."

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"I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying." - Rita Rudner

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"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?​" -​ Kin Hubbard

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"A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time." — William C. Feather

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"Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day." — Ed Bernard

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“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost

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“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”

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"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so." – Douglas Adams

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"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock." — Henny Youngman

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"Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance." – Sir Claus Moser

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“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” —Douglas Adams

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"The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​" — Stanley J. Randall

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"I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, 'Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.'" – Chris Rock

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“Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” — George Burns

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"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there." — Josh Billings

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"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." — Bertrand Russell

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"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid." – Phil Pastoret

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"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up." - Ogden Nash

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"It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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"It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work." — William Faulkner

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"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​" — David Letterman

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"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." – Charlie McCarthy

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"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily." – Zig Ziglar

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"My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job." – Ted Turner

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“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.” — Jarod Kintz

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"Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you." – Zig Ziglar

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"Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired." - Michel Tournier

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"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." — Mark Twain

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"If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings." – Dave Barry

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"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." - Sam Ewing

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“Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” — Jim Murray

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"I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one." — Clarence Darrow

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"Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work." – Earl Nightingale

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"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." - Fats Domino

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"Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?" — J. Paul Getty

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"An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault." – William Castle

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"Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers."

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"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow." — Don Herold

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“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

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"Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan." – Larry Winget

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“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.”

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“If at first you don’t succeed, try management.”

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“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” — Kevin Malone

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“Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured.” — Lou Brutus

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“I hate Sundays because they give birth to Mondays.” — Chris Southwave

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"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

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"People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." — Elbert Hubbard

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"I’m not retiring, I am graduating... retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen." – Junior Seau

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