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Motivational sayings have nothing against funny work quotes that dot the internet and get shared with colleagues. Working 9-to-5 every day might get boring, so it’s only natural to have some fun at the cost of work hours. The funny quotes about work we hear at our offices hit much differently when monotonous tasks need some color. The factors that make those funny quotes about working hilarious have to be mixed and matched.
When reading the more positive and hilarious work quotes — you might need to take the time to understand them, especially if you aren’t working in a certain field. Sales and marketing professionals have plenty of funny, inspirational work quotes that boost their confidence. Whether you are a ruthless mobster or a corporate executive — you can be sure that there are some funny quotes at work you can share.

If you require some humor in your workflow — you might need some quotes. Below, we have compiled funny quotes for work-exhausted people. Some are funny and shareable, so share them with your colleagues. If one of them is much funnier than the others — upvote it. On the other hand, if you have a saying of your own that you would like to share — do so in the comments below. And in case you are almost in the middle of the week, hey, you might like our Thursday meme article as well!

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#1

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck."

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#2

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'" — Don Marquis

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#3

"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it." — Bill Gates

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robin aldrich
robin aldrich
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simplifying things that are too ridiculously complicated....it's not being lazy....

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#4

“The first five days after the weekend are the toughest.”

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#5

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door."

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#6

"Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free."

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#7

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." — George Carlin

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Lia is a platypus
Lia is a platypus
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just suffer and internally panic at the approaching deadline, but that's just me

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#8

"Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright."

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#9

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler “I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.”

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#10

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey

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#11

"When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes, and one day I braided them." – Steven Alexander Wright

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#12

"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around." — Homer Simpson

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#13

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler “There are days one should really just sleep through. Like Monday through Friday.”

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#14

"Getting paid to sleep... that's my dream job.​"

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#15

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.”

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Amberlie Mikelsen
Amberlie Mikelsen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or CHIGGERS!!! Those things are microscopic and can turn you into a frakking TOMATO!!!

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#16

"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse." — Dennis Miller

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Vira
Vira
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I... What? No. Ever seen true crime? Many people die when a coroner fails to recognize a murder, disease, or malpractice.

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#17

"Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done." — Peter Drucker

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#18

"As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement." — Tom Goins

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#19

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali

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Chihuahua Mama
Chihuahua Mama
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So when Muhammad Ali did it it was fine, but when I wait in dark alleys with a boxing gloves on, suddenly it's "assault" and I'm "going to prison". Talk about a double standard /j

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#20

"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." — Jerome K. Jerome

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#21

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say." – Andy Stanley

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#22

"My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work."

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robin aldrich
robin aldrich
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I need to embroider that on a pillow.... Oh wait I don't embroider....

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#23

“Don’t be a fool. Stop hating Mondays. Be a professional and hate the whole week!”

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#24

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!"

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#25

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "The reward for good work is more work." – Francesca Elisia

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robin aldrich
robin aldrich
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's called " cross training"... an excuse to load you up with other peoples jobs...without paying you anymore....

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#26

"I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams."

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#27

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." — John Gotti

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#28

“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”

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#29

"It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you." — Dwight D. Eisenhower

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Raymond Pobiak
Raymond Pobiak
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Better yet, have 50,000 people working for you with one of them keeping your Ferraris washed.

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#30

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." — Oscar Wilde

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OutspokenHBW
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love being unemployed, except for the no money thing, *sigh* I could be such a good lottery winner lol. 😎

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#31

"The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished." – Groucho Marx

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#32

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant." – Scott Adams

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Brian Smith
Brian Smith
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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#33

"I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday."

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always give 100% at work.. 10% Monday, 20% Tuesday, 35% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, and 17% Friday... Still can't understand why they moved me out of accounting....

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#34

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

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#35

"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." – Phyllis Diller

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Sarah Cofer
Sarah Cofer
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol jacob refuses to celebrate any holidays. I always just thought it was a narcissist thing but now I just think its f*****g hilarious since my birthday is Martin Luther King Day and my brothers birthdays are April Fools Day and New Years

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#36

"No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early." — Groucho Marx

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#37

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." — Will Rogers

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#38

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great." – Mark Twain

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#39

"Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work." – David Ogilvy

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Cofty Sweet
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Without fun, you get what you asked for. With fun, you get what you needed to be done.

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#40

"A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job." — Zig Ziglar

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Happy Blue Panda
Happy Blue Panda
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now

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#41

"It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children." – Alan Alda

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#42

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.​" — Homer Simpson

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You tried your best and failed miserably... The lesson is never try" - Homer Simpson

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#43

"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." — Niels Bohr

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definition of Expert... EX - Has Been... Spurt - A Drip Under Pressure.... Expert... A Has Been Drip Under Pressure.

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#44

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." — Charles Lamb

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Cookie muncher
Cookie muncher
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You just described my boss's wife and daughter. Apparently the rest of us need to pick up their work to show we are true professionals.

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#45

"The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." — Sarah Brown

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#46

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." — Robert Frost

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#47

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” — Doug Larson

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Amberlie Mikelsen
Amberlie Mikelsen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For those bosses who started this "trend"; I'm not "quiet quitting" I'm "acting my wage"! You pay me to do X, you don't get the whole frakking alphabet!

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#48

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" — Edgar Bergen

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#49

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock." — Claude McDonald

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#50

"Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon."

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#51

"I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying." - Rita Rudner

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#52

"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?​" -​ Kin Hubbard

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#53

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time." — William C. Feather

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#54

"Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day." — Ed Bernard

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#55

“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost

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#56

“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We the unwilling led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We done so much, for so long, with so little we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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#57

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so." – Douglas Adams

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Work can be like prison..... Fun Flies.. When You're Serving Time.

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#58

"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock." — Henny Youngman

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#59

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance." – Sir Claus Moser

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But in the workplace a stupid person weighs less... That is why they float to the top.

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#60

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” —Douglas Adams

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#61

"The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​" — Stanley J. Randall

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Cofty Sweet
Cofty Sweet
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, it is when he ignores the form and applies true to himself.

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#62

"I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, 'Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.'" – Chris Rock

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robin aldrich
robin aldrich
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now fast food restaurant are actually offering more than minimum wage...It servers at the (I'm gonna say) nice, sit down restaurants that struggle on LESS than minimum wage......

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#63

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler “Don’t stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.” — George Burns

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#64

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there." — Josh Billings

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#65

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." — Bertrand Russell

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#66

"Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid." – Phil Pastoret

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hear evil, see evil, and remember everything.... A good way to the top.

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#67

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up." - Ogden Nash

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Jude Corrigan
Jude Corrigan
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People who work lying down get paid more than people who work sitting down.

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#68

"It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Amberlie Mikelsen
Amberlie Mikelsen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not true! "Nobody explained how to do it right!" takes less than 30 seconds to say!

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#69

"It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work." — William Faulkner

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#70

"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​" — David Letterman

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#71

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." – Charlie McCarthy

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#72

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily." – Zig Ziglar

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#73

"My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job." – Ted Turner

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And when you're Ted Turner you're an EntraManure... Full of sh#t...

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#74

“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.” — Jarod Kintz

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#75

"Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you." – Zig Ziglar

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Cofty Sweet
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Constructive criticism is more valuable than sugarcoating. You don't become better if you never learn where to start.

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#76

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired." - Michel Tournier

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#77

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." — Mark Twain

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#78

"If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings." – Dave Barry

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Cofty Sweet
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to disagree. It is egocentrism. Very easy to find in meetings though, when people talk without listening.

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#79

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." - Sam Ewing

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#80

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler “Show me a man who is a good loser, and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.” — Jim Murray

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#81

"I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one." — Clarence Darrow

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#82

"Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work." – Earl Nightingale

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#83

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." - Fats Domino

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Kluge
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been putting N.D.G.A. after my name on my resume since the early '90s. (No Degree, Good Anyway)

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#84

"Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?" — J. Paul Getty

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#85

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault." – William Castle

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Garth
Garth
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1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Definition of Expert - "EX" (Has Been).... "Spurt" (Drip Under Pressure) ... EXPERT... A Has Been Drip Under Pressure!

#86

"Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers."

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OutspokenHBW
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please, the lazy ones are the ones who get promoted because while the rest of us are working they are chatting up the management.

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#87

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow." — Don Herold

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#88

“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Andrew Carnegie certainly was smart but his great fortune was based on his ability to identify, and his willingness to reward, great managers.

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#89

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan." – Larry Winget

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#90

“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.”

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#91

“If at first you don’t succeed, try management.”

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Kluge
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If at first you don't succeed, sky diving may not be for you."

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#92

“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!” — Kevin Malone

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#93

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler “Monday is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured.” — Lou Brutus

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#94

“I hate Sundays because they give birth to Mondays.” — Chris Southwave

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#95

"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

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#96

"People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." — Elbert Hubbard

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OutspokenHBW
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately people who go that "extra mile" ALSO never get paid more.

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#97

97 Funny Work Quotes To Share Around The Water Cooler "I’m not retiring, I am graduating... retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen." – Junior Seau

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