So why is netiquette so tricky? It’s partly because the online communication channels and approaches to them are always changing. For example, a few years back, adding a GIF to an instant message or an email was common and signified a sort of casualness of the conversation. These days, GIFs are considered to be outdated. Ryan Broderick, and internet culture writer told The Guardian that these days GIFs are “basically the cringe reaction image your millennial boss uses in Slack. Rather than what they used to be, which was a decentralised image type for communicating on blogs and message boards.”

The everchanging nature of internet communication rules became even more obvious during the lockdown, when the online exchanges were, arguably, at the all-time high. When Zoom entered the scene, many people were arguing what’s more appropriate: turning on your camera or keeping it off? And if you do turn it on, do you use a background, blur your surroundings, or reveal your interior design choices to your co-workers? Should you or should you not use a beauty filter? There was no consensus there, we had to make those decisions on our own.

When making such decisions about what’s appropriate, we tend to follow vague concepts we have learned over the years. In a paper published in 2023, the researchers found that it’s either things we have learned through personal experience of online correspondence or by observing what other people consider appropriate. That is to say, that there are usually no hard rules about what is acceptable and what’s not.

We do have some written online communication rules, of course. Most of them are actually related to emails. A quick search online will inform you about most important do’s and don’ts one has to abide by. Do write informative subject lines, but don’t overshare in your Out of Office message. Do format your messages correctly, don’t use all caps or stylize your email with bold and italics too much. Don’t forward spam or chain emails. Don’t email people about urgent matters—call or message them instead. And, for the love of all that is holy, do not click “Reply all” when responding to company-wide announcements, we don’t need to know how you feel about them.

Then there are, of course, unwritten rules that depend on your workplace and co-workers. What’s considered an email at one job can be a lengthy Teams message at another. One employer might be very liberal about emoji usage while another might consider them inappropriate and unprofessional. One employer might be adamant about keeping your camera on during meetings, while another is more lenient and allows people to keep it off at all times. What’s even more baffling, is that this can differ from person to person, all in the same company, making juggling these rules quite a feat for the employees. 

Rules related to politeness, however, can make exchanges feel too sanitized. For example, many rulebooks tell people to avoid exclamation points as much as possible. Still, people love using them. It’s often the go-to for people who wish to convey positive enthusiasm while still refraining from using emojis. In a similar vein, the above-mentioned study also referred to a time when an employee witnessed their boss swearing during a Zoom call. And while for some this might show an awful lack of self-containment, the employee loved it as it made them feel more at ease with their boss.

People also love getting less clean-cut emails because they can be more personal. Starting an exchange by asking your colleague how their vacation was or congratulating them on a big achievement can make them feel appreciated. Seeing your colleague’s pet or children, something that in a neatly organized work environment is not possible, can also help you relate to them and make you feel more connected.

These contradictions and obvious gaps prompted scientists to dig into the topic. The researchers of the aforementioned study suggest that netiquette should be regarded as separate from in-person etiquette. In fact, according to them, thinking that it’s the same thing just online is what got us here, where internet communication is playing catch-up with the fast-paced online landscape. They say there should not be any do’s and don’ts as it is all dependent on the situation and the context.

So, put those exclamation points wherever you want. Use an emoji here and there and attach a meme when needed. Talk to your boss about making a picture of Nicolas Cage your official signature—you never know what they might say. In other words, as long as you’re kind and polite, be your best online self that you can be.