Becoming a parent can be daunting. You are in charge of shaping a little person into an adult. And there’ll be plenty of times you’ll question whether you’re doing it right. Many people will assure you there is no such thing as a “perfect” parent. Crystal Haitsma is a certified life coach for parents, and agreed to share some of her wisdom with us.

Haitsma says striving for parenting perfection will actually not make you a better parent. “Perfectionism and shame are two sides of the same coin. Not only is it unattainable, deep down it’s driven from the fear and insecurity of not feeling like I am doing enough, and not wanting others to find out,” she said during our chat, adding that there’s no such thing as a healthy amount of perfectionism. “Healthy means accepting my human-ness, mistakes, failures, messy, big emotions and all. The more we can do this, the happier we will be, and our kids will be too.”

“The more that we dwell in our ‘not-enough-ness’, the more we’ll lose our cool at our kids, drop into fear or coercion tactics, or show up in ways that feel icky to us. Dropping the shame is the biggest key to healthy parenting.”

While there’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent, Haitsma says there are certain things you can do to increase your chances of being a great one. She says too often, parents focus on their children’s academic success and forget to nurture their emotional intelligence. Sha also advises parents to drop their expectations.

“Expectations lead to frustration (for us), and it’s easy to get caught up on where we feel like they ‘should’ be developmentally and emotionally, instead of loving them where they are at,” she told Bored Panda. “If we can love the child we have, in the phase of life that they are in, we can better support them in emotional growth.”

Other experts agree that it’s very important to make sure your kids know they are loved - no matter what. “Unconditional love for our children develops their sense of security and self-worth,” reads Parenting Hub. “It provides a sanctuary where children feel accepted, valued and cherished for who they are. This in turn fosters resilience and emotional well-being.”

Part of loving means believing in and trusting your child. Haitsma says a big part of her job involves teaching her clients to have a deeper belief in themselves. “As they borrow my belief in them, they change little by little… until their belief in themselves is rock solid.” We can do the exact same thing for our kids, she revealed. “As we believe in them, and trust them, they learn to believe in and trust themselves.”

Unconditional love doesn’t mean letting your children do whatever they want. Whenever they want. Even if it pains you to see them cry, or unhappy, it is important to set boundaries. Easier said than done when you have a tantrum on your hands and just want five minutes of peace and quiet. To yourself. Experts believe that setting limits is an act of love. And when you fail, which you very well might, just remember that tomorrow is another day to try. And try again.

We asked Haitsma what “wholesome parenting” means to her. “Accepting my 'whole' self, and understanding and meeting my needs. Not only my physical needs, like getting a good night's rest, and eating foods that help fuel me and my mind… but also emotional needs: connection, rest, support from others,” she replied.

Psychologists have found that children need clear rules and consistent consequences. Even if they might not show it. When kids are allowed to run amok and live by their own rules, they struggle to meet their parents’ expectations. Pleasing their parents makes them feel competent and valued. So boundaries actually build their self-esteem and confidence.

“Boundaries help keep us safe and secure, which are keys to a healthy relationship,” Haitsma told Bored Panda. But said parents should not go overboard with boundaries. “Don’t focus on little things of no importance, like elbows on the table, or getting homework done as soon as you get home from school.”

“We don’t need to ‘over-boundary’ our kids’ lives and home environment,” she added. “Never use coercion, fear, force or shame… all good boundaries will feel like love. ‘Firm boundaries, loosely held’ is my motto.”

Children grow up fast. One minute you’re changing your baby’s diaper. The next thing you know, you’re sending them off to college. Or watching them get married. Parents have a limited amount of time to spend with their kids. And the way you do it makes a big difference. Between work, chores, meals, and other daily adulting tasks, it’s not always easy to carve out time to just connect. But research shows that quality trumps quantity when it comes to the time we spend with our children.

Quality time isn’t sitting on the sofa in silence next to your children, and watching a movie. It’s engaging in meaningful conversation, doing things together, playing or having fun. The Nielsen “Tops of 2023: TV” report revealed that on average, the typical adult spends more than 10 hours each day with media. About half of that is dedicated to TV content.

A separate global survey found that most people sleep for around seven or more hours on a typical night. Then there’s work, commuting (for some), cooking and cleaning. We’ll let you do the math on what's left for quality time with family. Nobody can survive without sleep. So we wouldn't recommend cutting down in that area. But if you're craving a closer connection with your kids, it might just be time to turn off the TV...

As many of the wholesome parents on this list prove, some of the best moments are spontaneous. Others are planned. But all show a level of involvement by mom or dad. And in return, a lot of appreciation. There’s a book called “The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting”. It was written by psychologist, Dr. Laurence Steinberg, after he went through 75 years worth of research to find the top tips for raising happy and healthy kids.

"Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically," said Steinberg in an interview with WebMD.

Steinberg says that a parent can never be too loving. "It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love," he writes. "What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions."

“If I could tell parents anything, it would be that the more they can support themselves in their true needs, and take care of their own inner selves in healthy and healing ways, the better their relationship with the kids (and everyone else in life) will become,” added Haitsma.

“This not only leads to a healthy and happy life for us, but fosters emotional intelligence, safety and security in our kids. Gandhi said ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.’ My take is ‘Be the change you want to see in your home, your family and your kids’.”

Despite your best efforts, you might not always win a gold medal in the parenting olympics. But experts say it's important to not be too hard on yourself. And to trust and forgive yourself. This won’t only help you stay sane, it will also go a long way in teaching your kids that not everyone is perfect. And that we should be gentle on ourselves and others.