ADVERTISEMENT

You get into an argument with someone, the two of you are going at each other back and forth, and they get you so riled up that you suddenly can't think of a good comeback. Until you're taking a shower two years later.

There's actually a French term for this called l'esprit de l'escalier. It describes the feeling you get when you come up with the perfect reply after the fact.

We've all been there. It's devastating.

So let's take a moment and pay our respects to the people who can, in fact, deliver the goods on the spot. Taken from the appropriately titled subreddit r/MurderedByWords, here are some of the best ways to end a disagreement.

#1

Australians Are Easily Offended

Australians Are Easily Offended

theflamingheads Report

RELATED:
    #2

    Because God Told Me To

    Because God Told Me To

    crowguye Report

    Witty comebacks can not be planned. They are made in the moment. In a heated argument, timing is everything and that means your answer must be as fast as the words that surprised you. But somewhat counterintuitively, the key to coming up with a winning retort is to hone your listening skills.

    According to Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, people think faster than others speak, giving the listener "extra time" to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.

    Consider this: how many times have you been on a conference call and already had an idea to share, an answer to a question or a solution to a problem before the person on the line has even finished his sentence? The same listening skills and thought processes apply when a conversation turns sour and you need to defend yourself.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #3

    What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?

    What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?

    beerbellybegone Report

    #4

    Yeah Homie

    Yeah Homie

    AgileWalrus Report

    #5

    A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders

    A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders

    shaecurtiss Report

    The question is how to refocus that extra time you have while you're listening.

    "Most of us don't listen to the whole message, we are just waiting to make our own points. There is no magic bullet to getting better at listening besides practice," Paul, who teaches improvisation theatre techniques, told the BBC.

    One strategy to perfect your listening skills is through a simple game of one-word volleyball, where two people build a story by rapidly taking turns to add a word to what the other said immediately before. The game forces you to listen actively and respond spontaneously.

    #6

    First Knees, Then Ankles

    First Knees, Then Ankles

    beerbellybegone Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #7

    Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait

    Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait

    MoHeeKhan Report

    #8

    Nope, Not Benny Boy

    Nope, Not Benny Boy

    Zward25 Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    Fatality, Fatality

    Fatality, Fatality

    arbitairium Report

    "The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul explained.

    In the case of snide remarks, if you know your colleague has a tendency to make them, train your brain to listen to his or her words carefully and be prepared to quickly defuse the situation. "You take away the control factor," she said.

    #10

    Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong

    Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong

    jenresisted Report

    #11

    So Simple

    So Simple

    impliedChoppy Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #12

    No, No. He's Got A Point

    No, No. He's Got A Point

    beerbellybegone Report

    #13

    Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier

    Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier

    Duke_of_Blandford_II Report

    If a colleague tells you, "Oh that’s real smart," Paul says she might try responding with this: "Thanks. I don't always receive praise for my intelligence."

    Or "That’s the best you can do?" But you can also try: "I'm afraid so. Where do we go from here?"

    #14

    Don't Be That Guy

    Don't Be That Guy

    MxstressX Report

    #15

    Greatest Country In The World!

    Greatest Country In The World!

    SepteusII Report

    #16

    I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers

    I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers

    KyleKulinski Report

    #17

    Preacher Speaking God's Word

    Preacher Speaking God's Word

    beerbellybegone Report

    Another idea is to try and forget your pride and raise the status of the other person. "Status" used in this sense comes from the rules of improvisation theatre, where you have to make your stage partner look good.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Let's say a manager or colleague takes a swipe at you repeatedly. Paul suggests the "status move," which is best conveyed in tone of voice.

    #18

    They Always Forget About That Part

    They Always Forget About That Part

    justnlopez Report

    #19

    Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals

    Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals

    beerbellybegone Report

    #20

    They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person

    They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person

    beerbellybegone Report

    #21

    Louder With Dumbass

    Louder With Dumbass

    beerbellybegone Report

    "You could respond to 'Would you suggest something better?' with 'Well, I see you've got some great ideas already, but I think we could perhaps make the whole thing work even better,'" said Paul.

    "Of course, with the wrong tone, they would all come out nasty. It's not really about the text, so much as it is the tone."

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #22

    Peta Being Peta

    Peta Being Peta

    _CallMeBuster_ Report

    #23

    She Works At Mcdonalds

    She Works At Mcdonalds

    beerbellybegone Report

    #24

    Economics Are Hard

    Economics Are Hard

    beerbellybegone Report

    #25

    I Think He Just Did

    I Think He Just Did

    beerbellybegone Report

    There’s something to be said for killing someone with kindness and often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate, and most importantly, positive.

    According to Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant who once worked with a condescending manager, when banter turns toxic, it kills all ideas in the office. Even worse, it leaves a negative drag on other people's energy and tears teams apart.

    #26

    She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It

    She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It

    Sera0Sparrow Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #27

    Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected

    Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected

    Wendys Report

    #28

    That's Because Australia Isn't Real

    That's Because Australia Isn't Real

    beerbellybegone Report

    #29

    Her Go To Work A**

    Her Go To Work A**

    beerbellybegone Report

    When a negative comment is made in a work setting — where, hopefully, everyone wants to see projects succeed and keep their jobs — those comments usually come from a place of insecurity.

    For example, a colleague may be unsure how to approach a particular task — he may believe that throwing the attention back to somebody else with a negative retort will remove the focus from his (real or perceived) ineptitude.

    #30

    Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video

    Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video

    alyankovic Report

    #31

    Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"

    Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"

    zojax1 Report

    #32

    Completely And Totally Unnecessary

    Completely And Totally Unnecessary

    beerbellybegone Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #33

    Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability

    Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability

    beerbellybegone Report

    Positive comments are generally a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and negative interactions quickly cease. If a colleague says, "this project is going nowhere fast," you could say, "at least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction."

    In fact, according to Raffy, positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses, and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one, where everyone’s opinion matters.

    #34

    How Do Pronouns Work

    How Do Pronouns Work

    RxsRBadMkay Report

    #35

    Correlation ≠ Causation

    Correlation ≠ Causation

    beerbellybegone Report

    #36

    No Statute Of Limitations On Murder

    No Statute Of Limitations On Murder

    beerbellybegone Report

    #37

    Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About

    Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About

    VancityReynolds Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda

    Negative comments, however, do the opposite. "They increase tension, make a person feel excluded or inferior, and as though they are not in the 'in group' which is in the know," she pointed out.

    Raffy recommends trying to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation," without making the antagonist into the villain. It's much better to turn them into the "victim" of the absurd circumstances instead.

    #38

    Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With

    Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With

    Karnythia Report

    #39

    Languages Are Fun!

    Languages Are Fun!

    beerbellybegone Report

    #40

    Math, Not Even Once

    Math, Not Even Once

    beerbellybegone Report

    #41

    The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen

    The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen

    Morkai Report

    "The best retorts speakthe truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," Paul said. "That's generally what makes us laugh."

    And usually, that's the end goal of a witty comeback — to get people to laugh. A shared laugh is a great way to reduce tension. Of course, the "rules" for online banter are a bit different and you generally have more time to work with, but most of these principles still apply.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #42

    “Owning The Libs”

    “Owning The Libs”

    DaFunkJunkie Report

    #43

    Seriously? Ireland?!

    Seriously? Ireland?!

    beerbellybegone Report

    #44

    Win-Win Situation

    Win-Win Situation

    TinFoilAwards Report

    #45

    Meet My Friend, Terry

    Meet My Friend, Terry

    brookie241 Report

    #46

    Lemon Squeezy!

    Lemon Squeezy!

    beerbellybegone Report

    #47

    God Has Nothing To Do With It

    God Has Nothing To Do With It

    beerbellybegone Report

    See Also on Bored Panda
    #48

    You Do You

    You Do You

    beerbellybegone Report

    #49

    Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative

    Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative

    beerbellybegone Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #50

    Bro Hit Him With The Receipt

    Bro Hit Him With The Receipt

    elija_snow Report

    Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
    Unlimited content
    Ad-free browsing
    Dark mode
    #51

    A Simple Truth

    A Simple Truth

    beerbellybegone Report

    #52

    Well, In His Defense, He's An Idiot

    Well, In His Defense, He's An Idiot

    beerbellybegone Report

    #53

    Play Stupid Games

    Play Stupid Games

    beerbellybegone Report

    #54

    He's A Bit Of A Crybaby

    He's A Bit Of A Crybaby

    beerbellybegone Report

    #55

    Stop Spending, And Spending

    Stop Spending, And Spending

    beerbellybegone Report

    #56

    An Athenian Smackdown

    An Athenian Smackdown

    beerbellybegone Report

    #57

    Yes, Kids! Ask Me How!

    Yes, Kids! Ask Me How!

    beerbellybegone Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #58

    Vaccines Cause Autism

    Vaccines Cause Autism

    beerbellybegone Report

    #59

    Sue Woke Up And Chose Violence

    Sue Woke Up And Chose Violence

    Alph_x Report

    #60

    It'd Really Be A Shame If They Didn't

    It'd Really Be A Shame If They Didn't

    EvK_27 Report

    #61

    Taxation Is Theft

    Taxation Is Theft

    beerbellybegone Report

    #62

    Say It Louder!

    Say It Louder!

    beerbellybegone Report

    #63

    Now Wait Just A Goddamn Minute

    Now Wait Just A Goddamn Minute

    beerbellybegone Report

    #64

    No One Wants To Work!

    No One Wants To Work!

    beerbellybegone Report

    #65

    Double Standards, Everyone

    Double Standards, Everyone

    beerbellybegone Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #66

    The British Sure Did That Well

    The British Sure Did That Well

    C3DU Report

    #67

    Of Course She Knows That!

    Of Course She Knows That!

    beerbellybegone Report

    #68

    Elon Can Be So Forgetful Sometimes

    Elon Can Be So Forgetful Sometimes

    myMatto Report

    #69

    If We Could Reddit From Peloton, We Could Help Save Them

    If We Could Reddit From Peloton, We Could Help Save Them

    Tinea_Pedis Report

    #70

    Never Thought I'd Side With Kim

    Never Thought I'd Side With Kim

    beerbellybegone Report