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105 Funny Wedding Vows To Pledge Your Undying Love

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There was a time when wedding vows were very standard for everyone: a priest would read them to you during the ceremony, and your only role as the bride or groom would be to say “I do.” A lot has changed since then, and while some people might still opt for classic vows, others come up with unique wedding vows to make their significant other feel special on the day they celebrate their love for each other.

If you and your soon-to-be life partner share the same sense of humor, it may be a good idea to prepare funny vows for each other. Just keep in mind when you are coming up with wedding vow ideas that the entire wedding party — however big or small you choose it to be — will have to listen to you, so you should probably avoid saying anything that will make your listeners feel awkward.

Coming up with funny wedding vow ideas is not an easy task, so if you want to brush up on your writing skills, we have got a bunch of examples of wedding vows that will tickle your funny bone, make your partner appreciate you even more, and give your guests a chuckle. Vote for your favorite ones and let us know if you incorporate any of these in your personal speech.

Do you know any fun wedding vows? Did you happen to say some to your significant other on your special day? We look forward to reading them in the comments.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

"I promise to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it."

34points

#2

"We look pretty good. What is it we were all dressed up for?"

28points

#3

"When I say ‘I do,’ I don’t mean the dishes."

28points

#4

"I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you’re hungover."

26points

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#5

"Let's be dumb together — just plain stupid. Make bad choices, eat the wrong things, take the bad turns, and then let's tell great stories, the same ones — forever and ever until no one can stand us but each other."

26points

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#6

"This is a lot of pressure, huh, I better not blow this... what’s your name again?"

23points

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#7

"I vow to have a glass of wine with you as we cry over the challenges of parenthood."

23points

#8

"I promise that for as long as both of us shall live, I will not use all of the hot water, I will share the blankets, I will keep the supply of toilet paper replenished, and I will do as many dishes as I can, so bless me, God."

20points

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#9

"I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road trip through life."

19points

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#10

"The hours you spend playing video games will go unnoticed by me because I will be too busy scrolling through my instagram feed."

19points

#11

"As soon as the appetizers are brought out, I solemnly swear that I will update all of my social media profiles with the status 'married.'"

19points

#12

"I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch."

18points

#13

"I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however..."

18points

#14

"I promise to take the bins out… occasionally."

18points

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#15

"A pair of penguins mate for life, across hundreds of miles of tundra. The female penguin travels to bring food to the male, as he watches the egg over a month of sub-zero temperatures. As your husband, I promise never to ask you to do anything like that."

18points

#16

"I want your worst—give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers, give me your every day, and I will give you my love to make it alright."

17points

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#17

"Now that we have gotten skinny for this wedding, let's get real fat together."

17points

#18

"I vow never to steal your covers unless you are hogging them."

17points

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#19

"I promise not to drink your drinks, even though I am thirsty and your drink is literally right there."

17points

#20

"I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon."

16points

#21

"I promise to love you through IKEA, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein."

16points

#22

"I promise to refill the toilet paper that you very likely will never refill. I mean how hard is it?"

16points

#23

"I vow to be by your side throughout the horror movie you’ll watch."

16points

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#24

"I promise to keep my mouth shut if we receive yet another Amazon package."

16points

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#25

"I promise to agree that you really are the best driver on the road and always know exactly where you’re going."

15points

#26

"I, promise to love you, even though you have an unhealthy obsession with Taylor Swift. I promise I will learn to love all of your favorite pop stars, and will not criticize your choice in music from here on out."

15points

#27

"I promise to post you on my Instagram every Wednesday for Women Crush Wednesday and to block any woman that isn’t you on social media."

15points

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#28

"I’m a Libra and you’re Scorpio. Let's prove astrology wrong 'til death do us part or our lack of compatibility, whichever comes first."

15points

#29

"I keep thinking of the beginning of UP... is that a problem?"

14points

#30

"I promise not to turn the light on, open the curtains or deliberately clatter about when you have a hangover."

14points

#31

"I promise to take your side when our children inevitably attempt to gang up on us."

14points

#32

"I promise to love you at all times — even during football season."

14points

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#33

"I promise to embrace all your weird habits, even when you eat peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon."

13points

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#34

"I vow not to carry on watching a Netflix series we started together without you. Or at least pretend it’s the first time I’ve watched it when we watch it again."

12points

#35

"I love you, pants or no pants."

12points

#36

"I promise to comfort you when your football team loses… again."

12points

#37

"I promise never to take my hanger out on you."

12points

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#38

"I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!"

12points

#39

"I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you're hot—even if I'm totally freezing."

12points

#40

"As one volcano said to the other, 'I have a dream I hope will come true that you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you — I thank the earth, sea — the sky I thank too — I lava you.'"

12points

#41

"I promise that I will set up automatic payments for all of our expenses so that we can stop fighting over it."

12points

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#42

"I vow to believe you when you choose to ignore the red light since you are familiar with a quicker route."

12points

#43

"Does this mean I have to stop referring to you by your last name?"

11points

#44

“There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally cursed you. I am so sorry…"

11points

#45

"I vow to be your spell checker, and grammar friend and tell you when things need hyphens. I promise to be your partner in exercise, even if I am much faster than you, and most of all, I promise to try things, even though I am sure I will not like them, just because you say, 'Try this!'"

11points

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#46

"I promise to unclog the tub, even though you are the only one of us with long hair."

11points

#47

"I vow to nearly always notice when you’ve had your haircut."

11points

#48

"I promise to buy you takeout for dinner every night because I love you too much to allow you to fall victim to my cooking."

11points

#49

"I promise to let you know when you’re making a slight error in fashion judgment."

11points

#50

"I promise not to hit you too hard when you’re snoring in the night."

11points

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#51

"I promise to find a tactful way to tell our guests we prefer cash over homeware."

11points

#52

"I promise to laugh at all your jokes, even when I'm the only one."

11points

#53

"I will dedicate my life to you, without question. When people ask me why I will quote the great Michael Scott by saying 'That’s what she said.'"

11points

#54

"Let's grow old disgracefully together."

11points

#55

"I vow to protect you from all the ills of the world, even if a scientist invented a way to clone dinosaurs and the dinosaurs escaped from his zoo and then they came after us — I would protect you as well as I could manage from said dinosaurs. That is how much I love you."

11points

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#56

"I love you, by the old gods and the new."

10points

#57

"I vow to always let you have the last blueberry pancake."

10points

#58

"I vow to get a professional even though I really want to try to do it myself first."

10points

#59

"I vow to love you even when you're old and still playing Xbox."

10points

#60

"I vow to never beat you at beer pong in front of your boys."

10points

#61

"From this day forward I promise to be worth it. Worth the time. Worth the trip. Worth the energy. Worth the embarrassment. Worth your love. I promise that you will always count. You will always come first, and of course, if you don’t for whatever reason, I will buy you some shoes."

10points

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#62

"As Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston promised each other, 'I vow to split the difference on the thermostat.'"

10points

#63

"I promise to get up and get the remote from across the room, even if it was not I who placed the remote so very far away."

10points

#64

"I promise to take you in sickness and in health, regardless of the dangerous stuff I put you through!"

9points

#65

"I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey’s put together."

9points

#66

"I promise to love and honor during the offseason."

9points

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#67

"I promise not to take the first sip of your drink before giving it to you."

9points

#68

"I vow to stand by your side when the zombie apocalypse comes, and should you be turned into one, I promise to let you bite me, so I can too be one and, therefore, stay by your side forever."

9points

#69

"I promise to wash up when you cook dinner."

9points

#70

"I promise not to spend all our life savings during the January sales."

9points

#71

"I promise to always get rid of the spiders, even though I’m more scared than you."

9points

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#72

"I promise to let you win the occasional argument, even when I’m right."

9points

#73

"I promise to pause the TV when you want to talk the entire way through."

9points

#74

"I promise to wear this ring as a symbol of our love that I’ll absolutely lose at the gym."

9points

#75

"I promise to trust you when you ignore the sat nav because you know a short-cut."

9points

#76

"I vow to thrill you each day — to amaze and astonish you. Did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning?"

9points

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#77

"I promise to love you until the end of my days. As long as you stay out of my baseball plays."

9points

#78

"Until death do we part... or until you become a Cubs fan."

9points

#79

"I triple-dog dared you to propose and here we are. I bet you won’t say 'I do.'"

9points

#80

"I would marry you in a boat and with a goat. I would marry you in the rain and in the dark and on a train. And in a car and in a tree, you are so good — so good to me. So I will love you in a box and I will love you (you're a fox) and I will love you in our house even if it has a mouse, and I will love you here or there. I promise to love you anywhere (with apologies to Seuss)."

9points

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#81

"When you talk during a playoff game, I swear to love, honor, and ignore almost anything you say."

9points

#82

"I promise I will never stop bringing up the argument that the two of us had a few years ago in order to make sure that you do not forget about it."

9points

#83

"My goal for our Honeymoon is to spend no more than two hours a day on Instagram sharing our wedding photos."

9points

#84

"I promise to wash and fold your jeans every week."

9points

#85

"I swear to tell everyone how wonderful your mother is, even while I confess to you privately that she’s a complete nutjob. Totally out of control."

9points

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#86

"I promise you that I will try to like your pet. He’s always giving me the stink eye..."

9points

#87

"I swear to chuckle at every Star Wars reference you make."

9points

#88

"I promise that I will always explain to you in a calm manner that you are not allowing a sufficient amount of stopping distance between our automobile and the one in front of it."

9points

#89

"I promise to love you, and honor you, but not obey because that’s a little creepy.”

8points

#90

"I love you like the musical Cats. Now and forever."

8points

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#91

"I vow not to keep score... I always win anyway."

8points

#92

"I promise to listen when you’re talking to me about sports, beer, or whatever you talk about, and not just look at my phone saying, 'Hmm, yes, dear.'"

8points

#93

"Just one thing to tell you — I am totally worth it."

8points

#94

"I love you through time and relative dimensions in space."

8points

#95

"I promise to take care of you and give you a weekly allowance since you want to be an unemployed housewife."

8points

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#96

"I vow to let them have ice cream for dinner when they’re older because I genuinely want my future children to like me more."

8points

#97

"I promise to leave the room if you and my mother have a disagreement over any issue."

8points

#98

"Every time our union outlives one of our friends’, I now promise to give you a high five."

8points

#99

"I vow not to complain about spending the weekend with your folks."

8points

#100

"I love your stupid face and promise to tolerate whatever you can hurl at me if you believe you can tolerate my mess."

8points

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#101

"I vow to get through this part of the ceremony as quickly as possible, so I can dig into that prime rib."

8points

#102

"I promise that I will never ask you to sample anything to see whether it has gone bad."

8points

#103

"I swear to take your hand when it’s too dark, and I’ll let the dog out when it’s too early."

8points

#104

"I, take you, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast-forward for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part."

7points

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#105

"I love your stupid face and vow that I will put up with whatever you can throw at me — if you think you can put up with my mess."

6points

Aivaras Kaziukonis

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Marisha Kazaryan

I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important! Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums.

I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important! Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums.

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