Rizzing the dragon is a good way to get a good protector/wifey

It's like they know us!!!

This is false!

Nice! :D I'm going to try this...

What?

Did Alison Green make this? 😂

It's like all the 'hate' that Reagan 'Raygun' Gunn is supposed to have received. "It's because she's a woman", bleat her 'fans'. No, it's because she's a s*it-awful dancer who shouldn''t have been there.

* makes sounds of audible confusion as i get distracted and lose all train of thought *

its like a defendant being questioned by their own lawyer saying to them you are a law abiding citizen aren't you and them replying i like to commit crimes every now and then

*writes down for next shenanigan*

My Italian family salutes you. My heart, kidneys and pancreas weep at the very thought. Me: Shut up diabetes! I can't hear my arteries hardening over your whining!

C**p my pants doo doo doo doo doo

Then serving with the burned side down...

Your Dr. Aston-Martens

People put spaghetti on pizza...?

I do know

and imagine instead of trying to make you sound like an "Alpha" male it makes you sound like a 10 year old no girl aloud girls are icky. What an absolute douchewaffle

We used to revolt in circumstances like theese. Nuns and moms,workers and men. Now we just scroll and meme

Aii, I'm a landlord, but as my properties are in different countries I try to leave the rent low, and have the renters maintain the properties, I've also promised they can buy them if they want to.

clearly i'm missing something. Something about eating dogs and cats??? could somebody fill me in please

I loathe loathe cleaning the oven so line a new one with tin foil including the racks. Might change the foil a couple of times then get a new stove.

Very old meme

i never wanna hear you sayyy

what a time to be alive

🤣🤣🤣 I don't think conversations are going to unfold as they expect them to..

I did exactly the same. Except for the 'funny' and 'got hot' parts.

Plot twist: you weren't actually ugly

Oh, I've pretty much always looked like a bridge troll, with the exception of one glorious year when I was five years old and cute. And I'm mid when it comes to humor; the comedians of the world need not worry about me. But I do at least have a personality, so I've got that going for me.

I got funny but not pretty lol

I'm def still stuck on the funny part. and that's kind of iffy

This tweet was posted on my birthday four years ago. I cannot relate to it

Yeah, sure you did love.

I was ugly up through high school then I became a pretty boy and, wow, Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 became a reality, then I became old

The teacher who didn't teach you that it's its?

I felt this

This might be the clue to my weight loss journey - think of this every time I want to snack 🤮

Claws in both cases

Swipe your finger across their forehead and say "Skip". Tap their nose and say "Unsubscribe".

It's just waiting for you to get dressed and be half a mile down the road

This hits differently since I started uncovering some really weird, random traumatic events in therapy. Weird as in not the kinds of things you'd expect a kid to be traumatized.

What you could have made without roads and schools? Not much.

Yeah, but that only works if you live alone.

Gunny bunny.

I got to the local park, turned around and went back home because I had forgotten to take the bag of monkey nuts and the squirrels would be disappointed at me. True story. Yes, of course I picked up the monkey nuts and went back to the park!

Damn. I didn't realise I'm spiritually advanced. Sweet.

The cast of Cats have gone into Witness Protection.

She looks a lot like my maths teacher whenever I opened my mouth, I have dyscalculia, and the only thing I'm good at in maths if geometry.

🎵🎶Wake me up when september ends🎶🎵

Oh goody, I thought I wouldn't be able to make this recipe!

Is that a dead fly stuck to his foot? Nevermind, even if it is it's like the third grossest thing in this picture.

Geordi LaForge - Levar Burton.

That's a hash black.

What! So they took his child, put into another woman so she could give birth to it as well?

Here's an idea for any Hollywood writers reading this: What if Ál Qáėdå were playing the looooong game? They (like much of the rest of the world,) could see the direction the US was headed and figured out a way to load the dice. Why bother fighting your enemy if you can get them to tear themselves apart?

Run Forrest runnn

Uh, aren't these memes supposed yo be funny?