And you definitely are a twat! Good day sir!

Don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to be in the US either

I have painted tunnels on the side of a mountain though.

SNUGGLE IT NOW

Funny how a few weather satellites, a bit of doppler radar, and some science will take all the fun out of life...

Excellent!

He is a good boi though!

They see me rollin’ they hatin’

I can confirm this is a real road sign and yes, we do slow down and drive more carefully for *red* squirrels.. or at least we do in the select few islands and biosecurity zones where they still exist - they're extinct in Wales and 99% of England because of the little grey bastards that Tarquin and Farquhar decided to import from america in the 1800's, thinking it was a spiffing idea to have an invasive species in the gardens of their manor house.. Greys carry squirrel pox which they're immune to but is 100% fatal in reds. They've driven dozens of other species to the verge of or in to extinction because of how destructive they are - Sycamore trees are all but gone, 70% of Beech trees have been destroyed, both English and French Oak as well as Chestnut tree stocks are down by over 40%, all because of greys - they chew the bark off to trim their teeth down, and once there's a ring of bark missing all the way round the tree dies. Save the reds!!

🤣 dad joke

🤣

Dog people? You mean werewolves?

Bookshelves. All the bookshelves

Husband special - for an extra $200, we'll tell her it wasn't your fault.

Oh, no. I think my brain is broken because I actually tried to remember if Winnie even had a middle name.

A foul-beaked parrot who got stuck on a roof has told firefighters trying to rescue it to ‘f**k off’. Jessie, a turquoise and yellow macaw, spent three days on the roof of a house in Edmonton, North London. London Fire Brigade were eventually called to help with the rescue after the RSPCA and her owner were unable to coax her down, but they received a beak-ful of abuse from the bird. --UK Metro 2018

My god! I have never seen one of them that swollen! Or that green!

Ghostbusters

Failed already. Finished work at 5:30 the other day. Commented “Goddamn it’s dark outside already!”

Class!

The robots are not in charge of my oven. It is still one hour ahead two weeks later, and may well be until spring.

Bow chikka wow wow.

I bet it would have been great though

Pull a sickie every once in a while, no one will blame you.

Dad level 100 unlocked

Guilty your honour

Mariah Carey has, officially, not just the worst Christmas Song ever, but also the worst song ever. I hope and pray I never hear THAT song ever again.

There's a few in my neighborhood who remember faces. For good or for bad.

And the car

What bollards is this?

Resting cat face 😾

Just me staying in the house and suddenly craving delivery only to get half way through my online order and realizing it was far too complicated and deciding to make some fried eggs and veggie sausages. I remember, back in my day, you'd just call for delivery (said in an old voice).

Now we know what the fox said..

You push it just a bit further back, then one of the anchors snap, but the lid is still attached, and you can drink without poking yourself in the eye. Easy-peasy.

There are several of them stuck in my nose by now.

The Solution: keep the cap tethered to to bottle. The (new) Problem: cap and bottle made from two different plastics that can't be recycled together . . .

the problem with these things is you cant close them normally.

It really feels like a solution to a problem that never excisted, but makes manufactoring companies look more enviromentally friendly.

These have actually started growing on me. I used to drop bottle caps quite often.

You are not alone

Use reusable flasks

The unopened one decided to empty its contents into my backpack and the closed one decided my sister's phone would be a good target. I hate these and I especially hate these as a left-hander. Worst design ever.

Best thing, once you twig how they work. Eliminates that pesky plastic string you used to have to pull off to open the bottle.

And over time, Humans evolved to have squashed noses

I love it! But now I lose even more tops because I just assume all bottles have this and drop the lid all the time when I open drinks

Think what we're looking for here is a resealable tab of some sort. A cap but not a cap, a Cork? Nah, not environmentally friendly anymore. Remember when cans had removable ring pulls? They're trying to do the same thing here and failing because the cap can contact the lips and its just plain irritating in general.

Ooo, I had this just the other day. I opened a water bottle for my mother-in-law, the cap and the cap ring took a bit to separate. I finally got them apart then the blasted bottle decided it needed to spill everywhere as she took it from me. I was embarrassed as this all happened at a meeting she was having.

Just totally f***s me orf whe trying to mix a righteous G &T