My wife is pregnant, we find out the gender in 2 weeks. We will probably just text everyone--simple (can't stand the over the top reveals)

🤣

🤣

😂

Me too, pal.

I (62) fell the other day, but not in an old man sort of way. It was in a tried-to-hop-into-sweatpants-and-wound-up-in-one-leg sort of way. 62 going on 6.

Indicating is not part of the BMW dna . . .

Keeper! ✌️🙂

"The Little Yellow River" - I.P. Daily

The gate is down and the lights are flashing but there is no train coming.

I was working as a filler substitute teacher at a high school. Walked into a chemistry class. After taking attendance one of the kids asked for a small white board because "I think we summoned a demon yesterday while the other sub was here." They needed the white board to communicate with it by making their own ouija board. I asked if they tried holy water. They said they were looking on Amazon for some. School is weird these days.

Poor kid. Wonder how his brain interpreted this bizarre request.

You go, girl.

An AfD guy wanted to talk to me and hand me a leaflet about voting for his party here in Germany. I laughed in his face and said ‘Ladies and gentlemen…. An optimist!!’ I was out walking with my Filipino-British husband and our two beautiful children. Why would I vote for a party that wants us all deported? Plus I’m Jewish and allergic to German right-wing twats in suits.

I wish I could do something like that. Last time I voted the guy handing out Liberal's how to vote cards pushed it on to me when I said no thank you (I didn't want ones from any party). He called something out as I went in and then asked why a young person like me would vote against something (I don't remember exactly). At no point did I say who I was voting for at all. Made me so mad! I should have reported it but as usual I was too nervous and then forgot.

Isn't it illegal for somebody to do that?

Love it!

They fear counting. Ballots, bribes, taxes, exwives...

This is fabricated. MAGA 2024 you losers.

Should have reported her to the poll workers. Voters are NOT allowed to bring ANY political material into the polling place, regardless of party.

Wonder which they objected to - the touching or being Republican?

When I get out of the swimming pool and someone is just getting ready to get in the water I tell them "I warmed the water up for you."

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I agree! Bring back the gargoyles!!!

She photosynthesizes, duh

I have one in every room now!

I can’t stop laughing

I really hope this is more of a workaholic situation and not a she didn't have a choice situation.

He's been gone a long time but I still sometimes hold the door open shouting, "Look dad! I'm heating the entire neighborhood!"

Who tf decided 2 days were enough for a weekend? 😑

A voice from the Heavens that sounds a lot like the dungeon master bellows, "Well, open the wall, idiot!" as thunder crashes and arrows begin to rain down.

Thanks for reminding me! I’m out and I need to buy more!

GBBS?

Now, that's petty

"Good evening, Sir, do you have a moment to discuss dental hygiene?"

I hear ya! 😂

Or if your mom refuses to pick you up.

I miss not staring at someone like they just stabbed a baby because they coughed.

I need this

…with tiny feet…

Wait until you get it at 00:00, I’ve done it before.

On BP ee don't seem to have so many Marketing Bots anymore. That's nice. ("My name is Anastasia Cybertron and I make $10 million a week without even breathing...")

Me: *quietly goes into a corner to pee into a gravy boat* https://janeaustensworld.com/2012/07/16/regency-hygiene-the-bourdaloue/

little hack for that - if it's a pack that doesn't have the hard plastic support at the opening, snip the opening about 15mm bigger on one side then you'll only get one - if the pack has a hard plastic support, put a hair band over the packet at each end, then you'll only get one (btw, they do this on purpose so you'll use more)

That’s sweet.

Extra fiber … TB is becoming healthy

Low key freaking out.

My 600+ song playlist on shuffle (I hear multiple songs twice in the span of 30 minutes)

Neither one is a quarter of a year either, but we still call them seasoning.