My wife is pregnant, we find out the gender in 2 weeks. We will probably just text everyone--simple (can't stand the over the top reveals)

🤣

🤣

😂

Me too, pal.

I (62) fell the other day, but not in an old man sort of way. It was in a tried-to-hop-into-sweatpants-and-wound-up-in-one-leg sort of way. 62 going on 6.

Indicating is not part of the BMW dna . . .

Keeper! ✌️🙂

"The Little Yellow River" - I.P. Daily

The gate is down and the lights are flashing but there is no train coming.

I was working as a filler substitute teacher at a high school. Walked into a chemistry class. After taking attendance one of the kids asked for a small white board because "I think we summoned a demon yesterday while the other sub was here." They needed the white board to communicate with it by making their own ouija board. I asked if they tried holy water. They said they were looking on Amazon for some. School is weird these days.

They should have seen that coming.

Some clown took it seriously, overreacted, and most likely broke something.

Ghostbusters music plays in the background.

Okay but I wanna know what happened to cause this signage LOL

events of late

"and do you want a side order of demon with that?"

The place is now haunted.

Poor kid. Wonder how his brain interpreted this bizarre request.

You go, girl.

When I get out of the swimming pool and someone is just getting ready to get in the water I tell them "I warmed the water up for you."

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I agree! Bring back the gargoyles!!!

She photosynthesizes, duh

I have one in every room now!

I can’t stop laughing

I really hope this is more of a workaholic situation and not a she didn't have a choice situation.

He's been gone a long time but I still sometimes hold the door open shouting, "Look dad! I'm heating the entire neighborhood!"

Who tf decided 2 days were enough for a weekend? 😑

A voice from the Heavens that sounds a lot like the dungeon master bellows, "Well, open the wall, idiot!" as thunder crashes and arrows begin to rain down.

Thanks for reminding me! I’m out and I need to buy more!

GBBS?

Now, that's petty

"Good evening, Sir, do you have a moment to discuss dental hygiene?"

I hear ya! 😂

Or if your mom refuses to pick you up.

I miss not staring at someone like they just stabbed a baby because they coughed.

I need this

…with tiny feet…

Wait until you get it at 00:00, I’ve done it before.

On BP ee don't seem to have so many Marketing Bots anymore. That's nice. ("My name is Anastasia Cybertron and I make $10 million a week without even breathing...")

Me: *quietly goes into a corner to pee into a gravy boat* https://janeaustensworld.com/2012/07/16/regency-hygiene-the-bourdaloue/

little hack for that - if it's a pack that doesn't have the hard plastic support at the opening, snip the opening about 15mm bigger on one side then you'll only get one - if the pack has a hard plastic support, put a hair band over the packet at each end, then you'll only get one (btw, they do this on purpose so you'll use more)

That’s sweet.

Extra fiber … TB is becoming healthy

Low key freaking out.