Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
We can always count on humans of X (formerly known as Twitter) to make us laugh. That’s why each month we round up the funniest posts from the platform to make our days just that much brighter.If your January got off to a rough start, Bored Panda invites you to leave all of that behind and embark on a list full of tweets from this month that are guaranteed to squeeze some great laughs and giggles out of you.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Trophy Husband 10 months ago (edited)
I started college, became a radio DJ, and got my first job in IT in 1998... I'd do that one over again any time!
TheGoodBoi 10 months ago
2006 for me! I had just got my drivers license, bought my first truck. Life was good for me.
HTakeover 10 months ago
And it gets you a few years before the Patriot Act!
Load More Replies...
RELATED:
#2
#3
_-DungeonKeeper-_ 10 months ago
Hello everyone! Have a good day, and take your pills if you have those and should take them. I'm simply spreading positivity in this comment section.
E A M 10 months ago
Thank you! May your day be blessed with kindness and calm!
Load More Replies...
keyboardtek 10 months ago
It is getting harder to find people like yourself. A major complaint of college professors is that many of the freshmen coming in have never read an entire book.
Lester the Space Duck 10 months ago
Some brains don't even do that very well. 😑
Load More Replies...
Margaret H 10 months ago
Oh, well. Like every other period in history, it will pass eventually and most of the population will survive it, inshallah.
Sally Brown 10 months ago
I', almost 80 and in all these years I have never felt so helpless watching our country be destroyed. Good luck to all the MAGAs.
Skip Reynolds 10 months ago
We've already been outbred and outnumbered - it's only going to get worse.
In previous interviews for Bored Panda (here and here), together with comedians and humor experts, we tried to get to the bottom of why X is brimming with so much funny content.
Humor coach and keynote speaker on communication Jeremy Nicholas explained that the platform is perfect for topical jokes and reacting to topical stories, which might be the main reason why there's so much funny content on there.
#4
Tamra 10 months ago (edited)
Quite a few Americans might beat them to it.
Load More Replies...
Johnnynatfan 10 months ago
He's an idiot and an embarrassment. Why would Canada or Greenland want to be part of the US when we elect people like him, have a s****y health care system, have mass shootings?
Des 10 months ago
Oh come on, you've seen what Canada will do when provoked. Do we need to send more snow?
Tucker Cahooter 10 months ago
Maybe unlike Napoleon and Hitler he won't attempt an invasion in winter; he'll wait for the two week warm period
LizzieBoredom 10 months ago
After he takes over Canada and Greenland, he wants to rename it Amerilandada.
Load More Replies... 
pfeils wife 10 months ago
Agreed. Either the crowd size was going to be way too small, therefore becoming a detriment to donald's mental health. Or, he was afraid of another Butler, PA moment, consisting of better aim.
Load More Replies...
#5
Clown fish 10 months ago
Lol ok will do and I'll be sending it to funny home videos for £250 as well
Thee8thsense 10 months ago
I took a good fall in Home Depot, and nobody was around to see it, but a clerk came by as I was brushing myself off, so I told her I had just fallen, she replied "Cool, we'll all watch it on the tape later..." I had to lol.
My O My 10 months ago
Why does there have to be a lawsuit for everything?
Load More Replies...
Connie Hirsch 10 months ago
I hope they got the footage. There are falls I've had that I would laugh over.
Mae 10 months ago
It's somewhere on Tiktok! I wish I still knew where it was
Load More Replies...
#6
ZuriLovesYou 10 months ago
I would be pìssed off. I'd be like, "I woke up at 6:00 am to make all this food for you, so you better eat all of it!'
Load More Replies... The Big Bad 10 months ago (edited)
Sometimes I mentally prepare to bake pancakes next morning. Next morning: "There's probably cereal somewhere. Good luck."
Its instantaneous nature allows people to react to immediate and relevant events that, with a funny twist, generate a lot of material that we all can laugh at.
Another reason for X becoming a comedy hub is its huge user base. As of early 2025, X is estimated to have 650 million active users. With so many different people and their sense of humor gathered in one place, everyone can find something funny to them. Plus, it’s easy enough to use—one can find the right audience just by typing out their thoughts.
#7
Will Cable 10 months ago
The person that decided YT ads should be a thing should be forced in life to sit and wait, watching several ads before they are allowed to do anything, including if they need to rush to the toilet.
WindySwede 10 months ago
"would you like toilet paper? Here is an ad before you'll get access"
Load More Replies...
Beak Hookage 10 months ago
Raise your hand if a YouTube ad has EVER once made you actually want to buy what ever it is. *does not raise hand*
Tams21 10 months ago
I couldn't even tell you what any of the ads were even trying to sell, I completely zone out when they're on.
Load More Replies...
Nadine Debard 10 months ago
My 3 yo angrily said "oh, hush" just yesterday while I was playing a video and the ad began. Beat me to it.
columbokateUK 10 months ago
Use duckduckgo as your browser - 95% of those ads will disappear 🧡
Karina 10 months ago
I feel so "pro" when people mention resources I already use :P duckduck go with ad blocker on top, its like im in the 90, my internet pages is so scrubbed :D
Load More Replies... Passerby 10 months ago
For any Android phone users, YouTube Revanced is your friend. For people with Android TVs, try SmartTube. I would give my first born to the developers of these apps if they asked. That's how much I love the people behind the apps.
Karina 10 months ago
open source is saving us, thank you for sharing these, i had never heard about it before
Load More Replies... Johnnynatfan 10 months ago
I do this all the time. And they always seem to pop up at the worst possible time like right before the punchline of a joke. The moment has passed by the time you are able to skip it
#8
Wood Carver 10 months ago
Omg 😱 that is what that stupidly small glove box on my truck is for! Finally it has a purpose besides throwing my sunglasses on the floor every time I open it
Load More Replies... Anony Mouse 10 months ago
I had an Adam Sandler comedy album in my cd player for an oil change once. When I checked out they were like…. We liked your music. I realized they had to listen to “At a Medium Pace” while they worked. I was so embarrassed but they thought it was hilarious. Don’t google it at work.
Rali Meyer 10 months ago
shop might actually suspects that your service record book is in there!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Possibly manuals or a guide to the vehicle's fuses? Some cars (like mine) have odd fusebox configurations.
Load More Replies... #9
Mammuttipähkinä 10 months ago
Ah january. My uncle died, my friends grandma is dieing, other friends cat died, i was in a veeery close call car crash where i would most likely have died, i'm struggling with worsening depression and maybe i just want to die. What will the february challenge bring?
S R Godwin 10 months ago
This is sort of related....January challenge thoughts: why do pharmacy companies put some of their tablets in monthly packs of 28 tablets, and others in packs of 30. Somehow, in January, it just does my head in. I have various medical ailments - there's a list and have to take 10 different tablets, some in the morning, some mid-day, the rest at night. After all, there is only one month of the year with (mainly) 28 days........just moaning.
Marguerite Barnett 10 months ago
This year is really hard with the return of the He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
The 280-character limit on X also seems not to hold comedic geniuses back. Actually, it might be quite the opposite, as Nicholas said that “humour works best with fewer words.”
#10
Miki 10 months ago (edited)
Boyfriend of my fiance sister, is using their "roomba". He is connecting to it and use its speaker to get her attention.
WindySwede 10 months ago
There is a speaker in that? Is there also a mic that records everything in the house? 🙀
Load More Replies...
howdylee 10 months ago
Had to do that last night. Husband's phone was dead and I needed a question answered immediately. So I used Alexa to announce a message to him (announces to all 5 devices around the house at once) and he plugged in his phone and responded back. Technology :)
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
.... how? I'm all sorts of confused. This is nuts!
Load More Replies...
Son of Philosoraptor 10 months ago
My wife's friends call or text me: have Lizzie look at her phone!!
Yayheterogeneity 10 months ago
How is that even possible? Oh I desperately want to do that, too!!
Ace 10 months ago
An Android TV box could do that, I guess. I have several of them in my rental apartments and they can run any app you could run on your mobile phone, or indeed can just be set up as a screen cast from said mobile device, so I can see how it could be done.
Load More Replies...
Joe Reaves 10 months ago
Lol friend of mine has to drop in on Alexa to tell her mother to answer her phone.
Karina 10 months ago
https://www.matprat.no/oppskrifter/tradisjon/hjemmebakt-flatbrod/ THIS is flatbread. Something only starving mountain people with not much left would invent :p
WindySwede 10 months ago
Here is the pic from your link 👍 Brd-679a1e...f9-png.jpg 
Justanotherpanda 10 months ago
And this is how tech will win. Just surprise Tola with what YOU thought was flatbread.
#11
TotallyNOTAFox 10 months ago
Oh and here I thought because 7 is a registered 6 offender....
Load More Replies...
BookFanatic 10 months ago
A small boy told me this joke the other day. His reaction to his own cleverness was adorable.
Connie Hirsch 10 months ago
With kids you get to vicariously experience learning about stuff for the first time -- it's priceless!
S. Maxudov 10 months ago (edited)
There were two cats:One-two-three cat and Un-deux-trois cat. They both tried to cross a river. Which one made it? ... (Pause) ... One-two-three cat made it. Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
Diane Tucker 10 months ago
It's so good to see the vital lore of our culture being passed on to the next generation.
BeepBoop is Lonely (she/they) 10 months ago
because seven eight nine (seven *ate* nine)
Load More Replies... #12
Potterhead934 10 months ago
Our previous family dog's favourite dog was a batman on a motorbike. She loved sleeping and licking it.
MotherofGuineaPigs 10 months ago
Our dogs just ate everything. That is how we got Landmine Barbie.
GDTRFB 10 months ago (edited)
My friend’s brother gave her dog a large rubber sex toy as a gift while pet sitting. It quickly became the dog’s favorite and he toted it all over the house for years before finally tiring of it one day.
Šimon Špaček 10 months ago
Oh, that reminds me of my recent blunder. My friend asked me to bring him some things from another friend and I did it. It was a bag of various things, I left it on his porch, no problem there. Well, one of the things was a theatre replica of human hand. Like, fingers, wrist and two bones sticking out. Guess what his dog stole from the bag, hid somewhere and brought to his girlfriend next morning?
Surly Scot 10 months ago
My cat's obsessed with the little strings around my Raw rolling papers, will play with them for hours over her expensive toys. She hears me open a new packet to roll a joint and she appears like a dog hearing a chocolate bar being unwrapped.
“The best jokes have no fat on them at all. If a word doesn’t add to the setup or the punchline, it should be cut. You can’t be rambling when you’ve only got 280 characters to play with, but that’s a good thing. No one has ever said, ‘I enjoyed that joke, but just wish it had gone on longer,'" Nicholas said.
#13
Karina 10 months ago
probably good for the wife tho, more money from this cheating scumbag.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 10 months ago
I understand the divorce trial, but how do a cop and a social worker fit in?
Surly Scot 10 months ago
That didn't make sense to me either. There has to be some criminal element associated, cops and social workers don't have any involvement in divorce cases otherwise. Why would someone he's double-dating be called in to testify? Possibly if there was a pre-nup agreement outlining penalties for cheating, otherwise the whole post doesn't make sense from a legal standpoint.
Load More Replies...
General Anaesthesia 10 months ago
In California and supposedly elsewhere, "If you and your spouse cannot agree about all the issues in your divorce, you can ask for a trial." - https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce/trial
Load More Replies...
#14
TheGoodBoi 10 months ago
I suspect they thought the same of you. All they asked for was everything.
#15
The Darkest Timeline 10 months ago
Until you absolutely cannot procrastinate any longer and then it requires 110% of your energy
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Ikr I struggle with a lotta chronic pain so have to do things when meds have kicked in n slowly n I m like right gotta do this now go to move yup nope it’s not going anywhere it can wait 😂
“The real challenge is turning a long joke into a short one without losing the punch—or stretching a short joke into a TED Talk without losing the audience,” said comedian and comedy coach Manny Garavito.
#16
Lyoness 10 months ago
I feel this with every fibre of my being. Stop telling our husbands they can do everything. Leave the ego pumping to us! We'll focus on stuff they can actually do without costing thousands in water damage. Like, you know, laundry. That's water based.
Sue User 10 months ago
Now you got ne wondering if there are videos on youtube that teach people laundry skills.
Load More Replies...
Mike Rodrick 10 months ago
If you need to see how something is done, go to YouTube. If it's not there it doesn't exist.
Vylnce NA 10 months ago
The problem is that anyone can post and there is a lot of bad information. When I need to watch a video to learn something, generally I have to find three or four. Conglomerate all that together and you'll get the right way to do it. Most of these people are not professionals and shouldn't be posting because they don't actually know how to do the whole job properly.
Load More Replies...
Science Nerd 10 months ago
These "new YouTubers" are all professional plumbers looking to increase their business.
Bill Swallow 10 months ago
You think *that's* bad? Just pray your husband never finds Red Green's "Handyman's Corner"! Your house will be inundated with 'the handyman's secret weapon - Duct Tape!'. ("And remember - If the women don't find ya handsome, they should at least find ya handy!")
Mark Howell 10 months ago
As an engineer I have banned my wife from seeing these vids. That way I get a rest, whilst a little man does the job ;)
Apachebathmat 10 months ago
As soon as I hear the words “welcome to today’s tutorial “ coming from my husbands office, I know things are going tits up soon
#17
Yayheterogeneity 10 months ago (edited)
That's why it's so cute to watch them. Trying out all the new firsts and what and looking adorable while doing it.
Nea 10 months ago
I was very small, maybe 3-4, when we got a little pup- Less than a month old. He used to fall asleep while drinking water in a bowl. I just couldnt believe it. That shock+heartmelt is one of my most favourite memories.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 10 months ago
One of my (fully grown) pets just could not get it into his head that hot tea is hot. It basically went like this. "Mmm tea - OW! Mmm, tea - OW! ...mmm, tea... OW!" Over and over again.
Robert Millar 10 months ago
If you have a more mature cat it will most often show the kitten what to do. If you don't, it's your job!
Corvus 10 months ago
Having taken care of three kittens during my life, I've learned they have pretty poor judgment at times...
ƒιѕн 10 months ago
I have fully grown adult cats that have pretty poor judgement at times...
Load More Replies... Šimon Špaček 10 months ago
Best are kittens born in April or May. They are super confident young cats when they encounter their first snow :D
Epona 10 months ago
They mean they thought a kitten would know what water is and that hot is dangerous. It's not well written.
Load More Replies... 
Bi.Felicia 10 months ago
Only if it's a ginger kitty 🐈 will it have just 1 brain cell.
Load More Replies... #18
Dawn Marie 10 months ago
We miss you both oh so very much!!!!!!! We fear for our safety and our way of life. I am so afraid he is going to cut my Medicare. Do not tell me he won't do that. Trump has proven he will stop at nothing to get what he wants. PLEASE President Biden, use the power that you still have to influence our Senators, congressmen, federal judges, all who can help to continue to live in the U.S.A. that our forefathers envisioned for us because now, as of January 20th, we are living in a dictatorship and are returning to the early 1900's and we may have a new era Hitler to contend with.
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Too late. He's turned off medicare already. Along with Pell grants, all federal funds for schools, veteran's services, etc etc. Also he pardoned 1500 violent insurrectionists and started putting immigrants in literal chains. YAY America, land of the free.
Load More Replies...
XenoMurph 10 months ago (edited)
The last US President to leave office peacefully. What joyous times those were. Before the dark days, before the fall of democracy, and the rising of the OrangeLegion
CP 10 months ago
Jason, where is the lie? Trump was the first president in US history to not have a peaceful transfer of power. The problem with you is you believe the lies and think everyone else is crazy when there is video evidence proving you wrong.
Load More Replies...
ManuelQue 10 months ago
Closest thing is the Report option when you click the 3 dots across from the person's name. Also, if a post gets 4 down votes the message is hidden.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
I’m in uk but I’m with den come back Biden all is forgiven the Oompa Loompa is gonna destroy America then all of us after
Deborah 10 months ago
I upvoted but resent the insult to the Oompa Loompas.
Load More Replies...
cj be like 10 months ago
He was a little old for the job, but very kind. They're an adorable couple- love how they left so peacefully.
fly on the wall 10 months ago
The Supreme Court is stacked against democracy. The best government that money can buy is now the rule of the day
Load More Replies...
The secret to being funny on X is staying as honest as possible, Nicholas said. “The closer a joke is to the truth, the funnier it is,” says Nicholas. “I work a lot with professional speakers on adding laughs to their keynotes and the same rules apply. If you go too far off the track of truth, it becomes unbelievable and not as funny.”
#19
Dawn Marie 10 months ago
I have had enough gas for the last several weeks to launch the sixth fleet!!!
Serial pacifist 10 months ago
Elon Musk: Dear Lord I am full of shìt. Please take this shìt and convert it into green gas source for my cars, there is plenty to go around. I really need to save some money.
#20
Nikki Gross 10 months ago
During one of my Niece's pregnancy, she referred to the baby as "my little parasite" until the day she gave birth.
Surly Scot 10 months ago
I feel her. I called my pregnancy an alien, felt like my body was being taken over by a parasite and wasn't mine anymore, got so ill i hadn't held food down for 3weeks, told the docs to evict it. Never did pregnancy again and always viewed it like a hostile takeover.
Load More Replies... #21
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Hagfish teefs, goblin shark teefs, lamprey teefs, dragonfish teefs. Nah, some animals have f****n' teeth. Screenshot...01-png.jpg 
Justin Rogers 10 months ago
I had to derf my dane. Goats don't have top front teeth. Ferrets and cats are the same. Horse teeth need some baking soda. Definitely need to trim the pigs tusks. Still looking for hens teeth. If anyone has some to trade?
JJ 10 months ago (edited)
I have guinea pigs. When their teeth start looking weird, I know it'll cost a fortune again 😵
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Learn to do it yourself I’ve done rabbits n piggies etc teens since I was a teen I’m now 60 lol being farm born has a lotta advantages clip nails dogs cats to lol ask your vet to show you how then do it yourself
Load More Replies... 
Science Nerd 10 months ago
Hamster teeth are surprising long and sharp. Google "hamster bite" and look at my wife's thumb.
Meanwhile, Gravito’s advice for creating funny content is to “spot the trend, call out the obvious, then flip it on its head. The punchline should feel like the joke will lose you followers and gain you some new ones.”
#22
Deborah 10 months ago
It's his line, not someone else's who hired him as a spokesperson.
Load More Replies... 
Sally Brown 10 months ago
I agree. I liked him until I learned who he voted for.
Load More Replies... S R Godwin 10 months ago
I tried to watch one of his movies once, but I just couldn't do it.....
#23
Hidalgo 10 months ago
Dad’s of my generation probably full of lead asbestos fiberglass fibers and plastic. Maybe some cellulose and metal fragments too
keyboardtek 10 months ago
Don't forget their lungs that are filled with nicotine and tar!
Load More Replies...
Panda Panda Bo Banda 10 months ago
Pffft. Plastic? In my day our bodies were saturated with REAL poison.
nottheactualphoto 10 months ago
Don't neglect DDT, Refrigerant 12, PCBs... Better living through chemistry!
Foxglove🇮🇪 10 months ago
My grandad had various metal (war shrapnel) asbestos and fibreglass (roofer). Docs said the shrapnel was safer left alone; the rest (plus smoking from age 10) gave him emphysema.
Linda Riebel 10 months ago
I declare that this means that monster micro/nanoplastics will also be banned. After the Drump years, of course....
#24
MagicJacket 10 months ago
It's from a famous meme. Some guy got sick or injured and was in a coma for three months or something, and when he woke, the first person he contacted was through a text that showed a picture and simply said "I lived b***h." My daughter always sends me that if she is traveling to let me know her plane has landed.
Sparkle Bean 10 months ago
you mean they really bandage up people's heads like that, and not just in tv shows??
Bob Brooce 10 months ago
Maybe if he fell into a burning ring of fire. Wounds need a wound dressing and (usually) a bandage to hold it in place, so head wounds often need a bandage that encircles the head. Something that covers everything but your face wouldn't be nearly as common.
Load More Replies...“A good way of writing jokes for X is to start with some source material and then add your own comment,” added comedy writing coach and director Chris Head. “A great way to arrive at topical jokes is to do this with news headlines," he said.
#25
ucp 10 months ago
I’m a huge fan of rugby. So is my PT. So we spend every January session (between sets!) looking forward to the Six Nations. It helps massively to have a fun focal point.
Parmeisan 10 months ago
For those whose interests lie a different direction, the Global Game Jam at the end of January is always the highlight of *my* year! (48 hours. Bring or get assigned a team. Make a game! No competition, just do as much as you can. Learn. Have fun. And maybe have something neat to demo at the end.)
Load More Replies...
Geoffrey Scott 10 months ago
See...it's not snow or shortened days, it's single digit temps at 1pm I hate.
Bec 10 months ago
In the US we have MLK day, but that's not exactly a happy celebration
Load More Replies...
Highfalutin Heron 10 months ago
TIL from the Google that the Roman festival for January's namesake, Janus, was called, appropriately enough, Agonalia.
#26
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago (edited)
I already posted about this yesterday. You should actually look, because my account has been siphoned down to 3k....it was over 10k when I looked 2 years ago, it was supposed to be my "slush fund". I'm still too angry to go through all their transactions, but I will be. They locked me out of online and phone pay so it took me a while to actually get myself into a branch and close it out. So ... probably check more often than every other year so you can catch stupid s**t, and not be an idiot like me. :( oh yeah, it was PNC.
BossyCloud 10 months ago
I also didn't look for a long time and discovered that someone had stolen my credit card and spent $8000 in small transactions. Now I get a notification for every purchase made.
Load More Replies... 
MsPlants 10 months ago
excuse me but I literally take medication to stop my anxiety why would I do something to increase my anxiety?!?
ManuelQue 10 months ago
Maybe it would be better than you expect which might have a calming effect.
Load More Replies...
#27
Angela B 10 months ago
They need us to live, we are paying for their Healthcare. Except people in the U.S, who have the worst Healthcare ever.
Load More Replies... Karmageddon 10 months ago
You're not smoking. The cigarette is smoking, you're just the sucker.
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Gonna have to in uk they banning it lol slowly n surely I smoked as a kid quit at 18 im now 60 n never touched one since vile habit
Auntriarch 10 months ago
I literally only smoked when I was in school, as soon as I left, I looked at the beastly things and thought why am I doing this. And threw them away. I have a suspicion that I only took it up in school because it was forbidden. What an idiot.
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
They will regret it in later life. Stop as soon as possible. You will save money, as well as your health.
Eric Williams 10 months ago
You're joking now. Just wait a few years and see if you're still laughing.
He also suggests looking at statistics or proverbs as material for jokes. “Find some stats as a starting point for a joke. You could take a surprising attitude to the stat—or deliberately misunderstand what it’s saying. You can also interrupt a well-known saying and change how it finishes, or try looking up inspirational quotes and adding your own afterthought.”
#28
Pernille 10 months ago
Years of living with cats have taught me that they don't appreciate your drunken advances, they are far more discerning than most men I've met.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago (edited)
My kitty will give you a warning bop to not touch her, if you're drunk. Do it again, murder mittens. She knows.
Load More Replies... Lyoness 10 months ago
In that case the cat's name should be Doktor Käse, yes?
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
Kudos for conveying the drunkenness with slurring in the text.
Melissa Gallo 10 months ago
When I came back from a 2-week stay in hospital, I texted everone to complain that my cat didn't like me anymore, so that conversation seems reasonable to me...
#29
Daria 10 months ago
i know they want to go through their day with as little b******t as possible, and I definitely sympathize with that
Spannidandoolar 10 months ago
Surely this is anyone who's worked in customer service themselves, I swear it doesn't leave you.
Michelle C 10 months ago
That is just common sense to me. They’re doing their jobs and there’s no reason to give Customer Service professionals difficulty where they need none.
TheGoodBoi 10 months ago
The process will go so much easier if you're nice, I promise. I might even go against policy and help you out!
Kat Alison 10 months ago
I always try to make life easier for any person working in customer service, when I’m the customer.
#30
detective miller's hat 10 months ago
sometimes I use the blood like lip gloss and there is no lipstick in the world that is quite that beautiful shade of red. ...........yeah I know I'm weird
Load More Replies... 
#31
Deborah 10 months ago
You forgot the dot for the end of the sentence...I think....
Load More Replies...
Serial pacifist 10 months ago
I don’t do that…It is a waste of time and space…Don’t know about the mystery aspect…What is the purpose of it…What is the purpose of universe?
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Lmao …… I’m 60 n I …..do that ……to p**s off …..the grammar cops really….winds em up …..😂
#32
#33
tameson 10 months ago
I took a photo like this one. No filters, just my camera phone. We used it on our Christmas card that year and 'm sure it gave our super conservative Christian relatives hope that we had given up our heathen atheist ways.
Load More Replies... #34
cj be like 10 months ago
right??? That's like looking at an actual artist and going "Peasant! Draw me a funny cartoon cat with 7 paws for free and make it snappy!"
Load More Replies... 
Geoffrey Scott 10 months ago
Love the recent "Daily Show" rant. "Huh.. China came up with a cheaper AI? Whooda figured that?" on the recent meltdown in the tech sector.
#35
Atom Bohr 10 months ago
I spoke to someone recently who was annoyed that when she turned up at the airport 15 minutes before her flight check-in was closed and when she got to the gate with 2 minutes to go (she had a fast track security pass) she wasn't able to get on the plane. This was an intercontinental flight. She couldn't see the problem with her planning
Bob Brooce 10 months ago
I once had to fly out of Portland, Maine and walked into the terminal a good 2 hours before the scheduled time for my domestic flight. 15 minutes later I was walking down the jetway to an earlier flight that had a few empty seats. The terminal is literally less than 1/4 mile long, and IIRC has 8 gates.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
Think it depends on the airport. I used to leave about an hour before my flight was supposed to take off to BWI. No checked luggage, global entry pass, and I made my flight Everytime. Well except when I actually went to the wrong airport, but hey I was on time, just wrong place. Bigger/smaller airports might not be possible....?
#36
PenguinEmp 10 months ago
Man I wish this moron was pres and not the other guy. At least bush was just dumb.
Trophy Husband 10 months ago
They put water on the plate right before bringing it out, that's why it sizzles...
Michael Largey 10 months ago
Before he became president, George W. Bush thought "Condoleezza Rice" was something you got with fajitas.
Linda Riebel 10 months ago
And we thought HE was bad. Actually, he was but he didn't cause the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people.
Phantom Phoenix 10 months ago
Why does it look like W got a facelift and is really really surprised with the result?
#37
Joanne Long 10 months ago
Select your Panda posts carefully. Go for the cute or the laugh out genre. Late night laughs help you sleep :)
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
God no iPad goes off at 3 pm n I don’t use social media this is as much as I read lol n most def never of a night in to much pain by then so it’s bed n watch tele iPad left downstairs phones only for texts n calls so peace n quiet
Deborah 10 months ago
The editor in me is wincing at this comment. For the love of Anything, please use capital letters and punctuation!
Load More Replies... #38
Catlady6000 10 months ago (edited)
Thought just occurred. And yes it did hurt. What happens if newly elected President dyes before being sworn in? Does the incumbent continue, do they swear in the new vice president, do they stand up the dead one ala Weekend at Bernies? Is there a protocol?
S Bow 10 months ago
Vice president would be sworn in, if he couldn't serve, the Speaker of the House is next in line.
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 10 months ago
Jan 1st... Dog tries to sever own toes... Jan 7th Dog splits stitches open... Jan 8th Boiler goes kaput... Jan 17th Grandma dies. Roll on 2026
#39
Justin Rogers 10 months ago
Why didn't they put the money on his books? The parents are the real crooks
Auntriarch 10 months ago
If he did the work, he earned the money. Even if he wasn't answering his phone for a couple of years
Load More Replies...
Ron Man 10 months ago
Your parents think they get free work because he went to jail on unrelated causes? Your parents are as much of a criminal as he is.
The Darkest Timeline 10 months ago
Damn, lots of people here making assumptions based on three sentence tweet. And we wonder why we have such a problem with communication and can’t get along.
#40
Debby Keir 10 months ago (edited)
Puffins wrote the kids' books and Ladybird wrote for the tinies.
#41
Parmeisan 10 months ago
That's what I was thinking. If he was covered in grease, then I'd trust him.
Load More Replies... #42
Lily bloom 10 months ago (edited)
Took me a minute to realize these are toppings for bagels and not a mountain hiding a bagel underneath
Auntriarch 10 months ago (edited)
For the first time in my life I want to be a bloke, so that I can reply "well here I am"
Load More Replies...
Rick Seiden 10 months ago
A NYC bagel is different, even without toppings. I kept telling my kids that and they didn't believe me. Then we made a trip down there and my youngest took two bites, looked at me, and said, you were right Dad, this is better.
April Pickett 10 months ago (edited)
I want to keep going down that display to see what else they have. Can I get a schmere of all of these cream cheeses on one bagel?
#43
Angela B 10 months ago
A woderful work colleague of mine calls an exclamation mark and explanation mark. I love it so much, I don't want to correct them. You'll be fine.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 10 months ago
My coworker D. accidentally walked into the glass window of our cafeteria today at noon and the Ayran* in his hand swapped out of its cup and gently flowed down the glass in front of everyone. Everyone's day got a little bit better, than you D. *yes Ayran, I spelled that correctly. Ayran is a Turkish salty yogurt drink, but please, please spell it correctly
#44
Nikki Gross 10 months ago (edited)
My BIL's truck is named "The Beast" it's lifted, extended cab, long wheel base with a towing package. They have 2 kids, live in BFE with dirt and gravel roads, before you even hit asphalt, when the weather is bad, not even my Sister's SUV which is also lifted will make it out. I live in the South and CONSTANTLY hear people talking s**t about guys with big trucks. #1 Women own trucks same as men #2 If you see someone swerving on a secondary or back road, they're NOT drunk, they're dodging potholes. #3 Oklahoma is known as the pothole capital of the South, Google that s**t to see just how bad our bridges and roads. There are Memes about that s**t. #4 You get on the outside the city, you'll see roads that are NOT designated snow routes, it gets icy or bad the roads aren't sand/salted or plowed. #5 Big trucks are handy when they're out helping pull people that are stuck. Add on: My state is f****d politically, but God the people here are amazing when it comes to helping each other.
Justin Rogers 10 months ago
2wd, auto, shortbed, regular cab, 1/2 ton base package and gas. Everything a truck shouldn't be
nottheactualphoto 10 months ago
Can you even buy a truck with a manual shift these days? I know that such cars are mighty scarce.
Load More Replies... 
#45
Spannidandoolar 10 months ago
Small children that wake them.up at 5:30 anyways so they may as well do something useful...maybe that's just me.
TheBoredestPanda 10 months ago
Idk what the Tree of wisdom's coffee is like, but I'd like some of that when I wake up 😝
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
I take Adderall and you won't find me running at 6am. Or ever :)
Load More Replies...
#46
Serial pacifist 10 months ago
You was talking democracy while my followers had to storm the Capitol. Now I pardon them and damn your democracies! Russia is moving inland but I have my eyes set on Greenland. Oh yeah!
keyboardtek 10 months ago
I seem to recall one Russian leader saying something about taking down the United States without firing a shot. Half of the misinformation on social media was generated by Russian bots. The other half was generated by FOX news and right wing websites.
Load More Replies... Abdullah Abd Rahman 10 months ago
... while I was in the streets full of hunger " Rhymes better.
#47
Amy Lee 10 months ago
I think you up the micro dose as you build a tolerance... Then when hell breaks loose, You're unphased.
Load More Replies...
Betta Fish 10 months ago
I mean there are so many places that are so much worse than America, Ukraine and Palestine to name a couple
Steve Robert 9 months ago
What was the name of that movie where all the billionaires heads blow up? Oh, right, they haven't made it yet.
cj be like 10 months ago
We all sinned in a past life, and were sent to a place that is hell compared to the place we once were from. now we just live to pay for our crimes
Load More Replies...
jmdirks 10 months ago (edited)
Simple solution. Move to China, North Korea, Russia or any of the other country's that will imprision or execute you simply for saying like this.I truly wish that all you simpering liberals that SWORE you would leave the US if President Trump got elected would just STFU and GTFO!!!!!!!!!
#48
Clown fish 10 months ago (edited)
But it says January 21st on the date underneath which was a good day because it's my birthday
Premislaus de Colo 10 months ago
Happy birthday! - written on January 29th
Load More Replies...
#49
Baali Venomax 10 months ago
I check the location of the item on Etsy now and then down to shipping before I buy anything. They have some great stuff but sometimes shipping costs too much.
Load More Replies...
ILoveMySon 10 months ago
My mother was recently in the hospital for dehydration. I ordered Gatorade from Walmart to be delivered to her. The order was fifty cents short for free delivery so I ordered rice. It was shipped separately and she was super confused when it arrived.😅
Gracie Mae 10 months ago
JCPenny charging $10 to ship 1 8x10 & 2 5x7s (1pg), AND make you wait up tp 10 business days!
Cindy Brick 10 months ago
True, dat. I just bought something on Ebay that was a buck. Shipping: $24.95.
#50
The Scout 10 months ago
Denmark has already clarified that Greenland is not for sale. There already are heated discussions about the obligations to provide military assistance if there should really be an invasion of a NATO country into another... But Trump probably will try using sanctions and tariffs first - which, seeing the US are Denmark's most important trade partner, could possibly kill the whole danish economy off. Isn't here anybody left to stop this madness?
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
It will devastate Denmark for sure. And the EU will impose retaliatory tariffs. The US will start a full on trade war with their partners. We could be looking at a new global depression, similar to the Great Depression of the 1930. Which was also made worse by President Hoover starting a global trade war. Trump is a danger to the whole world. And it will be up to the World's economies to isolate the United States, in the same way they have isolated Russia and North Korea. When you have an irrational power, it needs to be kept in check, and the United States can no longer be counted on to act rationally. Not under this president, for sure. But as the US moves towards complete oligarchy and kleptocracy, this will remain true, long after Trump is gone.
Load More Replies...
Rizzo 10 months ago
I bet he thinks Greenland is massive because he don't understand the Mercator projection. ;)
Johnnynatfan 10 months ago
There is NO way in hell he has ever even heard of it. He is not a smart or curious person. He's a f*****g dope.
Load More Replies... Karina 10 months ago
cant wait for someone to finally tell im it is not as big as on the maps :p
Andi 10 months ago
He's no teh first POTUS to try and it does make sense to some increasing to control over vital sea routes, oceans, islands, and resources at the top of the world. Pushing against Russia's Arctic claims and or course drill baby drill. Stand strong Denmark - its only a few years
TotallyNOTAFox 10 months ago
Well that's a promise he actually works on...
Load More Replies... Johnnynatfan 10 months ago
House republicans would literally kiss his a*s on national tv if he told them to.
#51
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
30 + clip art photos of people hanging around a bar that isn't in the area.
#52
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
So this is one of the things I cannot compromise on. Anything above 73F/23C in the summer and I'm moving into a literal ice chest. I cannot do heat, makes me ill. As for the cold limit, I don't care, I have hats and blankets, but please not over 73/23 in the winter either. ( I know I sound so whiny 😫)
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 10 months ago
Keep the temperature colder at night and warmer in the day
Hobby Hopper 10 months ago
You're assuming a heating season. There are more cooling days where I live, and some days are both.
Load More Replies... #53
Auntriarch 10 months ago
I do that. But it causes Mr Auntriarch to raise an eyebrow at me... sometimes both.
#54
Justin Rogers 10 months ago
I can't lay down or sit for that matter without a cuddle puddle forming. Cats sit on me. Ferrets snuggle me. Goats lay, jump, bounce, chew and sleep on me. I wait for the minis to lay down to lay against them though so I am guilty too. The dog just wears me like a shirt. Should rename him shadow
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
I am profoundly jealous of the ferrets. They're illegal to have as pets in California :(
Load More Replies... Nikki Gross 10 months ago
I'm one of the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" people. If you see me laying on the floor, just know that it wasn't on purpose. If I'm not moving it's because I've knocked myself out, if I'm conscious then you will also be hearing a string of cusswords or trying to figure out what the f**k just happened.
#55
Bruce Scheiman 10 months ago
What kind of wash is this? 150 minutes? Better yet, says wash isn't even included! Strange.... Lol
#56
keyboardtek 10 months ago
When we retrieve a memory, our brain mis-remembers it a little. The more times we recall that memory, the more it gets altered. So when we are old, all of our best reminiscent memories are all delusions. And our most cringe memories we can also assume we got them wrong as well. So live in the moment. Be Here Now.
#57
NetworkMan 10 months ago
He should have taken a pad or two, it would have helped absorb all the tears he must have shed while in there.
Bruce Scheiman 10 months ago
That's what you get after reading that, NetworkMan? My goodness.... Makes sense. Again, 👇 votes are welcome.
Load More Replies... 
Laura Osborne 10 months ago
At my work we have tampons in the men's toilets as we had complaints that we "discriminated men with piles"... Nuff said I think!
MotherofGuineaPigs 10 months ago
In two different movies Channing Tatum uses sanitary products in a new way. So...
Bored Sailor 10 months ago
Are we sure it is not actually an anyone bathroom. Here in the USA a Southern State just last week I was in a bathroom that had sanitary pads and tampons so maybe just a USA thing to not have to post about it.
Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
Is this for trans men or very helpful male partners to provide for their females?
Hyacinth (Any pronouns) 10 months ago
Probably anybody who needs one! There are a lot of reasons why someone in a male bathroom would need period products!
Load More Replies... Katherine Forest 10 months ago
I think if a woman walked into a woman's bathroom and saw a product specifically designed for men she would shrug walk away and not give it a second thought. Just sayin.
Bean Driller 10 months ago
So I work in education and have been fighting for 4 years to get our district to provide tampons to students. Of course it was a man who was behind the issue (I don't want them to get Toxic Shock Syndrome)lol. But now that we are woke, we have them for boys AND girls.
#58
Susie Elle 10 months ago (edited)
I have a friend who always starts a claim with "so I watched this documentary ..." and b***h be watching documentaries every day all day since 1966 so far if that's true just come out and say you read a facebook post of someone who looked vaguely trustworthy
MP Deco 10 months ago
i " noped" out of FB after 2 months.....too many rabbit holes,sketchy "FRIENDS" and colossal b.s....nothing but rubbish...
Load More Replies... keyboardtek 10 months ago
And they discovered a supplement that cures every disease. The ingredient is one that the pharmaceutical companies are angry that they are not the ones making the money off of. That somehow makes the supplement truly effective. But of course the supplement company gets to make the money. The active ingredient is H2O.
#59
Catlady6000 10 months ago (edited)
Maybe from the days when rich folk had fits they went out and about in, and fits they dressed to receive visitors inside their home. Too lazy to look it up and this seems reasonable
Load More Replies... detective miller's hat 10 months ago
Like when my sister introduced me to Wife Swap years ago. I went from "this is trash why are you watching it" to "THIS IS QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT" real quick.
#60
#61
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Yep, when I still lived at my ex's, there was a magnet on the fume hood that said "Do NOT leave food unattended or the cat will get it!" - we had two cats XD Kohl will lick the spoonrests if you leave them greasy, but Preacher will full-out insert himself into a bag, bowl, box, pan, or pot - whatever you happened to leave out and unattended - in order to get at the food inside. I once caught him licking a pan that we'd sautéed asparagus in. I was waiting for it to cool down so I could wash it - but he got to it first XD
Load More Replies... Atom Bohr 10 months ago
Years ago my family had a butter dish. I was always first up in the morning, so I went to make toast. Someone else had cooked the night before and "used a fork" to take some butter. The way they did it was overly aggressive, but whatever, I made my toast and that was that. Sometime the next week I walked into the kitchen to find the dog nibbling at the butter, leaving exactly the same marks in the butter...
ucp 10 months ago
My dog managed to get into the peely-bin (small kitchen bin for collating things for compost), take out the red pepper trim, and replace the bin lid. I only found out because she (thankfully) doesn’t like the pith or stalk.
Load More Replies... Hyacinth (Any pronouns) 10 months ago
Man, my idiot cat just eats dirt when she wants attention. But only from my mom's new rose plant, so she also ends up stabbing herself. She's... really dumb.
Justin Rogers 10 months ago
No stair cats and no counter kitties. Couch kitties ok. Bed cats are best
#62
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Nope nope nope nope that’s not what in sickness n in health means lmao miles aren’t counted in that
#63
Gavin Johnson 10 months ago
Goalkeepers are a rare and weird breed, they spend their early days hiding in the woods avoiding human contact, as they mature and grow to their full size of 6’6’ their fellow footballers realise their value and stick ‘em in goal, this isolation takes them back to their solitary existence when they were young, it brings them a sense of calm. Always be kind to your ‘keeper, they are easily startled and don’t like being shouted at, it’s best to treat them like a bear coming out of hibernation, food treats and kid gloves will get you results.
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
Not for my teams. They're usually super busy (bc my teams stunk)
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
Why do you think they are always knocking their stick offnthr goal at the beginning of play? They don't get to high five with the line changes, so they do a thing on their own.
The Scout 10 months ago
Absolutely. There is a historic photograph of Sam Bartram, Goalkeeper for Charlton Athletic, on what has later become famous as the "Fog Accident": On December, 25th, 1937 the fog was very heavy on the field. The sight was so bad the referee had to stop the match. Only nobody told Bartram, who could not see that because of the fog, so he stood lonely in his goal and wondered why noone was coming his way...
Michael Largey 10 months ago
In baseball, does the pitcher get lonely during a no hitter because the bases are empty?
Original Kinkster 10 months ago
I think you mean needless instead of useless
Load More Replies... #64
#65
Christopher David Lombardi 10 months ago
Yeah, except Taco Bell is the Florida of fast food restaurants.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 10 months ago
And time-saving at Taco Bell as you dash to the rest room.
Load More Replies...
#68
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
I think they're trying to say that the frozen food selection at Trader Joe's tries really hard - perhaps TOO hard - to be multicultural and multi-flavorful? I don't shop often at TJ's, but they do have quite a few frozen food products from other cultures and countries, like Korean food, Chinese food, Jewish cuisine, etc.
Load More Replies... #69
Jaya 10 months ago
I don't get the struggle here, apart from the height. Sounds like he's just looking to get laid, and other people who are also looking to get laid probably wouldn't care that he has kids or is Catholic, why would you care about someone's life if you just wanna have a fun adult night together? So then the only struggle is that unfortunately not everybody is into short men.
Karina 10 months ago (edited)
looks like someone just asked AI :"what should i put in my dating profile to make sure I get laid", but forgot to add "without making me look schitzofrenic ETA im dyslexic. Many people are dyslexic or dosnt have english as their native tounge. I, sometimes appriciate being corrected, but i aslo wish the people running around only to correct peoples grammar find themself a real personality. one that isnt elitist or ableist. just my two cents right now
JB 10 months ago (edited)
I’d like to vote for using “schitzofrenic” for those with a diagnosis who are *deliberately* off their meds.
Load More Replies... 
#70
#71
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 10 months ago
I hope everyone is doing great today, remember you’re awesome!
Kitsune 2 months ago
someone got downvoted to h e double hockey sticks didn't they
Load More Replies...
#72
Jaya 10 months ago
I think that an empanada with more nada than emp is quite funny. Not laugh at loud funny, but a very clever remark. And today I learned why they're called empanadas: from empanar, to wrap in bread. Pan is bread, em-pan-ada is basically in-bread-ed. I love that!
Panda McPandaface 10 months ago
It is in English (sort of) but it's still not funny.
Load More Replies... #73
cj be like 10 months ago
me too. I was on my school's mariokart team in 8th grade (yes, i was as surprised as you to learn that is a thing) and it ROCKED but now my sister refuses to play mariokart with me because she knows i'll win
#74
ocean todd 10 months ago
Or just drink more at bars. That’ll solve the problems one way or another
#75
Deborah 10 months ago
I just don't understand some of the things people go on GoFundMe for. Like, I overspent so can't get the latest designer handbag please help. Yes, there is legit stuff, but why do people think begging for c**p when there are people with real needs out there is OK?
Betsy S 10 months ago
The only one I've ever donated to was when someone was desperate to have their really bad teeth fixed. I helped out for that. But for a handbag? HELL no!
Load More Replies...
#76
ucp 10 months ago
If my wife did that to me, I’d love it because it’s silly. But if she insisted on doing something that annoyed me every time we went to a restaurant, I’d stop going to restaurants.
Daune Tullina 10 months ago
Lots of servers hate having to sing happy birthday. Trying round up enough people during a Friday night rush is such a PIA. Plus, when I sing the neighborhood dogs all start howling. Do you think I really want to perform like a organ grinder monkey to make sure my table is happy? Normalize not asking servers to sing happy birthday. Let's celebrate with without singing
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
Actually me to I don’t like being the center of attention lol
Load More Replies... Joe Reaves 10 months ago
My friend and I have agreed that we are both aware that doing this to the other will lead to death. So whichever one of us gets a terminal diagnosis of something first will absolutely do it.
joseph legatt 10 months ago
It must be nice to be wealthy enough to eat in a restaurant 16 times in a year.
Huddo's sister 10 months ago
I don't think I've ever been to a place that does that. Most places just give you plates and a knife to cut it and leave. Once I went to a place that actually charged a fee for bringing in your own cake. Particularly weird, they charged you per slice, so my brother and I didn't have to play because we didn't eat it.
#77
Theo Blackwood 10 months ago
I’m on the third book of The Wicked Years and I’d consider it an ethnostate, especially after Munchkinland secedes from Oz.
#79
Lily bloom 10 months ago
Box on lowermost right shelf and cans where they are in the left picture but positions switched would be my preference. No idea if thats feng shui or not but it would make me happy
M O'Connell 10 months ago
Why is your deli drawer so low? You waste all that space underneath it.
#81
athornedrose 10 months ago
yes, stop him... from doing that alone! time to make that a couple's activity!
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
No... what's wrong with that. I ate cold saag for breakfast yesterday, and he's using a bowl. Grab some whipped cream and chocolate syrup if you feel left out
painttheyellowsubgreen 10 months ago
I don't understand the mindset that you can't do something just because you're an adult. Or you have to stop XYZ because you have responsibilities. Have kids? Great get them up and let them have ice cream too, slice up a banana and have a great day. You seriously gonna tell me cereal has les sugar? Then you tell them it's a special treat that doesn't happen very often.
#82
#83
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
Stick thermometer in holes...and everything else that no one wants to do....(Just a guess).
Otto Katz 10 months ago
I once brought a cake to work for my boss "Thank you for not firing me yet" IMG_0079-6...dc8a04.jpg 
#84
Stephanie A Mutti 10 months ago
Also, if you have the Delta app, you can score air miles... not a lot, but some.
#85
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Back when my now-ex was trying to force his fitness regime onto me and I had to do 30 minutes of intervals on the stationary bike, I would read books on my Kindle while biking. Until he caught me and got really pissed that I was reading XD
Load More Replies...
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
I guess I'm trash, I just read magazines or BP....on the recombinant bicycle. Or walking in traffic. (Joke)
detective miller's hat 10 months ago
Is that weird? I always used to bring a book to the gym to read while on the elliptical or treadmill.
Gavin Johnson 10 months ago
Used to finish a night shift at 6am then head to the gym, watching others who’ve just dragged themselves out of bed to do a pre-work session is quite life affirming 😂
LavenderHippoInAJar 10 months ago
Not me who, in 8TH GRADE, was on the stairmaster a 25 minute drive from my house at 7:30 before school three mornings a week....
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
I used to get up at 5 am before hubby went to work so he was there with our young kids who are now 23-20 n I’d go out every morning for a 5 mile run n then of an evening I’d go to the gym do three classes and weights kickboxing body combat stuff n on a stat id go out n do a 15 mine run lol now at 60 walking isn’t much of an option as having to give up training n teaching my back I’ve broken twice pre kids gave up the ghost don’t have bloody miss it loved road running iPod on always I’d go
#86
The Scout 10 months ago
Probably a "Deeply fried fish fillet in a crispy breadcrump breading with a thin slice of fresh lemon in a light infusion of spring water and aged deep frier grease". At least that is how I would call it if I had to write a menu.
Load More Replies...
Clown fish 10 months ago
You are meant to say "will this kill me or give me the sh#ts and WTF is it?"
#87
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
You should. It's super fun! (Haven't tapped in like 15 years....)
#88
Jeff White 10 months ago
It's funny and entertaining (64 y.o.). I especially recommend episodes titled "The Sneeze" and "The Kiss" The Kiss episode is really quite amazing.
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 10 months ago
Fun? Imma be watching the owl house later and im excited af
Lost Panda 10 months ago
Why are you judging? You know what? Now I (35) am going to go watch Amazing World of Gumball out of spite... and because it's funny...
Louise Clarke 10 months ago
I watch The Magic School Bus while colouring or working on diamond art
#89
#90
#91
#92
#94
athornedrose 10 months ago
this is made better by the fact that it's being said, presumably, by "pastor" kyle
#95
Gavin Johnson 10 months ago
Do they get to judge others life choices and oppose those they don’t like?
M O'Connell 10 months ago
I have an embroidered dress shirt from a large auto dealer group, and once (just once) I pulled my car into the detail bay and asked them to wash it really quickly, which they did :D
Michael Largey 10 months ago
The local air force base went high security when one of those emergency presidential planes got located there. I didn't work there but my credit union's office was on base. Every time I had to go it was talk to the guard, get out of the car, go in the guard station, wait to show them my ID and explain the purpose for my visit. Then one day I showed up in a dark blue pull-over top with large gold epaulets. Then the gate guard was all "Yes, sir. How can I direct you, sir?", and I just sailed through. Apparently he thought I was an officer. Wore that top every visit there, summer and winter, till I moved away.
Michelle Duerr 10 months ago (edited)
I accidentally wore a red shirt to that large red bulls-eye store on Christmas Eve. I pointed out to the person in front of me that a new register was opening up (mainly so I could follow them and get out quicker) Then someone asked where the next lane was opening up. Oops. O.O
#96
Nosirrow 10 months ago
I've been reading one. Depression steals the joy of reading. Plus, I have financial problems and wonder if I finish the book before I die.
HardBoiledBlonde 10 months ago
Please reach out to a mental health hotline if your comment is saying you are thinking of harming yourself. The hotline will be able to provide you with the names of agencies, etc to help you with your financial problems, too.
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
Are we including children's books? Or textbooks? Because fudge, it's not looking good so far.
Original Kinkster 10 months ago
I'd like to read 100 new books this year but in the end I'll be happy if I read about 12....
Huddo's sister 10 months ago
My goal is to read more than last year. Should be pretty easy since I've already read 1 1/2 out of 6 because I did terribly last year.
#97
#98
#99
#100
keyboardtek 10 months ago
I seem to recall that a state that just mandated the bible to be read in schools had it challenged because of inappropriate content for kids.
Load More Replies...
Lyoness 10 months ago
Am I the only one who just saw Wesley Snipes in a bright blue suit yelling "Am I my brotha's keeper?"
Fellfromthemoon 10 months ago
Rather Samuel L. Jackson, but Wesley Snipes is cool too.
Load More Replies... #101
HeavyMetalHeart 10 months ago
Finna cop = ready to buy. Plug = d**g dealer
Load More Replies...
Agat 10 months ago
Why is it a thing that people show off this type of thing? Is it cool to take d r u g s? Wtf is happening?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
I freely admit that I had a substance abuse problem for a year or two (barbiturates and cocaine.) I'm not proud of it, nor do I think it's cool - but I talk about it to show others that I'm not ashamed of it, and that it can happen to anyone. (I was very depressed and suicidal and the pills and powder shut all the bad thoughts up for a while.) Addiction shouldn't be stigmatized and people should be able to not be afraid to ask for help. However, it seems like OP isn't doing any of that - instead OP seems quite proud of his drüg use, to the point of posting his text convo about it, basically admitting that he uses and that he almost outed himself to his boss - I imagine he isn't supposed to be on drügs while employed there.
Load More Replies... #102
keyboardtek 10 months ago
If that is your reaction to just going back to work, just wait until Trumps' executive orders destroy your life.
#103
Bored Birgit 10 months ago
And they spit, unfortunately. Don't do the first row in a theater or in opera. Been there.
#104
#106
NetworkMan 10 months ago
There's something wrong about this being worked up over your app not working how you want it to.
#107
Auntriarch 10 months ago
Too true. One of the happiest moments of my life was when I smelled the perfume "Joy", which was the most expensive in the world at the time, and I didn't like it at all.
#109
Karen Krause 10 months ago
From Wiki:Kaitlin Marie Bennett (born October 15, 1995), also known as the Kent State gun girl, is an American gun rights activist and conservative social media personality. She received media attention in 2018 for open-carrying an AR-10 rifle at Kent State University after graduating. Bennett is the face of the YouTube channel Liberty Hangout, part of a homonymous media outlet founded by her husband that promotes Austrian economics.[1]
Load More Replies... Lyoness 10 months ago
Please tell me they're calling Kaitlin the monster, and not trans people or abortion.
#111
keyboardtek 10 months ago
It takes a month for the northern hemisphere's land and water to cool down.
Add New Image
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Bob Brooce 10 months ago
That list *will* be 50 items if you're not silly enough to be a premium member, and if you made any comments half of them will be for the stuff you can't see anymore.
Load More Replies...
ALittleKnownGoddess 10 months ago
Yes, please. And let's not report on things said on Xitter.
Load More Replies...
Cyndielouwhoo 10 months ago
If these are the funniest, I don't want to see the most depressing ones.
Booster Booey 10 months ago
I don't use Twitter or whatever the heck it's called simply because I despise the muskrat. I closed my account a while back because of his BS.
Bob Brooce 10 months ago
That list *will* be 50 items if you're not silly enough to be a premium member, and if you made any comments half of them will be for the stuff you can't see anymore.
Load More Replies... ALittleKnownGoddess 10 months ago
Yes, please. And let's not report on things said on Xitter.
Load More Replies... Cyndielouwhoo 10 months ago
If these are the funniest, I don't want to see the most depressing ones.
Booster Booey 10 months ago
I don't use Twitter or whatever the heck it's called simply because I despise the muskrat. I closed my account a while back because of his BS.
You May Like 81 Funny Music Tweets To Get Your Mood In A Flow 60 Funny Tweets About Tattoos That Are Worth Their Ink People Are Cracking Up At These 40 Spot-On Tweets About The Summer Season
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Justina Čiapaitė
Beatričė Varnaitė
Related on Bored Panda
