You sure she didn't cast a spell?

Lies have short legs, as we say here.

Even jail birds have rights.

That's very nice of him actually :p

Don't! Her head may explode .

I never realized that a bull terrier had such a simple face.

You are amazing just the way you are

LOLx100

I'd state back. At both.

Well, did you start shaking and swinging your tail when you saw him walk in? :))) I bet the good boy did :))))))

can we be best friends?

This was unexpectedly funny!

That actually sounds delicious, hehehe.

That is funny as hell

Awww 😂

Someone explain to me why people who cheat are shocked when they're left. It's like, logical consequence.

Well I can receive texts on my landline as well so there is no excuse

Fared better than me. I accidentally kicked the couch and my toe bone split in two. I was on crutches for 6 weeks.

This could be any of my students ...

I cannot up-vote this enough!

Can relate to that

Sleep just means less time between beer and work

11.30???? Good grief - I'm proud if I'm still up at 10pm!

I don't get this one

i love this sm

You must be sleeping alone. Try masturbating

True, true, true. Never give up the fight!

Mary Tonningsen

Mary Tonningsen

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I totally understand this!

totally me! lol

Mine says the same thing!

Kinda, but with the horrible insomnia I have it goes "No! If we don't go to sleep before 10:00 then we lose!"

...this is why I have no kids, 3 cats, and captain crunch for dinner last night.

I desperately want to claim that's a lie ... but it's true! I do have a favorite stovetop burner! I'm too much of an adult ...

Parenting at it's finest

Run!

And after 8 hours in open office, I kinda want to be alone for month.

Kind of an odd thing to do.

Because you my darling are shining diamond of nonsense and something better is waiting for you

This is gold!

Hummus beings.

Well... nope. It's about a person's traits not what sex they are. My husband carries a BACKPACK - daily. With multitool, a bottle of water, hand sanitizer, water filter, rain jacket, a knife, and some energy bars... so am I. So either we are both preppers for zombie apocalypse... or just very smart people.

i do say same

Unicorn mic drop...

Hannibal lé dog

Still better than the people who CAPITALIZE every OTHER word for DRAMATIC effect. Also better than those who use the word 'literally' too much and incorrectly. "I literally went to the store." My head threatens to explode when people do that. Literally.

huahuas x(

No, it means you should have taken biology classes more seriously.

😂😂😂

That happen to my brother this past summer. His daughter said look daddy they fit me now.

Math should stop acting like a child and solve its own problems (not my quote but so true)