"Phys. Ed teacher here - I always wear shorts teaching. Parent-teacher conferences roll around, grade 1 student comes up to me with her parents - "Mr. Famous1187, I've never seen you wear pants before". I've never responded quicker to a comment before in my life to clear that up."

"I asked my students to draw a picture of a ninja chicken on an exam. One student drew nothing and pointed out that the chicken was such an effective ninja that he was invisible.

Checkmate."

"I asked 'when is a time you have used integrity?'
 
He wrote down 'I wash my hands after going to the bathroom, even if no one is in there'."

"I teach English to Vietnamese kids. I asked what is the population of Vietnam? The kid quickly surveyed the room and said "More than 15" This guy is going places."

"My first-grade class was learning the word powerful. Kids came up with examples of powerful things and people, like elephants and superman. Then one boy said, "babies are powerful because they can cry and get whatever they want"."

yadoya said:
"The assignment was "Write the following numbers in all letters"
The kid answered:
3: four.
15: sixteen.
21:twenty-two.
And so on. I gave him full points."

PlzGodKillMe replied:
"He wrote the FOLLOWING number. It wasn't a joke, the kid just followed instructions."

"In nutrition class at CC, the teacher asks "what's one of the first things you throw out of the window when you drink alcohol", this kid just mumbles: "standards"."

"Name two ways to determine the height of a building using a barometer that is exactly one meter long:

1) Take the barometer to the top of the building, drop it, and time how long it takes to hit the ground.

2) Find the owner of the building and say: "Hey - I have this really awesome barometer I'll give you if you tell me how tall your building is"."

"(On a 3rd-grade Charlotte's Web quiz): Give 2 pieces of evidence that support this statement: "Charlotte was a good friend to Wilbur"

"She comforted him and she didn't let him become pork"."

"In a class, that deals with electricity, I asked the students to name a good conductor.

Leonard Bernstein."

"My music teacher was showing us how to use a xylophone and said "Only hit the black keys, not the white keys" and my friend instantly replied with "Miss that's racist"."

Hyper_Fujisawa said:
"I've taught English in Korea and Japan, and while maybe not that funny one student who wanted to say something like "afterward" or "in the end," wrote, "the after was here". I stopped for a moment and just stared off into space after reading that."

ProceedWithLaunch replied:
"I tried so hard

And got so far

But the after was here

It doesn't really matter."

"Teacher, I need a pencil.

Where do the pencils live? (I have a bucket of sharpened pencils for them to use.)

Pennsylvania?"

"World history class for 5th graders. End of the Unit test on the Middle Ages.

The question: "Why are the Middle Ages, in Europe, often described as the Dark Ages?"

The answer: 'Because lightbulbs weren't invented yet.'"

"I worked in a special needs class for a year and there was one kid with a textbook case of Asperger Syndrome. Very bright, very tough nut to crack.

I tried to tell him a corny joke once and he was not having it.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" "He likely had business over there or was compelled by force."

Well, ok.

Easily my favorite memory of that class."

"There was a buddy of mine in college, J, who was legendary for his witty responses in class.

We were training to be RAs and the residential life person asked, "What are some things that as an RA, you shouldn't do in your dorm room?" People were saying stuff like drinking, etc.
J raises his hand, gets called on, and says, "Practicing medicine without a license."

The trainer was like, "Uh, yeah, I guess that's true."

The same guy was in a film class. The teacher asks, "What technique defined the scene we just watched?"
J raises his hand, gets called on, and says, "Long, awkward silences."

Teacher: "Could you give an example?"

J: "...""

"Teaching grade 5. Students were fooling around during group work so I said sarcastically, "Do I need to stand here and watch you do your work?" to which the student responded even more sarcastically, "Well you don't have to stand, you can grab the chair and sit"."

"Not a teacher, but something my brother answered for homework.

My brother was in year 1, and his homework was to draw a balloon "blown up". He drew a picture with lots of squiggly shapes spread out across the paper. He took it as the balloon blew up, like a bomb, so he drew the leftovers of an exploded balloon. His teacher loved it and gave him full marks!"

"In 7th grade on a test, the question said "Why do some people see some technology as positive, and others see the same technology as a problem?" and a kid simply put, "Because some people are Amish"."

"I teach English in Japan.
 
When teaching my students, I asked "What do we say when someone is being too loud?"
 
One smarta** says "Shut up forever!" (More like, 'for-EHbah').
 
I had never said this. No clue where he learned it either. I nearly lost my s**t, but he wasn't wrong.
 
The correct answer is "Be quiet, please," which I told him was more polite. He just grinned as if he knew, but didn't care. Smart kid. I'll miss him when I change jobs."

"Question: what ended in 1856?

Answer: 1855."

KontraKode said:
"Why are you late?"

"The bell went off before I got here."

CaptainFourpack replied:
"Why are you late?"

"I had trouble with my bike."

"what was the trouble?"

"I didn't get on it early enough."

"ESL teacher. I had my students do an activity where they had to give directions based on a map and situations I had chosen. The final question was more complex, and one of my students wrote, "Way too difficult, take a cab"

BroccoliHotdish said: "Me: "The quiz tomorrow will be on..." Student: "Paper!" Everyone laughed and I rephrased the question." user no 2 replied: "Well, it's better than stone tablets, eucalyptus leaves, and blood ink."

"I wrote an exam where the question was "Can you name three *models of DNA replication?"

she wrote, "No.""

DontYouTrustMe said:
"I asked a kid "why does the mother moose eat the placenta?" And the student replied " to gain its powers"."

Girlinhat replied:
"The placenta is the powerhouse of the moose."

aughtomaton said:
"The preschool teacher here. For Father's day we did a cute little journal thing where we asked the kids their favorite things to do with dad along with some other stuff. One question was "what does dad like to do?". Most answers were average but one little girl told me her dad "loves to drink beer and smoke cigarettes all day"."

1LostInSpaceAgain replied:
"My son wrote "sleep" as my favorite activity for a giant poster he had to make about me. That poster spent several months on the wall in the kindergarten hallway."

"I was doing my student teaching, and there was a boy that got his recess taken away I was the one supposed to be punishing him. His problem was that he talked and talked and talked. So I ask him "what could we do to help you focus better?" He thinks for a solid minute and replies "ice cream" couldn't help but laugh."

"Not a teacher but someone told me this.

'What side of the road do people in France drive on?'

'miss, they drive on both sides.'"

"Not the teacher but witnessed this in class:

Sociology Prof: "Why do you conform?"

Student: "It has always been my goal in life to blend in."

Soc Prof: "No more questions for you"."

"As an EA, I gave a group of second graders a worksheet about the main idea and detail. In the instructions, they were told to circle the main idea and underline the details. One child returned the paper to me very promptly, having underlined the phrase "the main idea" and having circled "the details" in the instructions. She knew exactly what she was doing when she turned it in... she's a clever one. She did just fine when I asked her to complete the assignment as expected."

"Not a teacher but a witness. In high school history class, the teacher asked "What was the peace treaty that ended World War 2?" This was a trick question because there wasn't a single treaty that ended the war. This one kid blurted out "The Manhattan Project." The teacher laughed so hard he went and got the other history teacher and had the kid tell him the answer too." 

"Elementary school kids saw the answer key. He swore he came up with, "Answers may vary," all on his own."

"We were talking about the Fukushima nuclear plant being hit by the tsunami. The (brilliant) young lad that was most engaged wanted to exclaim his understanding of the situation, but his slip of the tongue led to: "Nuclear pants are dangerous." We all agreed. And wrote the quote up on the board as a keeper for the rest of the school year.

Shout out to "Hotwheels." That was not his only board-worthy quote."

"Not a teacher, but I remember I had to take some kind of verbal test when I was about five. The proctor asked what is the relationship between cats and dogs? Little science loving five year old me said, "they are part of the same food chain." I am pretty sure I got credit for that question."

"When I was in high school my art teacher teaching her first semester started an abstract art assignment but did not supply any sort of grading rubric when I asked. I scribbled randomly on the page and when she asked about it I simply said it was too abstract to be easily explained. I got 100%. I also got away with adding a few dots to the background of a drawing of a falcon in a bowl of punch and saying he was in space when she told me that I was missing a background. We got away with lots in that class. Apparently, she was super strict every year after that haha." 

Egrizzzzz said: "I've got a story from my fiancee's childhood. They were testing her intelligence or awareness and showed her an image of a tv in a room. The tv was turned on, showing a cartoon, and had a plant on top of it. Q: What's on the Television? A: A plant. Apparently, she just kept insisting in utter frustration until the administrator bothered to look at the image and not the answer sheet."

"When I used to teach anatomy:

"Anthony, name this bone."

'Uhh, femur.'

"Is it a left femur or a right femur?"

'Yeah.'"

"I teach forensic science.

We were going to be using iodine to fume fingerprints. Iodine vapor is no joke, so I terrify the students and use only two volunteers with goggles and respirators at the chemical hood. But, we still all go over the MSDS, PPE, and equipment.

I spent maybe five minutes talking about everything and the chemical hood to my class of thirty. Toward the end,

"So. Someone tells me: what is a hood?"

A hand shoots up.

"Yes, [student]."

"It's, like, the place where you grow up."

I facepalm, the class laughs, and I'm unable to pivot his answer at the moment. (He's on the autism spectrum and wasn't trying to be funny)."

"Not a teacher but just a witness to this hilarity. In science class in high school, our teacher was talking about electricity and lightning and the effects of being electrocuted. He asked if anyone happened to know what is the first sense you lose when struck by lightning. Without missing a beat, a girl put her hand up and answered in all honesty, "your sense of humor?" The class had to stop for a few minutes until everyone could regain their composure."

BigScaryLizard said:
"Not a teacher but a friend of mine couldn't remember what country wasn't a part of the UK on a test so she put Mexico."

Cheatcodek replied:
"Oh, yea I forgot about that! I remember when the great Mexican nation joined the UK in 1500 under the great reign of Suleiman I."

"I asked a 3-year-old what "love" was for a Valentine's Day card to his parents. His response: "Maybe love is what tornadoes need."

We call him "the professor" because he teaches us new things every day."

Raaava said:
"Not a teacher but one time a teacher asked "What is a seven-letter word, that starts with an A and means to stand out and unusual," someone said "Awesome" and the teacher laughed and wasn't sure if he should accept that answer."

rionhunter replied:
"Did the teacher need help with their crossword?"

"I teach and coach baseball. After our short stop got thrown out on second for the third out, I told someone to "pick up Will", in baseball terms meaning get his glove and hat so he can go out to the field. This kid who was new to baseball, a big lineman-type football player, claps his hands and goes "it's okay Will, you'll get them next time." I cried laughing. Will was the name of the shortstop. The kid who "picked him up" was genuinely being nice and thoughtful, but coming from this big intimidating kid it was really funny."

"Name a compound word."

"Asphalt."

"Ok so this story totally doesn't translate to English, but I will give it a shot anyway:

In German, there is this little drawing game called "das haus vom nikolaus" consisting of drawing a house without lifting the pen or drawing the same line twice. Well, the act of drawing something without lifting your pen is called "in einem zug zeichnen" which literally translates to "drawing in a train".

So yes, one kid actually drew a house. In a train."

"Extra credit problem on a test that was very difficult. Like crazy difficult. It involved many steps and probably had to do with finding out the rate of oxygen consumption of reptiles. I hadn't made the answer key yet.

Very few students tried ANY of the extra credit problems and one answered all of them but for that last one they just put "I don't want to do this problem"

Neither did I. Gave them the point."

"Not a teacher but I work with kids.
 
Trying to delicately explain to a 3-year-old why she should be kind to her mommy.
 
"You shouldn't say those mean things to mommy when she's sick. Who looks after you when you are sick, and makes you feel better?"
 
The doctor: "....... well f**k"."

"Let's see... One day, my opening question was, "If you could be any animal for a day, what animal would you be?"

One kid said, "Humans are animals."

Another kid said, "Technically, the devil's not an animal... so I'd be a faun"."

ReddishWedding2018 said:
"Same kid on the same quiz:

Q. Describe the bus ride at the beginning of the chapter.

A. It was a bus ride filled with action, but also with emotion.

Q. What happens at the end of the story?

A. The story ends.

Kid's going to be a politician someday."

Reddit user replied:
"I am telling you this bus ride was the best bus ride I've ever had! Listen to me! Listen! People come to me and say 'Have you ever had any bus ride like this?' and I honestly say to them 'No, that is the most incredible bus ride ever!' Just amazing."

"Subtraction problem in elementary school. The question asked, "what is the difference between these two numbers?" And then gave 2 5- digit numbers.

A student wrote, "they're different numbers. This three is different and that five"."