This is what people are going to be saying about me.

No kidding i went to an funeral not that verry long ago and the priest said we all do our best to do good in life but *** maybe wasnt always good they shure treid or something simuler the shurg went strike laughing but hey he had his mistake but he did try to make up for it as have i forgiven him for what he had done

I'd like to say that the deceased was a loving, caring man. But I'm just not that good a liar.

For the past 45 years or so my friends and I have made a running contest of one upmanship. We try to top each other with puns and good natured insults. It didn't stop at my wedding; I hope that it doesn't end at my funeral.

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What is this, in the church they lie all the time

I've tried reading between the lines in all of my books, but it's just white space there. Now I see how you're really supposed to do it.

she needs brown hair!

They've the skinniest twigs for arms. How are they holding up those books? Which were probably made up of distant relatives. Don't they know their roots?

At least take one bite come on..... I haven't had cake in a year plz ur making me jealous.

I'll take that as a condiment!

I guess you could say it's mysterious as the dark side of moon.

Hmm… the ones with the fluorescent blue shoes! That’s a fashion statement

Even roads aren't safe from working anymore...

Me personoly i could never

If you can do multiplication well, you should be alright

"...So now I hate them."

Death: Heyyyyy, thanks. Wanna go see this realllllllllllly cool haunted house? It's to die for!

Scotch Tape can play bagpipes.

The other drivers were in stitches.

Training is going to be rough

Poor Fred, he doesn't look very sunny side-up

Ah yes, my spirit animal

noooo the punsss

I want to speak to the manager!

Ohhh, they could dance chess to chess!

You see the headlights on that dancer?

Triple pun!

I always heard memory was the 2nd thing to go, I can't remember the 1st...

I like how the plane looks like the Pokemon Kyogre.

Awwww not cool

This was better than when he had his foot in his mouth and his head up his butt.

Window shoppers window shopping

I don't get it?

Her name should be Sarah

Steve, what a dummy

The prosecutor, near tears: "But that's what covers are for! That's how we're supposed to find out if we want to read it or not!"

It's hot because YOU'RE WEARING A FULL FACE MASK.

He knows!

Que the pointe shoes coming in:

I wish parents would just lettuce be! 🙄

Just like this girl I knew, Page.

Do they have it in type B? I’ve been looking for some but nobody seems to carry it anymore…

Sounds like somebody is full of sh!t

What freak touches their lips on a drinking fountain

..and this little piggy laid on the couch watching Netflix all day ...

He’s probably Chris. Probably

*screams*

My parents always thought I'd be an astronaut cause my teachers all said I was just taking up space