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Celebrities have long been a source of divorce discourse, with much speculation surrounding the reasons for their seasons ending. Think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, Chris Martin and Gwynneth Paltrow, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian to name but a few.

These uncouplings, though sometimes “conscious” all played out in a very public way - thanks to the prying eyes of the paparazzi. But there’s a whole other world of divorce drama that some people might not even be aware of. And a pluckarazzi that could put the Hollywood paps to shame. An online community has been closely following a flock of fabulous and (now) free, feathered divorcees. They’ve been sharing photos, along with what they believe are the bittersweet backstories of bird break-ups.

Scroll on for some of the most brilliant ones and don’t forget to upvote your favorites.

#1

Not A Birb Divorce But Fighting Over Birb Visitation In A Human Divorce

Not A Birb Divorce But Fighting Over Birb Visitation In A Human Divorce

CatPooedInMyShoe Report

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Lyone Fein
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a Sanskrit Professor in grad school and this was a thing in his divorce. Custody of the parrot.

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Some of these birds look like they’ve been through the wringer, and who can blame them? Break-ups aren’t easy. Even if you’re not married. But when you throw in a legal contract, shared property, assets, kids, parenting plans, lawyers and divorce court, things can get even messier - and more expensive. 

According to Forbes magazine, the average cost of a divorce in the U.S.A. in 2024 is between 15,000 and 20,000 U.S Dollars. That’s quite a pretty penny to spend on dismantling a nest. Imagine doing it twice? Or even thrice?


#2

Henry Had Been Hurt Before; A Man Who Loved Too Much. He Couldn’t Help That He Wore His Heart On His Sleeve...and Pants And Hat

Henry Had Been Hurt Before; A Man Who Loved Too Much. He Couldn’t Help That He Wore His Heart On His Sleeve...and Pants And Hat

branje Report

Bored Panda reached out to the moderators of the community to find out what attracted them to divorced birds. Here's what they had to say: "The original mod ChtuluKitty based it on a tweet he saw. Kitty has taken a step back but the general vibe of the community is it runs itself, the subscribers know what they like and do not like so we just listen to the people! It’s one of the coolest corners of the internet!"

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While the stories here are fictional and all in the name of fun, it appears some might not be too far from the truth. Research shows that 90% of bird species are monogamous, meaning they stick to one mate, at the very least for a full breeding season. Some even go the extra mile and mate for life.

Among the most monogamous are the black vulture, bald eagle, laysan albatross, mute swan, barn owl and of course, lovebirds…



#3

Julia Glared Into The Mirror. Years Of Carl Telling Her Not To Spend Money On Makeup Drove Her To Spend All Of Her First Alimony Check At Sephora. “It’s Over, And I Can Be As Fabulous As I Want Now, Carl! I’m Putting Myself First, And I Am Beautiful!”

Julia Glared Into The Mirror. Years Of Carl Telling Her Not To Spend Money On Makeup Drove Her To Spend All Of Her First Alimony Check At Sephora. “It’s Over, And I Can Be As Fabulous As I Want Now, Carl! I’m Putting Myself First, And I Am Beautiful!”

skynolongerblue Report

#4

Steph Hadn’t Dated Since 1984 And She Felt Stupid In The Corner Of The Club Dressed Like Cyndi Lauper

Steph Hadn’t Dated Since 1984 And She Felt Stupid In The Corner Of The Club Dressed Like Cyndi Lauper

Lo-ItsBabyJesus Report

Penguins also mate for life, with one species in the Falkland Islands taking part in its very own version of The (Bird) Bachelor. These guys take their quest for love seriously, adding a dash of romance - and rivalry - to their relationships. 

Just like some famous Hollywood celebs, gentoo penguin girls expect a big, polished rock before committing. So once a young male penguin has found his perfect mate, he’ll need to search for the perfect pebble to match her beauty. He’ll scour the shore in his black and white tuxedo and once he’s found one fit for a princess, he’ll carefully pick it up with his beak. The hopeful bachelor will then carry it across the beach, present it to his soon-to-be fiancee and propose.

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#5

She Knew Gary Was Unreliable, But She Never Expected Him To Abandon Her Before The Baby Was Even Born. She Was A Survivor, Though, And Was Going To Be The Best Mother For Her Child, Even If All She Could Afford Was A Rundown Apartment In The Red Light District

She Knew Gary Was Unreliable, But She Never Expected Him To Abandon Her Before The Baby Was Even Born. She Was A Survivor, Though, And Was Going To Be The Best Mother For Her Child, Even If All She Could Afford Was A Rundown Apartment In The Red Light District

TDLMTH Report

#6

After Losing A Custody Battle With Her Ex Husband Last Year, Ann Myers (33) Of Winnipeg, Manitoba Suffered A Psychotic Break And Kidnapped Her Neighbors 2 Children Claiming They Were Her Own. She Is Believed To Be Heading To Mexico. If You Know Anything About Her Whereabouts, Call 1-555-Crime

After Losing A Custody Battle With Her Ex Husband Last Year, Ann Myers (33) Of Winnipeg, Manitoba Suffered A Psychotic Break And Kidnapped Her Neighbors 2 Children Claiming They Were Her Own. She Is Believed To Be Heading To Mexico. If You Know Anything About Her Whereabouts, Call 1-555-Crime

I_might_be_weasel Report

If he manages to bowl her over, she’ll signal “I do” by offering him a rock of his own. No long engagement, no lavish wedding. Just happy feet. A simple exchange of rocks to seal the deal - and a promise to be together “until death do us part”.

After the ceremony, the couple continues to search for pebbles together, laying a rock solid foundation for their life as a married couple. The pebbles will become the perfect love nest in which they start their family.

But all’s fair in love and war… and penguin passion doesn’t come without drama. If a guy can’t find the perfect pebble, some will resort to stealing one from another couple’s nest - causing all sorts of crazy chaos.

#7

The Tweet That Started It All

The Tweet That Started It All

TheCheish Report

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#8

Clarice, Widowed For The 4th Time In A Row, Attending The Funeral Of Her Late Husband Edward Who Passed Under Mysterious Circumstances. However, Clarice Will Be Able To Cope With This Horrific Loss With Edward’s Life Insurance Policy There To Comfort Her

Clarice, Widowed For The 4th Time In A Row, Attending The Funeral Of Her Late Husband Edward Who Passed Under Mysterious Circumstances. However, Clarice Will Be Able To Cope With This Horrific Loss With Edward’s Life Insurance Policy There To Comfort Her

reddit.com Report

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#9

Everyone Is So Concerned With How The Divorced Birds Are, They Never Stop To Think Of The Children. Connor Is Still Trying To Adjust To His Parents Divorce, But When Mom Brings Over Her “New Friends” He Locks Himself In His Room With The Sounds Of Pink Floyd While He Hits The Bong

Everyone Is So Concerned With How The Divorced Birds Are, They Never Stop To Think Of The Children. Connor Is Still Trying To Adjust To His Parents Divorce, But When Mom Brings Over Her “New Friends” He Locks Himself In His Room With The Sounds Of Pink Floyd While He Hits The Bong

BabyYodi Report

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I_imagine_even_worse_w***s
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe if mom didn't cut his hair with a bowl and siccors he wouldn't be pondering about the great gig in the sky.

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On the topic of chaos, what if I told you there's a whole world of scandals in the sky we weren’t even aware of?

While most birds are in it for the long haul, sometimes things fall apart. Not only do birds really get “divorced” - but bird divorce is on the rise. It’s actually something scientists have been studying for decades.

#10

With Her Hair Done Up And Fresh Makeup, Julia Hiked Up Her New Black Capris And Sauntered Past Peter's Job. She Outwardly Ignored The Whistles From His Coworkers, But On The Inside She Teemed With Excitement. "Just Breathe" She Reminded Herself As She Played It Cool

With Her Hair Done Up And Fresh Makeup, Julia Hiked Up Her New Black Capris And Sauntered Past Peter's Job. She Outwardly Ignored The Whistles From His Coworkers, But On The Inside She Teemed With Excitement. "Just Breathe" She Reminded Herself As She Played It Cool

waitingindreams Report

#11

This Is Betty’s Favorite Pink Dress. One Time Robert Told Her She Looked Fat In It And She Was Too Ashamed To Wear It. Now That He’s Gone She’s Pulled It Back Out Of The Closet. She’s Flaunting Her Curves And She Doesn’t Care Who Sees It!

This Is Betty’s Favorite Pink Dress. One Time Robert Told Her She Looked Fat In It And She Was Too Ashamed To Wear It. Now That He’s Gone She’s Pulled It Back Out Of The Closet. She’s Flaunting Her Curves And She Doesn’t Care Who Sees It!

moonylady Report

#12

Darren Put On His Best Smile For The New Dating Profile, But The Hurt Was Still In His Eyes

Darren Put On His Best Smile For The New Dating Profile, But The Hurt Was Still In His Eyes

DutchPizzaOven Report

“With regard to birds, divorce is generally taken to mean that at least one partner pairs with another individual, even though both partners are still living and residing within the same population,” wrote William Moskoff in his 1995 research paper “Birds and Divorce”. 

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“Needless to say, the notion of avian divorce bears little resemblance to what we think of as divorce,” he added. “The concept is simply a convenient way for ornithologists to measure mate fidelity.”

No long drawn-out court battles, no legal fees, no splitting of assets, no parenting plans, no alimony. Just a “Thanks for the memories. I’m out.” Imagine.

Is it any surprise some of these birds look like one flew over the cuckoo's nest?

#13

Gary Had Spent Too Many Years Denying Who He Really Was, Suppressing His True Desires To "Fit In". Once He Opened Up To His Truth, His World Came Into Focus. He May Have Lost His Wife Shelia, But He Found His Steve. This Year Marks Their 20th Anniversary. There Is Life After A Divorce Chickadees

Gary Had Spent Too Many Years Denying Who He Really Was, Suppressing His True Desires To "Fit In". Once He Opened Up To His Truth, His World Came Into Focus. He May Have Lost His Wife Shelia, But He Found His Steve. This Year Marks Their 20th Anniversary. There Is Life After A Divorce Chickadees

NolaSaintMat Report

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G A
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are lovebirds under a UV light or some such. They are not that colour IRL.

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Tiny Dancer
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These birds are stunning, but not "real" (at least the colours have been altered). I love this obnoxious unicorn as well, lol! They're both from graphic designer, Ramzy Masri: https://www.ramzymasri.com Rainbow-Un...af10fd.jpg Rainbow-Unicorn-Ramzy-Masri-669d50caf10fd.jpg

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#14

After 50 Years Of Marriage, Dolly Is Beginning To Wonder If Her Husband Had Robbed Her Of The Best Years Of Her Life

After 50 Years Of Marriage, Dolly Is Beginning To Wonder If Her Husband Had Robbed Her Of The Best Years Of Her Life

Yorkshire_Bjorn Report

#15

Daniel Was Beginning To Wonder If He Actually Was The Father Of Amber's Son. That Was The Only Reason They'd Rushed Into Marriage, But Their Child Looked Eerily Similar To Amber's Boss

Daniel Was Beginning To Wonder If He Actually Was The Father Of Amber's Son. That Was The Only Reason They'd Rushed Into Marriage, But Their Child Looked Eerily Similar To Amber's Boss

reddit.com Report

In 2023, a new research paper came out titled, “Divorce rate in monogamous birds increases with male promiscuity and migration distance”. Yes, you read that right. Birds don’t just tweet. They also cheat. The guys in particular. You dirty, dirty birds!

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The paper states: “Our results showed that only male promiscuity, but not female promiscuity, had a positive relationship with divorce rate. Furthermore, migration distance was positively correlated with divorce rate, whereas adult mortality rate showed no direct relationship with divorce rate.”

#16

Molly Was Devastated When Vince Walked Out Of Their Lives. Money Was Tight, Working Extra Hours Was Taking Its Toll, And Things Were Never Going To Be The Same Again. But She Still Had Her Little Girls, And That Was Enough To Make It All Worthwhile

Molly Was Devastated When Vince Walked Out Of Their Lives. Money Was Tight, Working Extra Hours Was Taking Its Toll, And Things Were Never Going To Be The Same Again. But She Still Had Her Little Girls, And That Was Enough To Make It All Worthwhile

TorchIt Report

#17

Mabel Strutted Out Of The Salon, The Brisk NYC Air Made Her Feathers Tingle. She Had A New Make Over, Stan Was History And 2020 Was Going To Be A Year To Remember

Mabel Strutted Out Of The Salon, The Brisk NYC Air Made Her Feathers Tingle. She Had A New Make Over, Stan Was History And 2020 Was Going To Be A Year To Remember

Racecarsoup Report

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T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These birds are called loeries or turacos. There is also a grey kind. They are also called a go-away bird because of the noise they make. "Waah! WAAAAAH!"

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#18

Officer, I Haven’t Seen The Man In Weeks

Officer, I Haven’t Seen The Man In Weeks

queenofsleeps Report

The researchers studied 232 bird species from around the world, then split them into male and female groups. They gave each bird species a “promiscuity score”, with 0 being highly unlikely to step out on the relationship and 4 being a serial cheating scumbag.

They found that “plovers, swallows, martins, orioles and blackbirds had both high divorce rates and male promiscuity, whereas petrels, albatrosses, geese and swans had low divorce rates and male promiscuity.”

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#19

Just Sign The Damn Papers! Marge It’s Over

Just Sign The Damn Papers! Marge It’s Over

CaptainBlemo Report

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Mark
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Marge just laughed and laughed and laughed and DON’T YOU HAVE ANOTHER SOUND YOU CAN MAKE

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#20

Marvin Hadn't Been In The Dating Game In 20yrs, But He Knew Suspenders Were Still In

Marvin Hadn't Been In The Dating Game In 20yrs, But He Knew Suspenders Were Still In

Mr_Shawn Report

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Little Capybara
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Yea…Gramps in getting back on the scene. He got new dentures and everything.”

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#21

After Taking A Few Surfing Lessons, William Thought That Maybe Losing Full Custody Of His Kids Wasn’t That Bad

After Taking A Few Surfing Lessons, William Thought That Maybe Losing Full Custody Of His Kids Wasn’t That Bad

jefrobongga Report

Albatrosses are the epitome of everlasting love in the avian world, with some keeping their love locked down for up to 70 years. Despite spending much of the year apart during migration, the faithful mates find their way back to each other time and again.

Yet data shows that they too have been calling it quits more often in recent years. Scientists wanted to know why, so they scrutinized the divorce documents over a period of 18 years.

It turns out there is a third party involved. But it’s not what you might think.

#22

When Steven Cheated On Him, Fernando Was Heartbroken. Now, Years Later, Fernando Was A Famous Model And Ready To See His Pictures Spread Around The World. Steven Would Be Sorry

When Steven Cheated On Him, Fernando Was Heartbroken. Now, Years Later, Fernando Was A Famous Model And Ready To See His Pictures Spread Around The World. Steven Would Be Sorry

violetremarkable Report

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#23

Bartholomew’s First Day Back After A Messy Public Squabble With His Estranged Ex-Wife. He Wouldn’t Let It Put A Damper On His Next Chapter. His Shiny New Tie Would Be The Talk Of The Office, And Hopefully Be The Gossip Fodder That Made Everyone Forget What They Witnessed Yesterday

Bartholomew’s First Day Back After A Messy Public Squabble With His Estranged Ex-Wife. He Wouldn’t Let It Put A Damper On His Next Chapter. His Shiny New Tie Would Be The Talk Of The Office, And Hopefully Be The Gossip Fodder That Made Everyone Forget What They Witnessed Yesterday

itsblazequasar Report

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Little Capybara
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“I actually prefer to think of being single as an opportunity to invest in myself and my happiness…like buying this SWEET tie.”

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#24

Janet Sauntered Into Court. Her Ex Sneered When He Saw Her. "What On Earth Are You Wearing, Janet?" He Asked. "You Look Like A Spiky Volcano." "Damn Straight!" She Replied. "Mount Vesuing Your Ass Located In Pompay Up, Ya Bastahd."

Janet Sauntered Into Court. Her Ex Sneered When He Saw Her. "What On Earth Are You Wearing, Janet?" He Asked. "You Look Like A Spiky Volcano." "Damn Straight!" She Replied. "Mount Vesuing Your Ass Located In Pompay Up, Ya Bastahd."

llamalobster Report

Researchers found that climate change is blowing hot and cold on albatross love, causing some birds to break up their otherwise happy nests. The journal published in The Proceedings of the Royal Society B noted, “the probability of divorce was directly affected by the environment, increasing in years with warm sea surface temperature anomalies (SSTA).”

#25

"23 Is Too Young To Be Twice Divorced", Her Mother Said. She Was Wrong. 23 Was Just Old Enough To Start Over. Again

"23 Is Too Young To Be Twice Divorced", Her Mother Said. She Was Wrong. 23 Was Just Old Enough To Start Over. Again

Doctor_What_ Report

#26

So I Says To Em, I Says - How Many Toimes I Gotta Tell Ya Roy? How Many Toimes? Ya Gatta Quit Comin Hea. It’s Gatta Stop. Ya Gambled Away Yuh Money, Ya Gambled Away Amba’s College Fund, And Ya Gambled Away My Heaht

So I Says To Em, I Says - How Many Toimes I Gotta Tell Ya Roy? How Many Toimes? Ya Gatta Quit Comin Hea. It’s Gatta Stop. Ya Gambled Away Yuh Money, Ya Gambled Away Amba’s College Fund, And Ya Gambled Away My Heaht

NotHilaryFaye Report

#27

Deandra Wasn't Gonna Listen To The Haters. If She Wanted To Spend Every Goddamn Minute In Her Wedding Dress, She Would. It Was Like The Whole Left At The Altar-Thing Had Never Happened

Deandra Wasn't Gonna Listen To The Haters. If She Wanted To Spend Every Goddamn Minute In Her Wedding Dress, She Would. It Was Like The Whole Left At The Altar-Thing Had Never Happened

ObadiahBlueHat Report

It further adds that global warming is causing more females to hook up behind their spouse’s back. The guys are struggling to find food during their migration periods, and are spending longer away from home than usual. And when the guys are away, the girls will play.

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The study notes that some broody females get impatient, and take flight with a new flame. Others just get sick of raising their kids alone and fall into the warm wings of a more available lover.

So if you need another reason to take climate change to heart... Look no further than into the eyes of that forlorn fowl who just got dumped.


#28

Linda Had Never Felt So Fierce As She Did Walking Into Court With Her Team Of Attorneys. She Was Ready To Take Daryl On For All He Had, That’s What You Get For Cheating With Her Younger, More Attractive Sister

Linda Had Never Felt So Fierce As She Did Walking Into Court With Her Team Of Attorneys. She Was Ready To Take Daryl On For All He Had, That’s What You Get For Cheating With Her Younger, More Attractive Sister

floydgirl23 Report

#30

Meet Walther: A Professor In Life, A Scholar In Love

Meet Walther: A Professor In Life, A Scholar In Love

ObadiahBlueHat Report

#31

"I'm Sick Of You Criticising Me, Martha! I'm Not Getting Rid Of The Cape! I'm Getting Rid Of You!"

"I'm Sick Of You Criticising Me, Martha! I'm Not Getting Rid Of The Cape! I'm Getting Rid Of You!"

I_might_be_weasel Report

#32

"I Adore My Lawyer", Claudette Told Her Brunch Club. "Every 7th Divorce Is Free, He'll Shun Your Ex From Polite Society For A Small Fee, And He Always Has Fresh Petits Fours In His Office. Pastel Frosting Only, Of Course. I Had A Petit Four Once With *indigo* Frosting. Darlings...it Was Horrifying."

"I Adore My Lawyer", Claudette Told Her Brunch Club. "Every 7th Divorce Is Free, He'll Shun Your Ex From Polite Society For A Small Fee, And He Always Has Fresh Petits Fours In His Office. Pastel Frosting Only, Of Course. I Had A Petit Four Once With *indigo* Frosting. Darlings...it Was Horrifying."

llamalobster Report

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#33

Brad Walked Up To The Door Of His House, Eager To See His Wife After A Week On The Road. But Then...it Hit Him. *that* Smell. Even Through The Door It Assaulted His Olfactory Glands. She's Been Into The Seed Again, He Thought To Himself, As He Opened The Door To See His Worst Fears Confirmed

Brad Walked Up To The Door Of His House, Eager To See His Wife After A Week On The Road. But Then...it Hit Him. *that* Smell. Even Through The Door It Assaulted His Olfactory Glands. She's Been Into The Seed Again, He Thought To Himself, As He Opened The Door To See His Worst Fears Confirmed

llamalobster Report

#34

To Hell With Everyone That Said She Couldn't Wear Her Wedding Dress To A New Years Party. Wanda Was Marrying Her Own Future, And No One Else's

To Hell With Everyone That Said She Couldn't Wear Her Wedding Dress To A New Years Party. Wanda Was Marrying Her Own Future, And No One Else's

Zee4321 Report

#35

Franco Had Been Hitting The Gym Hard After His Divorce In Order To Get The Right Tender Profile Picture. However, The Lack Of Right Swipes He Was Getting Made Him Realize An Important Lesson - Never Skip Leg Day

Franco Had Been Hitting The Gym Hard After His Divorce In Order To Get The Right Tender Profile Picture. However, The Lack Of Right Swipes He Was Getting Made Him Realize An Important Lesson - Never Skip Leg Day

fraggle_captain Report

#36

Bob Froze. The Kids Froze. Gail Snapped Their Photo Without Saying A Word. Deep Within, Bob Seethed. “Once A Month And A Week At Christmas Isn’t Enough, Gail! A Father Shouldn’t Have To Sneak Around Just To See His Children!” But He Kept Silent. She’d Only Twist His Words In Front Of The Judge

Bob Froze. The Kids Froze. Gail Snapped Their Photo Without Saying A Word. Deep Within, Bob Seethed. “Once A Month And A Week At Christmas Isn’t Enough, Gail! A Father Shouldn’t Have To Sneak Around Just To See His Children!” But He Kept Silent. She’d Only Twist His Words In Front Of The Judge

Skwr09 Report

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Legendbird
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thankfully, this story had a happy ending. Both parents eventually got 50/50 split custody.

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#37

With Great Respect For Each Other, We Have Made The Difficult Decision To Uncouple. We Will Continue To Remain Friends And Will Forever Be Bonded By The Love We Feel For Our Dear Child, Finnick Primrose. We Ask For Privacy As We Navigate This Next Stage Of Our Relationship

With Great Respect For Each Other, We Have Made The Difficult Decision To Uncouple. We Will Continue To Remain Friends And Will Forever Be Bonded By The Love We Feel For Our Dear Child, Finnick Primrose. We Ask For Privacy As We Navigate This Next Stage Of Our Relationship

i__cant__even__ Report

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Kar Red Roses
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t stop giggling at these two fabulous queens with perfect eyeliner and their goofy shmoo-lookin baby

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#39

'6 Feet Tall Since Apparently Females Care About That. World's Most Dangerous Bird-In Bed Just Sayin'. Big Talons, Big Pe-Rsonality Ha. No Drama, No Single Moms, No Birds Older Than 20-Sorry If It Hurts Just Bein' Honest.' Paul Would Take His Eventual Tinder Ban Harder Than His Fourth Divorce

'6 Feet Tall Since Apparently Females Care About That. World's Most Dangerous Bird-In Bed Just Sayin'. Big Talons, Big Pe-Rsonality Ha. No Drama, No Single Moms, No Birds Older Than 20-Sorry If It Hurts Just Bein' Honest.' Paul Would Take His Eventual Tinder Ban Harder Than His Fourth Divorce

llamalobster Report

#40

When Peaches Saw That Her Ex Had A New Girlfriend, She Was Okay With It. Oh, She Looks Like Me, Peaches Thought. All Was Well Until She Saw...the New Girlfriend's Name. Nectarine. Peaches Felt A Pit In Her Stomach, And Recalling When Her Ex Said, "No I Love Your Fuzz I Swear!" Made Her Weep

When Peaches Saw That Her Ex Had A New Girlfriend, She Was Okay With It. Oh, She Looks Like Me, Peaches Thought. All Was Well Until She Saw...the New Girlfriend's Name. Nectarine. Peaches Felt A Pit In Her Stomach, And Recalling When Her Ex Said, "No I Love Your Fuzz I Swear!" Made Her Weep

llamalobster Report

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Little Capybara
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t cry, Peaches, hon. He’s just some apple with thin skin who doesn’t deserve you!!

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#41

Money Had Been Tight Since The Divorce, But Cindy Was Having Second Thoughts About Home Haircuts For Her Chicks

Money Had Been Tight Since The Divorce, But Cindy Was Having Second Thoughts About Home Haircuts For Her Chicks

CatPooedInMyShoe Report

#42

You Don't Get A Say In My Tux Colour For This Wedding Sharon!!

You Don't Get A Say In My Tux Colour For This Wedding Sharon!!

Empty-fold Report

#43

"Happy Birthday," Edgar Said To His Third Wife, And Strode Into His Study To Call His Lawyer. Why Did Wives Always Have To Turn 30? He Thought Bitterly. Luckily, The World Would Never Run Out Of 19-Year-Olds, And Edgar Would Never Run Out Of Money

"Happy Birthday," Edgar Said To His Third Wife, And Strode Into His Study To Call His Lawyer. Why Did Wives Always Have To Turn 30? He Thought Bitterly. Luckily, The World Would Never Run Out Of 19-Year-Olds, And Edgar Would Never Run Out Of Money

Tvisted Report

#44

"I'm A Strong Independent Single Mother And I Don't Need No Man Telling My Son What To Do," Hilary Muttered Herself As She Marched A Mortified Billy To The Principal's Office To Complain About Bring Your Dad To School Day

"I'm A Strong Independent Single Mother And I Don't Need No Man Telling My Son What To Do," Hilary Muttered Herself As She Marched A Mortified Billy To The Principal's Office To Complain About Bring Your Dad To School Day

reddit.com Report

#45

I Only Drink Champagne On Two Occasions, When I Am In Love And When I Am Not

I Only Drink Champagne On Two Occasions, When I Am In Love And When I Am Not

gaydonkeyjudgesyourD Report

#46

Her Divorce Finalized, Jacinta Went To Woolworths And Skipped Happily Down The Make-Up Aisle, Thinking "You Spend As Much As You Want, Girl! Mascara, Lipgloss, All The Eyeshadow Palettes! Yass Queen! Brett Doesn't Control My Finances Anymore!" Then Hummed "Sexy & I Know It" All The Way To Checkout

Her Divorce Finalized, Jacinta Went To Woolworths And Skipped Happily Down The Make-Up Aisle, Thinking "You Spend As Much As You Want, Girl! Mascara, Lipgloss, All The Eyeshadow Palettes! Yass Queen! Brett Doesn't Control My Finances Anymore!" Then Hummed "Sexy & I Know It" All The Way To Checkout

wishingwellington Report

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tw 72
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🎶At first I was afraid, I was petrified Thinking I could never live without you by my side🎶

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#47

Tfw You Can Finally Eat Cookie Dough Without Hearing Your Ex Say, "You Shouldn't Eat Cookie Dough. And It's Not Just The Raw Eggs, It's Also The Raw Flour. Nobody Talks About The Raw Flour. Sigh. Why Don't You Just Bake The Cookies Like A Normal Person? Is Cookie Dough *really* That Good?"

Tfw You Can Finally Eat Cookie Dough Without Hearing Your Ex Say, "You Shouldn't Eat Cookie Dough. And It's Not Just The Raw Eggs, It's Also The Raw Flour. Nobody Talks About The Raw Flour. Sigh. Why Don't You Just Bake The Cookies Like A Normal Person? Is Cookie Dough *really* That Good?"

llamalobster Report

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#49

"And Who Is There To Counsel The Marriage Counselor When Her Own Marriage Falls Apart? The Marriage Counselor *counselor*? And Then Who Counsels Her Huh?", Bridgette Asked, As She Drowned Her Sorrows With Her 8th Bottle Of Mixed Berry Flavored Sparkling Cider

"And Who Is There To Counsel The Marriage Counselor When Her Own Marriage Falls Apart? The Marriage Counselor *counselor*? And Then Who Counsels Her Huh?", Bridgette Asked, As She Drowned Her Sorrows With Her 8th Bottle Of Mixed Berry Flavored Sparkling Cider

llamalobster Report

#50

Peter Remember How I Made Your Provolone Cheese And Salami Rollups For Lunch Everyday So That The Salami Overlapped The Provolone Just Like The Moon Phase For That Day Waxing Crescent Was Your Favorite No Other Woman Will Love You Like That You Hear Me?

Peter Remember How I Made Your Provolone Cheese And Salami Rollups For Lunch Everyday So That The Salami Overlapped The Provolone Just Like The Moon Phase For That Day Waxing Crescent Was Your Favorite No Other Woman Will Love You Like That You Hear Me?

llamalobster Report

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#51

`it Ain't What It Used To Be´, Harry Thought On His Way Home. `i Still Got It, I Know My Way Around Town So To Speak, But How I Am Supposed To Show It When All The Young Birds Just Keep Staring At Their Phones? Irene May Have Been A Bit Of A Bore, But At Least She Had Manners.´

`it Ain't What It Used To Be´, Harry Thought On His Way Home. `i Still Got It, I Know My Way Around Town So To Speak, But How I Am Supposed To Show It When All The Young Birds Just Keep Staring At Their Phones? Irene May Have Been A Bit Of A Bore, But At Least She Had Manners.´

ObadiahBlueHat Report

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#52

“You Can’t Even Manage To Make A Decent Cocktail!” Janet Had Shrieked As She Threw Her Cosmopolitan Over Her Bewildered Husband. As The Sticky Drink Dripped From His Feathers, Brian Finally Realised He Deserved Better

“You Can’t Even Manage To Make A Decent Cocktail!” Janet Had Shrieked As She Threw Her Cosmopolitan Over Her Bewildered Husband. As The Sticky Drink Dripped From His Feathers, Brian Finally Realised He Deserved Better

PotsyWife Report

#53

Gloria Put Off Her Own Dreams So He Could Pursue His Career, And Then He Left Her And The Kids. Now With No Education And No Work Experience, She Turns To The Internet Where Strangers Pay Her To Video Herself Swallow Unswallowable Things

Gloria Put Off Her Own Dreams So He Could Pursue His Career, And Then He Left Her And The Kids. Now With No Education And No Work Experience, She Turns To The Internet Where Strangers Pay Her To Video Herself Swallow Unswallowable Things

mistermajik2000 Report

#54

Derek Couldn't Believe His Eyes. He'd Come Home Early To Surprise Brenda, Instead He'd Caught Her In The Wings Of Their Neighbour Phillip

Derek Couldn't Believe His Eyes. He'd Come Home Early To Surprise Brenda, Instead He'd Caught Her In The Wings Of Their Neighbour Phillip

GiggityToMe Report

#55

Humberto Was A Ladies’ Man. But After The Vicious And Drawn Out Legal Proceedings Matilda Dragged Him Through, He Thought He Was Done With Women. That Is, Until A Chance Encounter On The Tram LED To A Spontaneous Plan To Go To Flamenco Night. His Heart Swelled As He Donned His Old Tie: ”spicy.”

Humberto Was A Ladies’ Man. But After The Vicious And Drawn Out Legal Proceedings Matilda Dragged Him Through, He Thought He Was Done With Women. That Is, Until A Chance Encounter On The Tram LED To A Spontaneous Plan To Go To Flamenco Night. His Heart Swelled As He Donned His Old Tie: ”spicy.”

reddit.com Report

#56

James Couldn’t Believe His Eyes. . . His Beloved Wife, Sharon Popping Up On His Beakhub Search For Horny Housewives ..!

James Couldn’t Believe His Eyes. . . His Beloved Wife, Sharon Popping Up On His Beakhub Search For Horny Housewives ..!

2weird2live51 Report

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#57

Tiffany Didn’t Know Which One Of Her Neighbors Called Child Protective Services, But In Her Heart She Knew They Weren’t Wrong

Tiffany Didn’t Know Which One Of Her Neighbors Called Child Protective Services, But In Her Heart She Knew They Weren’t Wrong

rehabforcandy Report

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#58

Jackie Had Finally Had Enough Of Trevor’s Violent Outbursts And Chronic Alcoholism. She Bundled The Kids Up On Her Back And Went To Go Live At Her Sisters Place

Jackie Had Finally Had Enough Of Trevor’s Violent Outbursts And Chronic Alcoholism. She Bundled The Kids Up On Her Back And Went To Go Live At Her Sisters Place

S_M_Y_G_F Report

#59

Hey Girl! 🤗 I Just Discovered The Most Amazing 🙌🏻 ✨vaccine-Free 🧼🤢, Non-Gmo ❌☠️, Chemical-Free 🧪🥊 Mascara And Now 💅🏻⏳ I Own My Own Totally Legit 👍🏻👌🏻, 100% Real Business🖨💸! Let Me Know 🗣☎️ If You Would Like More 🧮💯 Info About This Once ☝️in A Life Opportunity💄💋. #bossbabe 😆😂💦

Hey Girl! 🤗 I Just Discovered The Most Amazing 🙌🏻 ✨vaccine-Free 🧼🤢, Non-Gmo ❌☠️, Chemical-Free 🧪🥊 Mascara And Now 💅🏻⏳ I Own My Own Totally Legit 👍🏻👌🏻, 100% Real Business🖨💸! Let Me Know 🗣☎️ If You Would Like More 🧮💯 Info About This Once ☝️in A Life Opportunity💄💋. #bossbabe 😆😂💦

SlightlyControversal Report

#60

Clyde Refused To Date Women His Own Age "Old Birds Don't Know How To Treat A Man. But With This 22-Year-Old Hottie From Moldova That I'm Talking To? It's All About Me. What's *my* Dream Job? What Was The Name Of *my* First Pet? What's *my* Mother's Maiden Name? Makes A Guy Feel Special."

Clyde Refused To Date Women His Own Age "Old Birds Don't Know How To Treat A Man. But With This 22-Year-Old Hottie From Moldova That I'm Talking To? It's All About Me. What's *my* Dream Job? What Was The Name Of *my* First Pet? What's *my* Mother's Maiden Name? Makes A Guy Feel Special."

llamalobster Report

#61

Dave, Recently Divorced, Is Ready For A Night On The Town. Is He Gunna Meet Some Chicks Later? Hoo Knows!

Dave, Recently Divorced, Is Ready For A Night On The Town. Is He Gunna Meet Some Chicks Later? Hoo Knows!

bearswithgunss207 Report

#62

The Court Gave Him A One-Hour Phone Call With His Chicks On The Weekends He Didn’t Have Them. It Didn’t Seem To Be Enough. He Missed Them Terribly

The Court Gave Him A One-Hour Phone Call With His Chicks On The Weekends He Didn’t Have Them. It Didn’t Seem To Be Enough. He Missed Them Terribly

CatPooedInMyShoe Report

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Little Capybara
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Your mother took you wHErE?! Jeez, that old bird…Also, tell her new bf is a bird with no drumbone meat.” tsk, tsk.”

#63

In A Last Ditch Effort To Save Their Dying Marriage, Sandra And Jack Joined A Synchronised Swim Class For Couples

In A Last Ditch Effort To Save Their Dying Marriage, Sandra And Jack Joined A Synchronised Swim Class For Couples

reddit.com Report

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doredde
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That won´t work out well, they are already drifting in opposite directions.

#64

"Please Martha, I Just Want To See My Kids!"

"Please Martha, I Just Want To See My Kids!"

Pardusco Report

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Legendbird
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he has visitation rights and she isn't letting him see them, call the cops.

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#65

Once Again, He Asked His Lover ; “Your Financial Support... Give It To Me.” But Give It, She Did Not. How Could He Fight Corporations And Billionaires When Birdie Sanders Couldn’t Fight For Love?

Once Again, He Asked His Lover ; “Your Financial Support... Give It To Me.” But Give It, She Did Not. How Could He Fight Corporations And Billionaires When Birdie Sanders Couldn’t Fight For Love?

willvenmoforanswers Report

#66

Even With All The Stress Eating Over Delayed Alimony Checks, Helen Still Fit Into Her Favorite Blue Dress And Went To Grab Herself Another Glass Of Wine

Even With All The Stress Eating Over Delayed Alimony Checks, Helen Still Fit Into Her Favorite Blue Dress And Went To Grab Herself Another Glass Of Wine

ginger-and-tonic Report

#67

After Taking The Perfect Picture For His New Online Dating Profile, All Trevor Had Left To Do Was Add His Bio. “Hello All I Am, Retired Postal Service Worker ,, Proud Grandfather Of Three ! Searching For Compan,ion For Next Chapter Of My Life .... Regards ....”

After Taking The Perfect Picture For His New Online Dating Profile, All Trevor Had Left To Do Was Add His Bio. “Hello All I Am, Retired Postal Service Worker ,, Proud Grandfather Of Three ! Searching For Compan,ion For Next Chapter Of My Life .... Regards ....”

goldenkumara Report

#68

Her Divorce Gift To Herself Was Just A Touch Of Plastic Surgery....worth It

Her Divorce Gift To Herself Was Just A Touch Of Plastic Surgery....worth It

colorsnumberswords Report

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#69

Patty Was Pleased With Her Fur Coat That She Purchased With Her First Alimony Check. It's So Big He Can't Even *see* Me, She Thought With A Wry Smile. Then It Dawned On Her....had He Ever *really* Seen Her?

Patty Was Pleased With Her Fur Coat That She Purchased With Her First Alimony Check. It's So Big He Can't Even *see* Me, She Thought With A Wry Smile. Then It Dawned On Her....had He Ever *really* Seen Her?

llamalobster Report

#70

The Divorced N' Single Party Sucked. Only Lemon Skittles Remained. The Krackels Were Gone. And The Crispy Edges Of The Macaroni Had Been Carved Out Like The Trenches At Verdun. Maybe There's A Reason We're All Divorced N' Single, Maya Mused, As She Exited With A Crispy Macaroni Wedge Under Her Wing

The Divorced N' Single Party Sucked. Only Lemon Skittles Remained. The Krackels Were Gone. And The Crispy Edges Of The Macaroni Had Been Carved Out Like The Trenches At Verdun. Maybe There's A Reason We're All Divorced N' Single, Maya Mused, As She Exited With A Crispy Macaroni Wedge Under Her Wing

llamalobster Report

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Little Capybara
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? Trash. And penguins ain’t like trash. So you go gurl!!

#71

"Wyd Gorgeous? The Name's Mike. Do You Like Older Guys? Too Bad Cuz I'm 49 Years Young 😉. I Like Hiking, Ipa's, And (Roth) Ira's Hehe. Also Realized I Might Need To Explain My Intro-Wyd Means 'What (Are) You Doing' And 'Gorgeous'...well Gorgeous Just Means You 😘." *ctrl C* *ctrl V* *send* *repeat*

"Wyd Gorgeous? The Name's Mike. Do You Like Older Guys? Too Bad Cuz I'm 49 Years Young 😉. I Like Hiking, Ipa's, And (Roth) Ira's Hehe. Also Realized I Might Need To Explain My Intro-Wyd Means 'What (Are) You Doing' And 'Gorgeous'...well Gorgeous Just Means You 😘." *ctrl C* *ctrl V* *send* *repeat*

llamalobster Report

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#72

Walker Should’ve Known That 19 Was Too Young For Marriage. Now, He Works At The 7/11 Down The Street

Walker Should’ve Known That 19 Was Too Young For Marriage. Now, He Works At The 7/11 Down The Street

bellymama23 Report

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#73

Ella Had No Idea Where She Was Running To, But She Knew What She Was Running From

Ella Had No Idea Where She Was Running To, But She Knew What She Was Running From

Zeltron2020 Report

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#74

“My Exhusband?” Ida Laughed “Oh, We’re Still Close. I Get A Letter From Him Every Month. A Letter And A Big Fat Cheque! That’s What He Gets For Splashing Around With His Secretary.”

“My Exhusband?” Ida Laughed “Oh, We’re Still Close. I Get A Letter From Him Every Month. A Letter And A Big Fat Cheque! That’s What He Gets For Splashing Around With His Secretary.”

Intestinal-Bookworms Report