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It's a well-known truth that kids are the most fabulous little philosophers, but as often happens with great minded people, they get a little misunderstood. Their unadorned truth might seem a bit harsh to us, adults. On the other hand, you might learn something unusual from their funny slurs. It's also not a secret that children are ferocious with asking a bunch of questions, most of whom seem entirely out of the blue or unexpected the least. Scroll through our list of creepy things kids say to see for yourself.
Did you know that cheating is considered "helping yourself a little"? Or, that the best cookies are actually money? And, did you know that you can get space worms from being an astronaut? I bet you didn't. Kids do say the darndest things that might make you want to ask some questions yourself.
So, for all you Pandas to have a nice laugh today, we have put together a list of funny things kids say - from their audacious clapbacks and diamonds of thought to freakishly honest questions about life, these funny kids quotes never cease to amaze.
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#1
Priorities
Polar_bear_lover 3 years ago
What if your sister really wants your stuff NOW!!! (do I really have to say this was a joke?)
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RELATED:
#2
Feelings For Boys
patricia patricia 2 years ago
Same. The funny thing is we need other people, but 90% of the time we also hate them and/or are mad at them. Just humans being humans.
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patricia patricia 2 years ago
Perhaps the girl had an argument or disagreement with a boy and she said she hated boys, or something like that.
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Being In Charge
#4
Sad Truth
Martine Gøttler 9 years ago
Especially on the weekends, holidays and every time you have something you are looking forward to
Carries 9 years ago
Wait wait wait... 7 year olds know about periods? I don't think I did at that age!
Ilene Karpman 9 years ago
What kind of God doesn't give the weekends off? 7 year old well said.
Fluffy 8 years ago
My 10 year old sister thought it happened once and you were done for life. xd
Kate Scarlett 7 years ago
I wish there was an opt out if you're past a certain age and you've decided you don't want kids. I mean, I'm 38 now, I've done my time! Isn't there a form I can fill out? 😏Come on, send me the form!
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Kate Scarlett 7 years ago
Actually, kids are hitting puberty at a much younger age these days. It's not at all uncommon for ten year olds to get their first period. This is due somewhat to the growth hormones found in dairy and meat products.
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#5
Vegetarian vs. Humanitarian
#6
It's Your Fault
Kanishka Rajawansha 9 years ago
Wow... I get angry when my father yells at me in the morning. But when he didn't yell at me I always end up missing the bus and secretly get angry for him not yelling at me.
praxis veritatis 4 years ago
That's damn good point. At least they have accepted the reality and value of yelling lol
#7
Marriage Material
#8
Shit My Kids Says
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago (edited)
Only half of him was. The other half was in Moms ovaries.....wow an actual case of someone being in two places at once.
Luna Kittenwarrior 8 years ago
Wow, people really push to have "the talk". 3 years is a bit young for that...
Lazy_Potato 9 years ago
At least he is smart, some people don't learn about these things till much later....
#9
I Don't Want That!
Kate Scarlett 7 years ago
They'll never be good again! That cost/benefit analysis didn't work out the way they'd hoped.
#10
Not My Job
Elizabeth VanDyke 3 years ago (edited)
S**t shows up again! And smartass too! BP is becoming down-right FILTHY! SH1T!
#11
The Hamsters These Days
#12
Young Ladies
Amber Ridgdill 9 years ago
Sounds like something my sister would h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶ still say even though we're well over 30.
#13
Don't Need You Anymore
#14
Never Mind
Jennifer Morrison 9 years ago
It dwells in the sewers and eventually will grow into a monster tablet
#15
Accidents
Julia Jamroziak 9 years ago
Oh my Goodness! Kids, I'm eleven, and do NOT copy those kids in those posts!!! My mum would be so mad (or dad)!!!!!!!
~Julie IMG_2475-5...525e4b.jpg 
#16
A Girl Or A Boy?
Zoila Flores Pena 5 years ago
Boy. I'm gonna name him Ein. If girl Stardust. ( Inspired by my toys I named that).
Roselien van den Boogaard 9 years ago
If you can no be a superman, why not hope that you baby brother of sister will be. Because that wold be second most awsome thing.
#17
A Helping Hand
Micah ANDERSON 2 years ago
I would never be that smart to say that when i was 5 yrs old even 6!
#18
A Backstory
Lightning_Thief 3 years ago
Either that or she’s evil, and most create her own backstory lol
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#19
What Does It Mean?
Scott Buraczewski 3 years ago
My friends kid announced that he was quitting baseball because the coach said his catching was too erotic. Interesting what substituting one vowel for another can do.
Polar_bear_lover 3 years ago
"Idiot means very very nice, amazing, smart person" imagine what chaos would ensue after that!
Kururi.Orihara 7 years ago
My little brother: I have a reputation! My mom: And what's your reputation? My little brother: Wait, what's a reputation?
Adam Hendron 5 years ago (edited)
Quick thinking, kid. I wish I could use that "recovery" line.
#20
I'm A Grownup
#21
Quiz Me
Geek In the Blue Toolbox 9 years ago
Then what question was she expecting? "What is the title of this book?"
that weird wallflower 3 years ago
beabadoobee was the first person who came to mind when i read this post. beabadoobee is my fav music artist :)
Milky 5 years ago
̶̧̭̔̔̽͐̉̕͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͝s̷͔̗̀̋̌́͑͌̐̾̏̕͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͝d̷̢̹̰̬͈̩̱̜̭̺͋̿͊́́̾̀̎͛̋̆͒̃͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟ͅͅr̷̨̠͈̩̰͎̙̬͉̰͕̂͌̌̔̚͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͝ả̷̛̩͈̫͎̲͚͈͓̋̍͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟ẅ̴͈̙̰̰̫̭͎͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟ḱ̶̛̺̱͇͉̩̺̯͙̤̠̼̋̈́̊̽̽̊̆̐̚͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟c̵̛͈̹̗̈́́̌̃̑̂̿̈́͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟ȧ̷̼̙̭͈̖͙͖͉̬̗̠͈̤̫̙̒̃͑̾̃͐̎̀̈͂̋͛̏͂͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟͟B
#22
Shit My Kids Says
Sam Cook 9 years ago
I remember, back when I was about four or five, we were attending church one Sunday (my dad’s the pastor of the church), and I was beloved by many of the ladies there. While near the bathroom, they came over to me and started asking me questions like, “How are you?” and whatnot. As they spoke to me, I felt something rising up inside me—or rather, the outside of me. Someone asked me, “What’s up?” My reply: “My pee-pee just got bigger.” Last thing I remember was my mom’s shocked face.
#23
Night Cameras
Athena-Nina Montalvo 1 year ago
Sometimes I think parents make up stuff their kids say on here and it’s what they’d like to say but are to embarrassed to so they say their children say it, don’t get me wrong I’ve raised 4 children and they do say some crazy stuff but some of these are just like no way a 3, 4,5,6,8 + said that. Which is really sad to say your child said something they didn’t for likes or laughs sometimes I think people forget these children will be adults one day and possibility confront their parents and say why’d you make that up I never said that the awkwardness I’d feel if my child asked me why I was on the internet making up false stories about things they never said!
Samuel Gardenswartz 4 years ago
Idk if you're doing the right thing as a parent if your kid knows what sex is...wow
#24
He'll Die Soon
Guy Twyman 9 years ago
I love how these comments act like children have basic reasoning skills. Theyre children guys lol
It's Caturday 9 years ago
Actually, this kid's reasoning is probably correct. The man probably has some sort of bone erosion if he's old and probably die soon. What children say is often funny because they say out loud the truths we think
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Harper Angel 5 years ago
Hush honey not so loud, he has bad hearing sure but that doesn’t mean be louder
#25
Money, Please
Sarah Ford 4 years ago
LOL what is it with kids named Maddox? I have one named Maddox too and he literally responds the same lmao
#26
See You Later
#27
Shit My Kids Says
over opinionated 9 years ago
I believe that the parents should stop allowing their kids to watch the news
Milky 5 years ago
kid sitting behind me: Cant wait for this plane to crash kid sitting behind kid sitting behind me: i know i have a bomb in my briefcase kid sitting behind kid sitting behind kid sitting behind me is the pilot because he is in the front seat which means we are floating in mid air infront of the plane waiting for it to crash because we are ghosts who are trapped on this earth for all eternity and we have nothing better to do than to make fun of people to help us feel better about our lonely life in this meaningless world in this meaningless solar system in this meaningless galaxy in this meaningless nebula in this meaningless globular cluster in this meaningless star cluster in this meaningless globular nebuleptic star cluster in this meaningful universe that will eventually collapse in on itself because of a black hole that will suck everything in and implode leaving nothing but darkness, forever
#28
8-Year-Old's Wisdom
James May 9 years ago
My son (aged 4): "My w***y hurts, daddy!" Dad: "Because you were squeezing them all night??" Mr 4: "Oh... yeah!"
Samuel Gardenswartz 4 years ago
My sister's boyfriend's name is asher and he's 8, so this is one hell of a coincidence that it's not him. idk if coincidence is the right word though lol
#29
Annoying
Zoila Flores Pena 5 years ago
My purpose in life: Eat most of the food while crafting.
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#30
Going To Heaven
Kalikima 9 years ago
"No child that young should have a clue"? I'm going to guess you haven't been around many kids, have you? They are sponges! They pick up everything, everywhere. Insinuating that they are a bad parent just shows the depth of your ignorance. And your rudeness. Your name should be ignorant and over opinionated.
meow point1 6 years ago
I agree with the sentiment, but your delivery was a bit brash.
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#31
Just Get Something For Mom
over opinionated 9 years ago
That's the nicest kid be very proud of your child. I hope he stays that way all his life
#32
Beauty Advise
Naomi Langenberg 2 years ago
I guess he heard his dad say this to her? why would a kid be interested in his mom shaving her legs?
#33
Ruining Lives
Judy Semmens 9 years ago
Just wait till your 3 year old is a few years older. You'll hear that a lot!
moomal mahar 9 years ago
I'm 25 years old and I still say this to my mother for fun :P
Load More Replies... Madeleine Summers 1 year ago
My sister said that when i didn't get the right pink color out of the box.
#34
Feeling Old
#35
Shit My Kids Says
#36
Homework
Nell Benson 9 years ago
The man who invented homework was an Italian teacher named Roberto Nevilis made homework as a PUNISHMENT FOR HIS STUDENTS
Polar_bear_lover 3 years ago
And then teachers were like "hey let's torture the kids for fun and MAKE THEM DO HOMEWORK ALL THE TIME!!!"
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Rhianna Hollowaye 2 years ago
My little sister recently learned that Alfred the Great created school, and now he is her arch nemesis
#37
Perfect Description
Andrew Ramirez 9 years ago
Am I the only one that thinks the term the kid used sounds like a classification of a snowstorm?
#38
No More Babies
#39
Lies, All Lies
Karhu The Bear 5 years ago
Everyone: That's adorable! Me: That means the kid probably threw the phone.
#40
Shit My Kids Says
Seri McGee 3 years ago
What kind of home does he live in that at 5 he even cares about his peepee?
#41
Taste Of The Adult Life
#42
My Tasty Mango
#43
No Habla Español
Gary Fleming 2 years ago
Yes, it est Latinus Maximus, lingum of the dorkus! 🤓
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#44
Explaining Things
#45
Friendship
Doug Kirk 9 years ago
4yo: "HE HIT ME!!!!" 8yo: "No, I did not. He ran into my fist!" Me: "Well played son. Well played"
over opinionated 9 years ago
Kids are quite violent when they want to be. I guess not old enough to know right from wrong fully yet
#46
Shit My Kids Says
#47
Hopes And Dreams
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
NVM, someone beat me to that joke... (see below)
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Daddy's Job
Spinaap 9 years ago
please don't kill the spiders, they do you no harm, eat bugs and will keep quiet (except the venomous one's, get rid of those)
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Shit My Kids Says
#50
I Promise Not To
#51
Mommy Duties
Flush Me Down The Toilet 6 years ago
Um excuse me, I think I'll pass on that particular experience
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago (edited)
Uuuummmmm whhhyyyyy. (At least that would be my response. Although my six year old won't go to the bathroom at night unless I turn on the lights for her. So I understand how kids can have some odd habits.)
#52
Garage Sale!
Flush Me Down The Toilet 6 years ago
Something tells me that the kid is responsible for the funeral
Scarlett King 2 years ago
Now when gramma dies it’s gonna be “gramma is helping the garage sale mommy”
#53
Sharing Love
Scarlett King 2 years ago
“Mommy I also love the way u smile…and the why u throw the iPad when I don’t get off”
#54
Blaming Mom
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
It's the opposite with some families....and some of us are so notorious that it's impossible to get away with blaming others.
#55
Shit My Kids Says
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
If only anatomy worked like that. How would this kid react to bad BO.
#56
No Sense At All
#57
Bath Time
Seri McGee 3 years ago
I bet this child died in the ocean being swallowed by a big fish in a past life
#58
Really Old
#59
Walking Reminder
#60
Bite Of An Old Person
Elizabeth VanDyke 2 years ago
I wonder why "Stranger B***h" and "shitmykidsays" are not censored.
Gary Fleming 2 years ago
But that is called "cannibalism", and it is frowned upon by most societies.
#61
Shit My Kids Says
over opinionated 9 years ago
Kids know more about technology then me. I'm a 27 year old cave woman
#62
Shit My Kids Says
Kururi.Orihara 7 years ago
As a 15 yo big sister, I can confirm. And also point out that my education method includes sarcastic comments.
Load More Replies... #63
Shit My Kids Says
over opinionated 9 years ago
That's not a scent I'd be able to compare I guess I haven't sniffed enough horse
Andrew Ramirez 9 years ago
I know because I once fed a carrot to a horse who had a drooling problem. :P
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#64
Shit My Kids Says
Roselien van den Boogaard 9 years ago
Accidentally on purpose he means. But the last thing he doesnt say to you
Milky 5 years ago (edited)
I accidentally shot and killed a family of four is a good explanation for gunshots I heard in my kitchen at around 2 in the morning yesterday and why my 2 year old cousin came up to me with a gun and pointed it at my head and said choose your next words very wisely or they may be your last, oh and why there was a family of four dead in my kitchen
#65
Shit My Kids Says
#66
Shit My Kids Says
#67
Shit My Kids Says
Matthew Kent 3 years ago
If Easter eggs come from the Easter bunny, why not jelly beans? But this is not original, I've heard it before.
#68
Shit My Kids Says
Valentina Toloy 3 years ago
My kinky side had a totally innapropiate reaction to this... it sounds like something I would tell my BF XD
#69
Shit My Kids Says
#70
Shit My Kids Says
Diana Dragon 6 years ago
me: do you want a baby girl or a baby boy? 8yo Ashlene:a boy. me:why? Ashlene: so that when i grow up i dont have to look for a boyfriend.he will be in the room next to me.
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What do you think ?
Rebekah Mitchell-Matthews 4 years ago (edited)
My ex and I used to tease each other over our ancestors denomination. Mine being Catholic and his Protestant. Our son went to prep class one day, after overhearing the playful taunts between my partner and I, and proudly told his teacher when asked what his father dose and said "my step dad is a prostitute". "Oh that's nice" she replied somewhat bemused. I quickly had to say "Protestant, he means Protestant......his step father is a Protestant" I was quite amused when his teacher chuckled and said in a low voice "same thing".
Nostalgic Hyena 8 years ago
This isn't my kid (I don't actually have any kids), but on the bus home from a fair and there was a kid I was sitting behind and she was saying a few things I found funny; Kid: "I wish I could stay there forever." Her dad: "Really, where would you sleep?" Kid: "On the bus." Later on, Her dad: "If you don't want that, I'll give it to someone who appreciates it." Kid: "No, no I 'preciate it!!"
Rebekah Mitchell-Matthews 4 years ago (edited)
My ex and I used to tease each other over our ancestors denomination. Mine being Catholic and his Protestant. Our son went to prep class one day, after overhearing the playful taunts between my partner and I, and proudly told his teacher when asked what his father dose and said "my step dad is a prostitute". "Oh that's nice" she replied somewhat bemused. I quickly had to say "Protestant, he means Protestant......his step father is a Protestant" I was quite amused when his teacher chuckled and said in a low voice "same thing".
Nostalgic Hyena 8 years ago
This isn't my kid (I don't actually have any kids), but on the bus home from a fair and there was a kid I was sitting behind and she was saying a few things I found funny; Kid: "I wish I could stay there forever." Her dad: "Really, where would you sleep?" Kid: "On the bus." Later on, Her dad: "If you don't want that, I'll give it to someone who appreciates it." Kid: "No, no I 'preciate it!!"
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