ADVERTISEMENT

They say Scotland is a land of immeasurable beauty, inspiring history, and immense wit. To get a glimpse of the first two, you can watch Braveheart. But to experience the third, you can simply go on Twitter (now X)—some people even say Scottish Twitter is arguably the nation’s finest export. We know you think it’s scotch, but scroll through this list, and then we’ll talk.

The subreddit named Scottish People Twitter has been making headlines online since its creation in 2015. It started by collecting tweets like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I’ve been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and “Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to f**in light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda” and quickly grew into a 700K-member community, enjoying a good laugh when they see one.

#1

Clever Cat

Funny Scottish tweet about cats

reddit.com Report

#3

Mask Up, Ya Bams

Funny Scottish tweet about not wearing a mask

reddit.com Report

Bored Panda spoke with Reddit user Veloglasgow, one of the moderators of r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get a better understanding of the content on the subreddit. “Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor,” they said. “Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well.”

#4

Our Currency Is The Best!

Funny Scottish tweet about currency

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
AnimalsRuleHumansDrool
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They thought unicorns were real and they found unicorn horns but they were just narwal horns.

Load More Replies...
Brett Davis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Canada has you Scots beat... We’ve got ‘beavers’ on our currency! 😉🤣

Peter Sibbald
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thar's lands neither Scotland noor States. I'm sittin' 'ere in Canada. Grantin' our national animal (the beaver) cannae measure up tae Scotland's unicorn, but wae sometimes put ours on our notes, alongside loons.

Vicki Doggurl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kinda looks like the right one is stabbing the left one in its belly!

Ambry Petersen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love otters, I'm also of Scottish descent so that's probably where that comes from.

Julie Aaaa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What?! Every nation is better than the PATHETIC USA. Every other $ I've seen elsewhere is lovely.

nicci h
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Check out South African bank notes, we have rhino, elephant, buffalo, leopard & lion. They're not worth much, but they're gorgeous! :)

Brett Davis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Canada has you Scots beat... We’ve got ‘beavers’ on our currency!

Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

croatians also have animals and plants on their currency. check it. it is a briliant idea. better than presidents for sure 🙂🙃🙂

Fred and George Weasley
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT

Veloglasgow said that posts where people are sarcastically replying to other tweets are probably most representative of real-world Scottish humor.

“Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative. Any posts that use ‘fooken’ or ‘fecking’ for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically,” the moderator explained.

ADVERTISEMENT

Examining the many social and cultural features of Scottish Twitter, journalist Eve Livingston said it has provided a medium for the written Scots language to evolve in a way that wasn’t possible before the advent of social media.

“Scots was the national language of a country that doesn’t exist anymore,” writer and presenter Alistair Heather, who writes a Scots column in Scotland’s The National newspaper, explained. ​“As Scotland was amalgamated into Great Britain, Scots fell away from being a national language because it didn’t have a nation anymore.”

ADVERTISEMENT

Heather said that until relatively recently, Scottish opinion-formers in news and media were [mostly] based in England and not plugged into working-class or rural Scotland at all, so they didn’t see Scots language as a contemporary issue in Scotland.

“[But] it’s gaining a lot of legitimacy and validity through social media as a private expression [while] finding a public sphere.”

#10

What Windows?

Funny Scottish tweet about a peephole on a door

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because people put curtains up so you can't see in and in order to still look out without looking like a nosy old grandma.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#13

Scottish Clothes Shops

Funny Scottish tweet about a Scottish clothes store

reddit.com Report

ADVERTISEMENT
#19

Well That’s Us Screwed

Funny Scottish tweet about cats invading Scotland

reddit.com Report

#20

Life, Eh, Finds A Way

Funny Scottish tweet about a breakfast

reddit.com Report

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
#30

Fair Enough

Funny Scottish tweet about voting in the election

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
n i k o
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't really know Scottish politics, but this is hilarious. Like, damn, Scots don't mess around

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#33

Yer No Meant To Eat The Parts Separately

Funny Scottish tweet the condiments of Nutella

reddit.com Report

#34

Ye Nugget

Funny Scottish tweet about immigrants

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Al Jones
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need this sign at far more places... Like behind every American (and Australian) that doesn't have native heritage and complains about migrants.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#35

Maccies

Funny Scottish tweet about pay for McDonald's workers

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely! Abusive employer. Drives me crazy the few times I've gone inside a McDonald's.

View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#38

Ye Goin For A S***e Hen?

Funny Scottish tweet about living in Scotland

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Lúthien
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had somebody hammering my door screaming at me to let them in. (I didn't obviously. I still wonder what they were on),

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#41

Mad Stoater

Funny Scottish tweet a twin sibling

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe she was referring to a different look and either complimenting or making fun of him. Or is that the joke? This is too advanced humor for me.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#42

Half Pizza Crunch Supper

Funny Scottish tweet a funny trait of Melania Trump

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Virgil Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's from peering at the pre nuptial agreement hoping she can find a loopholexto escape.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#43

Intimate And Sacred

Funny Scottish tweet about sex

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Sam T Godfrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how that'll go over here in the US... It does occur when people disapprove or otherwise of the president...

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#44

A Record To Be Proud Of

Funny Scottish tweet about eating a lot of crisps

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Scotland are chips crisps or fries? Either way, I wonder if I’m in the top ten lol

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#47

On The Bus

Funny Scottish tweet about people talking on Coronavirus

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Paizleypie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like the Scottish throw the C-word around as much as Australians do.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#49

Genitals!

Funny Scottish tweet about being obsessed with other people genitals

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
elfin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She was trying to make a point and it wasn't about hatred. She had a very tough single motherhood early on and even considered suicide. I think she's correct that we need to pay more attention to women's issues overall (though not less attention to transgender). For me most of the hate came from people calling her a hater.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
Unlimited content
Ad-free browsing
Dark mode

We’ve had our share of laughs with these Scottish tweets, bringing a slice of Scotland humor straight to your screen. What’s next? It’s your turn to join the fun! Show some love to the tweets you loved the most, or swing by the comment section. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon some funny Scottish tweets (now posts) yourself. Time to share them with us!

ADVERTISEMENT
#54

Absolutely Out Of It

Absolutely Out Of It

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ƒιѕн
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please stop censoring the word c.u.n.t, we know what the f**k it says...

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#56

Merry Christmas Everyone

Merry Christmas Everyone

reddit.com Report

#57

Didnae Get Far Did Ye

Didnae Get Far Did Ye

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Roxy Eastland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can totally relate to this. Drives right up your a**e even though you're doing the speed limit, first chance they get shoot past you, and there you both are waiting at the same set of lights two minutes later. I hope it's all worth the increased risk of a stressed induced stroke, getting in an accident, and a speeding ticket.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#58

Dexter The Dug

Dexter The Dug

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
KombatBunni
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hahah space slice..I’m keeping that one for the next person that annoys me :)

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#60

In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece

In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Victor Botha
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤣🤣🤣 that is hysterical. Friend had an argument with some Snobby French twat and told him to "Fuckez Vous" I was in stitches.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#61

Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish

Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish

reddit.com Report

#64

He’s Gonna Go Far

He’s Gonna Go Far

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#65

You Still There?

You Still There?

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#66

Double Scottish

Double Scottish

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Marcia Cash
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a thick Texas drawl, but going to Catholic school taught me a passable Irish accent that has fooled Dubliners more than once. Funny, people treat me like an ignorant hick when I speak Texan, but respect me when I fake Irish.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#67

Speeding Ostrich

Speeding Ostrich

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Batwench
Community Member
Premium
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just woke up my hubby laughing at this one.

ADVERTISEMENT
#69

Eloquently Put

Eloquently Put

reddit.com Report

#70

We Used To Be Accountants Really

We Used To Be Accountants Really

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#72

Best. Dad. Ever

Best. Dad. Ever

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Devon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haahahaha I'm snorting omfg... this should have made it into the 50 top lmao

View more commentsArrow down menu
#73

Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles

Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#74

These Flowers Are A Mystery

These Flowers Are A Mystery

imgur.com Report

#75

Aye

Aye

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
MrsPossum
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ahaha, I think stuff like this at 3am. Cheers, insomnia 😂

ADVERTISEMENT
#77

Honesty's The Best Policy

Honesty's The Best Policy

reddit.com Report

#79

Something Not Right About That Soap

Something Not Right About That Soap

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Pungent Sauce
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a North American, I’ve never heard soap being called a ‘tablet’, hotels don’t put soap on the beds, and when in doubt ya read the fookin’ ingredient list, eh?

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#80

All Those Hypotheticals

All Those Hypotheticals

reddit.com Report

#81

Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine

Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine

reddit.com Report

#82

Too *old* Tae Vote, That’s Yer Problem

Too *old* Tae Vote, That’s Yer Problem

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#84

Gonnae No Call Me That

Gonnae No Call Me That

reddit.com Report

#85

Sair Heid?

Sair Heid?

reddit.com Report

#86

Just To Be Safe...

Just To Be Safe...

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Mimi777
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a couple little homemade soap samples by the sink in our bathroom one day my boyfriend took a bite out of BOTH of them. Idk why he didn’t stop after the first one but he told me that chocolate tasted horrible and I told him it was soap.. and why would I have chocolate in the bathroom.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#87

Nevermind X

Nevermind X

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#91

Frankie Doesn't Care

Frankie Doesn't Care

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#93

Two Faced C**ts

Two Faced C**ts

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#95

Too Right

Too Right

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#98

Exam Advice

Exam Advice

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#99

A Wee Fanny

A Wee Fanny

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#101

A Massive Lad

A Massive Lad

imgur.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Update: I did some research and finally found that this is hotelier David Morgan-Hewitt next to the queen. Also, this is where the "absolute unit" meme was born.

#104

Gotta Love Scottish Patter

Gotta Love Scottish Patter

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#106

Thats No Hapnin

Thats No Hapnin

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#111

Another Breed Of Spastic

Another Breed Of Spastic

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jennifer Potter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I laughed so hard 'cause I can see my younger self doing this 😂😂😂😂

#112

I Think Frankie’s Onto Something

I Think Frankie’s Onto Something

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Giles McArdell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Kid > Dad, what was it like in the war? Me> I was born 20 years after the war. My Kid> Oh, what about the second world war then?

View more commentsArrow down menu
#113

My Wee Angle

My Wee Angle

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#114

Papa Can You Hear Me?

Papa Can You Hear Me?

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#115

Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland

Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland

reddit.com Report

ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#116

Would Be An Absolutely Class Idea To Be Fair

Would Be An Absolutely Class Idea To Be Fair

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#117

Brick That Thing

Brick That Thing

reddit.com Report

#119

‘Hink That’s Fair Enough

‘Hink That’s Fair Enough

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#120

Outstanding Patter

Outstanding Patter

reddit.com Report

#121

Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo

Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo

imgur.com Report

#122

Just Subbed Tae Isis

Just Subbed Tae Isis

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#123

Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)

Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)

reddit.com Report

ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#124

It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left

It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left

reddit.com Report

#125

Constant Struggle

Constant Struggle

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#126

The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men

The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctors once called my dad and said his dad had a stroke and his speech was damaged. He got off the phone with him and said he's fine, he's just Scottish you idiots! True story.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#127

She Was Lucky

She Was Lucky

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#128

Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger

Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jennifer Crompton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aren't gingers fairly common in Scotland? Why would a little kid be surprised to see one?

View more commentsArrow down menu
#129

It’s Tradition

It’s Tradition

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#130

The Force Is Strong In This Wan

The Force Is Strong In This Wan

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#132

Security To Get A Munch

Security To Get A Munch

reddit.com Report

#133

Smirnoff Ice

Smirnoff Ice

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Pungent Sauce
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smirnoff Ice’s all but vanished in the States, and now seltzer’s are everywhere. An idea before it’s time it seems.

#134

I Remember My First Bus Journey

I Remember My First Bus Journey

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#135

Who The Hell You Talkin Tae

Who The Hell You Talkin Tae

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#136

Solid Plan

Solid Plan

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#137

Life Must Be Good Being A Dug

Life Must Be Good Being A Dug

reddit.com Report

#138

You’ll Pay Him For It N All

You’ll Pay Him For It N All

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#139

This Is Madness

This Is Madness

imgur.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#140

Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid

Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Wandaluzt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't tax spare bedrooms to raise money. They tax spare council home bedrooms to encourage people who live alone in big 3 4 or 5 bedroom social (as in tax payer funded) houses to swap to a smaller home so that families who need the bigger houses can have them. More BS misinformation.

#141

Beautiful

Beautiful

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#142

Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap

Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap

reddit.com Report

#143

Busted

Busted

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#144

Happy Birthday To Big J

Happy Birthday To Big J

reddit.com Report

#145

Absolute Roaster

Absolute Roaster

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#148

Pretending Aye?

Pretending Aye?

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
#149

Meanwhile In Edinburgh...

Meanwhile In Edinburgh...

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jonathan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish people (tourists mainly) would stop rubbing his nose! It's damaging the statue and doesn't do anything except cause more work and money to be spent!!