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Scotland is a magical place to visit, but life there is far more than just about haunted castles, haggis, windswept moors, dinosaur-laden lochs, Hogwarts, and endlessly changing weather. To truly understand the country’s way of life, you need to get to grips with its humor.

Luckily, the popular ‘Scottish Patter’ social media project is here to help everyone with that task. It shares some of the wittiest and hilarious memes, jokes, and insights related to the Scottish perspective. We’ve collected some of the finest ones to share with you. Scroll down for a good dose of comedy, and if you have a good laugh, be sure to spread it some more.

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    Scotland is one of the four countries that make up the United Kingdom, the others being England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. Scotland comprises nearly a third of the territory of Great Britain and is home to over 5.4 million people. Part of Scotland’s territory comprises more than 790 islands.

    It's an increasingly popular destination to live in. The National Records of Scotland reports that the Scottish population in the year up to mid-2023 rose to 5,490,100. This is 43,100 people more than in the middle of 2022.

    #4

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    The Goo King
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    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wrong stuff. Needs oil or grease - the WD40 will make it worse. #DadMode

    ABC no seven FCK CENSORING
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just in case anybody's wondering "but why, it IS oil, isn't it?": it's penetrating oil that does exactly that, it creeps everywhere. To do that, it has a very low viscosity. It will force its way into bearings, for example, force out what's left of the real deal grease, and do a wonderful job - until the next rain comes and washes it away, because something that wants to get everywhere (and that's its job) doesn't stick around very well. So after a little use, you've got yourself a swing that squeaks way more, has way less oil/grease in it, and will rust a lot faster.

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    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every play park in Germany has a number you can call to get things like squeaky swings fixed. We love seeing the Spielplatzmobil going round to fix things when we're out and about with the kids.

    Kylie Chapman
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I keep a can in the boot of my car at all times just for situations like that too. And now also zip ties. Went round the whole dog park the other day to get every single damn d latch gate lock working properly after seeing all the locals walking from gate to gate trying to find one that wasn't rusted closed or missing the handle (hence the zip ties that make a cheap and adequate non rusting alternative). I always thought I'd be a better Dad than Mum! Why can't I find a bloke willing to play the role of wife?!

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of the great King of the Hill moment when Hank can't get the cap off a can of WD-40, so he takes the little can of WD-40 off his belt and sprays the sticky cap. That's prime man

    P R
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As pointed out by several previous commenters, WD-40 is a very light lubricant, made for several purposes, but long-term lubrication is not one. There are other spray lubricants which contain Teflon, graphite, white lithium grease, etc, which leave behind a longer-lasting lubricant once the light viscosity carrier has evaporated or run off. But, Thank You, Scottish Patter for the civic-minded thought and effort! - P. McNicoll

    The Phantom Stranger
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, but you haven't really achieved peak dad unless you also have a roll of duct tape in the buggy (possibly to repair the swing seats). Follow-up required.

    Nicola Roberts
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My WD40 has my love and respect. It will have a go at anything, and never runs out. OMG is it really £10 a can?

    Nick
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Probably some health and safety rules that says you can't do this, as kid swings over the top doing a 360 😂

    Abel
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only lubricant thar hurts kids is mindless motivation. And too many creativity.

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    The BBC reports that this 0.8% increase in population is the biggest single-year jump since 1946-1947. The biggest reason for this growth is more Brits and foreigners moving to Scotland.

    “Almost two-thirds of people moving to Scotland came from outside the UK. We also saw a fall in the number of people leaving Scotland. Without migration into Scotland, the population would have fallen,” the National Records of Scotland head of demographic statistics, Esther Roughsedge, explained.

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    However, the population situation isn’t as rosy as some might think. “Deaths outnumbered births by the highest amount on record. There were 19,100 more deaths than births,” she said.

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    Meanwhile, the Scottish population is getting older, with over a fifth of residents aged 65 and over. Only 16% of Scots were aged 15 or under.

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    SD
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    3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol. I used to work at a bank with someone named Stirling and we used to call him GBP 😆

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    The ‘Scottish Patter’ project has been entertaining and amusing the internet for a long while now. Originally, its Facebook page was created in late November 2016, nearly 8 years ago.

    As the idea behind the page started gaining traction, the humor-loving team behind it branched out to Instagram, too, in April 2017.

    We've reached out to the team curating the project to learn more about its history, and we'll update the article as soon as we hear back from them.

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    At the time of writing, ‘Scottish Patter’ has an impressive 730k followers on Facebook. The page has also garnered an impressive 601k likes on the social network. Meanwhile, on Instagram, the project has seen an even greater deal of success. Currently, there are 1.1 million Scottish-humor-loving internet users who follow the account there.

    The ‘patter’ in ‘Scottish Patter’ doesn’t just refer to rain (a common sight if you’ve ever visited the country). ‘Patter,’ according to the Cambridge Dictionary, is continuous and sometimes funny speech or talk.

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    Often, it’s related to entertainers speaking or someone trying to sell you something. Between the reference to rain and entertainment, it’s such a clever play on words. It’s fitting for a culture that values puns so much.

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    BeesEelsAndPups
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    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My smart a*s would have replied to him with: "Oh, I hope you packed your parachute well then"

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    The linguistic fun and depth of the ‘patter’ part of ‘Scottish Patter’ goes even further. To continue, ‘patter’ can simply refer to talking, according to the Dictionaries of the Scots Language. For example, someone just chatting away. In other contexts, it’s more akin to banter, meant to impress or amuse someone.

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    ‘Patter’ can also mean any kind of insider’s language and someone’s street smarts. This interpretation can refer to the idea that you can’t really comprehend a different culture without having experienced it firsthand.

    In this case, ‘Scottish Patter’ memes, while witty and illuminating, might not always be comprehensible to outsiders. There will always be a few jokes that require some firsthand life experiences and unspoken context to make you laugh aloud.

    Which of the memes featured here did you enjoy the most? Have you ever visited or lived in Scotland? What do you personally love the most about Scottish culture, dear Pandas? Tell us all about it in the comments section.

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    Meanwhile, if you enjoy this type of humor, be sure to follow ‘Scottish Patter’s’ socials for the freshest memes.

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    howdylee
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    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've heard this debate before... we gotta set some ground rules. 1 What are we drinking? 2 How long do we have to drink? 3 Is it about quantity or drunkenness? Cuz pounding Bud Lights is different from shots of whiskey... I'm genuinely curious of the outcome.

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    *raspberry sound
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    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "going postal" was a phrase in the States in the 90's, it was due to the frequency at which postal workers were going on rampages. It happened, like, twice and was probably due in part to it being the f*****g Wild West over here.

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    Sherribobbins
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    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bahaha my ex husband is from Greenock, this would be a very true observation.

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    Marianne
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    3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seriously, though. Why do you guys have the same word for spicy and very warm? Don't you miscommunicate all the time? These 2 properties of food do occur at the same time a lot.

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    Kristal
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    3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey! Don't knock finding affordable appliances. Everyone deserves affordable appliances.

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    Not-a-Clue (she/her)
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    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well of course! If there's a bus/lorry on your right you can't see if anything is coming in any case.

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    Note: this post originally had 78 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.

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