Water. The answer is water.

I once had someone ask me what the difference between pork and beef was. No, I'm not joking. I also had someone ask me why the pork tasted so "porky." I have a million of these.

I know the owner so well I've seen him blackout drunk at the company Christmas party. Care to compare notes?

I always do this, was never really sure if it was appreciated or not.

I usually finish with, "Well that was fun wasn't it?".

Countless times for 2 decades it's the same thing. I ask 'anything else', they say 'yeah a winning lottery ticket!'. Then we have a good laugh then a piece of soul dies. There's almost nothing left!😞

Don't tell them our secrets! 🥵

Depending on the table, you may be wishing them "unsafe" travels on the way home. I'm remembering a specific group who showed up drunk AF and kept going. I wasn't their server but I inherited this massively overserved table when their guy left. Almost two hours after close and the floor manager still wouldn't let me pull drinks. That particular server has a very dark place in hell reserved for him.

When this happens you immediately put in the order, tell the kitchen, 🙏apologize and beg for forgiveness, then blame the kitchen when your table complains😗

"this is fine"

Looks more thirsty than hungry :).

My best work buddy just did this. How could she do this to me! 😢

Clopen. A close and then open shift. Night me "That's a tomorrow me problem!" Morning.."who the f**k left this mess?" Cry-laugh.

Even more fun when you work family dining and it's a kid in the way.

Just like my “customer service voice”.

Fork that!

I'm actually so glad I've been given the chance to work a minimum wage job as a teen. Even if I don't have to survive off of just my own money, its an important lesson in empathy. My dad never worked a minimum wage job and sadly you can tell by the way he talks about workers.

2 tables that each tip 50%

Used to work with this one waiter. He would disappear for like half an hour at a time. His tables would be asking for refills or to cash out and they hadn't seen him for a while. "Have you seen our waiter? We haven't seen him for a while". Every damn night. Turns out he was downstairs in the brewery playing his guitar because he was high on LSD and or Ecstasy and he liked the sound resonating off the beer tanks. We fired him for theft. Found out years later that he burned his face off making candles on his kitchen table.

Should ask for a side of balsamic next time.. "side of balls!" kitchen talk can be rude and funny

Even worse when they start eating it anyway.

Fun thing I found out during my first breakfast shift in the UK: The British write their 1s without that small horizontal line and would read a "German" 1 as a 7. Order was 1 Full English.

NO!

Even worse when you're the closer and you can't leave until they leave. I shut that open sign off at 11PM on the dot.

Ugh the soda room is the grossest place in any restaurant. Just a sticky ocean of dried soda syrup.

I read that last word as dipshit and confused myself.

Be nice to the dishwasher! Sort the silver if their busy and you're not

Happened to me when I was just a busser and I kept picking up the barback shifts. within a couple months I had ALL his shifts and was making twice as much money and I'm pretty sure he's homeless.

When I was a hostess I did my best to seat everyone equally in each server's section. But I couldn't help it when everyone wanted to sit by the window and not at the back near the kitchen. I was always low key getting threatened by servers who had the unpopular section that day.

It's worse when you get those fake hundreds with bible verses on the back. I worked at a brunch place in college and every Effing Sunday. Bible quotes can't feed the waitress' kids a-hole.