And they said the perfect job didn't exist

From my point of view: Absolutely accurate!

Current population of Flat Earth believers in the USA NOW in 2024, about 6 MILLION people.

I liked him when I was a child but didn't begin to understand what an incredibly admirable human being, gift to the world, and specific gift to my own childhood he was until I understood how rare and delightful his effortless compassion was. That's how he good he was, as a child I thought he was indicative of the greater world, he shaped my worldview for the better. What a beautiful human being and an example to all.

Someone had to say this.

Excellent choice of life goals.

Or a mostly-hairless cat, depending on how you use it

Maybe her secret is that she stays clean, doesn't let her skin dry out, doesn't smoke and eats decent food and so can anyone else?

Bring in #1 BOSS mug with a bow on it.

I use a pain relief gel called Phorpain. I'm not asking what they call their skincare cream!

Winter is the best season 🥰

Husband is a 41 year old police officer and the other day I found his childhood bear in the bed. When I asked about it he said, ‘I just felt a bit lonely and wanted to hang out with Big Ted’ It was adorable.

I really hope she saw that post...

Seltzer water is the true grown up drink. My kids don't like that but they do water.

Just the typical workplace know-it-all whom everybody finds annoying but tolerates because he is harmless and actually good at his job...

🤣🤣 no truer words have been spoken

At least some people had fun with COVID lockdowns.

Please don’t rain on my Black Parade?

This! There was no such program in my school but I was conditioned to be that always straight As student (by parents and teachers simply cause I did well at school). And I was! Never failed! But what did I develop? Perfectionism. It’s not a great thing as it sounds. I can’t do something half way. I have to be the best at what I do and will kill myself until I achieve that extreme target. And I don’t know what failure is (in the big picture) so I can’t even fathom what it is or can’t bear to think of a plan B. Oh and everyone’s expectations for me are out of this world. I’m so burned out now but unconsciously am still trying to achieve the best. It’s a never ending mentality. I hate it.

Best driving roads in the world as well

I never understood eating contests anyway. It´s absolutely disgusting to look at.

I'm more of a limoncello auntie

Where the deuce is bugs bunny?! My horses would love those if he doesn't get em

Take the kid then

I have a capacious lexicon of sesquipedalian verbiage in my phucking cranial cavity.

And get an older repeat of take your kids to work day's, "Daddy, where are all the clowns?" I don't think so.

Better yet: Throw the last pitch with Danny DeVito as the ball. As he had once bragged that he coud even play a pork cutlet if necessary, he should have no problems with that part...

She has zero fox given what anyone may think of about her oufit....

I used to do this when my son worked at an amusement park in high school. I'd go in an eat at the stands he was working at just to say hi to him while he was working. I'd walk around the park for a bit to get some exercise, and he said it broke up the monotony of his shift to see me.

Forest Friends is brilliant, this is one of their tamer ones.

Why are we doing this at all anymore?

Doing research requires multitasking and switching between tabs often etc. That indeed workd better on PC

Exactly, you don't have to do 18 quintillion things first before you can relax

This is pretty much the exact way the resurgence in vinyl records happened.

I enjoy assembling flat pack furniture. I know, I'm weird, but there's a sense of accomplishment at the end, especially if I did it alone. So when hubby comes home I can say "see...look what I did!"

Winging it and hanging on by a thread

The light could be an oncoming train.

I’m always in favor of muffins!!! Peaches and cream are my favorite!!!🤤

I had something similar when I was little and almost died from German measles (mmr didn't exist back then - vaccinate your kids!). According to my mum, she knew I was getting better when I woke up and asked for a McDonald's strawberry milkshake.

You ain't seen nothin' 'Til you're down on a muffin

It's good. SAHM - stay at home me

Also known as Executive Time.

I want to see a photo shoot in the latest fashions and an accompanying interview about his personal goals from Steve in Accounting.

Brent, do the only decent thing left, stay in that coffin, man!

I'd be a terrible clock, can I be a bookshelf instead?

Oh, absolutely not.

I've never understood why people get pissed off for this. You know what you're setting yourself up for. Suck it up buttercup. Edit for spelling.

Like the Houston airport that, in response to complaints of long wait times for baggage claim, made the walk to baggage claim six times longer? Complaints dropped to zero.

If you add milk to make scrambled eggs fluffy you can taste the milk.

More like "Can we interest you in *unnecessary product * we just came up with?"

Disney just took over Doctor Who and did 8 episodes for the season. They think I'm going to wait an entire year for 8 more but I'm done. F**k that. See you in 2032 when there are enough episodes to bother with.

More like" gide me you passwords", and they do.