This

Love this.

Srsly what a stupid advice

Or in a psych ward...

Awwww!

Because they tell us to!

Damn

Two words: compound interest.

Implying he's getting some

Okay, that's cool.

Drunk, certified bad word now. Freakin' dystopian.

hahahaha

This. This is the kind of man I need. The one I can be a best friend for.

It IS true though: keeping up with the Joneses doesn't make you any happier.

In the UK hospital parking charges are phenomenal.

I swear there is a team of slow and omnipresent drivers out there that tag team stalking me. Most of them drive Subarus. But all of them have armor piercing headlights. I curse them with all of my hatred for having the audacity to also be traveling by car in my general vicinity.

Still have to mention Kung Fu Panda, who also did better.

Wait a HAND model for an ALCOHOL company is 100K!?!?! where do I sign up!?!?

It's on my to-do list. Actually, it's on several of my to-do lists, but most are buried under papers on my desk. Or in the stack of papers on the table. Or maybe on the chair next to my desk. I'll add "look for other to-do lists" to this to-do list.

And then I couldn’t text you because I realised I hadn’t answered your previous text and now I’m just waiting until I run in to you at the supermarket so we can laugh about it and start over?

I'll blindly side with this employee

🤣

Oh, yeah, allotting time to having a good cry is awesome! If I'm sad, I'll give myself 10/15 minutes to cry and then snap out of it.

Love this!

Ah! This is the Colombian multicoloured tanager (Chlorochrysa nitidissima). Before googling, I just knew it was a bird. :)

That's what cat owners be going through, dogs are the best

Perfectly reasonable and succinct conversation

Wtf?!? Where was this when I was sweatin' geography tests in grade school? I want a do-over.

But then he needed a SHOE to identify her?

Lean into the conspiracy theory

Relationship goals🤭

Not for THAT van, they're way more than 45k.

Gorgist

Haha, I went through this too 😅

usually a bad thing that's funny is only funny to everyone else and not me

It's a disc, not a square.

Flawless logic

For a few weeks a year.

he didn't know that yet. he thought he killed his own father by accident and now hyenas were coming for him.

It doesn't really matter what the rules are, as long as everyone knows what they are and agrees to play by them.

No, I'm not into men

I'm all three. And in that order too

Anyone having this conversation with a lawyer is an absolute idiot. Your lawyer will charge for each message, and each minute. In the end, it won't matter to them if you are racking up their time with your stupidity. They will be making money.

But how many bananas is 242 d***s? BP censored d.icks

OP definitely has a cat.

Also true of a former President of the USA

This guy knows his market value 😅

Perhaps he sent some very romantic letters, pregnancy can happen like that can't it?

At one of my jobs an applicant in his mid 40s brought his mum. He didn't get the job, but that's mostly because he also wore a shirt open to the waist and put his feet on the desk mid interview.

Samuel L. Jackson says to take care of your health, like real men. Including your balls!!