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50 Times People Threatened Someone In Such Funny And Chaotic Manner, It Ended Up In The ‘Rare Threats’ Online Group
InterviewLife on Planet Earth usually isn’t like it is in fictional stories: it’s often messy, chaotic, and full of friction and frustration. It’s only natural then, that People Don’t Get Along Very Well. Egos get bruised, ambitions clash, and people argue for hours on social media. As a result, some folks can no longer contain their anger and resort to name-calling or worse—threats. Oh, but we’re not talking about your regular internet insults and digital threats here. No, Pandas, what we have in store for you today is far more shocking and creative.
Welcome to r/Rarethreats. The online community shares the rarest threats, warnings, and insults to ever grace the net. The posts are ominous and practically ooze danger (sometimes with a small side-order of humor). It’s a real treat for anyone who’s a fan of wordplay or simply wants to stock their arsenal with some great ideas to confuse and amuse their opponents. Scroll down for the best posts from r/Rarethreats, and tell us which of these intimidated you the most in the comments. Seriously, the creativity here is astounding—we’ve never enjoyed being threatened so much.
Bored Panda got in touch with the moderator team at r/Rarethreats, and redditor u/Left4pillz was kind enough to answer our questions about the history of the community, the life of a mod, and what the secret behind a great threat is. Check out what they told us below, Pandas.
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Don't Cross Him
Don't Leave Your Kids Here
I'll Freaking Disable You
Moderator u/Left4pillz had a friendly chat with Bored Panda about r/Rarethreats and its origins. They revealed to us that the post that started it all was a man's threat on social media to tape more fish to ATMs until they were fixed. You can find that post right over here. The situation was so bizarre that it formed the "original start of the sub."
Bored Panda was interested in getting the mod team's opinion about the biggest challenges that they face when managing the community.
According to moderator u/Left4pillz, it's time. Or rather, the lack of it. And it's an issue that affects the moderators of all subreddits.
Idk If This Exactly Fits Here But I Found It Funny
That's Scary
He’s Got A Point
"Between my job as a cycle courier, and the hobby of porting and recreating older videogame maps for Pavlov VR, I don't really have much time to spend moderating here. Thankfully, the report system makes it easy enough to see the posts that break the rules more easily without having to spend tons of time looking at every post," the mod explained how Reddit's system makes it easier to manage online communities and catch instances of rule-breaking.
Mod u/Left4pillz shared their opinion about what makes a good online threat, one that's worth sharing on the sub. "Creativity and brevity," they said, are the key to quality. So you'll want to avoid posts and threats that "go on for paragraphs." Humor is always a plus, as well!
"Generally the best posts are threats/warnings that are found naturally, rather than ones made specifically for the sub. And IMO the real best of the best ones are found in real life as they're typically much rarer, like these two," the mod said, referring to two posts over here and over here.
Who’s The Right Person?!
Attack Mode: E N G A G E D
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Twas the night before Christmas, presents neatly wrapped under the tree, your house will be one fire, if one isn't a Ford key.
The ‘Rare Threats’ subreddit has weathered a few years already, having been founded in early 2019. Since then, the community has grown to house 58.8k members who love sharing the freshest and most bizarre threats they spot while strolling through the digital landscape.
If you spend enough time on the internet, you’re bound to see and read some really weird drek. What helps us keep what remains of our faith in humanity is the fact that among all of the ‘super important’ jousting and rage-filled dueling we see on social media, there are some very self-aware individuals who put humor above everything. A simple insult or rebuttal just won’t do. They go the extra mile.
These people take the time to craft delightful responses that are so unusual that their opponents have no choice but to one-up them. Others are just so brutal and shockingly specific that there’s no way forward except to lay down your arms, change your name and address, and move to some remote corner of the world.
Hey Macaroni
Not The Fridge
It Ain't A Dog Park
I feel this...the neighbor lets his dogs loose and they poop in my driveway.
The moderator team running r/RareThreats has a set of ground rules for the members of the subreddit. Obviously, the posts you share have to be related to the main topic of the sub. In other words, if it’s not a rare threat or warning, it shouldn’t be shared in the community. Avoid low-effort nonsense, aim for quality instead.
The mods also urge community members to avoid reposting content. Meanwhile, posters should crop their pics ‘appropriately’ which means there shouldn’t be any reaction comments after the threat in the image itself.
Sent This To A Friend Of Mine On Snapchat
W- What
Pukicho Is Enraged
What’s more, if the content isn’t safe for work or civilized company, it should be marked as such. Spoilers for movies and games have to be tagged, too. In other words, be aware of others, not just yourself.
And speaking of keeping the audience in mind, anyone posting on r/Rarethreats has to make sure that the text in the image is readable. “This means no deep-fried posts, and no text too small to read. Non-English threats are fine, but must have a translation in the image,” the mods write in the sub’s sidebar.
Good Luck Cleaning
No One Out Pizzas The Hut
Lol I've tried some of his recipes...at least the ones that don't require three days and two roman soldiers...and it was pretty good. I mean, much quicker to buy something even at a lower quality but if you've got the time and energy and resources, it does in fact turn out really well. I'll just add...I'm not sure if this was an American thing but after making the dishes a few times I had to lessen the salt to about 1/3 of what he recommended...or maybe that's just me.
Really Proud Of This One
This type of content can see a lot of popularity online. For instance, another subreddit, r/rareinsults has 2.2 million members and focuses on—yup, you guessed it!—rare insults.
Redditor u/Blank-Cheque, one of the mods at r/rareinsults, told Bored Panda a while back that cursing has its upsides. “Cursing has been observed by scientists to alleviate pain, and insult-like gestures have been observed by researchers even in chimpanzees,” they said.
I Mean... How Do You Respond To This?
Handshake
I'm Scared And Aroused
“Professor Frans de Waal said that angry chimpanzees ‘will grunt or spit or make an abrupt, upsweeping gesture that, if a human were to do it, you'd recognize it as aggressive’ in order to avoid conflict, rather than to escalate it. He continues that a ‘chimpanzee who is really gearing up for a fight doesn't waste time with gestures, but just goes ahead and attacks.’ [Insults] are a part of life, and a world without them would be extremely different to ours to a degree which cannot be simply explained.”
Of course, this is in no way a suggestion to hurl insults in public; it’s a rude thing to do. But recognizing the fine wordplay in them, threats, and warnings online? That’s perfectly fine.
I'm Officially Scared
Who Hurt You
A Sign I Found At A Restaurant Some Days Ago. Sorry For The Potato Quality, My Phones Camera Is Garbage
According to one study, swearing actually increased pain tolerance and decreased the perceived pain of people, as compared to those who didn't swear. One additional thing that the researchers found was that men who tended to catastrophize (i.e. those who saw situations as far worse than they actually were) did not benefit from these benefits.
At the same time, you've got to keep in mind that constantly living in anger is an absolutely horrible thing for your health. Constant anger can lead to various cardiovascular problems, metabolic diseases, as well as digestive issues! In short, you have to let go of your anger, sooner or later. Or your body and mind will suffer.
Sunnyd Is Getting Serious
You've Done It Now Josh
A Nice Golf Course
Meanwhile, if you do end up wanting to show off your verbal sparring skills on social media some time, why not consider using some old insults that have fallen out of use? You’re almost sure to confuse your opponents immensely if you call them a mumpsimus (someone who’s stubborn), a ninnyhammer (aka a fool), a milksop (someone who’s pampered), a lickspittle (that’s a suck-up), or a cockalorum (basically, a boastful, strutting, self-important individual). If they have to Google what you called them, then they’ve already lost!
Oh, and for those of you Pandas who are into fantasy and Dungeons & Dragons, here are two fun dwarven insult generators over here and right here. Enjoy!
Cursed Shoelaces
Just Happened To Me In Among Us
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He's Mad Because I Didn't Call Him
This half reminds me of the time when one of my teachers said 'some of you I'd p**s on if you were on fire.'
Pukicho Back At It Again
This Is Rare
An Email You Don’t Want To Be Getting
I'm Sorry Please Forgive Me!!!
That's a good one! Reminds me of Plankton "Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy."
Please Flush
Oh God No
Isn't this the same person who threatened to kill using desert sand?
Go Kart Go Vroom
Damn Bro Chill
For The Sake Of Your Health, Please Do Not Insult Axolotls
*shoe goes to head at rate of 1000000000 miles an hour*
Load More Replies...I completely agree with this sentiment and will see it completed. the axolotls are not to be insulted. To arms, soldiers!
brooooo I just found out my uncle has a small scale axolotl farm and I havn't wanted to hang out at his house more
I saw axolotls for sale at my local fish store... They were in small dishes but axolotls need 100 gallon tanks :( (thankfully they were babies and weren't too squished)
He Knows Not To Text Me That
Ex-Post
A Pretty Light Threat
Never Zero, Brother. Never Zero
Happened On A Discord Server
We All Got Rickrolled. Strong Opinions Were Had
I’m Concerned And Confused On How This Is Possible
This Was Supposed To Be Funny. It’s Horrifying
This Threat Is Entirely Justified
Cold Blooded
And WOFfan was never heard from again... Speaking of WOFfan, I'm hoping their username is referring to Wings Of Fire, and not something else.
Felt This Belonged Here
I once got a fortune cookie that said. "You laugh now, wait until you get home". I kept that in my wallet for years, until my wallet was stolen. Of all the things lost in that wallet, this is the one that hurts the most.
but imagine the reaction of the thief when they saw the fortune! it probably made them SO paranoid about you tracking them down & waiting in their house for them to get back, lol! worth it
Load More Replies...One of my favourites has always been “I’m gonna kick your a*s so far into next week, your gonna need to draw on daylight savings to get back again” Can’t remember who said it or why, but damn it’s a funny one.
Two that I’ve heard were “ don’t do that or I’ll put you on a breaking wheel and discipline you with a week old fish” and “ I will hide metal d4 dice everywhere you don’t expect and then when you finally are expecting the unexpected places, I will put one in a place that you’ve come to not expect “
My own is: "Annoy me again, and I'll get Deep Six, Glitch, End Game and Tombstone to slam you with their weapons." #BattleBots
This might work better in a Spanish since "I s**t on you, your mom, or your ancestors" is a common insult. I'm going to make a ladder with your ancestors bones so I can get high enough and s**t on you.
Luis, como se dice? No he oido decir eso en mi pais.
Load More Replies...my favorite threat I ever heard online was "I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR A*S SO HARD YOUR VERTEBRAE WILL POP OUT OF YOUR MOUTH LIKE A PEZ DISPENSER!"
I'm going to take all your nerves and fray them perfectly so they make a tree and hang your organs from the tree and use your small small brain as the star and tell everyone your death was a christmas miracle
So many of these made me laugh but it was so hard, I'm at work and I couldn't laugh out loud. My belly hurts from keeping my laughs silent.
"Nobody follow us or I'll kill myself, then her" ~Tom Cruise, Knight & Day
I once got a fortune cookie that said. "You laugh now, wait until you get home". I kept that in my wallet for years, until my wallet was stolen. Of all the things lost in that wallet, this is the one that hurts the most.
but imagine the reaction of the thief when they saw the fortune! it probably made them SO paranoid about you tracking them down & waiting in their house for them to get back, lol! worth it
Load More Replies...One of my favourites has always been “I’m gonna kick your a*s so far into next week, your gonna need to draw on daylight savings to get back again” Can’t remember who said it or why, but damn it’s a funny one.
Two that I’ve heard were “ don’t do that or I’ll put you on a breaking wheel and discipline you with a week old fish” and “ I will hide metal d4 dice everywhere you don’t expect and then when you finally are expecting the unexpected places, I will put one in a place that you’ve come to not expect “
My own is: "Annoy me again, and I'll get Deep Six, Glitch, End Game and Tombstone to slam you with their weapons." #BattleBots
This might work better in a Spanish since "I s**t on you, your mom, or your ancestors" is a common insult. I'm going to make a ladder with your ancestors bones so I can get high enough and s**t on you.
Luis, como se dice? No he oido decir eso en mi pais.
Load More Replies...my favorite threat I ever heard online was "I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR A*S SO HARD YOUR VERTEBRAE WILL POP OUT OF YOUR MOUTH LIKE A PEZ DISPENSER!"
I'm going to take all your nerves and fray them perfectly so they make a tree and hang your organs from the tree and use your small small brain as the star and tell everyone your death was a christmas miracle
So many of these made me laugh but it was so hard, I'm at work and I couldn't laugh out loud. My belly hurts from keeping my laughs silent.
"Nobody follow us or I'll kill myself, then her" ~Tom Cruise, Knight & Day