We just claw.

Apparently I roll my eyes so hard that the people around me can hear it.

When there’s food but not the food you want so you rather starve

Your own bed is even better

The cats have truly domesticated us.

How else would you talk to them? Of course they are going to respond.

Proud childless cat lady here. I am also nearly 50, never married & work in a library. I’m a living stereotype & loving every minute of it 😉

Or the person with the cart situated blocking the aisle, no room on either side. "Time for bumper cars".

That reminds me that I want to get some dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets when I next go to the grocery store.

But every 10 seconds, she was asking, " Have you got your passport? Show me your passport. "

Sounds about right

To circumvent this, my wife will fall asleep on the couch knowing that I cannot, and will not, let her sleep on the couch over night. It forces me to stop and say "Let's go to bed."

Oh my God, this is so funny! I HATE how it's true!

I think it's for the damaged luggage on the carousel in arrivals, but that's just me.

At least I can mostly speak my mind with my patients. Sorry, if you don't quit the cigarettes and live more healthy you will significantly decrease your healthy life span. Some people need a kick in the a*s

Now THAT'S a power team!

And try to pass through a gate with them. It's adorable

This only works if your relationship is so bad that your partner wouldn't ask. I guess that's the prize you win for being passive aggressive?

Rich parents and a trust fund.

And there is no turbulence

An online friend and I discussed this exact hangup. Volume is much different on my new tv, also between different channels, and I can't play this game anymore.

I HATE when that happens . . . .

Wait, I’m not alone? Did someone get in because I didn’t check the door a fourth time?

Not those exact words, but my wife saw me refold my shirts once when I was still in the military... 14 years together and folding laundry is still my job XD

Wife gets up every morning around 3:30 (don't ask). I get up around 5:30 or 6. If I get up before that it"s " why are you up? This is my time."

My sister's dog smelled her breast cancer, now I don't like it when he follows me

Same with deer and rabbits. Can't they see I'm a Disney Princess in disguise??

No, that would be like sitting in a field of muesli with no fruit. Fries would be a carrot patch.

That's so f*****g true.

Try cricket! 🤣

My Armageddon gets unleashed instantly, unfortunately. Have many regretful texts..

We are always good. In fact, there is no minute of any day that we are not perfect.

I try to give my boy the benefit of the doubt but I know I’m just in denial.

Told my cockatoo he is a good boy because he worked really hard, broke out of his steel cage by removing the hinges of the door; went walkies, terrified the small birds a bit before he freed them and stole their toys; and on his way back he casually ate my painter's easel. Comes running when I open the bird room and hands me a piece of easel for a gift. He is a good boy.

Joke is on you, they DGAF what you say.

Chaotic good

I thought I was the only one. Like she'll be watching birds with murderous eyes, puke and bite me and 5 min later I'm purring in her ear how good she is and giving her treats.

I tell my dog constantly, "You're a good girl, Piper". Then I realize I have lied to her and I add, "I don't know what you're good at, but ...". Yes, I am the idiot, not her.

Chuckled.

07:59; we're not open yet, 09:03; all appointments gone.

It's a good way to save money 💰

Then you side eye the dog, they look away, side eye, look away "nope, not begging, just chillin'"

I'm not so sure that someone taking 'a patient's history' wouldn't know how to spell "new" correctly.

I once house-sat for a couple with a cat. The cat loved sci-fy shows, so one of the conditions of house-sitting was that I watched sci-fy shows with the cat. 10/10 experience.

Does your dog meow, perchance?

80085

It’s the kettle in our house. I’m hypersensitive so have to make the tea, to stop my wife making a bloody racket flicking the same switch in the same way as me. It doesn’t bother me when I do it

I hope you called the Guinness book of World Records!

That's the real adulting nobody tells you about.

I wouldn't mind this, maths questions are probably the only ones coming from children I have honest answers for

What's wrong with camping? I think it's very nice to be close to nature. I love it

I don't have a "garage" I have a workshop. And no one's telling to "clean" it, everything is exactly where it should be.

I work weekends, so this would technically be a compliment coming from me

Where is Old England - Brilliant! All of England is Old

Nothing better I think you mean

My mom has a habit of leaving her phone in the kitchen on the island. A few weeks ago, my son and I were in the backyard with his 3yo & 2yo. He was playing on his phone while I blew bubbles. Asked him to please get me a DP. He said sure. Then I see him talking and hear him say " Grammy, since you're in the kitchen now, would you mind bringing mom a DP? Thx" she was laughing as she said "Well played, kiddo!"