Love Mitch Hedberg

😭

I'd vote them for president.

How much time have you got?

The Man's a Menace

Pigs been flying for a while. The NYPD got their first helicopter in 1948.

Just found out that quite a few people dislike the same person who was unnecessarily mean to me. Turns out she has been unnecessarily cruel to NUMEROUS people and until this past weekend I had never spoken to to any of them (one I just met) about it. We shared our mutual dislike for this "snake in the grass" and it was very satisfying to learn that others dislike her even more than I do!

hey, we don't know what those corn dogs are made of!

Maybe he has family in Kansas.

Kudos good sir! 👏👏👏

Fun fact: Freddy Krueger's sweater is NOT red and black. It is in fact bright red and a mossy forest green. The costume designer chose those colors because they were unsettling.

One of the few times the Manned Maneuvering Unit was used. Trialed and retired in 1984. It was a space jetpack that allowed astronauts to work untethered in space, but it was deemed too dangerous.

Back when I played FiveM I played as a cop. I made sure that my unit number was always 404. The older players got it, the younger... not so much

Just throw the whole 16oz in, we're eating pasta for a few days :)

It's a blank canvas.

Not keen on all the glass but, otherwise, I really want that.

Capitalism, am I right?

Juan to save the day.

Letting it all hang out, as we hang out.

What the heck is THAT?!

"This USB-C will self destruct after 60 days to help you keep your data protected"...done

the best kind of fun

This speaks to me :D

It knows. Seriously. And just lies in wait for the absolute height of my anger and frustration.

Bea may not have been sunshine, but she was definitely a beacon of light.

Time is an illusion. Washing machine time doubly so. (Crappy HHGG reference)

Not the mama!

Those people are just cruel. My cat goes where she likes, it's her house too.

amen :D

Crickets...🦗🦗🦗

Reminds me of an old manager I had. He always came in half asleep. He starts laying out the calendar for the week and he makes it to the 35th before our labtech asks if there were still on for that meeting on the 35th. That moment was GOLDEN!

started some easy yoga exercises in the morning... that s**t works, was genuinely surprised (specifically uppa yoga)

Xavier

D'oh! I should have answered: "you too"!

10 buck I don’t make it

Good news everyone! I hacked up a present for you in the hall

Love is pain. 💔

Babies don't sleep so well in the womb either really. They are always up and about, wriggling, kicking, hiccuping, yawning and stretching. They certainly don't have sleep cycles that would fit in with a 9-5 job!

Every expectant mother I knew at the time of my pregnancy, was explaining the joys of feeling movement. My child woke up at 2350 every night, stretched to full body length and kicked till she winded me, more than once, yeah beautiful. Thunk she slept well at other times though. I wad too busy vomiting 🤣

That third trimester though! Heartburn, leg cramps, baby dancing on bladder...

It wasn't difficult to sneak over some alcohol. It's basically an open secret during the wars. As long as you didn't cause any problems and weren't doing it out in the open, it was easy to get away with.

Nothing hurts more than knowing somebody’s cat hates you more than they usual hate people

Some guy's won't ever find the bean.

Same here every time, I know I shouldn't but I miss lockdown

Where have you been my whole life?!

*shef

it's a birthday gift... from my friends at the police ;)

Yes, yes it is. Ask any person I ever dated.

Too bad they won't learn of your approval.

It's a myth that Kids will look after Parents when their old. Most kids just want to get their hands on their Parents money!!

Sorry, the Loch Ness Monster still owes me tree fiddy

How your cat feels: You will die for me