Love Mitch Hedberg

hey, we don't know what those corn dogs are made of!

Pigs been flying for a while. The NYPD got their first helicopter in 1948.

😭

Back when I played FiveM I played as a cop. I made sure that my unit number was always 404. The older players got it, the younger... not so much

It's a blank canvas.

Just throw the whole 16oz in, we're eating pasta for a few days :)

Just found out that quite a few people dislike the same person who was unnecessarily mean to me. Turns out she has been unnecessarily cruel to NUMEROUS people and until this past weekend I had never spoken to to any of them (one I just met) about it. We shared our mutual dislike for this "snake in the grass" and it was very satisfying to learn that others dislike her even more than I do!

One of the few times the Manned Maneuvering Unit was used. Trialed and retired in 1984. It was a space jetpack that allowed astronauts to work untethered in space, but it was deemed too dangerous.

Juan to save the day.

Letting it all hang out, as we hang out.

Fun fact: Freddy Krueger's sweater is NOT red and black. It is in fact bright red and a mossy forest green. The costume designer chose those colors because they were unsettling.

"This USB-C will self destruct after 60 days to help you keep your data protected"...done

I'd vote them for president.

Maybe they have family in Kansas.

How much time have you got?

D'oh! I should have answered: "you too"!

Reminds me of an old manager I had. He always came in half asleep. He starts laying out the calendar for the week and he makes it to the 35th before our labtech asks if there were still on for that meeting on the 35th. That moment was GOLDEN!

Good news everyone! I hacked up a present for you in the hall

amen :D

Those people are just cruel. My cat goes where she likes, it's her house too.

The Man's a Menace

Bea may not have been sunshine, but she was definitely a beacon of light.

Same here every time, I know I shouldn't but I miss lockdown

It knows. Seriously. And just lies in wait for the absolute height of my anger and frustration.

the best kind of fun

This speaks to me :D

Capitalism, am I right?

Babies don't sleep so well in the womb either really. They are always up and about, wriggling, kicking, hiccuping, yawning and stretching. They certainly don't have sleep cycles that would fit in with a 9-5 job!

started some easy yoga exercises in the morning... that s**t works, was genuinely surprised (specifically uppa yoga)

Crickets...🦗🦗🦗

Sorry, the Loch Ness Monster still owes me tree fiddy

Not keen on all the glass but, otherwise, I really want that.

it's a birthday gift... from my friends at the police ;)

It wasn't difficult to sneak over some alcohol. It's basically an open secret during the wars. As long as you didn't cause any problems and weren't doing it out in the open, it was easy to get away with.

*shef

What the heck is THAT?!

Time is an illusion. Washing machine time doubly so. (Crappy HHGG reference)

Kudos good sir! 👏👏👏

It's a myth that Kids will look after Parents when their old. Most kids just want to get their hands on their Parents money!!

If you think of that let me know.

Yes, yes it is. Ask any person I ever dated.

Oh dang, you’re loaded!!

But we use miles.

Some guy's won't ever find the bean.

You'd get less than one already little coffee in Milan for that. But it's damn good coffee.

Not the mama!

This will be me when they ever find out how much time I spend on BP

oh I must now have seen your text...

Love is pain. 💔

Too bad the causal reason for the fire was flood water meeting an exposed wire. Therefore, flood damage. No payout.

Nothing hurts more than knowing somebody’s cat hates you more than they usual hate people

Xavier

Where have you been my whole life?!