Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
Books might be the most challenging medium to employ and convey humor in. Funny lines and comic situations have a much greater impact when you can see or hear them being unveiled. Hence, we may have missed and not caught quite a few funny lines from books the authors intended to be humorous because we read them in the wrong tone in our head or weren't "mentally" prepared for the "joke part." A language gap might also be to blame.
However, it shouldn't be surprising that wordsmiths, as many of the greatest writers are, would also possess the best wit. And sharp-sighted and quick-witted readers are quick to catch any funny quotes from books they've read. Funny quotes from literature might not be everyone's preference for comedy since funny book lines are often contextual. However, not all of them. One doesn't have to be book-smart or know the author's background to find funny book quotes to be quality comedic content. After all, authors and writers are people just like us, and comic situations and occurrences were just as prevalent when the book was written, be it 10 or over 100 years ago. The wording may be different from what we use today. Still, situations remain the same; hence, comedic quality doesn't get diminished. Therefore, with funny literature quotes, no matter how current the source is, there's still a lot to relate to!
We've combed the internet, including the r/books subreddit beloved by bookworms, to find some of the best funny book quotes and, for convenience, compiled them in a list below. If you found any of these quotes from novels and literary works amusing, make sure to give them an upvote. Also, don't forget to share this article with a friend or a family member who would also enjoy reading through some intellectual witticisms!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and is widely considered a bad move."
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
MaximumKarmaSaint 1 year ago
See, this is what makes Guide to the Galaxy such a good book series!
RELATED:
#2
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
#3
"Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him."
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
#4
"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."
Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime by Oscar Wilde
MaximumKarmaSaint 1 year ago
"We really should have paid more attention during the audition..."
#5
"There's a door."
"Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think."
Eric by Terry Pratchett
#6
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams
#7
"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?"
"How much?"-asked Arthur.
"None at all," said Mr. Prosser.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
Nice Beast Ludo 1 year ago
Hitchhikers again! I can't believe I never read this book until now. I'm almost done and I started this weekend. I love it
#8
"They're trying to kill me,"- Yossarian told him calmly.
"No one's trying to kill you,"- Clevinger cried.
"Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked.
"They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone."
"And what difference does that make?"
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
#9
"Let's have no fighting, please. This is, after all, a council of war."
Jingo by Terry Pratchett
Skara Brae 1 year ago (edited)
From the Dr. Strangelove movie (1964): "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI5B7jLWZUc
#10
"This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it."
The Princess Bride by William Goldman
#11
"When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home."
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home by Erma Bombeck
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
My favorite quote of hers is, "My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
#12
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Jingo by Terry Pratchett
#13
"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression ‘As pretty as an airport.'"
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams
#14
"I was a drunk, you have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic."
The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett
#15
"Hours passed, like a kidney stone."
Clockwork Boys by T. Kingfisher
#16
"The dress looked like it had been sown in a rage and put on in a tempest."
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
#17
"We’re going to tell you about three of the children in Mrs. Jewls’s class, on the thirtieth story of Wayside School. But before we get to them, there is something you ought to know. Wayside School was accidentally built sideways. It was supposed to be only one story high, with thirty classrooms all in a row. Instead, it is thirty stories high, with one classroom on each story. The builder said he was very sorry."
Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar
#18
"Paranoids are only paranoid because people keep telling them not to be paranoid."
Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon
#19
"For a while, Los Angles and New York City were like yin and yang. You would go to Los Angeles to wear colorful exercise gear and eat local organic and be on television, and you would go to New York to wear no colors at all, spend a lot of money on rent in order to be murdered, and eat more cream cheese than a bagel."
You Don't Have to Like Me by Alida Nugent
#20
"It was the day my grandmother exploded."
The Crow Road by Iain Banks
#21
"Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind."
Eric by Terry Pratchett
#22
"To win back my youth, Gerald, there is nothing I wouldn’t do - except take exercise, get up early, or be a useful member of the community."
A Woman of No Importance by Oscar Wilde
#23
"Dogs are angels full of poops."
A Treasury of Pet Humor by Oliver Gaspirtz
#24
"When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off by sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere."
The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
But Sundays are better than Wednesdays, at least for me. No work, what's wrong about that?
#25
"Elizabeth is smart, ruthless, and emotionally damaged... if Elizabeth's brain was a person, it would have scars, tattoos, and be missing one eye."
Company by Max Barry
#26
"The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault."
Blood Rites by Jim Butcher
#27
"Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness."
Letters from a Stoic by Seneca
#28
"I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to."
The Lost Continent: Travels in Small-Town America by Bill Bryson
#29
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think."
The Collected Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
#30
"Bag end is a queer place, and its folks are even queerer."
The Fellowship of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien
#31
"Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone."
Henry VI, Part One by William Shakespeare
#32
"How come Aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals! Makes no sense."
The Martian by Andy Weir
#33
"He receives comfort like cold porridge."
The Tempest by William Shakespeare
Demongrrrrl 1 year ago
If you liked "The Tempest", I highly recommend "Hag Seed" by Margaret Atwood. It's actually quite funny and involves a disgraced theater director who teaches Shakespeare in a men's prison.
#34
"I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years."
Bossypants by Tina Fey
#35
"It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful."
Matilda by Roald Dahl
Holly The cat 1 year ago
"One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days. It seems there's a million of these one-in-a-millions these days. Specialness is de rigeur, above average is average, go figure, Is it some modern miracle of calculus, that such frequent miracles don't render one another unmiraculous?" --entertainer's solo from "Miracle," a song from Matilda the Musical by Tim Minchin
#36
"In one respect at least the Martians are a happy people; they have no lawyers."
A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
#37
"I don’t want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again."
This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
#38
"It was too weird - how could our city library have such an enormous labyrinth in its basement? I mean, public libraries like this one were always short of money, so building even the tiniest of labyrinths had to be beyond their means."
The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami
#39
"I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world."
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
#40
"Money's a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to meet."
The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
#41
"There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends."
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
#42
"Fall down again, Bella?"
"No, Emmett, I punched a werewolf in the face."
Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer
Nice Beast Ludo 1 year ago
I don't care what people say I love the Twilight books and think Stephenie Meyer is a good writer. The movies were butchered by Kristen Stewart she is deplorable and every time she uses her vampire powers she looks severely constipated
#43
"I don’t know how other men feel about their wives walking out on them, but I helped mine pack."
Breaking Up by WH Manville
#44
"Prophecy is like a half-trained mule," - he complained to Jorah Mormont. "It looks as though it might be useful, but the moment you trust in it, it kicks you in the head."
A Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
If you die before finishing the books, George, I'll personally come over and, uhm... kill you again!
#45
"Are thems the thoughts of cows?"
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
#46
"Milligan, you're six months late for the war."
"Don't worry, Sir. I'll fight nights as well."
Adolf Hitler: My Part In His Downfall by Spike Milligan
#47
"Since time immemorial, humankind's greatest natural predator has been the clown."
Paperbacks from Hell by Grady Hendrix
Michelle C 1 year ago
I have a longtime friend who would absolutely agree with this, and thought of him immediately on reading this quote!
#48
"In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly-fishing."
A River Runs Through It by Norman Maclean
#49
"I know that journalism largely consists in saying 'Lord Jones Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive." The Wisdom of Father Brown by G.K. Chesterton
#50
"The year was 1795. George III was dabbing the walls of Windsor Castle with his own spittle, the Notables were botching things in France, Goya was deaf, De Quincey a depraved pre-adolescent."
Water Music by T.C. Boyle
#51
"It is the necessary nature of a political party in this country to avoid, as long as it can be avoided, the consideration of any question which involves a great change."
Phineas Redux by Anthony Trollope
Powerful Katrinka 1 year ago
I wish more people read Anthony Trollope's wonderful novels. He could be very, very funny.
#52
"Fox terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs are."
Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome
#53
"Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike."
An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde
#54
"A story with a moral appended is like the bill of a mosquito. It bores you, and then injects a stinging drop to irritate your conscience."
Strictly Business by O. Henry
#55
"I joined the military to go to foreign places and meet erotic people."
Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett
#56
"I know you're almost forty, look almost thirty, think you're just over twenty, and act as though you're barely ten."
Blood of Elves by Andrzej Sapkowski
#57
"Well, my comfort is, I am sure Jane will die of a broken heart, and then he will be sorry for what he has done."
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
#58
"Martha: "You make me puke."
George: "That wasn’t a very nice thing to say."
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee
Jeremy James 1 year ago
This was made into a fantastic movie with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. If you haven't seen it, please do. It's a wild ride and very quotable. It will make you want to DRINK.
#59
"Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu."
Waiting by Ha Jin
#60
"Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?’ All the time."
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life by Wendy Mass
#61
"The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years."
A Woman of No Importance by Oscar Wilde
#62
"In all the thousands of times I have asked other people for advice, I never yet got the advice I wanted."
Armadale by Wilkie Collins
#63
"If you're going to read this, don't bother. After a couple of pages, you won't want to be here. So forget it. Go away. Get out while you're still in one piece."
Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
#64
"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid by Lemony Snicket
#65
"You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they’ve never seen horror movies. They don’t know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one goes into the basement alone. No one goes screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex."
Kitty's House of Horrors by Carrie Vaughn
#66
"I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it."
The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor by Flannery O’Connor
#67
"I write this sitting in the kitchen sink."
I Capture The Castle by Dodie Smith
#68
"What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset over."
Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome
#69
"Mother cooked a big breakfast. And then, when she cleared off the table, she found a quarter and a dime and three pennies by Father's coffee cup. He'd tipped her."
Cat's Cradle/God Bless You Mr. Rosewater/Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
#70
"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
#71
"If I'm at a party where I'm not enjoying myself, I will put some cookies in my jacket pocket and leave without saying goodbye."
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling
#72
"Manners, Potter,"- said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes."
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand."
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by By J.K. Rowling
Nice Beast Ludo 1 year ago
I was getting antsy waiting for a Potter quote to show up... there are many more that are good maybe I should make a list of them
#73
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith
#74
"For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple–I wanted to be an intergalactic princess."
Seven Up by Janet Evanovich
Nice Beast Ludo 1 year ago
I wanted to be a dog groomer. I feel this should have been fully encouraged as is a perfectly reasonable career and easily attainable. But sadly I was told I could be ANYTHING I WANTED and that was not a good choice
#75
"My brother Toby is going to be married to Mrs. Wadman."
"Then he will never be able to lie diagonally in his bed again as long as he lives."
The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy by Laurence Sterne
#76
"As a boy, I wanted to be a train."
Machine Man by Max Barry
#77
"Mrs. Bittacy rustled ominously, holding her peace meanwhile. She feared long words she did not understand. Beelzebub lay hid among too many syllables."
The Man Whom the Trees Loved by Algernon Blackwood
#78
"The morning after noted child prodigy Colin Singleton graduated from high school and got dumped for the 19th time by a girl named Katherine, he took a bath. Colin had always preferred baths."
An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
#79
"They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting."
Looking for Alaska by John Green
#80
"Oh for Christ's sake. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you’re saying, but shut your pretty pie hole."
Savage Secrets by Cristin Harber
#81
"What’s not to love? I made friends with a pretty girl and now we get to plan a castle break-in. This beats the day-to-day kill, eat and survive."
The Labyrinth Wall by Emilyann Girdner
#83
"Shakespeare is the happy hunting ground of all minds that have lost their balance."
Ulysses by James Joyce
#84
"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure, I’d sooner go to my dentist any day."
Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh
A gay cat man (he/him&Tré/Trè) 1 year ago
... this seems like something an ace person would say - an ace(ish) person
#85
"At his usual time [Alexey Alexandrovitch] got up and made his toilet for the night."
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
#86
"It wasn’t until I had become engaged to Miss Piano that I began avoiding her."
Into Your Tent I'll Creep by Peter De Vries
What do you think ?
Percy the Band Rat 1 year ago
Seems like I'm about to go read Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy for the first time :D
Cat Chat 1 year ago
It's been in my To Be Read collection for far too long. I really need to bump it up to the top of the list.
Load More Replies...
Nice Beast Ludo 1 year ago
I think I need to add a lot of these to my 75 page reading list. They seem interesting and I only read 4 of them.
Percy the Band Rat 1 year ago
Seems like I'm about to go read Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy for the first time :D
Cat Chat 1 year ago
It's been in my To Be Read collection for far too long. I really need to bump it up to the top of the list.
Load More Replies... Nice Beast Ludo 1 year ago
I think I need to add a lot of these to my 75 page reading list. They seem interesting and I only read 4 of them.
You May Like 181 People Share Their Most Genius Office Pranks And Some Of Them Are Beyond Evil 50 Times People Ruined A Perfectly Good Panoramic Shot These Funny People Have Reinvented The Meaning Of Being Bored
Monika
Akvile Petraityte 🇺🇦
Akvile Petraityte 🇺🇦
Related on Bored Panda
