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What’s a day without an aching stomach from laughter? It's not a very interesting one, that’s for sure. But don’t worry; we’re here to make your day joyful. We know hilarious puns and funny jokes, but what happens when you combine the two? Funny pun jokes! No matter how you think about it, fun puns and good jokes will always find their home in our lives. Laughter is the best medicine, and while it might not cure our deepest issues, it will surely help get you through the day.

And if not for health purposes, these punny jokes will also work wonders in social gatherings. Bad puns can lift the moods of everyone involved, and cracking a few good ones will surely crown you an absolute comedic genius. One thing is for sure: dads will be your biggest fans! And if you’re trying to impress your partner’s family, we believe that dad jokes are the way to go.

Father figures in our lives sure love their puns. You might roll your eyes at them and cringe at levels unknown to humankind, but here comes one of Pap’s corny dad jokes. That one joke that will get you bursting with laughter out of nowhere. And that’s when your dad got you; you’re in his domain now. No one will blame you for falling into this trap, as good puns are worth every bit of a chuckle they can get.

Without further ado, dig into this list of funny pun jokes! Share them with your friends and family, and try your best to mediate the laughter levels. We all know that feeling when the short jokes hit so hard we can’t stop laughing, and our stomachs would rather go on a vacation than continue. Don’t forget to vote for your favorites, and happy laughing!

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#1

Speed Of Light

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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    #2

    Sudden Realization

    I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

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    María Hermida
    María Hermida
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    5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄 That's me!!!

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    #3

    Unemployment

    I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work

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    #4

    Split Personality

    "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

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    #5

    Sinking Ship

    I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

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    #6

    How To Get Holy Water

    How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

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    #7

    Just A Fantasy

    Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

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    #8

    Glass Coffins

    Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

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    Pun Vs. Joke: What's the Difference?

    If you're wondering what might be the difference between a joke and a pun, it's a simple one. Regular jokes usually focus more on the informative side: you have to know the context and be relatively well-informed about the topic to get the full gist of it.

    Funny puns, though, are particular kinds of jokes that are based on wordplay. Of course, you still need to know the context to understand them, but the main "dish" depends on how you twist the words. You might not need that much storytelling to set up, but puns usually work best when you’re making fun of the situation in front of you.

    Essentially, every pun is a joke, but not every joke is a pun. And the combination of the two brings us to today’s subject—funny pun jokes. They provide us with captivating storytelling and funny play of words under the roof of one single joke.

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    #9

    A Balance Check

    I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

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    KittyPiano3
    KittyPiano3
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not)

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    #10

    Dyslexia

    When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

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    #11

    Taking Things Literally

    It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

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    #12

    The Difference Between

    What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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    #13

    All Right

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now

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    Where Do Punny Jokes Come From?

    One can only imagine where the roots of fun puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-toothed tiger a Lightsaber-toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when these amazingly funny pun jokes were born, but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day.
    #14

    Wind Farm

    Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

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    #15

    Day Off

    I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

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    #16

    The Veteran

    The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran

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    #17

    Elevator Farts

    My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels

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    #18

    Loose Dogs

    A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

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    #19

    Losing Your Luggage

    I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

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    #20

    Quality Camouflage

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

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    #21

    Karma Lessons

    Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve

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    What Kind of Fun Puns Could You Use to Make Someone Laugh?

    You won’t find a formula that will allow you to make everyone burst into laughter. Everyone’s different; people have varying interests and hobbies and different senses of humor, so shooting your shot with an all-rounder isn’t guaranteed to work. It would help if you analyzed your audience, get to know their buttons, and gently push them. You don’t want to go overboard with naughty two-liner jokes, and you don’t want to go in too easy, either. 

    Both situations can warrant weird looks and awkward chuckles. But don’t worry; put in the time needed to understand your audience and prepare the material accordingly. If everything sounds and is timed right, it doesn’t matter who you tell the joke to. Your friend, mom, or boss will all appreciate a good joke.
    #22

    A Kidney Bank

    England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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    Gemma Lees
    Gemma Lees
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria.

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    #23

    Maybe So, Maybe No

    What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

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    #24

    She's All Right

    Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine

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    #25

    Wrong Lane

    When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

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    #26

    Solution To Everything

    All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution

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    #27

    Night Stand

    The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

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    Gemma Lees
    Gemma Lees
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard.

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    #28

    Under Control

    A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

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    What Would Be Some Horrible but Funny Puns That Even Dad Couldn’t Beat?

    Taking the top step in punny jokes against your dad is no simple feat. You’re up against someone who had years of practice and countless opportunities to expand their arsenal of sarcastic dad jokes, and they’re not thinking of stepping down any time soon.

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    The key to success might be funny but unfunny jokes. Something that, on a typical day, would make your eyes roll back into your skull. You might get the whole family groaning, but we assure you, after you make that pun, your dad will gaze upon you like you’re made of gold. And that will start an outstanding competition of terrible dad jokes!
    #29

    Wordplay

    When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents

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    #30

    Heart Of A Lion

    Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo

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    Carol Emory
    Carol Emory
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basement...I'm in biiiigggg trouble!"

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    #31

    Photo Film

    She had a photographic memory but never developed it

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    #32

    Ignorance And Apathy

    Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

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    #33

    Sneaky Janitor

    What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

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    Jim Price
    Jim Price
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Weird Al used this in his movie "UHF"... and the janitorial staff was oriental.

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    #34

    Blood Type

    My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

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    Twenty øne doggos
    Twenty øne doggos
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think I saw this on a Reddit thread or something. I remember that someone completely missed the joke.

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    What’s Some Inappropriate World Play That Would Make Your Auntie Blush?

    Another kind of fun puns to make your more “traditional” aunties blush would be those that touch on more sensitive topics with a dash of dark humor. Some people might tolerate adult jokes less than others, so you must pick your moments.

    While the safest bet to unleash your dark-humored jokes would be at friend gatherings, family occasions can sometimes work, too. Make sure you have some backup, though, because if you’re the only one laughing, you might get some weird looks thrown at you.

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    #35

    Population Growth

    Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

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    Sabina Lorraine
    Sabina Lorraine
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am I the only one who read it as a song..? Every day I'm shuffling... Do do do do dodudo.. XD

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    Charlie Clarke
    Charlie Clarke
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ireland is the richest country because the capital is always Dublin.

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    #36

    Mrs. Hippie

    What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi

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    #37

    A Mean Crook

    A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending

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    #38

    A Peaceful Nap

    There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up

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    #39

    Changing My Mind

    I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

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    #40

    Funny Puns

    What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird

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    Gemma Lees
    Gemma Lees
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos....

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    #41

    Party Plans

    How do you throw a space party? You planet

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    #42

    Funny Puns

    My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

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    #43

    Funny Puns

    What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

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    #44

    Funny Puns

    How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

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    Foxxy
    Foxxy
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    5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 groups of people you can’t trust are lawyers, judges and politicians. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people.

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    #45

    Funny Puns

    What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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    #46

    Funny Puns

    Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

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    BusLady
    BusLady
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. Its deer tracks. No, it's bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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    #47

    Funny Puns

    I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person

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    #48

    Funny Puns

    I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

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    #49

    Funny Puns

    What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire

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    #50

    Funny Puns

    What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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    #51

    Funny Puns

    I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon

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    #52

    Funny Puns

    I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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    #53

    Funny Puns

    The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

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    #54

    Funny Puns

    Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

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    #55

    Funny Puns

    The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction

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    #56

    Funny Puns

    Need an ark? I Noah guy

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    #57

    Funny Puns

    I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap

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    Foxxy
    Foxxy
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ain’t that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. Ahhhh

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    #58

    Funny Puns

    Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

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    #59

    Funny Puns

    German sausage jokes are just the wurst

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    Harleen
    Harleen
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    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But it doesn't matter how kind you are. German children are always kinder.

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    #60

    Funny Puns

    I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'

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    #61

    Funny Puns

    How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it

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    #62

    Funny Puns

    I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

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    #63

    Funny Puns

    What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist

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    #64

    Funny Puns

    I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it

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    Wyndmere
    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. My brother said carrots, cauliflower, and celery are c food too. I asked him who taught him to spell.

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    #65

    Funny Puns

    What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine

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    #66

    Funny Puns

    Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them

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    #67

    Funny Puns

    Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

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    #68

    Funny Puns

    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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    #69

    Funny Puns

    The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents

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    #70

    Funny Puns

    What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

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    #71

    Funny Puns

    What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.

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    Taura Šitkauskaitė
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    #72

    Funny Puns

    Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine

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    #73

    Funny Puns

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill

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    Foxxy
    Foxxy
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob

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    #74

    Funny Puns

    Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!

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    #75

    Funny Puns

    I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that

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    Carol Emory
    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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    #76

    Funny Puns

    How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars

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    Marcellus the Third
    Marcellus the Third
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rome wasn't split into two? But the Roman empire was split in an eastern (centered around Constantinople) and western empire (around Rome) --- so the pun works there.

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    #77

    Funny Puns

    I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience

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    BusLady
    BusLady
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Practicing without a licence is ill-legal.

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    #78

    Funny Puns

    Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak

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    Harleen
    Harleen
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals!

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    #79

    Funny Puns

    I bought a boat because it was for sail

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    #80

    Funny Puns

    What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit

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    MATT LOPEZ
    MATT LOPEZ
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? There are Skid marks in front of the dear!😜

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    Ladies and Gentlemen, the End

    Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever simultaneously—punny jokes will never get boring, even if they'd be the last one-liner jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. But we agree with most dads on the planet—a dose of good puns is always worth a good laugh. From classy to sassy, pun jokes that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes) are the best in the world.
    #81

    Funny-Puns

    What did the volcano say to his wife? I lava you

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    #82

    Funny-Puns

    How did Harry Potter come down the hill? Walking. Jk... Rolling

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    #83

    Funny-Puns

    Change is inevitable, except from vending machines

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    #84

    Funny-Puns

    The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blown away by the leaf blower

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    #85

    Funny-Puns

    My 9-year-old and I passed a store with a sign that read “Watch Batteries Installed - $5.” He seemed confused: “Who would pay to watch batteries installed?”

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    #86

    Funny-Puns

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

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    #87

    Funny-Puns

    There was this kid in my class who wouldn't laugh at anything. So I told him 10 jokes in hopes that they would make him laugh but no pun in ten did

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    Kevin Kennedy
    Kevin Kennedy
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like my version more, thoughts? : There was this man who wouldn't laugh at anything. So I told him 10 puns, in hopes that they would make him laugh, but, no pun in ten did

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    #88

    Funny-Puns

    I'm so bright, my mother calls me "son"

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    #89

    Funny-Puns

    When driving past a cemetery he said: "Wow, people are dying to go there!"

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    Foxxy
    Foxxy
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hubby says this all the time, it gets a bit old lol.

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    #90

    Funny-Puns

    What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea

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    #91

    Funny-Puns

    After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it

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    #92

    Funny-Puns

    Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy

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    Harleen
    Harleen
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read a horror book in braille once. I could really feel the suspense!

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    #93

    Funny-Puns

    My skiing skills are really going downhill

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    jimprice avatar
    Jim Price
    Jim Price
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had a friend once who wanted to try water skiing... he gave up because he couldn't find a sloping sea.

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    #94

    Funny-Puns

    "I dedicate this to my dad, who was a roofer. Dad, if you're up there..."

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    BusLady
    BusLady
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking down from that giant ladder in the sky. Was his name Jacob by any chance?

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    #95

    Funny-Puns

    How do turtles communicate with each other? With shell phones

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    Gemma Lees
    Gemma Lees
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's only one girl the turtle will carry on his back, Michelle.

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    #96

    Funny-Puns

    I just had a near-sex experience… My whole wife flashed before my eyes

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    #97

    Funny-Puns

    My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins

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    #98

    Funny-Puns

    "I only have spades, diamonds, and clubs," Tom said heartlessly

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    #99

    Funny-Puns

    I was reading a book about anti-gravity; I couldn't put it down!

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    #100

    Funny-Puns

    99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

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    #101

    Funny-Puns

    How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch? Tea, Rex?

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    #102

    Funny-Puns

    How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed

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    #103

    Funny-Puns

    I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!

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    #104

    Funny-Puns

    Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside

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    Wyndmere
    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend opened a Beauty Parlor named “Curl Up and Dye”.

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    #105

    Funny-Puns

    Why is Queen considered a rock group when Mercury is a heavy metal?

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    #106

    Funny-Puns

    What do you call a Spanish pig? Porque

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    #107

    Funny-Puns

    When I went to college I was going to join the debating team but someone talked me out of it

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    #108

    Funny-Puns

    Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

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    #109

    Funny-Puns

    What did the mermaid wear to math class? An algae-bra

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    #110

    Funny-Puns

    Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written

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    #111

    Funny-Puns

    Why was the king one foot tall? Because he was a RULER!

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    Taura Šitkauskaitė
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    #112

    Funny-Puns

    What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta

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    #113

    Funny-Puns

    I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician when I pulled a habit out of a rat

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    #114

    Funny-Puns

    I only know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know why

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    Kevin Kennedy
    Kevin Kennedy
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    should be: I onl know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know wh

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    #115

    Funny-Puns

    I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now

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    #116

    Funny-Puns

    And then it hit me; I really shouldn't call my wife "it"

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    #117

    Funny-Puns

    It was raining cats and dogs. I stepped into a poodle

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    #118

    Funny-Puns

    What’s so great about whiteboards? If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!

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    #119

    Funny-Puns

    Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink

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    #120

    Funny-Puns

    What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks

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    #121

    Funny-Puns

    Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing

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    #122

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    What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha

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    #123

    Funny-Puns

    Why do French people eat snails? Because they won’t touch fast food

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    #124

    Funny-Puns

    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

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    #125

    Funny-Puns

    A man tells his doctor: “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies: “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

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    #126

    Funny-Puns

    A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence

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    #127

    Funny-Puns

    What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds

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    #128

    Funny-Puns

    I have the body of a 17 year old... in my trunk

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    #129

    Funny-Puns

    Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read

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    #130

    Funny-Puns

    I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words

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    #131

    Funny-Puns

    I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop any time

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    #132

    Funny-Puns

    My dad brought home a feral tiger without telling my mom first; it's tearing our family apart

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    #133

    Funny-Puns

    Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off

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    #134

    Funny-Puns

    I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex

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    #135

    Funny-Puns

    I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning, but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!

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    GFSTaylor
    GFSTaylor
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you hear about the fool who took his girlfriend out in the fog and mist ?

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    #136

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    I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me

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    #137

    Funny-Puns

    What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An Algorithm

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    #138

    Funny-Puns

    The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up

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    #139

    Funny-Puns

    The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery

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    #140

    Funny-Puns

    Why are there no cats on Mars? Because of Curiosity

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    #141

    Funny-Puns

    I was going to be a mortician but they told me it was a dying trade

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    #142

    Funny-Puns

    What did the necromancer use to style his hair? A catacomb

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    #143

    Funny-Puns

    Mary had a little lamb and a side of mashed potatoes

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    #144

    Funny-Puns

    Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight? All of those sleepless knights

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    Benjamin Epstein
    Benjamin Epstein
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There were also all the knights to sad the fight. They were the lonely knights.

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    #145

    Funny-Puns

    What do you call a thieving alligator? A crookodile

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    #146

    Funny-Puns

    What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear

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    #147

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    Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out

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    #148

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    Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo

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    #149

    Funny-Puns

    How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence

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    #150

    Funny-Puns

    Shout out to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets

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    #151

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    Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine

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    Gemma Lees
    Gemma Lees
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So he didn't need a cat scan? An undiagnosed illness could be catastrophic.

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    #152

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    What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1Forrest1

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    #153

    Funny-Puns

    What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

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    #154

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    I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes

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    William Bonner
    William Bonner
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's something you lose as you get older, but I can't remember what it is.

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    #155

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    Being struck by lightning is a shocking experience

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    #156

    Funny-Puns

    I don't see the humor in blind jokes

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    jimprice avatar
    Jim Price
    Jim Price
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How did Helen Keller burn her hands?... She tried to read the waffle iron.

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    #157

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    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying outside your front door? Matt

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    #158

    Funny-Puns

    A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans"

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    #159

    Funny-Puns

    Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant

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    #160

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    People don't like jokes about electrons because they're taken negatively

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    #161

    Funny-Puns

    What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline

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    jimprice avatar
    Jim Price
    Jim Price
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If they're doing it against their will during the worst of summer, they're hot, cross, bunnies.

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    #162

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    Why did the storm trooper end up with an iPhone? Because he couldn't find the droid he was looking for

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    #163

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    I think the biggest joke in life is that lawyers can't judge you

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    #164

    Funny-Puns

    How many times should you tickle a squid to laugh? Ten tickles

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    #165

    Funny-Puns

    On the other hand, you have different fingers

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    #166

    Funny-Puns

    Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing Windows

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    #167

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    What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller

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    #168

    Funny-Puns

    I bought some shoes on the drug black market. I don’t know what they’re laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day

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    Wyndmere
    Wyndmere
    Community Member
    5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thus the fallout of this generation lands another life flat on their face.

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    #169

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    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck

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    #170

    Funny-Puns

    I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta

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    #171

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    One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One job seeker wrote "Sitting."

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    #172

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    I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen

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    Phantom682
    Phantom682
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you're talking to your drugs you probably already said yes

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    #173

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    I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash

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    #174

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    My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast

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    #175

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    What does a spy do in the rain? He goes undercover

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    #176

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    What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials

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    #177

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    What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales

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    #178

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    Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah

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    #179

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    What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You are too young to smoke

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    #180

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    What do you call a tissue that is sleeping? A napkin

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    elichaffner avatar
    Kiss Army
    Kiss Army
    Community Member
    Premium     5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How do you make a tissue dance? (Put a little boogie in it!)

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    #181

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    People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box

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    #182

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    The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in

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    #183

    Funny-Puns

    Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak

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    #184

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    I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night. My dreams have never been clearer

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    #185

    Funny-Puns

    Is your iPad making you fall asleep? I can help - there’s a nap for that

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    #186

    Funny-Puns

    Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two tired

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    #187

    Funny-Puns

    I love you from my head tomatoes

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    #188

    Funny-Puns

    If you are always straightening things, you have OCD. If you are always eating things, you have OBCD

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    #189

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    I dug up a worm for fishing. It's the end of the line for him

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    #190

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    If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know

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    #191

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    I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something

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    #192

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    The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down

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    #193

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    Why did the rubber chicken cross the road? She wanted to stretch her legs.

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    Taura Šitkauskaitė
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    #194

    Funny-Puns

    I used to have an ant farm... Those critters didn't grow a thing!

    Wyg6q17Dd5sNq59h Report

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    #195

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    What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats

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    #196

    Funny-Puns

    What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!"

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    #197

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    What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

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    #198

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    How do you put a baby alien to sleep? You rocket

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    #199

    Funny-Puns

    Last time I got caught stealing a calendar. I got 12 months

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    #200

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    The thing I don’t like about shopping centers is when you see one, you’ve seen a mall

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    #201

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    Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale

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    #202

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    When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks

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    #203

    Funny-Puns

    My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night, I came home and my autobiography had been written

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    #204

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    He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends

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    #205

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    I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it

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    #206

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    Why did the lonely stock broker buy shares? To get some company

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    #207

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    You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right

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    #208

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    My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks

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    #209

    Funny-Puns

    What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen

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    #210

    Funny-Puns

    What did one eye say to the other? “Don’t look now, but something between us smells.”

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    #211

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    Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run

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    #212

    Funny-Puns

    Some bears are afraid of water, cause they are polar

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    marta_kjemprud avatar
    Martine Borge
    Martine Borge
    Community Member
    Premium     5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the first, and only, one I didn't get.. Can someone please explain? 🤔

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    #213

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    What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but if it kills you, you'll be dead

    d4m4s74 Report

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    #214

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    What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part

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    #215

    Funny-Puns

    What kind of car does a sheep drive? A LAMBorghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru

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    #216

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    What happens when a professional encounters a dilemma? A pro-blem!

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    #217

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    Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing

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    #218

    Funny-Puns

    What did one boat say to the other? “Are you up for a little row-mance?”

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