80 Funny Pun Jokes To Make Everyone Laugh At The Table

If you're wondering what might be the difference between a joke and a pun, it's a simple one. Regular jokes usually focus more on the informative side: you have to know the context and be relatively well-informed about the topic to get the full gist of it.

Funny puns, though, are particular kinds of jokes that are based on wordplay. Of course, you still need to know the context to understand them, but the main "dish" depends on how you twist the words. You might not need that much storytelling to set up, but puns usually work best when you’re making fun of the situation in front of you.

Essentially, every pun is a joke, but not every joke is a pun. And the combination of the two brings us to today’s subject—funny pun jokes. They provide us with captivating storytelling and funny play of words under the roof of one single joke.

#9

A Balance Check

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

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KittyPiano3 5 years ago

I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not)

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#10

Dyslexia

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

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HANS 5 years ago

... or well endowed!

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#11

Taking Things Literally

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

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Rowlie 5 years ago

Stealing this one

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#12

The Difference Between

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

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Lucinda Overhoussen 5 years ago (edited)

In a few more years no smokers around to get this.

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#13

All Right

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now

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Rowlie 5 years ago

Seems like not much was left of him

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Where Do Punny Jokes Come From?

One can only imagine where the roots of fun puns are hidden. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-toothed tiger a Lightsaber-toothed tiger? Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? There are no answers as to when these amazingly funny pun jokes were born, but it has kept its popularity from the dawn of ages to this day.

#14

Wind Farm

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

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Rowlie 5 years ago

Listening to the Wind of Change

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#15

Day Off

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

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Laugh Fan 5 years ago

It wasn't a leap year?

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#16

The Veteran

The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran

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Kim Bush 5 years ago

Kinda in bad taste

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#17

Elevator Farts

My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels

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Meop 5 years ago

Life has its ups and downs..

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#18

Loose Dogs

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

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Diane Bleyer 5 years ago

Good one

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#19

Losing Your Luggage

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on.

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#20

Quality Camouflage

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

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Xander K Occhipinti 5 years ago

hahaha

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#21

Karma Lessons

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve

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AloofFox 5 years ago

I understand the joke, but can’t see the pun.

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What Kind of Fun Puns Could You Use to Make Someone Laugh?

You won’t find a formula that will allow you to make everyone burst into laughter. Everyone’s different; people have varying interests and hobbies and different senses of humor, so shooting your shot with an all-rounder isn’t guaranteed to work. It would help if you analyzed your audience, get to know their buttons, and gently push them. You don’t want to go overboard with naughty two-liner jokes, and you don’t want to go in too easy, either.

Both situations can warrant weird looks and awkward chuckles. But don’t worry; put in the time needed to understand your audience and prepare the material accordingly. If everything sounds and is timed right, it doesn’t matter who you tell the joke to. Your friend, mom, or boss will all appreciate a good joke.

#22

A Kidney Bank

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

We also genuinely have a place called Cockermouth in Cumbria.

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#23

Maybe So, Maybe No

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

This got me buzzing!

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#24

She's All Right

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine

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HANS 5 years ago

No bones about it.

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#25

Wrong Lane

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

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BusLady 5 years ago

Or in the wrong country.

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#26

Solution To Everything

All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution

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BusLady 5 years ago

But not good solution, for some. :-(

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#27

Night Stand

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

I could table a meeting with the chair of their sideboard.

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#28

Under Control

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

Eye see what you did there!

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What Would Be Some Horrible but Funny Puns That Even Dad Couldn’t Beat?

Taking the top step in punny jokes against your dad is no simple feat. You’re up against someone who had years of practice and countless opportunities to expand their arsenal of sarcastic dad jokes, and they’re not thinking of stepping down any time soon.

The key to success might be funny but unfunny jokes. Something that, on a typical day, would make your eyes roll back into your skull. You might get the whole family groaning, but we assure you, after you make that pun, your dad will gaze upon you like you’re made of gold. And that will start an outstanding competition of terrible dad jokes!

#29

Wordplay

When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents

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Michelle Muirhead 5 years ago

Well done!

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#30

Heart Of A Lion

Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo

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Carol Emory 5 years ago

That's like Larry the Cableguy's joke. "I've go the body of a 16 year old. And if the cops ever find out she's in my basement...I'm in biiiigggg trouble!"

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#31

Photo Film

She had a photographic memory but never developed it

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HANS 5 years ago

She was waiting for that 'Kodak moment'.

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#32

Ignorance And Apathy

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

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Ed Lesperance 5 years ago

ROTFLMAO

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#33

Sneaky Janitor

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

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Jim Price 5 years ago

Weird Al used this in his movie "UHF"... and the janitorial staff was oriental.

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#34

Blood Type

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

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Twenty øne doggos 5 years ago

I think I saw this on a Reddit thread or something. I remember that someone completely missed the joke.

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What’s Some Inappropriate World Play That Would Make Your Auntie Blush?

Another kind of fun puns to make your more “traditional” aunties blush would be those that touch on more sensitive topics with a dash of dark humor. Some people might tolerate adult jokes less than others, so you must pick your moments.

While the safest bet to unleash your dark-humored jokes would be at friend gatherings, family occasions can sometimes work, too. Make sure you have some backup, though, because if you’re the only one laughing, you might get some weird looks thrown at you.

#35

Population Growth

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

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Jarrid Yelton 5 years ago

That's really stupid but I LOVE IT!

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#36

Mrs. Hippie

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi

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SprinkleDrop 5 years ago

😂

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#37

A Mean Crook

A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending

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Victoria Rey Piuma 5 years ago

Oooh, sophisticated

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#38

A Peaceful Nap

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up

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Red 5 years ago

that went from 100000 to 0 real quick

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#39

Changing My Mind

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

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Rowlie 5 years ago

You were not headstrong enough

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#40

Funny Puns

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

Ale of Two Cities, A Brief History Of Wine, The Last of The Mojitos....

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#41

Party Plans

How do you throw a space party? You planet

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Xander K Occhipinti 5 years ago

what did the astronaut say when he was interviewed? No comet.

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#42

Funny Puns

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

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That One Guy 5 years ago

Cough Cough Grunkle Stan Cough Cough

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#43

Funny Puns

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves

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Meop 5 years ago

I sea what you did here

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#44

Funny Puns

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

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Foxxy 5 years ago (edited)

2 groups of people you can’t trust are lawyers, judges and politicians. EDIT : sorry 3 groups of people.

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#45

Funny Puns

What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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Victoria Rey Piuma 5 years ago

Hihihi

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#46

Funny Puns

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

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BusLady 5 years ago

2 blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks. Its deer tracks. No, it's bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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#47

Funny Puns

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

I'd attend a funeral that early over my dead body!

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#48

Funny Puns

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

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Rowlie 5 years ago

I'm crazy about this one

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#49

Funny Puns

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire

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BusLady 5 years ago

It didn't suit the poor man.

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#50

Funny Puns

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

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Sadie Shapiro 5 years ago

It's terrible and that's why I love it.

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#51

Funny Puns

I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm kinda late to the thread, the good ones argon

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KittyPiano3 5 years ago

FUN FACT: cats are made of iron, lithium, and neon. FeLiNe

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#52

Funny Puns

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

I'd have to dig deep to afford one.

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#53

Funny Puns

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

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Tom Hardeveld 5 years ago

so did Gaston...

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#54

Funny Puns

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

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the Lemon Queen 5 years ago

well I can do it in my sleep!

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#55

Funny Puns

The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction

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KittyPiano3 5 years ago

That was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one

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#56

Funny Puns

Need an ark? I Noah guy

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BusLady 5 years ago

Like new. Only used for 40 days.

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#57

Funny Puns

I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra... It was a booby trap

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113points

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Foxxy 5 years ago

Ain’t that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. Ahhhh

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#58

Funny Puns

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

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Benjamin Epstein 5 years ago

Oh no! He’s got a stuffed animal! Run!

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#59

Funny Puns

German sausage jokes are just the wurst

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Harleen 5 years ago

But it doesn't matter how kind you are. German children are always kinder.

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#60

Funny Puns

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'

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Rowlie 5 years ago

I bet You Polished off everything though

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#61

Funny Puns

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it

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Ryo Bakura 5 years ago

Jew really think that's funny?

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#62

Funny Puns

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

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Claire Ross 5 years ago

Quite an important debate

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#63

Funny Puns

What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist

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104points

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KittyPiano3 5 years ago

Whaddya call a vampire duck? Count quackula

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#64

Funny Puns

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it

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103points

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Wyndmere 5 years ago

I’m on a c food diet; candy, cookies, and cake. My brother said carrots, cauliflower, and celery are c food too. I asked him who taught him to spell.

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#65

Funny Puns

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine

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AloofFox 5 years ago

Technically, grape juice is not wine... yet.

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#66

Funny Puns

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

They're always jumping for joy and never hopping mad!

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#67

Funny Puns

Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up!

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#68

Funny Puns

He who laughs last thinks slowest

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Jim Price 5 years ago

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

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#69

Funny Puns

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents

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Jim Price 5 years ago

Fix-it Felix could change that.

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#70

Funny Puns

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

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Benjamin Epstein 5 years ago

I got a new thesaurus not only is it bad, it’s bad.

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#71

Funny Puns

What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.

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Taura Šitkauskaitė

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Aileen 5 years ago

Heard this same joke with two oceans.

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#72

Funny Puns

Why is the number six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine

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Xander K Occhipinti 5 years ago

such an old joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#73

Funny Puns

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill

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Foxxy 5 years ago

What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob

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#74

Funny Puns

Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!

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KittyPiano3 5 years ago

What about the fox-trot

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#75

Funny Puns

I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that

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82points

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Carol Emory 5 years ago (edited)

Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." The man said "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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#76

Funny Puns

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars

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Marcellus the Third 5 years ago

Rome wasn't split into two? But the Roman empire was split in an eastern (centered around Constantinople) and western empire (around Rome) --- so the pun works there.

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#77

Funny Puns

I'm not a doctor but I'm losing my patience

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BusLady 5 years ago

Well, if you're not a doctor, that's probably why. Practicing without a licence is ill-legal.

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#78

Funny Puns

Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak

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Harleen 5 years ago

I'm a proud member of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals!

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#79

Funny Puns

I bought a boat because it was for sail

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75points

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

It really made waves when I came home with it!

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#80

Funny Puns

What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit

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68points

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

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MATT LOPEZ 5 years ago

What is the difference between a dead dear and a dead lawyer? There are Skid marks in front of the dear!😜

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Ladies and Gentlemen, the End

Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever simultaneously—punny jokes will never get boring, even if they'd be the last one-liner jokes left on Earth. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. But we agree with most dads on the planet—a dose of good puns is always worth a good laugh. From classy to sassy, pun jokes that can make anyone laugh (or roll their eyes) are the best in the world.

#81

Funny-Puns

What did the volcano say to his wife? I lava you

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21points

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Benjamin Epstein 5 years ago

Was he hot?

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#82

Funny-Puns

How did Harry Potter come down the hill? Walking. Jk... Rolling

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Dani 5 years ago

This is hilarious! Should be higher!

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#83

Funny-Puns

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines

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Lily Moon 4 years ago

Tru. Very tru

2points

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#84

Funny-Puns

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blown away by the leaf blower

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20points

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Meop 5 years ago

And we were absolutely floored by tiles!

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#85

Funny-Puns

My 9-year-old and I passed a store with a sign that read “Watch Batteries Installed - $5.” He seemed confused: “Who would pay to watch batteries installed?”

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20points

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#86

Funny-Puns

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

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19points

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Cheryl Wilcox 5 years ago

So Chompsky on that.

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#87

Funny-Puns

There was this kid in my class who wouldn't laugh at anything. So I told him 10 jokes in hopes that they would make him laugh but no pun in ten did

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19points

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Kevin Kennedy 5 years ago

I like my version more, thoughts? : There was this man who wouldn't laugh at anything. So I told him 10 puns, in hopes that they would make him laugh, but, no pun in ten did

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#88

Funny-Puns

I'm so bright, my mother calls me "son"

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19points

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Benjamin Epstein 5 years ago

I’m so bright everyone screams when I enter the room!

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#89

Funny-Puns

When driving past a cemetery he said: "Wow, people are dying to go there!"

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19points

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Foxxy 5 years ago

My hubby says this all the time, it gets a bit old lol.

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#90

Funny-Puns

What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea

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19points

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Gemma Lees 5 years ago

Why did the sand blush? Because the sea weed.

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#91

Funny-Puns

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it

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18points

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Michelle Muirhead 5 years ago

Ouch!

2points

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#92

Funny-Puns

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy

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18points

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Harleen 5 years ago

I read a horror book in braille once. I could really feel the suspense!

12points

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#93

Funny-Puns

My skiing skills are really going downhill

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18points

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Jim Price 5 years ago

Had a friend once who wanted to try water skiing... he gave up because he couldn't find a sloping sea.

4points

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#94

Funny-Puns

"I dedicate this to my dad, who was a roofer. Dad, if you're up there..."

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18points

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BusLady 5 years ago

Looking down from that giant ladder in the sky. Was his name Jacob by any chance?

2points

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#95

Funny-Puns

How do turtles communicate with each other? With shell phones

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18points

POST

Gemma Lees 5 years ago

There's only one girl the turtle will carry on his back, Michelle.

3points

reply

#96

Funny-Puns

I just had a near-sex experience… My whole wife flashed before my eyes

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18points

POST

#97

Funny-Puns

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins

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18points

POST

Lily Moon 4 years ago

Hahaha!! ❤️❤️❤️

2points

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#98

Funny-Puns

"I only have spades, diamonds, and clubs," Tom said heartlessly

IAmTheBoxGhostBeware Report

17points

POST

#99

Funny-Puns

I was reading a book about anti-gravity; I couldn't put it down!

TickleMurderer Report

17points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago (edited)

Just drop it! ...Oh, weight....

1point

reply

#100

Funny-Puns

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

minsookim1398 Report

17points

POST

Deni Castro 2 years ago

1% of lawyers

0points

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#101

Funny-Puns

How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch? Tea, Rex?

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17points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Dinner, Saur?

2points

reply

#102

Funny-Puns

How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed

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17points

POST

#103

Funny-Puns

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!

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17points

POST

#104

Funny-Puns

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside

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17points

POST

Wyndmere 5 years ago

A friend opened a Beauty Parlor named “Curl Up and Dye”.

8points

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#105

Funny-Puns

Why is Queen considered a rock group when Mercury is a heavy metal?

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17points

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#106

Funny-Puns

What do you call a Spanish pig? Porque

Who_cares_about_name Report

16points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

"But why?"

4points

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#107

Funny-Puns

When I went to college I was going to join the debating team but someone talked me out of it

Tom_Bombadilll Report

16points

POST

Lily Moon 4 years ago

javascript:void(0);

1point

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#108

Funny-Puns

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

minsookim1398 Report

16points

POST

#109

Funny-Puns

What did the mermaid wear to math class? An algae-bra

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16points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Or bra and panty? A mathing set.

2points

reply

#110

Funny-Puns

Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written

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16points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

"Let's eat grandma."

6points

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#111

Funny-Puns

Why was the king one foot tall? Because he was a RULER!

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15points

Taura Šitkauskaitė

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

He didn't believe in metric. He was an Emperialist.

1point

reply

#112

Funny-Puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta

Who_cares_about_name Report

15points

POST

#113

Funny-Puns

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician when I pulled a habit out of a rat

b_team_hero Report

15points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

And discovered you had dyslexia?

1point

reply

#114

Funny-Puns

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know why

matschmid Report

15points

POST

Kevin Kennedy 5 years ago

should be: I onl know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know wh

0points

reply

#115

Funny-Puns

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now

reddit.com Report

15points

POST

#116

Funny-Puns

And then it hit me; I really shouldn't call my wife "it"

throwaway_929 Report

15points

POST

Lily Moon 4 years ago

Hahaha!!

1point

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#117

Funny-Puns

It was raining cats and dogs. I stepped into a poodle

letshavesomeyumyum Report

15points

POST

#118

Funny-Puns

What’s so great about whiteboards? If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!

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15points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Unless you screw up and grab a Sharpie by mistake.

0points

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#119

Funny-Puns

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink

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15points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

I hope he had Dr. Pepper on speed dial.

1point

reply

#120

Funny-Puns

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks

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15points

POST

#121

Funny-Puns

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing

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15points

POST

AloofFox 5 years ago

A classic.

3points

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#122

Funny-Puns

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha

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15points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

What do you call a drunk motorcycle? A Kawa-saki.

0points

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#123

Funny-Puns

Why do French people eat snails? Because they won’t touch fast food

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15points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Do they also eat Turtle soup?

0points

reply

#124

Funny-Puns

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

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15points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

"Nah. Quit clowning around." .

2points

reply

#125

Funny-Puns

A man tells his doctor: “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies: “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

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15points

POST

#126

Funny-Puns

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence

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15points

POST

Lily Moon 4 years ago

javascript:void(0);

1point

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#127

Funny-Puns

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds

Who_cares_about_name Report

14points

POST

#128

Funny-Puns

I have the body of a 17 year old... in my trunk

JustCallMeCally Report

14points

POST

Deni Castro 2 years ago

Too late!

0points

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#129

Funny-Puns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read

Urgullibl Report

14points

POST

Cris Şerbu 5 years ago

Groucho Marx

3points

reply

#130

Funny-Puns

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words

Who_cares_about_name Report

14points

POST

#131

Funny-Puns

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop any time

geoff_beardsley Report

14points

POST

#132

Funny-Puns

My dad brought home a feral tiger without telling my mom first; it's tearing our family apart

OccasionallyWitty Report

14points

POST

#133

Funny-Puns

Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off

minsookim1398 Report

14points

POST

#134

Funny-Puns

I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex

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14points

POST

#135

Funny-Puns

I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning, but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!

Report

14points

POST

GFSTaylor 5 years ago

Did you hear about the fool who took his girlfriend out in the fog and mist ?

1point

reply

#136

Funny-Puns

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me

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14points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

...and smacked me in the jaw.

1point

reply

#137

Funny-Puns

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An Algorithm

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14points

POST

Lerrinus 5 years ago

Out! Just get out! *points at door* Groan!

0points

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#138

Funny-Puns

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up

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14points

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#139

Funny-Puns

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery

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14points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

...and banging the drums.

-1point

reply

#140

Funny-Puns

Why are there no cats on Mars? Because of Curiosity

PepperClover Report

13points

POST

#141

Funny-Puns

I was going to be a mortician but they told me it was a dying trade

aarontminded Report

13points

POST

#142

Funny-Puns

What did the necromancer use to style his hair? A catacomb

Avartes Report

13points

POST

#143

Funny-Puns

Mary had a little lamb and a side of mashed potatoes

nastyn8g Report

13points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

Mary had a little lamb, and the doctor fainted.

6points

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#144

Funny-Puns

Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight? All of those sleepless knights

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13points

POST

Benjamin Epstein 5 years ago

There were also all the knights to sad the fight. They were the lonely knights.

0points

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#145

Funny-Puns

What do you call a thieving alligator? A crookodile

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13points

POST

#146

Funny-Puns

What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear

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13points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

And now you know what thunder really is.

2points

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#147

Funny-Puns

Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out

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13points

POST

#148

Funny-Puns

Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo

tallpilot Report

12points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Ha-wail-ii

1point

reply

#149

Funny-Puns

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence

Who_cares_about_name Report

12points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

BTW, Luke, Father's Day is coming up.

0points

reply

#150

Funny-Puns

Shout out to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets

Sudz705 Report

12points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

That's because they're Bored walks.

-1point

reply

#151

Funny-Puns

Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine

Report

12points

POST

Gemma Lees 5 years ago

So he didn't need a cat scan? An undiagnosed illness could be catastrophic.

5points

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#152

Funny-Puns

What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1Forrest1

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12points

POST

Deni Castro 2 years ago

It should be R1ForrestR1

0points

reply

#153

Funny-Puns

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

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12points

POST

KittyPiano3 5 years ago

Pretty cheesy, but it’s grate

3points

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#154

Funny-Puns

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes

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12points

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William Bonner 5 years ago

There's something you lose as you get older, but I can't remember what it is.

3points

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#155

Funny-Puns

Being struck by lightning is a shocking experience

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12points

POST

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

Truly electrifying.

1point

reply

#156

Funny-Puns

I don't see the humor in blind jokes

ah_yes_go_on Report

11points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

How did Helen Keller burn her hands?... She tried to read the waffle iron.

0points

reply

#157

Funny-Puns

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying outside your front door? Matt

BushaPalooza Report

11points

POST

meow point1 5 years ago

What does Matt drink? Ampu-tea.

1point

reply

#158

Funny-Puns

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans"

Who_cares_about_name Report

11points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

"I spend all my time just lying a round.

-1point

reply

#159

Funny-Puns

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant

tree22211 Report

11points

POST

#160

Funny-Puns

People don't like jokes about electrons because they're taken negatively

OPDidntDeliver Report

11points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

You positive about that?

5points

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#161

Funny-Puns

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline

Who_cares_about_name Report

11points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

If they're doing it against their will during the worst of summer, they're hot, cross, bunnies.

3points

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#162

Funny-Puns

Why did the storm trooper end up with an iPhone? Because he couldn't find the droid he was looking for

PepperClover Report

11points

POST

#163

Funny-Puns

I think the biggest joke in life is that lawyers can't judge you

reddit.com Report

11points

POST

Nathaniel Keeling 2 years ago

only the judge can judge you

0points

reply

#164

Funny-Puns

How many times should you tickle a squid to laugh? Ten tickles

Adriann11 Report

11points

POST

#165

Funny-Puns

On the other hand, you have different fingers

minsookim1398 Report

11points

POST

#166

Funny-Puns

Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they’re having trouble installing Windows

Report

11points

POST

#167

Funny-Puns

What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller

Report

11points

POST

#168

Funny-Puns

I bought some shoes on the drug black market. I don’t know what they’re laced with, but I’ve been tripping all day

Report

11points

POST

Wyndmere 5 years ago

Thus the fallout of this generation lands another life flat on their face.

2points

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#169

Funny-Puns

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck

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11points

POST

the Lemon Queen 5 years ago

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? Me :P

-2points

reply

#170

Funny-Puns

I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta

Report

11points

POST

#171

Funny-Puns

One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One job seeker wrote "Sitting."

Report

11points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

He was lie-ing.

-1point

reply

#172

Funny-Puns

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen

Report

11points

POST

Phantom682 2 years ago

If you're talking to your drugs you probably already said yes

1point

reply

#173

Funny-Puns

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash

Report

11points

POST

#174

Funny-Puns

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast

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11points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

It's gonna cost a lotta bread to reopen.

2points

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#175

Funny-Puns

What does a spy do in the rain? He goes undercover

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11points

POST

#176

Funny-Puns

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials

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11points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Unidentified Flying Obstacles.

-1point

reply

#177

Funny-Puns

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales

Report

11points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

I feel as though you're milking this one.

2points

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#178

Funny-Puns

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah

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11points

POST

#179

Funny-Puns

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You are too young to smoke

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11points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

But Dad, it's Kool.

-1point

reply

#180

Funny-Puns

What do you call a tissue that is sleeping? A napkin

Report

11points

POST

Kiss Army Premium 5 years ago

How do you make a tissue dance? (Put a little boogie in it!)

0points

reply

#181

Funny-Puns

People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box

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11points

POST

KittyPiano3 5 years ago

They just want a smokin’ hot body

3points

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#182

Funny-Puns

The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in

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11points

POST

#183

Funny-Puns

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak

Who_cares_about_name Report

10points

POST

#184

Funny-Puns

I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night. My dreams have never been clearer

Report

10points

POST

#185

Funny-Puns

Is your iPad making you fall asleep? I can help - there’s a nap for that

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10points

POST

#186

Funny-Puns

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two tired

Report

10points

POST

#187

Funny-Puns

I love you from my head tomatoes

Report

10points

POST

#188

Funny-Puns

If you are always straightening things, you have OCD. If you are always eating things, you have OBCD

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10points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

That one's EZ2C.

4points

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#189

Funny-Puns

I dug up a worm for fishing. It's the end of the line for him

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10points

POST

#190

Funny-Puns

If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know

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10points

POST

Xander K Occhipinti 5 years ago

what do you call a high lizard? A mariguana!

7points

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#191

Funny-Puns

I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something

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10points

POST

Monika Soffronow 5 years ago

Oh, come down, will you!

2points

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#192

Funny-Puns

The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down

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10points

POST

#193

Funny-Puns

Why did the rubber chicken cross the road? She wanted to stretch her legs.

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9points

Taura Šitkauskaitė

POST

#194

Funny-Puns

I used to have an ant farm... Those critters didn't grow a thing!

Wyg6q17Dd5sNq59h Report

9points

POST

#195

Funny-Puns

What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats

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9points

POST

#196

Funny-Puns

What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!"

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9points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Cheeze, it's cold in here.

1point

reply

#197

Funny-Puns

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

Report

9points

POST

#198

Funny-Puns

How do you put a baby alien to sleep? You rocket

Report

9points

POST

#199

Funny-Puns

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar. I got 12 months

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9points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

You're lucky it wasn't one of those 18-month calendars.

0points

reply

#200

Funny-Puns

The thing I don’t like about shopping centers is when you see one, you’ve seen a mall

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9points

POST

#201

Funny-Puns

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale

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9points

POST

KittyPiano3 5 years ago

But nine lives

1point

reply

#202

Funny-Puns

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks

Report

9points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

Somehow, I can't picture that.

1point

reply

#203

Funny-Puns

My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night, I came home and my autobiography had been written

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9points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

It was a haunting tale.

2points

reply

#204

Funny-Puns

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends

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9points

POST

Beeps 5 years ago

Mercedes Benz, concrete doesn’t.

2points

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#205

Funny-Puns

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it

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9points

POST

#206

Funny-Puns

Why did the lonely stock broker buy shares? To get some company

Report

9points

POST

#207

Funny-Puns

You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right

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9points

POST

Jim Price 5 years ago

Wine, wine, wine, that's all they do!

6points

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#208

Funny-Puns

My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks

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8points

POST

Kevin Kennedy 5 years ago

....Whoops...oh, wait.... that is my vacuum, and it blows.

0points

reply

#209

Funny-Puns

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen

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8points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago

Dayrogen, if you think about it.

1point

reply

#210

Funny-Puns

What did one eye say to the other? “Don’t look now, but something between us smells.”

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8points

POST

BusLady 5 years ago

I hear that joke was in poor taste.

2points

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#211

Funny-Puns

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run

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8points

POST

#212

Funny-Puns

Some bears are afraid of water, cause they are polar

drchaos2000 Report

6points

POST

Martine Borge Premium 5 years ago

This is the first, and only, one I didn't get.. Can someone please explain? 🤔

0points

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#213

Funny-Puns

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but if it kills you, you'll be dead

d4m4s74 Report

6points

POST

KittyPiano3 5 years ago

Ya’ don’t say

1point

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#214

Funny-Puns

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part

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