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125 Funny Phrases To Stun Even The Most Expressful Friend

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We can all come up with quite a number of savage comebacks, remarks, or just simply funny phrases to respond to someone. However, it’s usually too late, the conversation has ended, you’re in the shower, and it’s only the soap bar and shampoo bottles listening to you. Worry not! This list will provide you with the funniest comebacks and remarks, ready to use on the go.

If you ever wondered what kind of funny catchphrases you could use in a conversation with your friends, the options are limitless. Here on this list, gathered today are funny sayings. From hilarious one-liners expressing your innermost feelings to more creative and funny alternatives for the famous “hold my beer.”

There are also perfectly summed-up sentences about the struggles in life that we might experience, but of course, with a dash of comedy to add that spice into our lives that we might be missing.

So if you’re all out of funny phrases to say to your friends, dig into this list and expand your dictionary of snappy comebacks!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it’s suspicious.

33points

Anonymous 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

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#2

I’m sorry, I have to go. You’re boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in.

30points

Anonymous 2 years ago

I'm stealing this insult !

12points

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#3

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.

30points

AVGucky 2 years ago

...but recently I had a fight with myself, and now we don't talk...

12points

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#4

Life is a bowl of soup, and I’m a fork.

28points

Louwolfy 2 years ago

HAHA i love this one

5points

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#5

Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.”

28points

axle f 1 year ago

see.....if it's their bedroom? i just stay out of it...

1point

#6

I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.

27points

AVGucky 2 years ago

I love this and will add it to my life motto 😂

11points

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#7

Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.

27points

AVGucky 2 years ago (edited)

... and some prefer living in darkness 🙈

9points

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#8

I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.

26points

Anonymous 2 years ago

✨ Relatable ✨✌️

9points

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#9

When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.

25points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

When you wake up sober on Monday morning, it's probably a Tuesday noon.

6points

#10

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?

25points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Duh!

1point

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#11

Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.

25points

Lorinda Woerner 2 years ago

Ha ha. I do this!!!

3points

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#12

I stopped fighting my inner demons, we’re on the same side now.

25points

Lorinda Woerner 2 years ago

This could be described as my life's greatest achievement

5points

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#13

My brain has too many tabs open.

24points

axle f 1 year ago

overindulging in diet soda again i see...

3points

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#14

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

24points

Louwolfy 2 years ago

good point

1point

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#15

Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest.

23points

Anonymous 2 years ago

Every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes.

12points

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#16

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

23points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Why? This one will be easy to guess, everybody wins. No? Ok.

6points

#17

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

23points

axle f 1 year ago

pronounced 'un IQ?'

4points

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#18

Some days you’re the bird. Some days you’re the statue.

23points

AVGucky 2 years ago

Sometimes I think being reborn as a gull or pigeon could be fun

6points

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#19

It might look like I’m doing nothing. But, in my head, I’m quite busy.

23points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Doing nothing is actually exhausting - you never know when you're done

10points

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#20

Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.

23points

axle f 1 year ago

that's pretty dumb.

3points

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#21

Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

22points

StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 1 year ago

Hmmmm… what about “the sun is the limit?” I betcha nobody’s been there!

3points

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#22

I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”—if it were a good morning, I’d still be sleeping and not talking to people!

22points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

My boss always begins with 'Good morning', and then he proceeds to tell me why it isn't.

9points

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#23

I’m not sluggish. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

22points

AVGucky 2 years ago

Sleeping IS doing something 😌

8points

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#24

“Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards.

22points

Lorinda Woerner 2 years ago

I never realized that

8points

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#25

As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.

21points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

I needed that bs excuse today, thanks BP

9points

#26

I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastinate.’

21points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Attaboy

5points

#27

They say don’t try this at home… so I went to my friend’s home!

21points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

A village somewhere is missing their idiot

11points

#28

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

21points

axle f 1 year ago

how's dog feel about all this? or is it all about you?

1point

#29

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.

20points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

I know a place or two 🪳

3points

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#30

Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood.

20points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Then give 120% for a good cause

5points

#31

Don’t you wish they made a clap-on-clap-off device for some people’s mouths?

20points

Kat Nt 2 years ago

OMG YES!

3points

#32

Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it!

20points

Neon 1 year ago

And scr**wed it up... ;)

3points

#33

The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

19points

Lorinda Woerner 2 years ago

And all the birthday cakes

2points

#34

A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.

19points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Thank you for your kind encouragement.

6points

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#35

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

19points

axle f 1 year ago

that may be how you find out you're wroing, really

3points

#36

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

19points

axle f 1 year ago

Advil is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't

5points

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#37

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

18points

#38

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

18points

axle f 1 year ago

a bank is a place that will give you money if you can prove you can take it

3points

#39

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

18points

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#40

People say ‘Go big or go home’ like going home is a bad thing.

18points

axle f 1 year ago

you've not met my family have you?

5points

#41

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.

18points

StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 1 year ago

Annabeth Chase is perfect also then

3points

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#42

If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

17points

Kimberly Ledig 1 year ago

How about actually not taking forever to fix it?

1point

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#43

Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.

17points

#44

Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door.

17points

Francine Govan 2 years ago

Or stapling water to a tree!!

7points

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#45

He who laughs last, didn't get it.

17points

StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 1 year ago

Sometimes I laugh but I don’t get the joke, it’s just ridiculously easy to make me laugh. Even if other people laugh and I don’t know why, I’ll laugh because they’re laughing. The rules do not apply to me!

4points

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#46

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

16points

axle f 1 year ago

i disagree. now we're in agreement....yes?

1point

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#47

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.

16points

General Spyro 1 year ago

this

1point

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#48

Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.

16points

General Spyro 1 year ago

It’s never ‘Did you have a good day’, it’s , So how was your day today?’

2points

#49

Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.

16points

StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 1 year ago

*mock gasp* As an avid daydreamer, I am insulted! /s

2points

#50

I am an example to others. A bad example.

16points

DaDragonSeesU 1 year ago

I’m a cautionary tale.

2points

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#51

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

16points

axle f 1 year ago

your voices talk only to me because they know how jealous you are

1point

#52

I’d be offended, but I’m too busy mentally correcting your errors.

15points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

This.... ha ha

1point

#53

If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off of it!

15points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Like from the edges, you mean? Damn, I wandered off to the dodgy corner of the internets again.

5points

#54

I do all my ironing in the dryer.

15points

Maryam Yunusa 1 year ago

That's good for u

0points

#55

Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.

15points

axle f 1 year ago

chocolate doesn't grow on trees, you lknow..

1point

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#56

They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself.

15points

Lorinda Woerner 2 years ago

Sorry but money buys me a whole lot of happiness.

2points

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#57

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

15points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

I thought wine was the answer....... but i don't really remember what the question was

3points

#58

Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

14points

axle f 1 year ago

i plan q doesn't work -- don't lbe happy, worry

1point

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#59

I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor, though.

14points

Kat Nt 2 years ago (edited)

I didn't "fall" because I'm clumsy, I just do random gravity checks

5points

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#60

Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.

14points

Mingo Contraventum 1 year ago

You're in real trouble if your arguing with yourself turns into a fist fight.

1point

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#61

I’m not sleeping, I’m resting my eyelids.

14points

billie wright 2 years ago

Love this one!

2points

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#62

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

14points

#63

World Magazine has come out with a new survey: Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

14points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Thank god they didn't arrive at 7/5th

0points

#64

Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.

13points

General Spyro 1 year ago

Isn’t that a paradox?

2points

#65

Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.

13points

#66

The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.

13points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

If you think the problems I create are bad, wait to see my solutions!

2points

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#67

The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane.

13points

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#68

Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

13points

#69

I’m never wrong. I’m just different levels of right.

13points

axle f 1 year ago

I'm always right, except when i'm wrong

2points

#70

My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.

12points

#71

I finally found a machine at the gym that I like: the vending machine!

12points

#72

I get enough exercise from pushing my luck.

12points

#73

My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

12points

axle f 1 year ago

if you two weren't always winding him up like you do...

5points

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#74

A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

12points

#75

Cancel my subscription—I don’t need your issues.

12points

#76

I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.

12points

#77

How many times must I flush before you finally go away?

12points

#78

A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth.

12points

#79

The road to success is always under construction.

12points

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#80

They say crime doesn’t pay. So does my current job make me a criminal?

12points

#81

They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don’t want even the slightest risk.

12points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

3points

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#82

We can’t all be princesses. Someone has to wave when I roll by.

12points

#83

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

12points

#84

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

12points

#85

Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

11points

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#86

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

11points

#87

There are people who are living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.

11points

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Here I am, entertain me

2points

#88

My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.

11points

#89

I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!

11points

#90

There’s no “we” in fries.

11points

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#91

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

11points

#92

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

11points

#93

Death is hereditary.

11points

Elycia Clemans 1 year ago

So is diarrhea, it runs in your jeans!

2points

#94

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

11points

Kat Nt 2 years ago

I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability.

3points

#95

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

10points

#96

According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.

10points

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#97

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

10points

#98

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party.

10points

#99

Where there is a "will," there are 500 relatives.

10points

#100

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

10points

#101

Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him.

9points

Anonymous 2 years ago (edited)

Happens to the best of us!

4points

#102

If you can’t live without me, then why aren’t you dead yet?

9points

Vix Spiderthrust 2 years ago

See also Ken Dodd: "How can I miss you if you won't go away?"

5points

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#103

God created the world. Everything else is made in China.

9points

General Spyro 1 year ago

And all the electrical appliances and gadgets are made in Japan

1point

#104

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.

9points

#105

I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.

9points

#106

Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation.

9points

#107

Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled.

9points

#108

I’m not ignoring the alarm clock, I’m waiting to see who breaks first.

9points

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#109

I’m cooler than the other side of the pillow.

9points

#110

Never ask a starfish for directions.

9points

The Numerator 1 year ago

Patrick?

0points

#111

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

9points

#112

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

9points

#113

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

9points

#114

I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny sayings.

8points

Anonymous 2 years ago

That's what your kid said!

3points

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#115

You know what they say—dynamite comes in small packages.

8points

#116

Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.

8points

#117

Do people talk about you behind your back?

Simply fart.

8points

#118

There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.

8points

Samantha Angell 1 year ago

AZ had 31 consecutive days over 110° this summer. Just saying.

0points

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#119

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my food. Where does pasta even live?

8points

#120

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has avarage taste.

7points

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#121

Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world? You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa.

7points

#122

With a face like yours, you have a good chance in a lawsuit against your parents.

7points

#123

Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms!

7points

#124

In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, I’m going to shake you off.

6points

#125

Everyone is today years old when they find out coriander is dead and dry cilantro.

6points

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Neilas Šurkus

I'm Neilas, Content Production Manager for Bored Panda in the Home & Design category. In this role, I try to ensure the quality of our articles to bring the best possible web surfing experience to our readers. I love a well-structured, informative, and illustrative article, whether it's for design ideas, gardening solutions, or cute dogs and cats. I made it my mission to ensure our readers get to experience the same thing. As for my personal interests, I produce music, sometimes go out and take pictures of nice stuff, and have petrol running through my veins. I'm an avid fan of Formula 1 and Motorsport in general, taking every chance I get to burn some rubber at local go-cart tracks. Of course, movies, gaming, and racing simulators are a big part of my daily life, too.

I'm Neilas, Content Production Manager for Bored Panda in the Home & Design category. In this role, I try to ensure the quality of our articles to bring the best possible web surfing experience to our readers. I love a well-structured, informative, and illustrative article, whether it's for design ideas, gardening solutions, or cute dogs and cats. I made it my mission to ensure our readers get to experience the same thing. As for my personal interests, I produce music, sometimes go out and take pictures of nice stuff, and have petrol running through my veins. I'm an avid fan of Formula 1 and Motorsport in general, taking every chance I get to burn some rubber at local go-cart tracks. Of course, movies, gaming, and racing simulators are a big part of my daily life, too.

Saimonas Lukošius

Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Marisha Kazaryan

I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important! Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums.

I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important! Good coffee and good music make everything better. When I’m not telling stories, you’ll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums.

What do you think ?

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