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We can all come up with quite a number of savage comebacks, remarks, or just simply funny phrases to respond to someone. However, it’s usually too late, the conversation has ended, you’re in the shower, and it’s only the soap bar and shampoo bottles listening to you. Worry not! This list will provide you with the funniest comebacks and remarks, ready to use on the go.
If you ever wondered what kind of funny catchphrases you could use in a conversation with your friends, the options are limitless. Here on this list, gathered today are funny sayings. From hilarious one-liners expressing your innermost feelings to more creative and funny alternatives for the famous “hold my beer.”
There are also perfectly summed-up sentences about the struggles in life that we might experience, but of course, with a dash of comedy to add that spice into our lives that we might be missing.
So if you’re all out of funny phrases to say to your friends, dig into this list and expand your dictionary of snappy comebacks!
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#1
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then it’s suspicious.
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#2
I’m sorry, I have to go. You’re boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in.
#4
Life is a bowl of soup, and I’m a fork.
#5
Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.”
#6
I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.
#7
Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.
#8
I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.
#9
When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
When you wake up sober on Monday morning, it's probably a Tuesday noon.
#10
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?
#11
Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.
#14
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
#15
Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest.
#16
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
#17
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
#19
It might look like I’m doing nothing. But, in my head, I’m quite busy.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Doing nothing is actually exhausting - you never know when you're done
#20
Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.
#21
Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 1 year ago
Hmmmm… what about “the sun is the limit?” I betcha nobody’s been there!
#22
I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”—if it were a good morning, I’d still be sleeping and not talking to people!
Headless Roach 2 years ago
My boss always begins with 'Good morning', and then he proceeds to tell me why it isn't.
#23
I’m not sluggish. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.
#24
“Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards.
#25
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
#27
They say don’t try this at home… so I went to my friend’s home!
#28
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
#29
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.
#30
Whatever you’re doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood.
#31
Don’t you wish they made a clap-on-clap-off device for some people’s mouths?
#32
Those who criticize our generation seem to forget who raised it!
#33
The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.
#34
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
#35
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
#36
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
#37
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
#38
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
#39
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
#40
People say ‘Go big or go home’ like going home is a bad thing.
#42
If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
#44
Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door.
#45
He who laughs last, didn't get it.
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 1 year ago
Sometimes I laugh but I don’t get the joke, it’s just ridiculously easy to make me laugh. Even if other people laugh and I don’t know why, I’ll laugh because they’re laughing. The rules do not apply to me!
#46
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
#47
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.
#48
Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.
General Spyro 1 year ago
It’s never ‘Did you have a good day’, it’s , So how was your day today?’
#49
Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.
#50
I am an example to others. A bad example.
#51
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
#52
I’d be offended, but I’m too busy mentally correcting your errors.
#53
If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off of it!
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Like from the edges, you mean? Damn, I wandered off to the dodgy corner of the internets again.
#55
Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.
#56
They say money doesn’t bring you happiness. Still, it is better to verify things for yourself.
#57
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Headless Roach 2 years ago
I thought wine was the answer....... but i don't really remember what the question was
#58
Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
#60
Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.
Mingo Contraventum 1 year ago
You're in real trouble if your arguing with yourself turns into a fist fight.
#61
I’m not sleeping, I’m resting my eyelids.
#63
World Magazine has come out with a new survey: Apparently, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
#64
Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
#66
The leading source of computer problems is computer solutions.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
If you think the problems I create are bad, wait to see my solutions!
#67
The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane.
#68
Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
#69
I’m never wrong. I’m just different levels of right.
#73
My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
#76
I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.
#81
They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm, but I don’t want even the slightest risk.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
#86
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
#87
There are people who are living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
#93
Death is hereditary.
#94
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
#98
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, find the person that life handed vodka to, and have a party.
#101
Somebody said today that I’m lazy. I nearly answered him.
#102
If you can’t live without me, then why aren’t you dead yet?
#103
God created the world. Everything else is made in China.
#105
I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
#114
I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny sayings.
#118
There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.
#121
Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world? You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa.
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