There's always "sperm donor" if you're really p!ssed with him

Good girl. Never change your whole life for another person.

That is SO very true

Anybody else still think of the 90's as like 10 years ago?

…this is so bad

"Somebody better call the doctor!"

In India we say a child and God are one and the same.

Well, it is Target.

Could be fun, selfreflective and harmless. Could be so gross

that guy is right

I once went to the bathroom in a music store. While I was in the cabin, two men came in and began commenting throughout their no. 1. Like "Aaaah, what a relieve" – "Yeah, nice" – "Great, huh?" – "As long as it flows …" – "Nice bathroom". Didn't stop until they finished. (I assumed they were slightly uncomfortable and tried to hide it before each other. It was kind of funny hearing grown up men act like little boys.)

Best review you can give

Then you know she knows her classics.

Aww they sound so sweet

f*****g Alexa

ALEXA SELF DESTRUCT

If you swear at google assistant it acts offended and offers to submit a trouble report.

alexa's an idiot

"Do something Jesus Christ"? Like walk on water? Raise the dead? Multiply the loaves and fishes?. Tell you what - I'll turn water into wine. That will make you happy, I bet.

So she turned water into wine.

When I was in high school, I was nicknamed "Cliffy," after the oft-mistaken know-it-all from Cheers. I bet if Alexa were a little less of girl's name that's what they'd nickname me today.

Alexa answers: "You will now address me as Boutros Boutros-Ghali Polly Wolly Doodle All Day or I will permanently stop working."

Felt

Not always the case with some people

Never been but how expensive is it? Edit: wow… that’s… bloody expensive 😰

Vote for the top pun!

I always sing: 'Oh, Annie, I'm Nacho Daddy'. And then I get hungry. 'Nacho Daddy' will be a nice name for a food truck, don't you think?

Resiprocity, so easy that kids get it, but to hard for adults.

It's all about your perspective

Kid is going places

thumbs up for positive reinforcement.

Details shmetails

He´s right, you know

In the middle of a panini! How very dare he. Her outrage is justified.

I need to learn to be this straight forward. Instead, my and all my people over here doing the Midwestern goodbye

Understandable. It's our Roman empire.

Yes, pay two $5 bills, get one $10 bill.

Slay queen.

buisnesspeople amirite?

Now the other girl can think about if she in return wants to be friends with a person with an ugly personality

Eating random plants is fun. It used to be a hobby of the botany department of the University of Queensland.

Cool! I have to look that up! Then find an engineer to explain it to me.

Is there such person really? I will never be emotionally ready to watch UP.

Nurse practitioners are great!

Upvote for plural of nemesis

I was doing a quiz with my parents while we shared a bottle of wine, and confidently named one of the three types of rock "sedentary". My mum went into hysterics and eventually declared that's what she's calling them from now on.

Hearing aids just make you more deaf!

🎵Spread your tiny wings and fly away🎵

These are days you'll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this. And as you feel it, you'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky. It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

True in a way.

I am the second kid.

Kid is not totally correct. Classic means old but still good.