There's always "sperm donor" if you're really p!ssed with him

Good girl. Never change your whole life for another person.

That is SO very true

Anybody else still think of the 90's as like 10 years ago?

…this is so bad

"Somebody better call the doctor!"

In India we say a child and God are one and the same.

Well, it is Target.

Mom: we are just going in for milk. Me: Walks out with 4 bags and a case of pop because Mom decided they had some good sales today.

"Their Guardian"! You are a wonderful being xxx

Average Target visit

My mom: "Alright guys, We're gonna get a backpack and that's it." 2 hours later: Cashier: "That will be $541 please."

Some people all the time *cough* mom I hope you are reading this *cough*

My husband has said this many times 😂😂😂😂

Soooooo relatable! I still ask my mom the same thing. When she says, “I only need to get some toilet paper,” I know she’ll fill the cart full of stuff. And that’s what ends up happening every time…

Because it's Target, my dear child.

Could be fun, selfreflective and harmless. Could be so gross

that guy is right

I once went to the bathroom in a music store. While I was in the cabin, two men came in and began commenting throughout their no. 1. Like "Aaaah, what a relieve" – "Yeah, nice" – "Great, huh?" – "As long as it flows …" – "Nice bathroom". Didn't stop until they finished. (I assumed they were slightly uncomfortable and tried to hide it before each other. It was kind of funny hearing grown up men act like little boys.)

Best review you can give

Then you know she knows her classics.

Aww they sound so sweet

f*****g Alexa

Not always the case with some people

Never been but how expensive is it? Edit: wow… that’s… bloody expensive 😰

Vote for the top pun!

I always sing: 'Oh, Annie, I'm Nacho Daddy'. And then I get hungry. 'Nacho Daddy' will be a nice name for a food truck, don't you think?

Resiprocity, so easy that kids get it, but to hard for adults.

It's all about your perspective

Kid is going places

thumbs up for positive reinforcement.

Details shmetails

He´s right, you know

In the middle of a panini! How very dare he. Her outrage is justified.

I need to learn to be this straight forward. Instead, my and all my people over here doing the Midwestern goodbye

Understandable. It's our Roman empire.

Yes, pay two $5 bills, get one $10 bill.

Slay queen.

buisnesspeople amirite?

Now the other girl can think about if she in return wants to be friends with a person with an ugly personality

Eating random plants is fun. It used to be a hobby of the botany department of the University of Queensland.

Cool! I have to look that up! Then find an engineer to explain it to me.

Is there such person really? I will never be emotionally ready to watch UP.

Nurse practitioners are great!

Upvote for plural of nemesis

I was doing a quiz with my parents while we shared a bottle of wine, and confidently named one of the three types of rock "sedentary". My mum went into hysterics and eventually declared that's what she's calling them from now on.

Hearing aids just make you more deaf!

🎵Spread your tiny wings and fly away🎵

These are days you'll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this. And as you feel it, you'll know it's true that you are blessed and lucky. It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

True in a way.

I am the second kid.

Kid is not totally correct. Classic means old but still good.

I usually answer "Still on the right side of the grass!"

Aww the Bart Simpsons of the world grew up. Kind of.

I have dyspraxia. The way I tie a shoe is by buying slip-ons. Is that clear enough, do you think?