According to Social Psychologist Martingano from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, most adults are “missing out” on the benefits of talking to people they don’t (yet!) know. "People miss out on these benefits for three main reasons: lack of intention (underestimating the joy of these conversations for themselves and others), lack of competence (not knowing how to hold these conversations), and lack of opportunity," she explained to Bored Panda in an email.

The host of the ‘What Do You Mean?’ blog said that people need to overcome these barriers in order to promote conversations with their neighbors. “First, individuals may not want to talk to strangers, or [they] believe strangers do not want to talk to them. People have a good sense that a conversation with a friend will be enjoyable, but with strangers, we are anxious and more likely to assume it will go badly."

There is, however, a very positive caveat! "Research shows that people enjoy conversations with strangers more than they expect!" Martingano shared with us.

"We also underestimate the other person's interest in conversing. Looking for things like positive body language, eye contact, and smiling can provide clues that they might want to chat," she said.

"Second, people may feel they don't have competent interpersonal skills to break the ice and start a conversation with a neighbor. We worry about being likable and appearing competent but don’t know how to create these impressions. Generally, asking questions and sharing something a bit personal can create a positive impression."

She continued: "Third, folks may simply not see the opportunities in their everyday lives to speak to someone new. We often don’t think of bumping into our neighbor in the hall as an opportunity. If we go a little slower, we may see that there are more opportunities than we think."

Bored Panda was interested in finding out how people can have more empathy for their neighbors who are known to cause them trouble. After all, at least some friction and misunderstandings are inevitable between people who live in close proximity to one another.

"To foster empathy in these situations, it's crucial to practice perspective-taking. This involves actively trying to understand the experiences, motivations, and feelings of our neighbors, especially in challenging circumstances. As I often discuss in my talks, empathy is like a muscle that requires regular exercise," Martingano said.

However, she warned that people can overwork their empathy 'muscle' or they can try to 'pick up' a weight that's too heavy for them at the moment. "In cases of friction with neighbors, you don’t want to start trying to practice empathy by discussing their opposing political views. Begin with smaller exercises. For example, ask them what they think about the new garbage collection system or school bus route. Areas of minor disagreement can be a great place to start practicing seeing things from someone else's point of view before picking up the larger dumbbells," the expert suggested.

The interesting thing is that you can ‘exercise’ your empathy, even without any real people. “We can practice empathy while reading by trying to understand the feelings and motivations of fictional characters. Movies, theater, and even visual arts like the enigmatic Mona Lisa can serve as tools to enhance empathy. Think of these experiences as your empathy gym, a place where you can exercise your empathy muscles in a fictional environment, without the risk of offending anyone," Martingano told Bored Panda via email.

"Then, when you find yourself in a challenging exchange, where it's harder to discern feelings or perspectives of your neighbors, your empathy muscles will be stronger, thanks to these smaller, manageable practices."

In an ideal world, we’d all know and like our neighbors. We’d also all probably live in such a way that there’s a good balance between privacy and being social when we want it. And we’d all be able to solve any issues that crop up because we’d be proficient in diplomacy, clear communication, active listening, and looking for compromises.

We don’t know whether you’ve noticed it or not, but we certainly do not live in an ideal world. Tension and friction can and do lead to arguments between neighbors over everything and anything: noise, rudeness, annoying behaviors, bad habits, zoning issues, etc. Far from everyone’s capable of overcoming these neighborly challenges and miscommunication with grace and calmness. The reality is that fewer people know their neighbors now than decades ago.

Nor is everyone self-aware enough to admit that they might, in fact, be causing problems for someone else. Many people have an ego. When you bring up a problem with their behavior, they can get defensive or aggressive. Some people are so touchy that they even see friendly requests about not playing the music so bloody loud at night as a personal affront. How dare anyone not like their massive midnight parties on a work night?!

The first step to overcoming any issue with your neighbors is talking to them about the issue itself. You can leave them a friendly little note, send them a message (if you have their number or you’re connected on social media!), or chat with them the next time you see them outside. However, if it’s a more pressing problem that’s literally impacting your day-to-day life, consider walking up to their front door and asking them if you can talk for a couple of minutes.

We all enjoy seeing justice being done. Naturally, when we confront someone who’s done us wrong, we imagine all sorts of scenarios where we come out on top and our neighbors are remorseful for their God-awful behavior. But reality is often very different from our power fantasies. The fact is that if you start off the conversation angry, judgmental, and confrontational, you’re only making things worse. 

It’s usually best to be as cool and collected as possible. Start your conversation with your neighbor in a friendly or neutral manner. Explain the situation to them. Tell them how their behavior impacts you and how it makes you feel. You should try to avoid outright blaming them for things, even if they are 100% in the wrong. Remember, your goal is to get them to stop their current behavior and become more neighborly. If they start resenting you, they might make your life hell just because they can get a rise out of you.

Many people are perfectly reasonable. They’re willing to come to a compromise with you when they realize they’re in the wrong. But it’s essential that you take the time to actively listen to their perspective, too. Show them that you’re understanding and reasonable (so long as they’ll be the same…).

Take the time to connect with your problem neighbors… at least on a superficial level. It’s more difficult to do nasty things to people we personally know and like. Finding or creating some common ground between all of you can help you solve any future problems much more easily. And you never know, you might genuinely end up becoming cordial in the future.

Some of us have had experiences where problematic people eventually become our friends. But you won’t get there by accident. You need to put in the effort to get to know them. That might mean taking a few minutes to talk to them in the hallway or driveway. Or it may mean that you’ll be putting in the energy to get to know them at your local events. Consider inviting them to a barbeque or neighborhood party if you’re throwing one, too. 

However, let’s not be naive. Not everyone is rational. Not everyone is reasonable. Not everyone is willing to set aside their ego and admit that they’re the jerk in a particular situation. Self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and humility take concerted effort over a long time to develop. So if your friendly chat (or two, or three!) doesn’t get through to your neighbor, it’s time to escalate things. Talk to your local council, building administrator, or neighborhood association about the problem. Ask them to mediate the conflict.

If the local organizations and administrators can’t seem to get anything done, you might need to get in touch with your local law enforcement. In these situations, it helps if you have some evidence to back your claims up. You don’t want everything to devolve into a “we said/they said” sort of deal where your neighbors will go back to their old habits the moment the officers leave. In the worst-case scenarios, you will want to talk to your lawyer about taking your neighbors to court if they are actively harming you and damaging your property.

What's the strangest message or note you've ever gotten from a neighbor? Have you ever had to deal with problematic neighbors yourselves, Pandas? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments. In the meantime, for some more troublesome neighbor stories, check out Bored Panda's previous posts.