Let’s admit it, we all have a compartment in our brains where we keep all the fun stuff that we’ve once heard, read, or seen. Inside that compartment, there’s a smaller one dedicated entirely to funny movie quotes that, undoubtedly, opens up like Pandora’s box at the most inconvenient of times. Let’s say it’s your first day at a new job and you suddenly decide to greet someone with ‘Oh hi, Mark!’ Or maybe it’s your kid’s pet fish’s funeral, and somehow you choose to yell out ‘Hasta La Vista, baby!’ And God forbid you’ve decided to greet a cashier with Valar Morgulis, and now they think a public place is not where you are supposed to be. I, for one, upon hearing the word Royal, always, without even thinking, add in ‘with cheese’, and it is especially un-funny when the talk is about a real-life Queen. Well, funny to me because I know what I’m quoting, so it’s like an inside joke with myself.
We do not doubt that upon reading some of these funny quotes, you will feel a massive surge of nostalgia for the movies you watched decades ago, like Airplane!, Legally Blonde, and Ace Ventura. Thankfully, there’s this thing called the internet now, where you can always find your beloved movies to watch and re-watch them again and again. But the newer classics aren’t that far from these legends with quotable material, so you’ll also find hilarious quotes from Napoleon Dynamite, Guardians of the Galaxy, and 21 Jump Street. From very old movies to the newest, from comedies to thrillers, there’s always a witty quote that you just might use at one point or another.
So, dust off your brain compartment labeled ‘funny movie quotes,’ make some space for new material, and delve into our Compendium of Hilarity. Give your vote for one of these famous quotes, and don’t forget to tell your friends that fetch will never happen if they don’t read this article.
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." -The Insulting Frenchman to King Arthur when he and his knights arrive at the castle.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
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“[While looking at a very large castle] Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?” — Shrek.
Shrek
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"It's just a flesh wound." — The Black Knight to King Arthur, after losing both arms in the heat of combat.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
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"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." - Inigo Montoya to Vizzini after he utters "inconceivable" one too many times.
The Princess Bride
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”I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six". I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here.” - Guy Fleegman
Galaxy Quest
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"Well, I tried to start a revolution, but didn't print enough pamphlets so hardly anyone turned up." - Korg.
Thor: Ragnarok
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"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."- Jessica Rabbit explaining her unfairly-earned reputation to Eddie Valiant.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
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"'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!" — Honey to Lucius Best, also known as the superhero Frozone, who wants to bail on dinner and save the world from imminent destruction.
Incredibles
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“I am serious and don’t call me Shirley.” - Dr. Rumack responding to "Surely, you can't be serious.
Airplane!
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"6:30, dinner with me—I can’t cancel that again" - The Grinch.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
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"Well, a guy who dresses up like a bat clearly has issues." — Bruce Wayne.
Batman Begins
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"I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s." — Deadpool.
Deadpool
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"What do you mean, he don't eat no meat? That's okay, that's okay. I make lamb." — Aunt Voula.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
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Bob: "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
Peter: "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob."
Office Space
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“Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.” - Mrs. White.
Clue
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"There are 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." - Elwood to Jake as they try to make it to their gig on time.
The Blues Brothers
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"That's it, Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!" — Mushu.
Mulan
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"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." - Lord Dark Helmet explaining his relationship—or lack thereof—to Lone Starr.
Spaceballs
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“I’ll have what she’s having.” - Older Woman Customer to the waiter after witnessing Sally Albright fake an orgasm in the middle of Katz's Delicatessen.
When Harry Met Sally
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“Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it.“ - Drax.
Guardians of the Galaxy
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"Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass Hysteria!" - Dr. Peter Venkman trying to explain what will happen to New York if an ancient evil makes its way out of a recently-discovered gateway to another dimension.
Ghostbusters
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“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.” - Steven.
Airplane!
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“Insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops.“ - Mortimer.
Arsenic and Old Lace
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"It's not a man-purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one." — Alan Garner defending his sartorial choices.
The Hangover
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"Oh, look. Another glorious morning. Makes me sick!” - Winifred Sanderson.
Hocus Pocus
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"The best thing about visiting the President is the food! Now, since it was all free, and I wasn’t hungry but thirsty, I must’ve drank me fifteen Dr. Peppers." — Forrest Gump.
Forrest Gump
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"Earth is amazing! There are these things called farms. They put seeds in the ground, pour water on them, and they grow into food, like pizzas!" — The Captain.
Wall-E
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"Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: "Live people ignore the strange and unusual. I, myself, am strange and unusual."- Lydia.
Beetlejuice
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“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” — Dory.
Finding Dory
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"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room!" - President Merkin Muffley breaking up a physical altercation.
Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
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"We need a little less Forever 21 and a little more Suddenly 42." - Maura Ellis.
Sisters
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“My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.”
“That’s just something ugly people say.” - Fletcher Reede.
Liar Liar
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"What... How... Oh, look at this! Sons of the pharaohs! Give me frogs! Flies! Locusts! Anything but *you*! Compared to you, the other plagues were a joy!" — Dr. Bey.
The Mummy
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"I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight." — Emily dishing on her new "diet."
The Devil Wears Prada
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"He might be okay. [Beat. Huge explosion.] Well, no, probably not now." — Larry the cameraman after Phill Connors drives off a cliff with Punxastawney Phil.
Groundhog Day
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“Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.“ - Peggy.
The Mask
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"I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. [Someone catcalls her.] I object!" — Elle Woods, in her video essay application to Harvard Law School.
Legally Blonde
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"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." — Peter Clemenza giving instructions to a mafia henchman.
The Godfather
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Tommy: “Does this suit make me look fat?“
Richard: “No, your face does.”
Tommy Boy
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"If this relationship is ever gonna work between us, I need to feel free to party with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it."— Batman.
The Lego Movie
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness." - Jack Sparrow as he escapes a hallucination in which he's surrounded by versions of himself.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
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"I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." — Van Wilder dishing out some grade-A life advice.
National Lampoon's Van Wilder
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"Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!" - Wanda.
A Fish Called Wanda
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Vanessa: “Your parents are probably wondering where you are.”
Juno: “Nah… I mean, I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?”
Juno
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"This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather." - Phil Connors conveying his excitement about Punxsutawney Phil's forecast.
Groundhog Day
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"We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup." - Buddy.
Elf
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“You know, I’ve always wanted a child. And now I think I’ll have one on toast! “ - Winifred Sanderson.
Hocus Pocus
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“So, your body’s changing. Believe me, I know how that feels.” - Captain America.
Spider-Man: Homecoming
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“You got to put your behind in your past.“ - Pumbaa.
The Lion King
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“I hope that someday you’ll know the indescribable joy of having children and of paying someone else to raise them.” – Gomez to Uncle Fester on the joys of parenthood.
Addams Family Values
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"If I'm not back in five minutes… just wait longer." - Ace Ventura.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
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“Why don’t you make like a tree, and get out of here?” – Biff to George McFly in the diner.
Back to the Future
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"There's no top part – I definitely remember Dad having a top part!" — Barley.
Onward
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Cooper: “Humor, seventy-five percent.“
TARS: “Confirmed. Self destruct sequence in T minus 10, 9...“
Cooper: “Let's make that sixty percent.“
TARS: “Sixty percent, confirmed. Knock knock.“
Cooper: “You want fifty-five?”
Interstellar
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“Do you think when she goes to sleep, she counts herself?” - Nick Wilde.
Zootopia
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Simon Foster: ”It'll be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.”
Toby Wright: ”No, it won't. It'll be difficult-difficult-lemon-difficult. That is what it will be.”
In The Loop
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"Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here." - Melvin Udall to Nora after she asks him to walk an injured neighbor's dog.
As Good As it Gets
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"Keep the change, ya filthy animal." - Kevin McCallister.
Home Alone
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"The first rule of leadership: everything is your fault" - Hopper.
A Bug’s Life
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"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" - Chastity.
10 Things I Hate About You
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"Stupid is as stupid does." - Forrest Gump.
Forrest Gump
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"My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious." - Simone.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
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"Yeah, but I shoot with this hand." — Jim, demonstrating his irrepressibly shaky hand to Sheriff Bart.
Blazing Saddles
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"What is this? A center for ants?" - Derek Zoolander to Mugatu upon seeing a scale model of the literacy center named after him.
Zoolander
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"We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for…. One million dollars." — Dr. Evil, after recently waking from decades-long cryogenic freezing, completely missing the concept of inflation.
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
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“Yeah, if I wasn't terrified of heights, I'd probably love this. But I'm terrified of heights, so I don't love it!“ - Wasabi.
Big Hero 6
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“Brinkley is my dog. He loves the streets of New York as much as I do, although he likes to eat bits of pizza and bagels off the sidewalk and I prefer to buy them.” - Joe Fox
You've Got Mail
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“Luckily, in the history of humanity, nothing bad has ever happened from lighting hydrogen on fire.” - Mark Watney about burning nitrogen and O2 to create water.
The Martian
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“Eat my shorts.” - Bender.
The Breakfast Club
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“Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!” - Detective Carter.
Rush Hour
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"Martini. Gin, not vodka. Obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth." — Eggsy schooling his bartender on the one-and-only way to make a martini.
Kingsman: The Secret Service
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“If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” — Claire Foster.
Date Night
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"There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." - Nigel Powers during a tense meeting with his arch-rival, Goldmember.
Goldmember
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Conner: "Ten seconds is an eternity, Harry. It's a third of the way to Mars."
Harry: "Conner, we've talked about this. Thirty Seconds to Mars is the name of a band. It's not a fact."
Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
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"Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!" - Vladislav.
What We Do In The Shadows
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Bruce: "My hands are registered as lethal weapons. I accidentally kill you in a fight... I go to jail."
Cliff: "Anybody kills anybody in a fight, they go to jail. It’s called manslaughter."
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
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"This is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules." - Walter to Smokey when he steps over the line while bowling.
The Big Lebowski
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"It's like I have ESPN or something." — Karen Smith telling Cady Heron about her fifth sense.
Mean Girls
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"I'm glad he's single, because I'm going to climb that like a tree." - Megan to Annie after meeting a tall man at a party.
Bridesmaids
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Tomika: "So why don't you go on a diet?"
Dewey Finn: "Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?"
School of Rock
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"I don't know if you've been in a fight before, but there's not usually this much talking." - Spider-Man.
Captain America: Civil War
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“One more clean shot to the head and that woman could’ve avoided becoming a human Happy Meal” - Columbus.
Zombieland
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"It's not the years, honey. It's the mileage." - Indiana Jones to Marion Ravenwood on how he's aged.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
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"No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!" — Harry Dunne responding to a police officer ordering him to pull over.
Dumb and Dumber
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"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer to Flounder upon reviewing his grades.
National Lampoon's Animal House
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"60% of the time, it works every time."— Brian Fantana.
Anchorman
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“If we let you carry on running around town, you'll continue to be exceptional and we can't have that. You'll put us all out of a job.” - Met Chief Inspector.
Hot Fuzz
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“I'm immune to 179 different types of poison. I know because I ingested them all at once when I was deep undercover in an underground poison-ingesting crime ring.” - Rick Ford
Spy
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"I'm a mog - half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend." - Barf.
Spaceballs
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"There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy." - Elise to Dr. Morris Packman when he denies her more fillers.
The First Wives Club
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“My mom, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication.“ - Bridget.
Bridget Jones’s Diary
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"[to all the werewolves] What are we? We’re… [All, together] We’re Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves." - Anton the Werewolf.
What We Do in the Shadows
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“You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!” - Andy.
40 Year Old Virgin
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“Holy testicle Tuesday! Hey maybe I'll give you a call some time. Your number still 9-1-1? Alrighty then.”
— Ace Ventura.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
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March: "Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt."
Healy: "People got hurt."
March: "I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt."
The Nice Guys
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"I know who I am! I'm a dude playing the dude, disguised as another dude!" - Kirk Lazarus.
Tropic Thunder
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“You dirt-eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat!“ - Lucky Day.
Three Amigos
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“Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” — Pete to Ben on the joys of married life.
Knocked Up
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“…Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I’m the Dude, man.“ - The Dude.
The Big Lebowski
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“Damned alligator just popped up, cut me down in my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard’s eyes out though.” - Chubbs.
Happy Gilmore
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“No, you relax, you're the dead guy!“ - Oda.
Ghost
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"I'll have a Pina Colada, not virgin. Wanna see my ID? Totally have it!" — Jenna Rink.
13 Going on 30
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“If God was a city planner He would not put a playground next to a sewage system!” - Darald.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
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"The plot thickens, as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?" - Monsieur Gustave to Zero as they investigate a series of mysterious happenings in and around the hotel.
The Grand Budapest Hotel
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"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam." - Buck Russell.
Uncle Buck
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“He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?“ - Cher.
Clueless
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“Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb.“ - Batman.
Batman (1966)
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“You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.”- Buddy.
Elf
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“I’m in a glass case of emotion!” - Ron Burgundy lamenting the supposed death of his dog, Baxter.
Anchorman
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"McLovin? What kind of stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?"- Evan to Fogell on his choice of name on his fake I.D.
Superbad
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"It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy." — Annie Walker justifying her tears of joy to Helen, her consistently impeccable rival.
Bridesmaids
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"Our love is god. Let's go get a slushie." - JD to Veronica after picking her up from a bad date.
Heathers
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"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer to his son, Prince Akeem, on life's greatest lessons.
Coming to America
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“I don't believe in hell. I believe in UNEMPLOYMENT, but not hell.“ - Michael Dorsey.
Tootsie
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“I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.” - H.I. McDunnough.
Raising Arizona
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Rosie: “Love is the strongest thing in the world.”
Jojo: “I think you'll find that metal is the strongest thing in the world, followed closely by dynamite, and then muscles.“
Jojo Rabbit
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Rod Kimble: “All great men have mustaches!“
Frank Powell: “Yeah, but real men actually grow them!“
Rod Kimble: “You know I have a hormone disorder!”
Hot Rod
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“Thank God for the model trains. If they didn't have the model trains they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains.” - Amber Cole
A Mighty Wind
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“Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.” - Kip Dynamite.
Napoleon Dynamite
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"Faulkner is cauc…asian. Well, they got that wrong, because you're obviously white." — Ricky Baker on the run with his uncle (Sam Neill), reading a wanted poster.
Hunt for the Wilderpeople
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“Due to his “condition,” Micah was sent on an extended visit to his grandparents in Palatka, Florida. And if there’s one thing worse than chlamydia, it’s Florida.“ - Olive.
Easy A
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“Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey.” - Big Worm.
Friday
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“People say, "You must have been the class clown". And I say, "No, I wasn't". But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.” - Dr. Allan Pearl
Waiting for Guffman
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"Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern." — Steve Zissou, defending his crew from pirates.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
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"Is that all he said?" — Bob Harris expressing surprise after a lengthy directive in Japanese is translated into "He wants you to turn, look in camera."
Lost in Translation
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"Did Doogie Houser just steal my… car?" — Harold Lee reacting to Neil Patrick Harris, well, stealing his car.
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
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“Please. Have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday.” - Neal Page.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
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“You once were a ve-gone. But now you will be-gone.” — Scott Pilgrim.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
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"That is my least vulnerable spot." — Captain Renault to Rick Blaine when Rick points a gun at the captain's heart.
Casablanca
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"My ex-husband described it as watching his favorite pub burn down.” - Dr. Rawling on childbirth.
Bridget Jones's Baby
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“Why should I listen to you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive.“ - Tai.
Clueless
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“Liking comic books is popular, environmental awareness, being tolerant. If I was just born ten years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.” — Officer Morton Schmidt.
21 Jump Street
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“I'm very non-physically resourceful. I read a lot of intelligence, I read a lot of poems, and I've read all of the 'Hunger Games'.” - Nancy B. Artingstall.
Spy
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"I know you've been embezzelin' my pizzas, and I will catch you eventually. And when I do, I swear ta God, you will neva deliver pizzas in this town again!" — Mr. Pizzacoli.
Dude, Where's My Car?
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"Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?" - Royal Tenenbaum to Ari and Uzi after he's been banned from seeing his family.
The Royal Tenenbaums
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"We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about." - Sherri Ann Cabot to interviewer on her relationship with her much-older husband.
Best in Show
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Doug Butabi: “You can not take away our dreams.“
Steve Butabi: “Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them.”
A Night At Roxbury
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"You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore." - Andy ending his summer romance with Lindsay.
Wet Hot American Summer
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Lester: “If you play your cards right, you could have my body.“
Halley Reed: “Wouldn't you rather leave it to science?“
Crimes and Misdemeanors
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“Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want.“ - Ford.
The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
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“They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.“ - Terry.
The Other Guys
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“I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.“ - Ted.
There's Something About Mary
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“Mavis, I would keep all of this to yourself. I would find a therapist.”- Matt.
Young Adult
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