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Many parents describe parenting by basically not describing it. It’s magical, indescribable, they say. There can be some stigma attached to honestly venting or sharing the messy and chaotic reality of having kids. But for every tale of exhaustion, kids provide hilarious deadpan commentary for the most mundane things. 

Fortunately, this Instagram page gathers the confessions of millennial moms who want to vent to the world about the reality of parenting. So scroll down and enjoy these funny, honest tales about raising a child. And if you want to see some more collections of confessions, check out Bored Panda's other article here.

#1

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will do anything in my power to make sure my children feel this way because I never did.

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As tiny humans, kids are as varied as adults, so parents often find themselves needing to employ a variety of tactics to keep them in check. These styles will, inevitably, vary from culture to culture and will also often reflect the parent's own upbringing. In the American middle class, at least since the end of the Second World War, parents have often employed a more permissive style, which allows their children to feel independent and not constrained by constant rules.

Some of the responses and activities here indicate that the children do feel relatively free and unconcerned. Though kids also tend to not really know boundaries very well, so it could simply be that childlike innocence. Regardless, the permissive style has its detractors, as children often end up with poor self-discipline and tend to lack structure when approaching work and other activities. 

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#6

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VonBlade
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This has been on BP loads, and I laugh every time because I can't read it in anything but Susan Calman's voice.

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In some cultures, it is very common to have full-on discussions with a young child and baby. These discussions do tend to be pretty one-sided, with the parent telling the baby about itself. In West Africa, parents will also talk to their babies, but mostly about other people. In both cases, the child does benefit, however, as engaging with language helps them learn to speak and feel included in family conversations. This is why young children, seeing or hearing a conversation, will join in with their own babel, as they believe this is simply what one does in the situation. 

#7

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This makes me think of my daughter, then aged 4, who looked at me closely before nursery one morning and said: "Mummy, are you wearing make up today?" And I said, "Yes, actually, yes I am wearing a little bit." And she said, "You need more."

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#9

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Stary_cat
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum just says make your own and occasionally gets the ice cream and the spoons

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When kids get older, hopefully, they start to develop the ability to actually converse with others. Then comes the inevitable ocean of questions about practically everything. Why is the sky blue? Why are adults bigger? How does a car work? Can dogs understand us? While vital for a child to understand the world around them, this can be exhausting for adults who feel like they are in a never-ending interview. Some cultures circumnavigate the issue by emphasizing observation as the preferred method of learning. In other words, some parents have actually, successfully pulled off ’just sit in silence and watch.’

#10

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who takes time out of their day to message a person about something like that? Oh wait…I think we all know one.

El Howard
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You give the kids the stuff they actually LIKE eating? What a terrible parent! Stand over them with a belt and make them eat broccolli!

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#12

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Fizzer
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And here's your kid that didn't want to come but now doesn't want to leave.

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Others try to preempt the onslaught of questions. This makes sense, as a parent is an authority figure, so if you can’t tell your kid how gravity works, why would they believe you about anything else? In Indigenous American and New Zealand communities, storytelling is often employed to keep kids entertained and to explain to them how the world works. Though a particularly curious kid will probably end up asking hundreds of questions about the story itself, so it’s not a foolproof approach. 

#15

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Raising four kids, I can attest, sometimes you just gotta take it when its offered from your wife. Dont remind her she has spit up in her hair, or that you just witnessed her clean up some unholy messy something or other. And pro tip for guys: Change the sheets before bed, before being told to... iykyk...

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#16

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A Jones
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's okay to say "no", especially if requests are unreasonable like wanting to "paint the car" or "two desserts". It's a context thing. It's also okay to say "yes" to things if time/money are okay. Like a trip to the playground or going to the library.

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#18

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Mrs Irish Mom
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

3 days of labour and an emergency C-section and 12 days in hispital after that, 15 days off for me yay...

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#22

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Susie Elle
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same, but my mom would just go for a random bike ride in the evening for like 20 minutes by herself.

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#24

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Michelle Brandt
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've come up with clever ways to hide that I'm swearing. My husbands sees through them and immediately starts laughing.

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#25

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Coralinea
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My nieces, at 4+2 still think the screen only comes on when brushing teeth. No idea how my brother pulls it off.

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#26

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like an avocado in that I contain a lot of fat. Unlike an avocado it is not the “good fat.”

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#28

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Eric Lewis
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because the people that work at those places don't have kids and get to sleep in lol

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#29

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Eva Kašu
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

..but when you ask them about their favourite, daddy is da best :D

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#30

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll take it, as long as you stay on the other side of the door.

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#32

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#33

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Susie Elle
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This went for all moms in 80's and 90's movies - dad messed everything up and mom had to clean up the mess afterwards but somehow SHE was the no-fun parent.

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#37

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JelliTate
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh goodness! That’s the mom I was vs the mom I am now!! There’s a 23 year age difference between my youngest and oldest!! 😂😂😂😂

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#38

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When the perky young dental assistant asks if I floss every night, I sometimes have to hold back the manic laughter.

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#39

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sky
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

thats me when im trying to comfort my 12 year old sister when she is sick ( im 16 so we are not that far apart but i like to comfort her when she is sick)

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#40

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K W
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg this is my kid every day lol. Or he's like the kids in South Park when Chef asks how their day is and every time they say "bad".

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#52

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was about 19(M), getting checked for a hernia and I swear they had every female med student who were moonlighting as models come that day. Thank goodness their hands were freezing cold. My ex and i still laugh at that. One was told to grasp the testicles under the penis and have me turn my head and cough. The med student said I cant find it. I seriously hope she was talking about the hernia, thats what ive convinced myself of anyway

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#53

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my kid can learn there's one language for home (English), one for nursery (German) and one for synagogue (Hebrew), she can learn that some naughty words that might occasionally be said by mummy should only be said at home in extreme situations!

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#54

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The best parents are the ones who don't have kids, as the saying goes. Or the ones who have forgotten what it was like to have kids.

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#55

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Genericist
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you say it in a scouse accent, you could also be travelling by Furry. Which is... unsettling

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#56

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s definitely me. I also “help” the kids decide which candy to choose out of a mixed bowl when they are trick or treating.

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#58

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Adashimalover
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"mom my head hurts" "Okay hold on the confession between Adachi and Shimamura is about to happen"

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#59

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom and ex MIL finally just started buying us containers for christmas lol. To this day I have five 13x9 pans. I only bought one.....

#62

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#64

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did your kids stop playing with a toy, forget about for months and months and then the day you throw it away, they want it because its their most favorite toy ever or was it just mine?

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#65

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not by 4 thats when the carpet gremlins get home. Thats at 910am when you get them off to school after that triathlon of waking them up, having them get dressed and make an attempt to feed them

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#67

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never tell your spouse that they are overreacting or to calm down. It never ends well.

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#68

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What I don’t like is when other people in the store roll their eyes or make snide comments when this happens. I try to always walk by, smile and say “Been there.” 👍

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#72

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#77

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How many of my fellow Panda had a little of themselves unalive when you first heard one of our songs on the oldies station. I know i did.

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#78

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t complain on the off chance you might get sarcastic comments like “Welcome to motherhood!” (Duh) or mom-shamed.

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#79

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the gay they
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when i was younger i would say "toy-tota" instead of "toyota." my older sis would make me say it in front of her friends for entertainment.

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#80

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Alison Hell
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still like this as an adult. Elf on the shelf at work..Coworkers: dont touch it! Me: what, this? Boink!

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#81

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Adashimalover
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not even close to 30 and I still don't know half the slang terms people make 😭😭😭

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#83

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went out trick or treating with the fam, I had messy hair, looked disheveled af, said i was a parent. My ex didnt find it that amusing.

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#84

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Feathered Dinosaur
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're all ploys to be near you again. Kind of sweet when you think about it... and aren't currently the recipient of such affections

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#85

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#91

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true. How are they so mfuXXing sharp, and how do they grow so mfuXXing fast?! Just cut my baby's nails last night (potential for an Olympic event if ever I saw one) and he still managed to scratch himself under his eye in his sleep.

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#92

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you have to tell them to be quiet= everything is good vs When they are being quiet= bad, usually very bad

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#94

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Detroit Citizen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just on Halloween? Jokes on you, its year round lol. Its not grape juice...... Daddy doesnt share his grape juice with the kids, just mommy. Its special grape juice for adults only

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#97

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Trainingfortheballetpotteh🇺🇦
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is me when someone is being meant to my 6 year old brother! we fight teeth and nails at home but im the only one who can be mean to him. i will punch a 6 year old if they are mean to him.

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#99

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Michelle Reynolds
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Worst part of my divorce was that my ex was a chef...it's all mac-n-cheese now!

#101

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Mamza Paulse
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

as a Girl Scout I can confirm. I feel like a drug dealer, once you buy one you have to buy another. WE ARE INVINCIBLE MWA HAHAHAH.

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#103

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or at the fair pointing: “Look Mom! That lady has one leg!” 🤦🏻‍♀️

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#105

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Erica Knapp
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That face says he also took the kids to the store with him and I feel that lol

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#109

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Benita Valdez
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my one friend's house it almost always goes in waves. First is usually the 8 and 9 year old and once they're better then she gets sick. Once she's better then the 18 year old and husband get sick. Occasionally it's just one young, then mom and then husband but usually it sticks to the pattern

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#110

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cerinamroth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, but I say: "We give you plenty to eat. You now have 10 hours til breakfast, so you should have thought about that while you were titting around with your supper." They don't get anything until the morning apart from water. Otherwise they will always demand it!

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#112

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Erica Knapp
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son NOT pointing his toes downward when putting on pants...

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#113

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Sarah SH
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as he doesn’t call me twenty times to ask an obvious question or complain about something.

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#116

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Susie Elle
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't remember ever waking up my parents when I was awake as a child. I just went downstairs and watched cartoons or played with stuff. Ah, the 90's, where a lack of supervision was supervision :')

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Alison Hell
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son was famous for 'mom! Did you see that?! They just (whatever was going on at the time)!' Every single time we watched a movie together, over and over. 'Yes dear, I am sitting right beside you watching the exact same movie'. 😂

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