If was the perfect mother hen... before the chick hatched...

Haha *cries*

This one is perfect!

I don't have children, but can confirm that a 1-year-old dog behaves in this exact manner when spotted with something in his mouth and is told to "drop it". XD

Idk man I think the amount of times I threw up dinner could count as her complaining

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Same every Christmas

I would do everything to let my kid come to this birthday party

I don't want to have to be supernatural, I want enough support to be mediocre to good enough

Ok where do I get this??

I like when people say "count on me whenever you need" and then you try to count on them and their answer is like "don't ever forget I'm here for you, anytime you need" as they proceed to do nothing at all

All of the above except Fantasy audio books instead of true crime

Even the roomba joined in!

seems like nothing to me

Just useless...

One of my favorite stories I love to bring out whenever I have the chance. Once, in a Disneyland bathroom stall, I heard a father in the next stall calmly talking his young son through the bathroom process in that sing-song tone every parent uses with kids...and suddenly shifting to a panicked yell of "NO! NO! Don't touch that with your penis!" Moral of the story? No...you do not know what you're getting into

One thing they don't mention in the parenting books; Your love for them grows, the closer to dead they look - Tim Minchin, Lullaby

Dang. I actually think it's a great idea.

Yes, the noise! Why are human children so noisy?

Sometimes getting out all the pent up energy before going to sleep helps though

As read by a ridiculously tired mom rocking a somehow still awake 8 month old at 4:43 am

Rosa!

Moira!!! Mother of the century!!

I've feared as much...

Plot twist those are decorative plastic apples that all our grandparents had.

I totally misread 'by' as 'died' and it was like *my mommy died* which made everything funnier

Yep, turn into a ninja. But no onion cutting please!

Same, only it's cats instead of dogs

I can only see a beautiful tshirt floating, what's going on?

Me mentally preparing for school after staying up until 1:30 am scrolling bored panda