Immediately sent this to my wife.

Might be a tad slow typing with only three fingers, though ?

If my windows didn't have a mesh, there would be more bugs inside my house than outside

I'm sure most owners wouldn't mind too much if they were actually dead. It's when they drop a live one on your living room floor that it's problem.

hahahahaha, I'm going to start saying this. How you dune?

the world is not ready :D

I always wondered what the translation of "gom jabbar" was ...

Sacagawea staying silent like "so I don't want to interrupt y'all with reality but..."

the worst frustration I’ve ever known

Why believe in science when there's 4Chan and Russian X (Twitter) bots? I'm still waiting for 5G to activate the vaccine in me and kill me. I think that was supposed to happen a few times now.

In the future I will always pay attention to the neighbors. I currently live next door to a retiree who mows her lawn every other day, even when it's blazing hot and her grass is dead. You never realize the stress of living next to someone who is obsessed with their yard until you actually experience it. There's no privacy. She's always outside when I'm outside. I feel like I can't use my yard space at all. There's always a noise. She's always staring and lurking. My kids don't like to play outside because she tries to bother them. People need to be better neighbors. More people exist in this world than you.

POWitdaba, da BANG, da dang diggy diggy, no more fingy fingy...

Fortunately, most doctors are better at spotting lies than we think they are

What about when they refer to their children as their pets?

The rest of them is in h*ll for scaring my cats and dog.

No thank you. I'll take the chocolate eggs instead.

If you work in fast food and can't afford fast food then something is very wrong

Kind of short for a stormtrooper

The United Corporations of America.

God bless the Kentucky Fried Pizza Bell.

Now you know why people put their hands on their heart when saluting the flag -- it's a precursor to that heart attack.

They don't see the irony.

That's just Yum Co.

Has to be a fake - no stewed tomatoes!

Build it, and they will come.