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Snitches get glitches

Can someone please book this kid a speaking tour?

I have doubts.

and then everyone applauded- including me ,George Santos, the dad ...and the kid....and the dinner.....and you reading this... I am Legion. Legion Santos, the volleyball wunderkid.

Teach them young

Tbh, I have a three year old at home who could say this. They pick it up, and repeat it. So I get the sceptism, but I believe this.

Dad's gonna remember that when kiddo needs pick up from school. "They got legs, they can walk."

Riiiight. Your THREE YEAR OLD said that. Uh huh.

Three year olds generally do not have that level of vocabulary nor that level of entitlement. Yes, her father can cook his own food, and she can make herself cereal and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but helping each other in a family is a pretty low level expectation. Goid luck with your college fund kid.

My niece, 8, doesn’t like the vacuum noise. We asked her what she would do when she had to vacuum one day and she told us “that’s what husbands are for.” Touche, my girl, touche

who was the kid? Albert Einstein?

Sure, teach your kid to not care about other people, namely her father. Also, this is fake.

Good for you!! Teach young Barbie while she's young. I hate men, too. You go, girl.

*and everyone clapped*

This didn't happen. 3-year-olds don't talk like that.

Maybe you did just hadn’t realised it yet

I worked as a temp for a temporary company that the insurance outsourced it paperwork to. I was just regular admin, but the of the workers who talked to the doctors about claims informed me that the instructions that came down the line from the insurance company were, “deny, deny, deny, deny, until the doctors screams some more, does a c**p-load more of paperwork, and then maybe approve it.” I kid you not. If you still think universal healthcare is a bad idea, please don’t get seriously ill.

It’s not a toxic trait-

Amen!

Target is talking like you died of dysentery on the Oregon trail!

Ok wait! I've never considered winning therapy. This changes things.

It always annoys me that we can sleep wrong. Seriously, body, how is that so difficult?

You forgot overthinkinggggg

New name for baby cheetahs: cheetos

I am he. 😉

*pulls out notes* ahhhhh yyyyeeesssss

True, dat.

how snazzy

Fair enough, proceed.

Excellent observation

Snow White's stepmom was mad that a child was prettier than she was and tried to poison said child.

You can say he's mooooved on.

It's a vicious cycle really, but curious how they got this photo of me?

I have absolutely thought this. Wondered if a psych hospital would allow me to sleep enough.

Maybe they have PTSD from an incident involving a Great Dane coming into their house and eating the leftover Taco Bell that was on the table. Said Great Dane then proceeded to bark very loudly and wake up the OP, who was taking a nap. They thought that there was some sort of wild animal in the house, so they hid under the covers. The dog then left and OP checked the security cameras to see what it was. The OP then got angry because they were saving that Taco Bell for later. Since that day, they have never liked dogs.

Why even ask an eight year old this question? Or any age?

My singing in the shower might as well summon demons

Guilty, you caught me

I hit myself in the face when my brush got caught on my shirt the other day. The immediate anger I felt made my partner laugh lol

We did just that for our 9 year old Shih Tzu. 2 years later, she’s happier and has more pep in her step.

Hi, will you be opening the building tomorrow? I'm four hundred miles away on holiday, Joyce!......Is that a no then? You bet your dumb a$$ it's a no.

It’s mah Chickies^^

🤨

I’m pretty sure me making faces and playing peek-a-boo has something to do with it. Why do we not consider it odd to engage stranger babies?

Why you got jelly legs lil' cat??

He technically wasn't lying

And washing our hair with dish soap, yup.

Don’t spoil all the imaginary fun!

I’ve only been ghosted once and I later found out that this b***h of a man was married the whole time.

His name is probably Jake