👏👏👏👏👏

Snitches get glitches

Can someone please book this kid a speaking tour?

Maybe you did just hadn’t realised it yet

I worked as a temp for a temporary company that the insurance outsourced it paperwork to. I was just regular admin, but the of the workers who talked to the doctors about claims informed me that the instructions that came down the line from the insurance company were, “deny, deny, deny, deny, until the doctors screams some more, does a c**p-load more of paperwork, and then maybe approve it.” I kid you not. If you still think universal healthcare is a bad idea, please don’t get seriously ill.

It’s not a toxic trait-

Amen!

Target is talking like you died of dysentery on the Oregon trail!

Ok wait! I've never considered winning therapy. This changes things.

It always annoys me that we can sleep wrong. Seriously, body, how is that so difficult?

You forgot overthinkinggggg

New name for baby cheetahs: cheetos

I am he. 😉

*pulls out notes* ahhhhh yyyyeeesssss

True, dat.

how snazzy

Fair enough, proceed.

Excellent observation

Snow White's stepmom was mad that a child was prettier than she was and tried to poison said child.

You can say he's mooooved on.

It's a vicious cycle really, but curious how they got this photo of me?

I have absolutely thought this. Wondered if a psych hospital would allow me to sleep enough.

Maybe they have PTSD from an incident involving a Great Dane coming into their house and eating the leftover Taco Bell that was on the table. Said Great Dane then proceeded to bark very loudly and wake up the OP, who was taking a nap. They thought that there was some sort of wild animal in the house, so they hid under the covers. The dog then left and OP checked the security cameras to see what it was. The OP then got angry because they were saving that Taco Bell for later. Since that day, they have never liked dogs.

Why even ask an eight year old this question? Or any age?

My singing in the shower might as well summon demons

Guilty, you caught me

I hit myself in the face when my brush got caught on my shirt the other day. The immediate anger I felt made my partner laugh lol

We did just that for our 9 year old Shih Tzu. 2 years later, she’s happier and has more pep in her step.

Hi, will you be opening the building tomorrow? I'm four hundred miles away on holiday, Joyce!......Is that a no then? You bet your dumb a$$ it's a no.

It’s mah Chickies^^

🤨

I’m pretty sure me making faces and playing peek-a-boo has something to do with it. Why do we not consider it odd to engage stranger babies?

Why you got jelly legs lil' cat??

He technically wasn't lying

And washing our hair with dish soap, yup.

Don’t spoil all the imaginary fun!

I’ve only been ghosted once and I later found out that this b***h of a man was married the whole time.

His name is probably Jake

Tried that, doesn't work

Yeah, they should have vacuumed before they left, the cops will!

The idiot didn't specify.

I said what I said! Starbucks is not happy hour friendly.

He DID say happy hour!

Beware he's just setting you up for more work and no pay

He did use the word, "want".

I do love a dirty martini.

If most people hear the words "happy hour", they are not thinking about a subpar coffee shop.

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https://imgur.com/dLBZ0nP

Electric heat blanket!

Still have no idea, but hey, no job interview has asked me how many days are in August. I think I’m ok for now.

Nope, I totally enjoy that kind of s**t

I don't have money tho...😢

No, work on your s**t, the other person doesn't have to suffer because you called it

I'm chubby and it's great. I actually look curvy in swimsuits

Slayyy