🎶 My Ford Ranger left me for a stranger🎶 I have a hickup whenever I see a pickup 🎶 Now I just sing hoo ha and have to settle for the good ol' stick shift hawk tuah. 🎶

Whoah, little rich boy over here...

I like the *sharing* bag size of crisps. Hahaha, NO! Fűck off and get your own.

so you work at hooters I see .... don't you try lying to me ... so that's your seminar ?

Mixed results, I gotta laugh, but also a punch 🤷🏿‍♂️

💀

Don't judge my life choices... :D

"Do not pickup hitchhikers for the next 10 miles"

Putting away? I have 2 hampers. one for clean and one for dirty. They alternate.

It can identify however it wants too.

That helicopter looks like a frogmouth to me...

More bacteria, with extra streps

"Do not touch the fruits!"

Bunker. Sweet bunker!

Errybody???

Agreed. I say, "Hey guys!" in the same way.

O, Lordy! I laffed out loud! 🤣🤣🤣

No I don't have to do that. But then I don't live in the land of the free.

Fair enough.

It’s a phenomenon that I’d prefer remain top secret

I can hear this picture.

When your knees say "f**k you, we are not working today". Relatable 😣

When you live two lives(night and day) you age twice as fast

Try "pigeons with front facing eyes"

you haven't finished your quest.

But in the living room!

Ahhh...... youll be alr

Read in Cheech Marin's voice...

We'd get on well.

We had a case here where a lady had a chokolate and then almost died from her own saliva (not the chocolate piece, just saliva )

This alligator looks like he's smiling. 🐊

Same with people I *do* know

My parents just explained it to me. They simplified explained what they need the money for and I think it's the best to be open at the beginning with how the world works. (Same with sex education)

Whatever you say, buddy.

That's where they make the conspiracy theories.

It's 50/50.

It's an invitation for an epic pillow fight

Good I been in army. After that s**t my anxiety just gone. I just explained to myself nothing can't be worse from now

yeah susan

if i leave now, i can still catch bill maher

I believe with all my heart that Shameless re-used the ER set, so when Frank was in the hospital he could re-live his Morgenstern years :)

Burn baby burn

Say you don't want to have kids without saying you don't want to have kids.

Did you eat paint chips as a kid?

I kind of want to break into there.

When the excuse takes more time and effort than actually going to work 🙃

Ok some of these are just dumb.

With my luck, I'd get attacked by a shark the moment after this photo is taken.

Actually, this is the best method for this specific traffic situation. It's the so-called "zipper merge". https://living.acg.aaa.com/auto/zipper-merge-keeps-traffic-moving

Chocolate chip oatmeal- best of both worlds.