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M.A.T.H. is the dreaded Mental Abuse To Humans that we learn in school and probably spend half of our lives wondering why on earth we need to learn geometry. Okay, so all of our universe is based on mathematical equations and calculations, but, in my humble opinion, some things are better left unknown; the craniums might explode overloaded with thinking about the unknown.

However, there’s this interesting quality that human beings share—it’s to make something dreadful into something hilarious—a way to lessen the inevitable demons and tame them into jokes. Thus, we are gathered here to laugh right in the face of calculus and algebra by reading these funny math jokes and math memes.

These clever jokes that you are about to read will cater to both the needs of math connoisseurs and algebra beginners. For the experienced, we have jokes on the Mobius Strip and derision; for the latter, we have the one about numbers devouring each other and chickens crossing the street in a very calculated manner.

Turing’s machine also makes an appearance to keep things spicy, and if you know what it is, you might have just felt your curiosity piquing. After reading these hilarious jokes, you might also decide that math isn’t all so ghastly and wicked but rather quite amusing. Except when it’s time to take your math exam or to calculate how many gallons of paint you need for your bedroom remodeling plans.

Anyhoo, let’s check out the math jokes, shall we? Once you’ve subtracted, multiplied, and added a 1 to your choices for the best joke title, be sure to upvote them. Also, be kind to your neighbors by sharing this article that might just end their math-induced headaches with these hilarious jokes.

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#1

Do you know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.

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#2

My girlfriend is the square root of -100. She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

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#3

I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.

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toabhishekverma avatar
Space whale
Space whale
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was told this joke but I only just realised it because of the context

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#4

Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table?
Sir Cumference.
How did he get so round?
He ate too many π’s.

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Electra Smith
Electra Smith
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do you call a shape that always does its best? A try-angle. (I just made this up)

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#5

MATH stands for Mental Abuse To Humans.

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#6

Parallel lines have so much in common… It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

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#7

How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the S.

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#8

What math problem do German students have trouble answering?
Do you know what the square root of 81 is? 9!

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#9

There are three people applying for the same job at a bank: a mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant. The interviewing committee asks the mathematician one question: “What is 500 plus 500?”. The mathematician answers “1,000” without hesitation, and they send him along. Next, they call in the statistician and ask the same question. He thinks for a moment and answers “1,000… I’m 95 percent confident.” When the accountant comes in, he is asked the same question: “What is 500 + 500?” He bows and replies, “What would you like it to be?” They hire the accountant.

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#10

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench, watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people enter the house; A while later, they watch three people leave the house. The physicist says, "The initial measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist counters, "They must have reproduced." Finally, the mathematician suggests, "If one more person enters the house, then it will be empty again."

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#11

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.

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#12

Why was algebra so easy for the Romans?
X was always 10.

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#13

Why did Pi get its driver’s license revoked?
Because it didn’t know when to stop.

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#14

How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

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#15

Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

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#16

A clerk at the butcher shop is 6 feet tall and wears size 10 shoes. What does he weigh?
Meat. He works at the butcher’s shop.

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#17

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.

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Dirtier Harrier
Dirtier Harrier
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are two types of people: 1) Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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#18

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

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jammer
jammer
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a solid answer. Imma try this. I’ll let you guys know how it went after 25 to life.

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#19

Why is 69 so scared of 70? Because once they fought, and 71.

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#20

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It's two gross.

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Guy MacGregor
Guy MacGregor
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to Google this one. And Google tells me that 1 Gross = 144. Still no Idea what a "Gross" is in this context.

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#21

What are ten things you can always count on?
Your fingers.

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#22

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.

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jammer
jammer
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Differential equations are so much easier while lightly drunk.

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#23

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Brian Bennett
Brian Bennett
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hear about the constipated mathematician - he had to work it out with a pencil Hear about the constipated mathematician - he had to work it out with a pencil! (Sorry)

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#24

I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch. He could binomials.

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Phil Green
Phil Green
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.... (Sorry!)

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#25

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight(ate) nine!

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#26

What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A middle school math problem.

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Irishwoman abroad
Irishwoman abroad
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a man had 3 apples in one hand and 4 apples in the other, what would he have? - Really big hands.

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#27

You should never start a conversation with Pi. It’ll just go on and on forever.

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#28

What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.

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Rose Romano
Rose Romano
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a freshman in high school, I asked my algebra teacher why I had to study algebra. He just smiled and said, "Because I need a job."

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#29

What do you call a political party in favor of agriculture?
Pro-tractors.

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#30

How do you make time fly?
Throw a clock out the window.

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Robert T
Robert T
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a maths thread. Leave your physics jokes out. ;-)

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#31

Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
It improved di-vision.

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#32

What does the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!

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#33

How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?
Neither has real roots.

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#34

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

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#35

A talking sheepdog rounds up all the sheep into the pen for his farmer. He comes back and says, “Okay, Chief — all 40 sheep accounted for”.
The farmer says, “But I’ve counted them and I’ve only got 36!”
The sheepdog replies, “I know, but I rounded them up.”

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#36

There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through. One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable at his driving.
The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?”
To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”

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#37

Why is math considered to be codependent?
It relies on others to solve its problems.

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Made You Look
Made You Look
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear Math, stop making us find your x. She's gone and you have to move on.

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#38

How do we know the fractions, x/c, y/c, and z/c, are all in Europe?
They’re all over c’s.

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SeaMonster
SeaMonster
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

but...but...what about other continents? and what if you live in eurasia?

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#39

What did the bee say when it solved the problem?
“Hive got it!”

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#40

Dear Algebra, stop trying to find your x. They’re never coming back — don’t ask y.

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#41

Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
They already 8 (ate).

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#42

Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Probably.

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#43

A statistician got soaking wet trying to cross a river. He thought he could cross, because it was one-foot deep on average.

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#44

Why did the triangle make the basketball team?
It always made three-pointers.

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#45

What do parallel lines and vegetarians have in common?
They never meat.

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#46

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

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BasedWang
BasedWang
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My math teacher in 7th-8th grade always said "If your gym teacher ever tells you GIVE 110% tell him NO... YOU WILL DIE"

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#47

Why do mathematicians like parks?
Because of all the natural logs.

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#48

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

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Henry Cheves
Henry Cheves
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the statistician was setting fires to see what the probability of someone waking up and putting them out was.

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#49

I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me. When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.

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#50

Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject?
It’s just average.

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#51

Teacher: What is 2n plus 2n?
Student: I’m not sure. That sounds 4n to me.

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#52

What is a bird’s favorite type of math?
Owl-gebra.

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#53

When you keep missing math class it starts to really add up.

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#54

Why do plants hate math?
It gives them square roots.

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#55

What do you call an angle that’s gone through the garbage disposal?
A wrecked-angle.

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#56

What’s the best way to flirt with a mathematician?
Use acute angle.

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#57

What do baby parabolas drink?
Quadratic formula.

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#58

Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.

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#59

What do you call a number that can't keep still?
A roamin' numeral.

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#60

What did the triangle say to the circle?
“You’re pointless.”

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#61

The difference between an introvert and an extrovert mathematician is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you, an extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes.

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#62

How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
"I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

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#63

With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah opens the doors and commands the animals, “Go forth and multiply!” All the animals depart the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaims again, “Go forth and multiply,” yet the snakes stay put. Perturbed, Noah finally asks them, “Why have you not followed my command?” The snakes flicker their tongues and answer, “We can’t multiply, Noah—we’re Adders.”

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#64

Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.

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#65

What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.

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#66

What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?
SUMmer!

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#67

Why was the fraction worried about marrying the decimal?
Because she would have to convert.

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#68

A mathematician organizes a lottery in which the prize is an infinite amount of money. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

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#69

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They're always plotting something.

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#70

What did one math book say to the other?
Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

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#71

What did the spelling book say to the math book?
“I know I can count on you!”

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#72

Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use the algo-rhythm!

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#73

A student asked their teacher if they would have any problems on the upcoming test.
The teacher replied, “I think you’ll have lots of problems on the test.”

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#74

What did the student say about the equation she couldn’t solve?
“This is derive-ing me crazy!”

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#75

Where did the geometry teacher go on vacation?
Who knows? All I know is that she’s polygon.

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#76

Once there was a hen who counted her own eggs. She was a mathemachicken.

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#77

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. "Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”

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#78

Why was the math teacher suspicious of prime numbers?
They were all odd.

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#79

What did the mathematician's parrot say?
A poly "no meal".

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#80

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me not to use tables.

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#81

Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it’s never right.

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#82

Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?
Because there’s no point.

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#83

Why did the mathematician spill all of his food in the oven?
The directions said, “Put it in the oven at 180°”.

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#84

A father noticed his son was sad coming home from school one day.
“What’s wrong?” The father asked.
“I really don’t like long division,” the son answered, “I always feel bad for the remainders.”

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#85

Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.

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#86

Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say.

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#87

Why do atheists have trouble with exponents?
They don’t believe in higher powers.

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#88

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.

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#89

A student turned in a blank sheet of paper for his math test, and the teacher asked him why.
“It was on imaginary numbers,” he said. “Can’t you see them?”

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#90

What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
An algorithm.

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#91

Why did ⅕ go to the masseuse?
Because it was two-tenths.

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#92

A statistics professor and a math professor worked together on a cookbook. They called it “Pi A La Mode”.

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#93

Who’s the king of the pencil case?
The ruler.

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#94

It’s always a good idea to bring a mathematician camping. They come prepared with a pair of axis.

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#95

What do you get when you multiply a New York City landmark by itself?
Times Square.

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#96

What is a math teacher’s favorite snake?
A pi-thon.

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#97

I’ll do algebra, and I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

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#98

How do you know when you've reached your Math Professors voice-mail?
The message is "The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."

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#99

What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race?
2 Fast 4 U!

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#100

Why was Mr. Gilson’s class so noisy?
He liked to practice gong division.

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#101

What shape do you always have to be careful of?
A trap-azoid.

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#102

What is the butterfly’s favorite subject in school?
Mothematics.

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#103

Why didn’t the quarter jump off a bridge with the dime?
It had more cents.

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#104

What’s the best way to get a math tutor?
An add.

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#105

What do you call friends who love math?
Algebros.

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#106

Hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river? It was three feet deep on average.

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#107

I met a math teacher who had 12 children. She really knows how to multiply.

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#108

What do you call a number that can't keep still?
A roamin' numeral.

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