Probably why she didn't load it right.

Priorities

Fair enough

This is a good strategy

LOL

It’s not a good idea to make your spouse feel like there’s an analogous relationship between having sex with you, and doing chores.

It's a dad's spidey sense

Wait for it. Eventually, someone will come along and tell us all how, we too, can work from home and make trillions of dollars online.

French fries, a steak and 2 bottles of red wine sounds good for dinner.

He's a Keeper!

Thing is we’re all picky eaters, we just notice it more in others than we do ourselves. We all have certain preferences. Not just ourselves, but all of the animal kingdom; my cat will only eat one specific brand of dry food, give her anything else and it will go uneaten.

Nothing worse than having extra pieces of junk added to your junk. Suddenly you've lost control of your junk and you have no idea what's in there anymore.

Is it that cool? Is that something married people do?

That is a skill indeed. ;oP

Well, write them on the list then!

Hard work is it's own reward

Smart woman

Was he a whippet?

This is why they have pizzerias...

Mount Trashmore

My wife bought new net curtains, they’re nice but the drop is too long in the living room and dining room. You know what? I used to take copious amounts of drugs, sleep behind a supermarket and wake up just in time to go to work, go travelling abroad sometimes without any luggage whatever, oh the list of poor and naive choices goes on and on. But at least I now have nice new net curtains.

That’s my dad he orders so much stuff online

Ok. Looks like they are on a roll with this one

*laughs evily*

Seems fair

This is what burst mode is for

I feel you

An old Italian woman once told me the secret to a successful marriage is finding someone you can put up with who is willing to put up with you.

Any man that believes women are "the weaker sex" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blankets on a cold winter's night.

That would be me!

His underwear?

Her French Fries are just your French Fries on the wrong plate.

Hi Honey, I got the store brand of toothpaste and saved twenty cents! (Crickets.)

Ouroboros.

I message evil faces to that question, and my husband messages back, ok the ice machine is on. He's a keeper

But you appreciate it when she produces something you need at the the time from said purse.

Ah but it is 5:00 somewhere

I dare you to say the same to her. Experience: been with wife for 26 years. Trust me on this.

I used to set the alarm by snoozes, at least five presses before getting up.

Alexa, execute order 66