I'd bring you $7.00 and a half empty carton of chocolate milk. Math makes me thirsty.

I would want to clarify their question first. Do you mean what would I want as in the "anything I desire," or as in the "any position on their planet"? Good communication is so very important, wouldn't you agree? ----If that doesn't ace the question I don't know what would 🤪

To save you the embarrassment of talking to an empty chair.

Trout... minus the severed head, which is in Nathaniel's fridge.

I am not a hooker.

Are yours? Are they proud their golden child is asking questions off of a list that you didn't write? Do they return your calls? How often do they "forget" your birthday? Here, have a tissue, crying in an interview is unprofessional... don't worry, I won't tell your parents that you sobbed in front of me.

TBH I would want to play myself... I can't really act, but would that even count as acting? 🤔

Consuming just eight glasses of dihydrogen monoxide per day can provide you with amazing health benefits. Also, by submitting this versatile elixir to attainable low temperatures, it can be transformed into effective building material.

Tell the British it can never be in a museum.

I once had someone give me direction entirely based on the characteristics of cows.

I once had to describe the color green, so of approach this the same way: imagine how the warmth of the sun feels on your skin, combined with the smell of a sunflower and the taste of sweet corn.

Well, if you had enough ball bearings you could not get them all to fit into a 747. Since they are made of quality steel the structure of the airplane would bust apart way before you could complete the loading process. Therefore your count would never be accurate !

Insufficient information. Is the Ninja Bruce Lee? Is the Pirate Cap'n Jack Sparrow?

Walk it across smaller and smaller bridges until the bridge breaks and then see what the weight limit on the bridge was. (Reverse Calvin & Hobbs)

You don't if you don't have their consent because that would be body shaming

Google the weight of other elephants similar in size.

This feels like the setup for a cheesy joke

Find a location in mud where he stepped only on one leg with all other legs and the trunk detached from anything else. It will give you a rough estimate of its total weight. You, use your own shoes step next to it compare

Why u pick on oprah like dat?

Read the labels on the bottles.

I'd deposit it into a savings account, never tell anyone, and continue to work until I find the most reasonable way to use the money in a sufficient manner. Then probably drop down to part time until I can guarantee that I can live off of it.

I would ask the interviewer how many applicants have walked out when asked this question.

I think I got it, I'll call the hourglasses 4h and 7h for convenience. So, you turn both at the same time. When 4h is finished you've got 3 min left in 7h. Turn 4h. When 7h finishes you have 1min left in 4h. Start counting. When the 1min finishes turn 4h again, and then 4h once again and you've got 9 minutes. Or use a stopwatch.

When are trees like paper? When they're loose leaf.

"Grandpa, your an interesting man" by my 10 year old granddaughter !

Sponsored an Afghan family to move to our town. Secured a house for $1 month rent, driving lessons, a job for the father.

It's like Tender for electrons.

Teleportation. You could get a lot more things done if you could cut transportation time between places out of the equation.

Smartass Answers To Stupid Interview Questions by Barry Shamis

The answer is limo. If taxi is at limo price you're paying way too much. If limo is at taxi price it's a steal.

If I was in Tesco I would wonder how I got from Alabama to England.

Use it to work out how to weigh an elephant without a scale...

The very act of playing Monopoly is cruel and unusual punishment.

I bespoke.

I prefer Ben & Jerry.

I'd swim all the way to the grammar police and report you for not understaidng tense.

A full suit of plate armor. With Converse shoes. And a cane.

A knife, a clock, a vitamin, a gerbil, and a laxative. (No one said good uses…)

The neighborhood children have already made a song about me. Not a fan.

Luke Skywalker. He doesn't get along with his Father either.

Technically speaking, the minimum is 1 guess (if you're very very lucky)

Yes. The answer is yes.

Mammal.

I'm an orderer.

Pictures of babies or just really small, underdeveloped pictures?

I give up before even starting.

Yes and no Because I'm alive.

Will, seems like I found another use for the stapler besides stapling.

Rusty Shackleford

I'd give them what they want, what they really really want.

"May contain apples or oranges. Packed in a facility that uses tree nuts"

Be on bored panda, write story, draw

The comic actor, the serious actor, or the painter?

Any color, but covered in cat hair.

So the covers will fiit

Probably go into shock and wander aimlessly down the mountain until some beautiful wealthy young lady saved me nursed me back to health and fell in love with me and then we lived happily ever after. The End !

A quadriplegic.

What? You want me to tell you the combined total for the number of days in my life I haven't had a shower? Hundreds, I guess.

Weapon, paperweight, weapon, doorstop, aaaand weapon

Darth Vader theme song. For obvious reasons