ADVERTISEMENT

They say you should never air your grievances, or be publicly smug, but what better place to show the world how clever you are than Twitter? After all, you're living a married life now, and you have to prove to all your friends that you're not some lame funny husband, but the same Alpha Kappa Beta man you always were. Getting a divorce because your wife says you're too punny with marriage jokes? "Divorce is strong with this one!"

Bored Panda has put together this list of the best funny tweets by husbands that Twitter has to offer. Which one best sums up your marriage or a long-term relationship? Vote below, or share your own funny husband quotes in the comment below. Are you not just a husband, but a dad, too? Then be sure to also check out these funniest tweets on parenting! (h/t)

RELATED:
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #13

    Funny Husband Tweets

    moooooog35 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Shana
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    BF doing the shopping for a change: "I don't get why you take an hour to do grocery shopping, I was done in 10 mins" Me: "did you get {item that was on the list}??" BF: "..... damn it" :P

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #14

    Funny Husband Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Robertus Ariel
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife always ask me what i wanted for dinner and then says "NO, i don't want that" at all my choices

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #17

    Funny Husband Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Daria B
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd prefer he actually told me about his zombie ninjas and cyborg Nazis from the future....

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #18

    Funny Husband Tweets

    TheAlexNevil Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Puddin Tane
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As Walter says, "I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do." Walter is from "Aunty Acid"

    #22

    Funny Husband Tweets

    DanielRCarrillo Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Tanith Winter
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But occasionally they bring you something that wasn't on the list and is totally amazing though right???

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #23

    Funny Husband Tweets

    thegladstork Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #28

    Funny Husband Tweets

    pjtlynch Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #29

    Funny Husband Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Yamilucha Saenz
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lmao!! I do the same to my husbsnd. Not just the awakes, but the restlessness too.

    #30

    Funny Husband Tweets

    KentWGraham Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #33

    Funny Husband Tweets

    tchrquotes Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #37

    Funny Husband Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #38

    Funny Husband Tweets

    joshhafner Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Caitlyn Caggiano
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    last night I made a fb post and then made my husband comment on it. haha

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #39

    Funny Husband Tweets

    hippieswordfish Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #40

    Funny Husband Tweets

    moooooog35 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #46

    Funny Husband Tweets

    david8hughes Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #47

    Funny Husband Tweets

    pazarm Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #48

    Funny Husband Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Nizha Ariotejo
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    huahahaha...totally can relate this, always discuss same thing, her side his side on bed, almost every night, just everytime when he's start putting his butt (yeah his butt only) on my bed side....sometime he made me scratch him just to make him out off my side :D

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #49

    Funny Husband Tweets

    WilliamRodgers Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #50

    Funny Husband Tweets

    PJTLynch Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #51

    Funny Husband Tweets

    WilliamAder Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Suzie Q Ogden
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    With mine it would be whether or not he used my employee discount lol

    #52

    Funny Husband Tweets

    KentWGraham Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #54

    Funny Husband Tweets

    kcmoore51 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #55

    Funny Husband Tweets

    AndyAsAdjective Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Caitlyn Caggiano
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this wpuld be me. my husband had blasphemously never zeen the movie.

    #56

    Funny Husband Tweets

    MikeMcNeil_ Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #57

    Funny Husband Tweets

    TheBoydP Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #59

    Funny Husband Tweets

    myles_morrison Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #61

    Funny Husband Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Justyna
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i did, ended up doing everything, finished my marriage. so, no.

    #62

    Funny Husband Tweets

    colestrode Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Nizha Ariotejo
    Community Member
    8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what about different colour and size of toothbrush.....mine is pink :P

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #63

    Funny Husband Tweets

    Gooooats Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #64

    Funny Husband Tweets

    WilliamAder Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #65

    Funny Husband Tweets

    Rlpihl Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #66

    Funny Husband Tweets

    usedwigs Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #67

    Funny Husband Tweets

    DrMikeLloyd Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #68

    Funny Husband Tweets

    sammyrhodes Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #70

    Funny Husband Tweets

    lanceburson Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #71

    Funny Husband Tweets

    rello000 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #72

    Funny Husband Tweets

    yoyoha Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Šimon Špaček
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Learn to eat chicken wings properly and that problem will disappear.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #73

    This submission is hidden. Click here to view.

    #74

    This submission is hidden. Click here to view.

    #75

    This submission is hidden. Click here to view.