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If you didn’t know just yet, God is on Twitter. The Almighty has over 6.1 million devout fans eagerly awaiting His latest posts while He Himself follows only one account—Justin Bieber’s. The parody account is full of hilarious jokes and witty comments that will hopefully make you laugh and raise your spirits.
We’ve collected some of the best tweets posted by God for you to enjoy, so scroll down, have a read, and upvote your fave ones. Let us know what you think about the Almighty’s posts in the comment section below.
And in case you were wondering why your prayers might not be working this month, God has stated that He is “taking time off” to write His newest testament while on a ‘workation’ on the planet Bethselamin from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
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#1
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Sorry, but you also allowed that murderers became president of Russia and China. Just saying....
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Don’t worry, though, the creator of the parody account has stated that God will be back “angrier, wittier, and more ineffective than ever” once September starts. Just in time for the new school year! “In My absence, no one is in charge,” God added.
The man behind The Tweet of God account is David Javerbaum from Los Angeles. He explained why the account he manages follows Bieber by saying, “From what God told me, he only follows close family members. That’s all I could get out of him.”
David is always in character, even when talking to the press. He maintains the appearance that he works for God and that he’s His social media manager. David started the account in 2010 while working on a book called ‘The Last Testament: A Memoir by God.’ One year later, he published the book and, ironically, people thought it was copying off the Twitter account.
Eventually, David was approached to turn his Twitter account into a Broadway play. Which resulted in The Act of God which went on for two summers all over the world.
In case you want to reach David and talk to God, don’t hold your breath. “God replies to tweets exactly as often as he replies to prayers from other people,” he said.
God’s rival Satan also had a similar parody Twitter account. However, due to a change in Twitter’s content policy, the Prince of Darkness got banned. Though the two accounts are quite similar, they weren’t created by the same person. And in the fight for our everlasting souls on social media, God came out victorious in the end.
However, The Tweet of God account has been through some ups and downs. Five years ago, God’s account got hacked which made David quit Twitter for a year and a half. The account also got banned twice. However, the account’s still going strong. Mainly because of how much potential for satire there is in the world.
“The only time there would be no material for satire will be in a perfect world. And I don’t see that coming any time soon. I do think that if it were a perfect world, my [in]ability to make fun of it would be a small price to pay,” David told The Hindu.
#13
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
And they'll spray Round Up and insecticides to make the salad better.
#17
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Nah. We won't live to see it so we'll leave to the younger generations to solve that problem but we are also going to sabotage every effort they are making now to turn the tide. Like allowing oil companies to drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge.
#20
#21
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
That's ok. According to your followers you are one unforgiving, heartless, unloving jerk anyway, so we didn't expect you to actually intervene in some way. Like striking a few fools with lightning.
#22
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
NRA logic: Guns don't kill people. But people with guns kill people. So to protect yourself from people with guns, buy a gun. ( BTW Hey, congressmen, you still haven't pushed the stand your ground laws in all states. That's not what we paid you for...)
#23
BlackestDawn 5 years ago
Or as I heard/read it somewhere else years ago: "Artificial intelligence stand no chance against natural stupidity".
#24
AntiNutjob 5 years ago
China is supposedly cracking down on the wildlife markets. Hopefully some real change will finally come.
#26
#27
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Marriage is a bond between two loving persons. There god, I fixed it for you.
#29
Becky Samuel 5 years ago
They're no more in its a**s than the clitoris is in a woman's a**s. You would think that God could at least remember where he put them.
#33
#36
#37
chi-wei shen 5 years ago
I remember an old joke where the pope informed the world that Jesus came back to earth and talked to him. It was a long distance call from Mekka.
#40
Octavia Hansen 5 years ago
With better food, medicine and safety warning, we're keeping stupid people alive. It used to be that stupid people would die or be killed. Now they breed. Mankind has doomed itself.
#44
#46
#48
Mark Serbian 5 years ago
Which proves that, even though you don't exist, you're smarter than we thought...
#50
John Laurens/Gay Turtle 5 years ago
"You're not my children, you're a bad game of sims" - Bo Burnham, "From God's Perspective"
#52
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Ask Trump: He's told everyone round this time last year that he's the chosen one....
#61
#63
#68
Skylar Spexarth 5 years ago
to the moron named MJ no he said what he meant and meant what he said
#69
Damon Gates 5 years ago
You'll likely be seeing MJ, based on his/her response to the 10 COVID-ments.
#73
Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago
And so it was...at the time....but now the Us government has realised it´s mistake and is doing it´s out-most to rectify it..
#77
Bender Bending Rodríguez 5 years ago
And Karens of all genders can't wear a mask for 5 minutes without complaining.
#79
Damon Gates 5 years ago
Some believe they have a right to not be offended. No idea where they got that idea.
#82
Skylar Spexarth 5 years ago
no wait you didnt write them a bunch of a**holes who claimed you said them wrote them
#84
#111
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What do you think ?
The Hufflepuff Bookworm 5 years ago
I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
The Hufflepuff Bookworm 5 years ago
I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
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