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If you've read any Bible teachings, you'll know that Old Testament God is a major asshole. Petty, vain, vindictive, and genocidally violent, he gleefully wrought havoc on his creations before his son eventually showed up with more merciful corrections of God's plans.
So what was up with his creation story in those days, when he was busy making the complex wonders of the world that he would go on to torture sadistically? This collection of tongue-in-cheek religious jokes, collected by us here at Bored Panda, hilariously imagines God's creation strategies as he came up with the animals, the sun, the planets and yes, even those little hell-raisers that he created in his own, twisted image: us. Scroll down below to check the best tweets we've found out for yourself, and don't forget to vote for your 'God creating animals' favorites! (Facebook cover image: Charlie Day)
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Luis Milian 5 years ago
he could have kept the part that they die once their needle on its butts comes off...
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#13
Gonzalo Terán 5 years ago
GOD: "And for $20 more, I´ll not freeze your a*s off to extinction down the line..." MAMMOTH: "Those were my last $20, I don´t have any money left..." GOD: "Though luck, buddy"
#19
#24
Aaron Kara 5 years ago (edited)
G: Give it the perpetual muscle structure of Dwayne The Rock Johnson - A: Who's Dway- - G: Something I've been working on
#26
athornedrose 5 years ago
God: no spoilers gecko! that hasn't happened yet! your time will come!
#32
released kraken 5 years ago
and also you only live about 13 years because your body grows old faster than humans
#34
Amanda Ferraz 5 years ago
There was a study in Brazil, comparing a public bathroom door (not those chemical stalls), a supermarket cart handle and a money bill. I don't remember the exact "winner", just know that bathroom was the less dirty and I think the cart handle was the dirtiest...
#36
Gaurav Joshi 5 years ago (edited)
angels: but aren't those poisonous! God: also make some of them transparent !!!
#39
chi-wei shen 5 years ago (edited)
"What if one of those f****d a saber tooth tiger" Did BoredPanda forget to censor?
#41
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What do you think ?
Alusair Alustriel 5 years ago
Great one :D And laso makes you think how many different animals are there and how each is special ^^
Alusair Alustriel 5 years ago
Great one :D And laso makes you think how many different animals are there and how each is special ^^
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