Family traditions are a beautiful way to honor the connection to your loved ones. It’s a great way to remember the past and, at the same time, to celebrate the present and the relationships you have nurtured over time.

However, sometimes family traditions can be a burden. That is why it is important to identify those feelings and know when to let go of things that don’t enrich your life.

For example, you have a tradition of baking an elaborate, brandy-soaked fruitcake that your grandma used to make every year for Christmas. It takes you months to finish it and, in the end, no one is really that excited about it and you’re left eating it on your own. To add insult to injury, you’re not that big of a fan of fruitcake anyway. 

In this case, the tradition is an obligation that no one really benefits from. It’s just a waste of time and resources. Instead, you can try to honor your grandma in a different way. You could do that by baking another one of her signature desserts. Maybe the change would excite everyone else in the family, too.

However, don’t confuse this with letting go of traditions that might be meaningless to others but make your heart warm with nostalgia. If you love making the fruitcake and meticulously soaking it every other day and it is making you feel closer to your grandma, just carry on with it. If it makes you happy, it is worth continuing it.

Then there are traditions that might be just too much for you at that time. Those, you don’t need to throw out the window completely but feel free to skip them. For instance, you’d love to invite all your friends over for a big birthday dinner, but you simply don’t have the resources to do so. You might like to visit your mom for her birthday, but you know you will be too overwhelmed with work to get away. 

So, just put it all out there, let everyone know the reasons, and don’t feel guilty about skipping a tradition or two once in a while. If you can and want, you can also organize something to replace the tradition you’re missing out on. Maybe instead of inviting everyone over, you go out for a few relaxed drinks. Instead of visiting your mom when your schedule at work is hectic, do so when you know you’ll be able to relax.

These alternatives might also encourage you to create new traditions, which is a joyful thing to be open to. Of course, the best way for new traditions to form is naturally, but don’t be afraid to give it a little push with some initiative. For example, if you always liked the idea of a big Sunday breakfast, try making it a thing in your home.

Here are a few more ideas for new traditions you can try out:

• Choose your go-to restaurant for celebrating special occasions.
• Organize a potluck or family cooking night that will allow you to spend time with family without overstretching yourself.
• Note down family favorite dishes and make it a tradition to have it on a certain day (e.g.: Bolognese Sunday, pizza Friday, etc.).
• Organize regular movie nights or board game gatherings.
• Organize regular outdoor activities such as bike rides, hikes, or just walks in the park.

All in all, family traditions can be adaptable. Just like your family, they can grow and change over time. The most important part is nurturing connections, anyway. So even if you did take an awkward photo this year, it doesn’t mean it should go up on your family mantel. Let it be different.