They at least tried.

... facepalm

This 'Ploice' man is a 'noice' man...

what a kind buddy

Even drunk, they asterisk. Americans are awesome.

What a great guy! (The Hagrid)

"Me too" , best answer ever :)

how on earth r u trying to bite your own nose? i cannot brain this ..

Drunk Jess at least tried!

Drunk Jess skips lunch tomorrow, isn't hungry!

Stop bullying drunk jess

i can relate to this XD

What did their dad say, though?

"He tried to pee in a chow mein and is chatting to himself", that's gold :D

Plot Twist: She's not drunk

I spit my coke out on this one.

2%

Someone has been getting too much Farmville requests on Facebook...

Just give him a twinkie, little fluff.

this made my day

Abul is a wonderful person!

lmao! thats a nice way of saying it i guess xDD

But ALL penguins are cute!

Nana na na Batman

I’m more confused about the response

Me, but with food.

I have had to do this before with my ex. On more than one occasion

That is an awesome boss!

In Bikinibottom, this would have worked..

"im just so alcohol"

Sometimes, you gotta show love to staff at airports. I mean, they deserve love too.

G L O W ST I C K

My mother has done that sober ^-^

She kept sending messages to her own number

probably me

Holy barnacles

Cringe!

I hope she didn't mean torturing mice

it was almost a booty call.

i cannot brain what that dude is texted about 😂

They wanted Queso, is that hard to understand?