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The dads of Twitter have some of the funniest stories and belly-aching jokes to share with us from their everyday family lives. So we here at Bored Panda thought it’d be the perfect way to brighten up your day. You’re bound to relate to a lot of these parenting posts if you’re raising any munchkins of your own at home. Don’t worry, you’re not alone!
Psst, after you’re done scrolling through this list and upvoting your fave dad tweets, check out our earlier posts about hilarious fatherhood tweets right here.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about being a dad and the challenges that it presents, so we reached out to the Fatherhood Institute, the UK's fatherhood think-and-do-tank and one of the most respected fatherhood organizations on Earth. Dr. Jeremy Davies told us that what children need more than anything is your time. "And time can be hard to find, if you’re focused on earning money—which is part of what you need to do as a parent, but only part of it. So finding time when you’re out at work is the biggest challenge," he said. Read on for the rest of Dr. Davies' insights.
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#1
Audrey Bob-The-Builder 5 years ago
When you see a comment such as this, and it is the highest on the page ;)
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DogMatic 5 years ago
She calls her son honey - but it doesn't matter either way.
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RELATED:
#2
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
Context is important, but I hate context if it keeps us from getting moments like this!!!
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
*dies of embarassment* In a meeting, couldn't stop giggling at this, asked to leave.
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
English not my mom's family's first language. This was my whole childhood: Translation!
#3
JessG 5 years ago (edited)
Adorable. It reminds of snoopy drinking root beer as the Red Baron at his imaginary bar, and then acting drunk. Anyone remember?
Cooper Schultz 5 years ago
OMG! Yes! I am the biggest fan of The Peanuts. People think I'm nutty. (get it?)
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According to Dr. Davies from the Fatherhood Institute, the trick for new dads is to find ways of organizing their lives so they get to do "a good chunk of the hands-on caring" early on. "If that’s tough because of the job you do, maybe there are ways you can tweak your working week to free up more time? If not, and that feels like a problem, maybe you need to think about a different career?" the expert mused.
He advised new dads to get "stuck in" and help out with the childcare. "Don’t hang back like she’s the boss," he said. "Men are biologically primed to look after children, just like women are, and practice makes perfect. If mum seems better at this stuff, it’s almost certainly because she does more of it. The more you do the better you get."
So if you want to get better at changing nappies, bathing your child, putting them to bed, singing to them, and reading bedtime stories, you have to carve out the time to do so. There are no shortcuts. "That’s how you’ll build the bond with your baby, and from that you’ll build a wonderful, lifelong relationship with him/her."
#4
Gayle Hunter-Gatherer 5 years ago
The ex used to complain to the kids when I went out. Said I should have got a babysitter.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
AMEN. My dad only once referred to "babysitting" us kids. My mom took him outside, talked to him for about fifteen minutes, ,and he never called it babysitting again. Ever. To anyone. No idea what Mom said, but dang!
#5
BoredPanda is awesome 5 years ago
YOU DIDN"T LET THE DOG DRIVE HIM TO DAYCARE!!! HOW OUTRAGEOUS!!!
Remi Flynne 5 years ago
Aw, poor little one. Though, working with children, I have found that they often say too wet when they mean too hot. That is one I would recommend people question and not take on face value. Perfectly reasonable to want the dog to drive of course!
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
Indeed, give him a syrup bath together with the dog and over half of the requests are satisfied.
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Molly Cule 5 years ago
Many years ago my list could have been: ice cream was too cold (wanted to put it in the microwave); a cloud was "the wrong shape"; we wouldn't turn the sun off; he got a very very small drop of paint on his apron; someone popped a balloon (he wasn't upset from the noise, just that they had "wasted" the balloon).
#6
Ruth Mayfly 5 years ago
Nope, parents can install themselves as voices in your head so you have to listen to them FOREVER. Checkmate, toddler.
Kiss Army 5 years ago
TRUE! My dad has been gone for over seven years but I knew him so well that when I "talk" to him, I swear I can still hear the response he would give.
Load More Replies... Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
I love this child. Let's hope his critical thiking survives into adulthood.
Bardhi's Dad 5 years ago
It's not cold-blooded, must say. It's very reasonable thinking. I'm saying this as a parent
Fatherhood is absolutely a blessing. But there’s no easy way to say this—your life will change. For the better, of course. But there will be plenty of new challenges. Financial, for starters. However, something as simple as getting enough sleep or alone time with your partner might just quickly become your number one priority. That’s why you’ve got to learn to use every moment that your children are asleep or out of the house. Life doesn’t have to stop when you’re a dad; but you’ll have to adapt.
Even though we like to think of our dads as superheroes who can do anything, they’re as human as anyone else. And fatherhood isn’t done in isolation: you have to know how to work as a team.
Coming up with a system where dads share the responsibilities of caring for their kids with their partners by taking turns means everyone can get some much-deserved rest. And once you've made childcare a part of your daily routine, it's way easier on you because it's now a habit.
#7
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
These are evil portents! Just the other day I saw a horse with two heads and eight legs and two bodies and tails...
#8
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago (edited)
And so, um, and so, well, then Marshal- the red one- then Marshall, uh, and well, he...
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M O'Connell 5 years ago
They say a picture is worth 1000 words. The average conversational speaking rate is 150 words per minute, a cartoon must be worth 8,400 words.
Chicago Dog Lover 5 years ago
It's great you listen anyway! It shows real caring and lets him practice important skills.
Courtney Christelle 5 years ago
My kid keeps filling my head with pokemon facts. That I don't want.
#9
Xenia Granados 5 years ago
Zucchini and chocolate muffins. Done. Put some chocolate in it and they can't taste anything. My grandmother made them for me for 6 years before she told me
Tinker Gnome 5 years ago
Oh right. The nutrition. The nutrition for Kuzco. The nutrition chosen especially for Kuzco. Kuzco's nutrition. That nutrition?
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago (edited)
How do you know? Have you ever poisoned a king before? :P
Elizabeth Scarborough 5 years ago
One needs to be creative. I snuck finally chopped spinach into pasta sauce. Whipped cauliflower into mashed potatoes. The smaller you cut the stuff up the less detectable it is. There is of course the April Foods food they’ll eat. Make turkey meatloaf donuts and use tiny cut up peppers for sprinkles, My kids loved it.
Randy Klefbeck 5 years ago
Put any kind of healthy food in a McDonalds wrapper.....proven to work if you have a t.v.
Dads also have to learn to reach out and ask for help when they’re struggling. Ask your family members, your grandparents, your friends, and coworkers to babysit once in a while so you can recharge if you have to.
Parenting’s a marathon, not a sprint. And, even though we might feel alone and utterly knackered sometimes, it really does take a whole village to raise a child, so we need to learn to be humble and ask for support.
Once you’re recharged and amped up about parenting after some R&R, you can go back to being the best dad that you can be. Playing with Legos? Check. Reading bedtime stories that you’re enjoying as much (if not more) than your kid? Check. Monkeying about on the monkey bars in the playground? Check. Fighting the monster hiding under your kid’s bed? Check!
#10
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Haha, love the dad joke but that aside, burial pods sound like a great idea.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Haunted forests are created by leaving dead people in the forest without burying them properly.
Load More Replies... M Kate McCulloch 5 years ago
I mean, the body, once disused by the soul and spirit, is really just food - why not put it to good use? I was thinking apple tree, myself, with a plaque that says, "Eat Me."
El muerto 5 years ago
the older kids dad joke...when you become a dad and realize that you can't tell your dirty jokes or drunken adventures to your children, that's the moment dad jokes are born. but eventually they both kind of humor meet into grown children dad jokes...just as embarrassing but dirtier
#11
Some Cool Guy 5 years ago
Hitch hikers guide to the galaxy taught me that space is big. Like really really big.
Anthony Goldstein (female) 5 years ago
eh, you'll be fine as long as you have your towel
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Jamma 5 years ago
There's a new one to add today: outer space isn't pitch black! https://www.npr.org/2020/11/18/936219170/scientists-discover-outer-space-isnt-pitch-black-after-all
Some Cool Guy 5 years ago
Interesting new article, thanks for posting. I love learning about space.
Load More Replies... BoredPanda is awesome 5 years ago
Imagine if the note was: I am Uranus and I am nearly 4 times larger than Earth. 🤣
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
Space facts, carefully worded, can make HILARIOUS lowerback notes.
#12
K. 5 years ago (edited)
Alas, woe is me. I was born into the world as a first child. There’s over a decade difference in age between the youngest and myself. I have a pretty decent memory too, which means I’m constantly making a face when my sisters get away with things. To add insult to injury, they call me ‘boomer’ when I third parent them. My parents are chill now and tell them to “ask your sister.” 😑😑 BIGGEST SCAM
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
But not TOO quietly. TOTAL silence, in a house with children, usually means a call to your insurance.
#13
Potato patato 5 years ago
But the thing with that is that people who hate kids, and wouldn't help teach at all would decide to be a teacher to get that big pay check.
Linda Kjær-Thomsen 5 years ago
So, to make sure the teachers are dedicated to their work, the should do it for nothing?
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Chicago Dog Lover 5 years ago
One reason teachers earn so little is there is no way to measure the financial impact they have on society. It's a bummer since the OVERALL impact they have on society is massive.
Brent Hollett 5 years ago
March 2020: Give that teacher a million dollars September 2020: *cracks whip* Into the death house for you, with zero financial support!
#14
Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago
I like the one where the kid called a rhinoceros a “Battle Unicorn”.
Marvin HoG 5 years ago
My child had apparently never heard the word deaf before. His father is getting increasingly hard of hearing due to too much rock in his youth. One day my son was trying to get his dad's attention and after several failed attempts got so frustrated he yelled "DAD ARE YOU EAR BLIND?!"
#15
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
Says a lot about Republicans in power when they can be compared to a toddler, doesn't it?
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
How is this not the top one? Insanely harsh, insanely true, and absolutely hilarious xD
#16
AzKhaleesi 5 years ago
Ill tell you why I did it, it was because I needed something but was so scared to wake them and them get startled or upset I just waited. lol Yet they still seemed to wake startled and upset. Weird.
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Isabel Care 5 years ago
With or without a sharp knife and a footstool to reach high enough? Without the knife makes you a good dad in my book. My dad worked hard to earn the footstool version, found out that 4 year old me (wanting to defend the family) couldn't figure out how to get past the breast bone to find the heart (didn't even wake them)
Suzanne Clark 5 years ago
...staring at me, then asking "what are finite numbers"? I can barely deal with the numbers on the clock, much less finite ones.
Tzippora Gold 5 years ago
nah i would just climb onto the bed and say "time to wake up!" then open the shades at 530 and say "see??? its light outside"
#17
#18
Nela Rothenbach 5 years ago
Actually, after opening it he does not have to put the dishes away to get it back....
Lou Herout 5 years ago
Sorry to be that guy, but i only see potential disaster, if someone runs the washer and the baggie heats up, and melts to the game... But maybe I'm wrong?
Tamora Spiller 5 years ago
Next time tape it to the back so they have to really be in the middle of the chore before they find it.
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
And you think the child is going to see the prize in FRONT of the dishes, and reach PAST his prize to accomplish the task you've set? Silly rabbit.....
Viki Banaszak 5 years ago
You put it in the front? Once found all bets are off and the dishes will still not be put away.
#19
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
I have a video of my daughter going through my underwear drawer and putting on about 20 or so pairs all over herself including around her neck like a necklace and on her head lol.
Felicor Bongolan 5 years ago
My first daughter did that... At the time, I was still very self conscious so I made sure she could only reach my nice underwear. All my period underwear were on a drawer too high for her to reach.
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Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
I don’t want him to grow up to be an abuse victim who gets fired from his job for no reason either.
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
I don't want another murican 'growning' up clueless to english spelling and grammar.
Sarcastic Panda 5 years ago
how is this a bad thing? does he not want his kid to be gay? because you can't become gay you're born with it
BeenElle 5 years ago
I don’t think it’s meant to be about gay people so much as it is about Johnny Depp and his wacky style.
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//Cassizu// 5 years ago (edited)
There are plenty of shelter dogs that are just as awesome as puppies. Don’t know why kids want little puppies so much, sure they’re cute but they’ll almost always get adopted or purchased and they pee and poop on everything. If your kid wants a puppy, get a shelter dog, or calmly explain why you can’t get one right now. Puppies are cute but so are the adult dogs that actually need homes. Of course, there are always exceptions! My pit bull was only about 6 months old when we adopted him, and he was on doggy death row for some reason unknown to us— he’s an amazing dog.
Bardhi's Dad 5 years ago
And, at the bottom of the page is written: "I don't accept no for an answer!"
Thalia Lovering 5 years ago
I wish all parents knew how wonderful it is for kids to grow up with pets, and how good it is for them. It even reduces allergies.
#21
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
I actually can’t remember the last time I heard someones home phone ring. I know we haven’t had one in about 5-6 years.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
My mom still has hers. She gives that number to everyone but family and friends.
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DogMatic 5 years ago
In the UK, the phone connection tends to come free with broadband service. Handy to have in an emergency. Mine's mostly used to call my mobile phone to find out where I left it.
Load More Replies... Paizleypie 5 years ago
IF you can find a payphone show it to them & see if they have any idea what it is.
#22
#23
Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago
Singer: "What would you like me to sing?" "How about a song?" Singer: "Whew... thank God you said that... I was about to sing a salami."
#24
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
Something tells me men invented that to get revenge on women for the bra hook debacles in youth.
#25
Aleksandra Elias 5 years ago
I thought the second part starts when you can leave your children alone at home without worrying about them dying
Chris Miller 5 years ago
Nope, that's when you can leave them home alone, and they don't burn down the house while they stand outside and film it on their phone.
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Tinykame 5 years ago
I still worry that my 14 yr old is going to drown when he takes a bath and my 11 year old is going to suffocate in the box his brother taped him in (with a window and ventilation holes) 4 hrs ago. I keep texting him for updates. He had to go to the bathroom so his brother pushed the box to the toilet so he could pee out the window. But he's still alive.
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
.....which consists of waiting for your house to go quiet, and then running around in a bind panic to find out which room the children have accidentally set on fire.
Marvin HoG 5 years ago
Oh man that's such a great time. You can watch shows that are rated above PG and don't have animated household appliances.
#26
Kathryn Baylis 5 years ago
So is birth control—-so you don’t have to jumpstart your car after the kid leaves a light on in it.
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Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
Fortunately, jumpstarting a man's testes with jumper cables is an excellent form of birthcontrol.
Isabel Care 5 years ago
My mum always said that she bred with a gorilla. That must be why I could push start our Bedford Dormobile camper, with her at the wheel, at aged 9
#27
BoredPundits 5 years ago
Let's hope they weren't those sugar-free gummy bears from Amazon! Otherwise, he may have spent more time in the "john" than with his wife. Ha!
Ruth Mayfly 5 years ago
It would really allow him to sympathise with his wife's pain, though.
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 5 years ago
If someone gives you a big bag of gummy bears, make sure they're not sugar free before indulging
lara 5 years ago
Wow, if you were "in the birthing room" eating gummy bears, you have a stronger disposition than most. I am impressed.
#28
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
From (grand)parents that endlessly shout "be careful!", they quickly learn that it's a signal for "we're having a good time! Wheee!!" and it just excites them more leading inevitably to far more mishaps. So this is a good policy; if anything it tells them they did it themselves.
#29
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
Eh sometimes it isnt so much growing up as developing undiagnosed mental illnesses, ask me how i know
Marvin HoG 5 years ago
True fact. I just glanced up at the mantle and my youngest's kindergarten picture is full of unbridled joy. Then there's my teenagers sophomore photo. No smile, threw on whatever t-shirt was handy that day, bags under his eyes.
#30
Bent. O. Jensen 5 years ago
When my daughter stood outside our front door I had to ask her "What the password?" Her: The password is "Daddy's big belly". Me: That's a silly password.
Katerina Huskova 5 years ago
My daughter was about 4 or 5 when she told me I had long pear shaped boobs 😂
#33
Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
Well just get into the time machine in every classroom and make it the old days
Marion Connolly 5 years ago
That reminds me of a teacher telling my niece's class to ask their parents what school was like for them and she asked her parents if they wrote with 'feathers' when they were at school. she obviously thinks we went to school in dickensian times
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Serious problem though. Even before Covid a lot of schools would get in trouble if the internet connection was out for more than 4 hours.
#34
Julius Martin 5 years ago
the first time i mowed the lawn, i mowed my name into the lawn, and for 2 days my parents didnt notice.
M O'Connell 5 years ago
There are three ways. Quickly, neatly, and energy-efficiently. It's a delicate balancing act that requires experience.
#35
Something 5 years ago
It really is terrible of today's children not to automatically know everything about technology that they have never used or even seen.
Steven Essex 5 years ago
Up hill both ways, through six feet of snow, dodging government propaganda!
#36
Kari Panda 5 years ago
Is that really so common? Oo I‘d never think of banning my husband from our bed, argument or no argument. It’s his home as much as mine.
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
You think they don't? Whomever is most naggy and annoying gets the bed. The other spouse gets sleep.
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#39
#40
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
What age is this most effective on? I dont remember my parents doing this with us
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
My mum used to do that and I am still waiting for my prize on the occasions that I did win. I got jipped.
#41
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
No, no, collecting teeth is just phase one. Phase three: Profit!
#42
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
Very dangerous game to be playing. You will end up suffering the consequences of your lie.
#43
Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
When I was 18, my father, eldest brother and I went to see Ice Age 3 in 3D. In the row in front of us was a mum, dad and their son, who was maybe four or five. Dad (or mum, can't remember) went to get some snacks or go to the toilet or something, and the kid (with the other parent) turned around to us and said, with a massive smile, "This is the best day of my life, old people!" then turned back around and put his 3D glasses on. The previews hadn't even started. What a kid
#44
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
I mean, you *can* do whatever you want once you're an adult, but you also get to deal with the consequences.
Bardhi's Dad 5 years ago
Hahaha. I like this one! (You know, I could say "This should be higher", but I didn't 😉)
#45
#47
#48
J. Zingler 5 years ago
I know of 2 things Germans have no words for, the opposite of thirsty (some scientists invented a word for it but no one uses it) and this little thing on the conveyor belt before the cashier at the supermarket, I think divider is the English word.
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Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
This is cool. The only German word I know is handschue (sorry I probably spelt it wrong) it means glove. Like a shoe for the hand. I like it.
Kari Panda 5 years ago (edited)
You merely missed a letter: It‘s Handschuhe (Handschuh if it‘s just one). Germany has many funny words - suspenders are called ’Hosenträger‘ for example which literally means ’pants carriers‘, and a tv is usually called ’Fernseher‘. Which is basically as if you‘d say ’far away seer‘ in English - yes, that’s what television means, but still funny ^^
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#49
Colin Allcars 5 years ago
Oompa Loompa do-be-de-do, you should listen to what your dad tells you.
Isabel Care 5 years ago
What about when horrible things happen because you listened to your dad and did what he said? eg "Jump, I'll catch you", before he walks away from the tree you are stuck in due to him removing the box you used to climb up to the lowest branches.
#50
Julius Martin 5 years ago
this happened to me when my cousins came over two weeks ago, but it was in german
Isabel Care 5 years ago
I am child free so the Universe gets my car to reset to French and k/ph. It must not want me to miss out
#52
#53
Misty Mills 5 years ago
SPACEBALLS *annoying theme* lol I love that movie
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Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
Me: says nothing while playing back recording of conversation from twenty minutes ago.
Erik Lawrence 5 years ago
you foolishly thinking that matters... at all... while the kids still scream about being starving. theres no logic, no reasoning with them. tiny little narcistic terrorists. all of them.
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Steven Essex 5 years ago
The phrase, "Be good to your kids; they choose your nursing home." comes to mind.
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
I think that's the deal you made. You clean then up the first 2y of their lives, multiple times a day, so they have to do it the last decade or two of yours. Fair is fair. It's a verbal contract.
Erik Lawrence 5 years ago
screw that, wipe it on their shirt and pants... you had to clean up their foolishness, make them clean it now.
#56
M O'Connell 5 years ago
Or you could go over the creatures that could technically be 'rideable' and which ones definitely aren't.
#57
#58
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
Me to my kids, after they hide their backpack as a prank. Guess who started with pranks first.?
#60
#61
#62
M O'Connell 5 years ago
Theatrically slapping bass is definitely more entertaining than singing.
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Katelyn 5 years ago
Hey! Viola isnt bad at all! I play and in my class the violins are the worst. No offense to violinists just talking about my class.
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 5 years ago
Or made you join the Spice Girls. They seemed to dance ok though (move in time to the music without falling over)
#63
#64
#66
Lilly Rose Poppy 5 years ago
Their teacher needs to rethink all life choices cause that is just wrong
Kip Otter 5 years ago
They're teaching to all the kids now, it's like a common core thing I think. Anyways you also starting from L sing it really slow so it's L....M.....N....O.....P.....Q....etc. etc. It's really irritating. Also they're changing basic addition for them too! Yay...
Load More Replies... Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
Anyone else have to sing the alphabet song to remember what letter comes after Q? Just me?
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
When I was little, I thought L M N O P was Eleanor oh pee. I was a strange child.
#67
Davor Jelacic 5 years ago
Alexa doing something that's actually useful? Don't stop being a dreamer...
M O'Connell 5 years ago
A generation of parents tried that with the television, and it didn't work out so well.
#68
Jo Johannsen 5 years ago
. ..and have 5yo get stuck in tree, 3yo, takes one bite out of each apple, 7yo says she hates apples, and dad gets hit on head by half-full bushel basket of (now) applesauce.
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#70
Luther von Wolfen 5 years ago
Worked in a restaurant. Didn't like one of the customers. Always gave his kids different sized portions of tater tots.
#71
#74
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
Child: *hugs parent*. Parent: what have you broken, what have you lost, what do you want me to do, and no, we can't have chocolate cake for lunch.
Bardhi's Dad 5 years ago
Well, man's gotta do what a man's gotta do... if he want to be his kid's best friend...
#75
#77
Erik Lawrence 5 years ago
ahhh thoughts and prayers parenting... absolutely useless but makes you feel like youre doing the right thing.
Kari Panda 5 years ago (edited)
Saying please to children rather than ordering them to do something often worked nicely for me. All children are different, of course, but it’s always worth a try.
#78
Isabel Care 5 years ago
This is why I see solo parents in pajamas and robe at ASDA at 2am. Stealth shopping
#80
Kari Panda 5 years ago
One of my co-workers was very... flamboyant. One little girl mistook him for a lady and asked her mother why this lady‘s finger nails were sooo long. The girl‘s mother and I both felt absolutely awkward, but my co-worker was over the moon and regarded it a compliment :)
#82
M O'Connell 5 years ago
No, they disappear instantly, but they can come back just as soon as you get your children interested in them.
#83
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
I imagine they just think in feelings and emotions.
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#84
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
In 2020 the kid is right. "Not true! It's... May? August? April? ... I'm sure..."
Isabel Care 5 years ago
My neighbours love karaoke, but only with all the doors and windows open
#85
Kip Otter 5 years ago
My parents had a way of dealing with that, my dad used to go to work super early and my mom would usually sleep until around 9. When my brother and I woke up, we would go to my parents bedroom, climb in bed with mom and watch cartoons quietly until she woke up. We loved doing this so we always made sure to be quiet so we wouldn't get it taken away.
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MAEVE PARENT 5 years ago
i am 11 and i hate getting out of bed i will lay for 30 min awake in bed
#86
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
Maybe she was saying 'whine whine whine', because that's what she was doing? Idk anymore
#87
M Kate McCulloch 5 years ago
How quiet were they, and where did they hide the broken things...
#89
#91
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
She's a cockapoo. I'm twelve, but I have a sister. Who likes paw patrol. And making my life a misery. She's cute tho, I'll give her that.
Pink 5 years ago
lucky.... I have an older brother, and a younger brother, and all of us are a year apart. I'm the only girl AND the middle kid ;w;
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AzKhaleesi 5 years ago
My daughter loved that show for five minutes because her name is Skye as well. lol
#92
lara 5 years ago
Oh, they don't have to ask, their hand will just push right on through the rotting flesh.
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#94
#95
Julius Martin 5 years ago
noooo, it would be a close fight, but i truly think blacl panther would win, mostly because spiderman just punches, and that vibranium armor can absorb any puch or kick, and if he does kick him, the suit can absorb kinetic energy abd re-release it, sooo, black panther would slice him with his claws and its over
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#96
#100
Isabel Care 5 years ago
The occasional bout of grocery shopping on a Saturday was good enough birth control for me
#101
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Even works when the "child" is furry. My dog trapped my brother in his seat in a hire van. However well I wrapped her in her blanket, she still managed to have the release right up her bum when it came time to leave the vehicle
#102
#103
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
I think I should do this to stop both of them from coming to my bed in the middle of the night.
Caro Dose 5 years ago
That ploy will just have you running to their beds in the middle of the night.
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 5 years ago
Have none of you learned to slide your feet instead of lifting them. The plus side of this is a great static charge to use as you see fit
#104
#109
#110
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
She's ready for life. She not gonna have problems finding excuses for work or not meeting friends.
#112
Something 5 years ago
A degree in history can lead to a really great career as a history professor.
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
And it’s a good major for getting into law school too
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 5 years ago
Due to the state of world finances, all families will be living together until they die (or kill one another). Old fashioned style "extended" family living, with all the screaming that it entails
#114
AzKhaleesi 5 years ago
18 doesn't like Bacon.... where tf did I go wrong??? And now that she's an "adult" she can make her own choices. I am saddened by this.
#116
Pansexual-Pancake 5 years ago
I can drive better than that with a dually truck in a forest and I'm eleven(just don't rely on soft stops :))
Isabel Care 5 years ago
My first driving lesson from mum was on solid ice, round a raised green (kept up by paving slabs on end) with cars parked all the way round and just enough room to get through. "I assume I do no sudden moves". Had been riding a moped for the past year. Driving because it's your birthday, even if it's been snowing
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
I’m a better driver than my mom, according to her, and I got my license in July
#117
#118
Bardhi's Dad 5 years ago
It's good to start with testing as early as possible. Later you may go out of control
#119
Isabel Care 5 years ago (edited)
And probably give an answer to 5 of the others. Squirrels is always a good answer
#120
#122
Kip Otter 5 years ago
It's where every day of the week you dress up to the days theme. So if it's pajama day you wear pajamas, if it's crazy hair day you go to school with crazy hair, etc. etc.
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 5 years ago
Think of poor teachers who are parents, some of whom teach their own brats and give them detention
#123
#124
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Parents used to take us to Stonehenge, Old Sarum (iron age? fort) and similar places. They could set up a picnic in the middle and let us run round and round , hoping we would get tired. No picnicking on the stones now, or parking inside the fort. They only had to watch us if one or more of us stopped making noise
Angela-Jayne Linford 4 years ago
I remember doing this exact same thing as a child, limp sandwiches an apple and a bag of crisps and endless hours of fun in and out of the stones at Stonehenge!
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Isabel Care 5 years ago
I try to obey the adverts. "Always keep away from children" The few times I have encountered neighbours' out of control brats, the parents finally see one child behaving around me. It's the one that threw their juice on me, so I dipped their a**e into the paddling pool and asked (loudly) if they had wet themselves. Or bitten me, I bite back. Slapped me, I pick them up by an ankle and dip their hair into the pool or hand them to a parent. Because I am not child friendly (will be polite to polite kids) and do what I say I will do, so far the maniacs have learned that there are consequences to their actions with me. Parents of these horrors have just let them run riot (because attempting parenting is too hard for them?). Still stop them bullying each other when I see it in passing, but no way am I going to be parent myself.
#126
Isabel Care 5 years ago
But why always 3 times in a row and into the sink (over the clean washing up)?
#127
Isabel Care 5 years ago
If you are all alive, willing to be in the same building and communicating (shouting from different rooms), count it as a win
#128
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Dropped off at judo, then collected from outside. That way they didn't have to see whatever we did to people
#129
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
I got told that my pictures were good when I was little. While they were being put in the recycling bin. Hey, at least my parents recycle. They're good tho, not mean.
#130
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
As long as she hasn't mastered the art of delayed procrastination you have nothing to fear.
#131
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
Kids scream all the time for no reason. My kid screamed every ten minutes for like... 13 years. He screamed when happy, angry, bored, excited, scared, whatever.
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Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Wish that was the case for my kids, well my son now as my daughter has calmed down a bit since becoming a teen. My son is on the go from as soon as he wakes up until he zonks out at bed, doesn’t matter what he eats. Even his therapists and my mum have mentioned that he just does not stop. I wish I had some of his energy.
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Now to design the giant hamster wheel so active kids can power the home
#139
Binxyminxem 5 years ago
I read that to the tune of Frozen's "do you wanna build a snowmaaaan?" 😄
Katelyn 5 years ago (edited)
Can you help me with my taxes, Come on let's go and calculate, I never see you anymore, Come out the door, Come on let's go and pay, I dont have any money, And now your not, paying my rent anymore, Can you help me with my taxes...
Load More Replies... Isabel Care 5 years ago
So fortunate to live in the land of PAYE (Pay As You Earn) UK. Only self employed and employers have the hassle, I even got a surprise tax rebate once
#140
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Send them to stay with your family and friends, one at a time, til you run out of friends. Starting aged 5 we had sleep overs and weekends away. By aged 9 I was happy to be sent to Madrid for 3 weeks to stay with family friends. Only the father, at work all day, spoke fluent English. They had their niece stay as she was learning English. Charades and sign language.
#142
Isabel Care 5 years ago (edited)
We had imaginary pets. I even took mine to school so I didn't have to play with the other kids. Did get myself a pet rock that has been a faithful door stop for 35 years.
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What do you think ?
Mike Crow 5 years ago
While my wife and I were driving my youngest to kindergarten I saw a police car and jokingly said “oh no the police is after mommy!” My son then replied “really? Quick mommy, hide!” Didn’t even question the fact his mom was wanted by the cops.
Ceredwyn Ealanta 5 years ago
Not only that, but was straight up willin' to hide the crim!
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Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
why are these all from, like, the same five guys? you know there's more dads in the world right
Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Because some people coincidentally have the most hilarious children that definitely did and said these real thing and these dads can spend all day tweeting about the funny things and coincidentally get paid for it.
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Mike Crow 5 years ago
While my wife and I were driving my youngest to kindergarten I saw a police car and jokingly said “oh no the police is after mommy!” My son then replied “really? Quick mommy, hide!” Didn’t even question the fact his mom was wanted by the cops.
Ceredwyn Ealanta 5 years ago
Not only that, but was straight up willin' to hide the crim!
Load More Replies... Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
why are these all from, like, the same five guys? you know there's more dads in the world right
Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Because some people coincidentally have the most hilarious children that definitely did and said these real thing and these dads can spend all day tweeting about the funny things and coincidentally get paid for it.
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