Join the Fun!

Sense Of Direction

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

Final score:

64points

POST

Last Hurrah 6 years ago

Right on!

31points

Perfect Pun

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

Alessia_Fisher Report

Final score:

59points

POST

JillVille 6 years ago

Groan - nice one!

53points

Holy Water

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

tymoski Report

Final score:

52points

POST

Last Hurrah 6 years ago

Freeze it and then drill holes in it.

81points

Trippy Shoes

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

motherfkersantana Report

Final score:

51points

POST

glowworm2 6 years ago

Ha! I like this one.

46points

Origin Of French Fries

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

somekindahuman Report

Final score:

48points

POST

Molly Tallmadge 6 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

44points

Nap Time Puns

Nap Time Puns If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

korpsart Report

Final score:

48points

POST

Iván Galarraga 6 years ago

"I REST MY CASE!"

71points

Donald Duck

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

ldrescher Report

Final score:

48points

POST

Alexis Nobuyuki 6 years ago

Pfft! Corny

46points

Concepts Of Gravity

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

raheel1122 Report

Final score:

43points

POST

Iván Galarraga 6 years ago

You must obey gravity, it's the law

58points

#10

Nobody Knows

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Lee_Hey_pat Report

Final score:

41points

POST

Iván Galarraga 6 years ago

He's on third base, no wait, that's I don't know

43points

#11

Which Came First?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know

JohnathanWickers Report

Final score:

41points

POST

Lynn Noyes 6 years ago

Re the riddle, eggs came first. Dinosaurs laid eggs.

30points

#12

Least Spoken Language

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language

A_Sea_Cucumber Report

Final score:

41points

POST

Rebekah 6 years ago

Dammit - you got me.

41points

#13

Conversation Starter

Conversation Starter My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

Final score:

36points

POST

Misterscooter 6 years ago

Ha!

40points

#14

Pie Rates

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Final score:

36points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

"Jamaica pie?" "Nah, that's a Bahama split."

40points

Wyndmere 6 years ago

Who's "dad" are you?

2points

Carol Emory 6 years ago

Now that one's funny!

1point

Joshua Dixon 4 years ago

ha hilarious

0points

Evelyn Britt 4 years ago

You just made a dad joke oit of a dad joke....

0points

Maddy Wright 4 years ago

no, it's just dumb and a waste of time

0points

Dillon Collins 4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Blake Conley 1 year ago

know it

3points

Clara 3 years ago

Yes Oh yes

1point

William Becker 4 years ago

1point

Payton Long 4 years ago

1point

Madison Knight 5 years ago

HA not being sarcastic this time boiz

1point

Hamdhaan Hassan 6 years ago

nice

1point

Michael Deane 2 years ago

Jamaican me laugh

0points

Josh Sanders 3 years ago

I don’t get it

0points

PikachuTwoKing 3 years ago

Can someone explain what this actually is? I do not get it

0points

Katie Watkinson 4 years ago

omg me n the wifee are dead!

0points

ArhomR 4 years ago

Oh, man! My dad would have loved this one!!

0points

Michael Harbaugh 4 years ago

Dad joke for Sat 6.26.2020

0points

Rebekkah Johnson 4 years ago

5.50

0points

Rebekkah Johnson 4 years ago

$5.50

0points

ambu lavero 4 years ago

Pi, being a constant, rates equally across the Caribbean.

0points

Luna Province 4 years ago

bruh

0points

Animusic Z 4 years ago

pirates and over price in the caribbean

0points

Alfie Miles 4 years ago

3/10 get better noob

0points

Stephen Borden 4 years ago

A great dad joke!

0points

Natalia B. 4 years ago

haha

0points

MICHAEL CALLEY 4 years ago

get johnny Dep

0points

Moses Smith 4 years ago

momomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomo

0points

EeveeTrainer 209 4 years ago

Dian that was funny and I like the joke.

0points

Daniel Bryan Hendin 4 years ago

Hahahaha Love this

0points

Bradley Foster 4 years ago

DIAN ELLA LILLIE NICE ONE

0points

elllie 4 years ago

this one is good lol 😂

0points

Dorian Turner 5 years ago

bruh

0points

Jon Gilbertson 5 years ago

Jamaican me want to eat some pie.

0points

Mara Weddle 5 years ago

lol

0points

childish panda54 5 years ago

follow me on instagram @eatmyass

0points

Dave Andrew 5 years ago

Technically the Bahamas aren't in the Caribbean. Maybe we could substitute Martinique or Montserrat? Oh, and.....GROAN!!!

0points

thepotatogirl 6 years ago

this one actually made me facepalm

0points

Ian Taggart 5 years ago

👎

-1point

#15

Single Handedly The Best

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

thunderup_14 Report

Final score:

35points

POST

JillVille 6 years ago

Teehee

26points

#16

Dying To Get There

Dying To Get There When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

Final score:

33points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

There's an interesting fact about the cemetery in my area - it's the dead centre of the town.

50points

#17

Meaning Well

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

StewPaddasso Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Aidan Andrew Allott 5 years ago

He wants to die

16points

#18

Serving Justice

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

Spider_Dimwit Report

Final score:

33points

POST

BlackestDawn 6 years ago

*groans* took me a few secs to get it but, well done.

56points

#19

Sir Arthur's Knights

Sir Arthur's Knights The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

omgthatspunny Report

Final score:

32points

POST

Steven H 6 years ago

I knew you'd get "a round" to that joke...

60points

#20

Logical Explanation

MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."

Final score:

30points

POST

mhubert10 6 years ago

adopting this one

45points

A Deeper Purpose Behind Dad Jokes

It’s easy to write off the best dad jokes ever as being corny. However, some experts believe such jokes have a deeper purpose. According to The Conversation, dads feel more like fatherly figures when telling such jokes. While the dads get their dose of humor, children learn to deal with embarrassment. These factors help develop a healthy father-child relationship.

Even the most corny dad jokes can have long-lasting effects on adult children. According to the ABC7 report, jokes like these can help a child become a better human being and a more confident adult. As they “build up” immunity to embarrassment, children are more willing to open up and be themselves.

So, instead of getting red from embarrassment, appreciate your dose of the dad joke of the day. Not only are you bringing joy to your parent, but you also develop a confident personality. When you reach adulthood, you’ll have your own collection of dad jokes to tell your friends.

#21

Silent P

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

Capetoider Report

Final score:

29points

POST

Max Harkins 6 years ago

OOF. That was pretty terrible, all right.

24points

#22

Vegetarian Zombie

Vegetarian Zombie What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

PolesawPolska Report

Final score:

29points

POST

S. 6 years ago

Imagine the zombie apocalypse beginning, but it's just annoying zombies stealing your bread. “FRED! THE DEAD EFFAHS STOLE MAH CEREAL AGAIN ” ”well, at least we now know they're actually made of grain, honey.”

38points

#23

Excited For Spring

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

mblondie Report

Final score:

28points

POST

PeachPossum 6 years ago

At least you didn't SOIL them

70points

#24

Rules Of Life

3 unwritten rules of life...
1.
2.
3.

Final score:

28points

POST

earringnut 6 years ago

This one literally just made me laugh out loud.

38points

#25

Witnessing A Robery

Witnessing A Robery If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

Gingafer81 Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

I wonder whether the iFB would iNvestigate...

51points

#26

Company Mergers

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

Final score:

27points

POST

Adam Cantor 6 years ago

That ok, today i heard Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook are all merging. They're going to call it You-Twit-Face.

115points

#27

Untrustworthy Particles

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

letrollface1279 Report

Final score:

26points

POST

thepotatogirl 6 years ago

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY

65points

#28

Name-Giving

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

Final score:

26points

POST

Wyndmere 6 years ago

Is this the same Brian who believes his kids thinks his name is Mark?

78points

#29

Magician Dad

KID: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" DAD: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

th0nkii Report

Final score:

25points

POST

K. LNU 6 years ago

Yup. This one has got to be from my dad.

37points

#30

Invisible Man

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

DeathEater101 Report

Final score:

24points

POST

nether man 6 years ago

so sad

19points

#31

Server's Nightmare

SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”

Final score:

24points

POST

Caroline Beale 6 years ago

hahahah this one literally made me lol

33points

#32

No More Butts

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin

LeCrowing Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Daniel Wee 6 years ago

lollll

22points

#33

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

Muter Report

Final score:

23points

POST

Ian Taggart 5 years ago

I had to say it out loud.

28points

#34

Would You Like A Bag?

CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?" DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”

ChiePie Report

Final score:

22points

POST

earringnut 6 years ago

*insert joke about Canada here*

57points

#35

Pros And Cons

What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Lliizzaarrddd Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Monika Soffronow 6 years ago

It certainly is.

30points

#36

Ice Cream Truck

Ice Cream Truck When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

IABDPresents Report

Final score:

21points

POST

TrAsh 6 years ago

Eye scream, you scream, we all scream....cause we're bleeding out.

46points

#37

Ever Rolling

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

Final score:

21points

POST

Christopher Dixon 5 years ago

Wow guys. He will be rolling (joints made out of pot) while in his grave. Please man, just...just get it.

17points

#38

Magic Spells

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

offmlc Report

Final score:

19points

POST

elllie 4 years ago

labracadabracanadabrador = canadian magic dog

25points

#39

Math Problems

Math Problems 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

jnnx3 Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Monty Is Fiennes 6 years ago

They're just being vulgar....

8points

#40

Feeling Tired

Why couldn't the bike standup by itself? It was two tired.

TheLast0ne_ Report

Final score:

18points

POST

earringnut 6 years ago

Both a pun and the physical explanation.

34points

What is the Oldest Dad Joke?

Like with everything, there is a specific starting point for jokes. While we might not know the first dad joke to be told, we might get a hint at the genre it was in. Fart jokes want to or not date back to the Sumerians. According to Reuters, a fart joke dates back to 1900 B.C. While you might have it in your list of jokes to tell your dad, keep it around to get the upper hand in a corny humor standoff.

#41

Deer Pun

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!

ElderCunningham Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Iván Galarraga 6 years ago

DontSeemedeerly?

12points

#42

Father Figure

GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod', DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.

maryfountain Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Lexi Burnsed 5 years ago

heheheheheahhaa good one

10points

#43

Dentist Time

Dentist Time What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

smithy2004 Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Mindi Macsurak 5 years ago

My dad said that one all the time

10points

#44

Outstanding Cow

When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!

Final score:

16points

POST

Rose the Cook 6 years ago

Her field surely.

37points

#45

Forrest Gump Password

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

BombOmbBuddy Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Monika Soffronow 6 years ago

If you don't get it, please see a speech therapist...

40points

#46

Calendar Factory

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

TheSupraDixk Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Siddharth Rath 6 years ago

*grinnnnnnn*

16points

#47

Half Left

When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I’m half left.”

Admblackhawk Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Alex Bailey 6 years ago

Defo my dad. If you said 'what?' To him he would also say 'no I'm not hot thanks'.

10points

#48

Burning Smell

KID: "Hey, I was thinking…" DAD: "I thought I smelled something burning.”

Final score:

14points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

I used to say this to my sisters. They never laughed... :-)

22points

#49

Termite Pun

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

BradC Report

Final score:

13points

POST

Moe Less 6 years ago

Not so much, but edible.

16points

#50

Three Guys

Three Guys Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

usernamemispeled Report

Final score:

13points

POST

Bob Beltcher 6 years ago

I used to say this one. Never got a laugh lol.

15points

#51

Octopus Tickles

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

superdrew91 Report

Final score:

13points

POST

Napo Allenius-Tapiovaara 6 years ago

at school octopuses take testicles.

37points

#52

Birthday Card

SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.

Final score:

13points

POST

wolf cub snow 5 years ago

*double sigh*

14points

#53

Kidding

Kidding When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.

ownworldman Report

Final score:

13points

POST

Bob Beltcher 6 years ago

Go ahead, tell that to her while she's giving birth.

53points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#54

Ham Sandwich

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."

bobbyperuse Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

36points

#55

April May

Can February March? No, but April May!

guts_full_of_meat Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

Why was six sad? Because seven eight nine.

15points

#56

Bison And Buffalo

Bison And Buffalo What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

_solidwarp_ Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Wyndmere 6 years ago

classic punning

19points

#57

Shellfish

Why did the crab never share? Because he's shellfish.

Mr_McMuffins Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Jason Chebe 5 years ago

why did the fisherman never SHARES? BECAUSE HE SELLFISH

4points

#58

Elon Controversy

To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

JuIius_Seizure95 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Unknown 4 years ago

his full name is Elongated Muskrat

12points

#59

Salted Peanut

Salted Peanut Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

ConcaveMishap Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Siddharth Rath 6 years ago

Is he ok?

30points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#60

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.

allmyritz Report

Final score:

11points

POST

ta ham 6 years ago

What do you call a dead fly? A flew….

33points

#61

Best Dam Show

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

atodaso Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Moe Less 6 years ago

In 4th grade I wrote a story of beavers making small "damns." Teacher did not notice. Maybe afraid to notice...

19points

#62

Beethoven Fruit

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

mozeiny Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Caleigh 5 years ago

You’re lying if you didn’t read that like the song.

29points

#63

Haircut Pun

When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: "No, I got them all cut!"

KEERTHIVLOGS Report

Final score:

10points

POST

bailey gough 5 years ago

What did the guy say when he arrived in Antartica? Well that wasn't a warm welcome

25points

#64

Forever 21

Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.

Final score:

10points

POST

Spirit Animations 5 years ago

*a vampire that could use their time being immortal to research cancer* you know what? I'm going to the mall today!

17points

#65

Bisacktual

GROCERY STORE CHECKER: "Paper or plastic?" DAD: "Either, I’m bisacktual.”

Final score:

9points

POST

Elijah Bradshaw 5 years ago

guess i'll just die then

15points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#66

Horse Tripped

What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Final score:

9points

POST

My O My 6 years ago

Giddyup giddyup giddyup let's go *singing

12points

#67

A Trumpet

You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.

JonquilXanthippe Report

Final score:

9points

POST

Adham Magdy 5 years ago

dammm

4points

#68

Total Ripoff

Why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.

Final score:

9points

POST

MAGZOFFICIAL 5 years ago

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

24points

#69

747 Sounds

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

wehavechocolate Report

Final score:

9points

POST

Bradley Buma 5 years ago

haha 69

12points

#70

Deter Gents

I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.

Boomkiller Report

Final score:

9points

POST

Zoe Page 5 years ago

why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honey combs

24points

#71

Passable Products

What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.

TotalBuilder45 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

MAGZOFFICIAL 5 years ago

nope *looks at more dad jokes cus i have no life*

18points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#72

First Offender

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

FunnyGenious Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Gabriel Liburdi 4 years ago

I'm guessing that a Gibson and a Fender are Guitars

6points

#73

Circus Fire

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!

ROTFLandmines Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Deacon DeSchepper 5 years ago

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

23points

#74

American And European

You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.

twofirstkinds Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Tyler Ittai Anthony 6 years ago

First you Russian...then European...then Finnish

71points

#75

25 Letters

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

IsaiaHarris03 Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Ricardo Haselbach 5 years ago

my favorite number of the alphabet is blue

31points

#76

Soup Or Salad

WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”

Final score:

7points

POST

Scott1983 Cawthon 5 years ago

I actually misunderstood someone saying SUPERSALAD but they were just saying soup or salad

8points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#77

Frostbite

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

dadjokes Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Natasha Moore 4 years ago

I wish it bit my sister then it would have rabies...

5points

#78

Angry Pepper

What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.

Peekatchu1997 Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Whitney Speight-Carlin 6 years ago

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business.

15points

#79

Keeping A Log

As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

TF79870 Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Jason Chebe 5 years ago

i dont think thats what your manenger wants to hear

10points

#80

It's Tearable

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.

boris73 Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Dian Ella Lillie 6 years ago

"Did you hear the one about the bed?" "No." "That's because it hasn't been made up yet!"

27points

#81

Chicken Sedan

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

Lee_Hey_pat Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Pessimist Reviewer 5 years ago

Just imagine a chicken sedan.

6points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

See Also on Bored Panda

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#82

An Elephant And A Rhino

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.

K4RAB_THA_ARAB Report

Final score:

5points

POST

David Geurtsen 4 years ago

No no no....it’s What do you get if you cross a hippopotamus, an elephant, and a rhinoceros? Helephino (hell if I know) BUT...this does use the word ‘hell’ in this version. Wait, didn’t the original infer the word ‘hell’?

2points

#83

Cheese Toastie

I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.

TheHaleyBaby Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Arthur Lewis 5 years ago

You shouldn't steal anything made of cheese if it's nachos.

14points

#84

Postmen Letters

If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.

Final score:

5points

POST

Carol Emory 6 years ago

It took me two reads to get this one...Duh!

11points

#85

Dog Walks Into A Bar

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."

USAneedsAJohnson Report

Final score:

4points

POST

Charlie Holmes 5 years ago

This is one of my all-time favorites. When my kids were young(er), I would tell this joke every evening at the supper table. I did that for over a year, so I'm sure it'll be passed down to my grandkids and, hopefully, generations after. At least I'll have a legacy. 8^] I've always spoken the punchline using my best John Wayne impersonation.

5points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

#86

Muffler Dream

Muffler Dream I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

MayorMcGrimace Report

Final score:

4points

POST

Noah Melancon 5 years ago

4points

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#87

A Gigabyte Pun

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.

Gamer-Citrus Report

Final score:

4points

POST

Jason Chebe 5 years ago

no a gig yeet

5points

#88

Lifesaver Inventor

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

Rohi0109 Report

Final score:

3points

POST

Conner Shafer 5 years ago

actually true tho

0points

#89

Square Meal

Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

Final score:

3points

POST

Marc Stevens 5 years ago

They repealed that law. They discovered it was more important that the cows had a well-rounded diet.

21points

#90

Lonely Cheese

What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.

Versacepoop Report

Final score:

3points

POST

Aidan Rance 5 years ago

I'm fetta-p with bad food puns, even i'm not that old! You'll need a stronger start if you want to keep up with me. lol

5points

#91

Carry Your Tune

DAD, TO A SINGER: "Don’t forget a bucket." SINGER: "Why?" DAD: "To carry your tune."

_solidwarp_ Report

Final score:

3points

POST

Samantha Morgan 4 years ago

I know so many people that would come up with something like that

1point

#92

Fortnite Pun

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.

24two Report

Final score:

3points

POST

thepotatogirl 6 years ago

5points

#93

Kleenex Dance

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

BasedOnAir Report

Final score:

2points

POST

Larry Walser 5 years ago

Liar

1point

#94

Toad And Frog

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”

turtleforeskin88 Report

Final score:

2points

POST

Jaydon Ferguson 5 years ago

dad?

3points

Iplaychesssometimes Report

#95

Cell Phones

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

Final score:

2points

POST

Lucan Bongers 5 years ago

Ha ha that’s chezzy

1point

#96

Bad Blood

Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.

omgthatspunny Report

Final score:

2points

POST

Marissa S 5 years ago

OK song, HILARIOUS joke!

11points

#97

Little Horse

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!

Final score:

1point

POST

Jan Kowalski 4 years ago

Even a little horse deserves a bucket of water at least. Stop animal cruelty!

0points

#98

Blood Type

NURSE: "Blood type?" DAD: "Red."

Final score:

1point

POST

Natasha Moore 4 years ago

The oxygen touches your cells and turn them red

1point

#99

Two-Knee Fish

Two-Knee Fish What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.

blacklutefisk Report

Final score:

1point

POST

Ryan Osbourn 4 years ago

Blow fish

6points

As a writer and image editor for Bored Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their potential. She's also glad that her Bachelor’s degree in English Philology didn’t go to waste (although collecting dust in the attic could also be considered an achievement of aesthetic value!) Giedrė is an avid fan of cats, photography, and mysteries, and a keen observer of the Internet culture which is what she is most excited to write about. Since she's embarked on her journalistic endeavor, Giedrė has over 600 articles under her belt and hopes for twice as much (fingers crossed - half of them are about cats).

Read less »

Heyo. I’m Džiugas, a writer for Bored Panda’s Home & Design section. You can guess from my name that I’m a happy person. At least, I try to be happy and full of joy. I’m always down to analyze old and new movies and suggest decor ideas to add some pizazz to your home.

Read less »

What do you think ?

POST

K. LNU 6 years ago

Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol

9points

Maria Windsor 5 years ago

YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!

1point

Sarah O'Dwyer 5 years ago

What do you get when a sheep, drum and a snake fall off a cliff? Baa-dum-hiss...

1point

Phoenix 4 years ago

Yes ha ha ha ha

0points

Brayden 4 years ago

for sure

0points

JillVille 6 years ago

My sister & her hubby are having their first. I gave him joke books wrapped in ribbon as a New Dad's Prep Kit. They laughed and he tossed out some real groaners - he's already well on the way to annoying the heck out of my new niece!

4points

Maria Windsor 5 years ago

Ha that's great lol

1point

BlueGlue 6 years ago

I'm definitely guilty of using a few of these. Such fun

4points

SykesDaMan 6 years ago

By cringe you mean laugh (or at least smile)? Right ? :)

2points

Night Owl 6 years ago

Dad jokes are fun but dealing (or even living) with someone who uses them very often and often even repeats the same couple of jokes can be frustrating and exhausting.

2points

duffy dennis 2 years ago

What did the Vegas chicken salad say? I'm on a roll!

1point

McKenna Simmons 4 years ago

why did the coffee go to the police? because it got mugged. :D

1point

Scott Allam 5 years ago (edited)

Hold my beer... Three dads walk into a bar. The first one tells a joke while the other two laugh.

1point

andy w 5 years ago

I have 3 eyes, 2 nose, 5 ears and 2 mouths. What am I? Ugly

1point

Hersch Knapp 5 years ago

Why do nurses carry red pens? So they can draw blood.

1point

Kelly Horrigan 6 years ago

6 year old niece listening to adults asks my dad "Papa what is Happy Hour?" with out a pause he said "when you're sleeping" She was not pleased.

1point

Maria Windsor 5 years ago

THAT'S AMAZING ROFL-5d6bc...0afad4.gif

0points

Stella Rose 6 years ago

Here's one: Why did the old woman fall down the well? She couldn't see that well.

1point

Nicklas Linder 6 years ago

I went to a zoo once. They only had a dog there. It was a Shitzu.

1point

Goalshakers Football Highlights 6 years ago

Humm, funny though

1point

_-DungeonKeeper-_ 4 months ago

One time I was watching this video of puns and one of them was a guy was standing near a river next to another guy, and the second was was holding a stick, the first one is like "okay mah boy Moses here gonna open the river for us" and the one with the stick says "open sesame" and slams the stick down and nothing happens. So hes like "I guess God changed the password"

0points

Crystal Vaughan 5 months ago

My dad's favorite dad joke was: when is a door not a door? When it's ajar /-:

0points

Karl Weaver 1 year ago

My favorite joke is: Where do bad rainbows go? They go to prism, but it’s a light sentence!

0points

Mitch Gray 4 years ago

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLPO:LLOPOLOLOLOOLOLOLOKLKLKLLOLOLOOLOLO

0points

Syifa Ain Zulaika Binti Rosli 4 years ago

it funny but It is too punny

0points

Gabriel Liburdi 4 years ago

I thought it was cool but I didn't know what some of them ment

0points

Brianna Perez 4 years ago

Have you heard of the blind gynecologists?.......He reads lips

0points

Marrdiyat Ahmed-Moro 4 years ago

The ones with the higher points were the most funny. When the points decreased, so did the level of how high I would laugh.

0points

spencer mason 4 years ago (edited)

s**t aki mushrooms

0points

Mark Leonhardt 5 years ago

My oldest boy was with his wife at a store. The sales lady ask if he need help, "Do you have a psychiatry degree?" His wife groaned and said "OMG you've become your father. I've never been so proud!

0points

Lauren Montgomery 5 years ago

SON: Why is there a possum living in our backyard? DAD: Because this is a home of possumblities.

0points

Tootoo 5 years ago

Sup uglyburger

0points

Kelly Horrigan 6 years ago

Dad to a 14 year old indignant me: "Kelly, this house is not a democracy it is an anarchy but I am the ruler"

0points

Kelly Horrigan 6 years ago

Mom and Dad on the way to their anniversary party stop on the way to pick up some food. Guy asks him " How many years have you been Married?" Dad: " 50. If i committed murder I would have been out in 25"

0points

Rebekah Getz 6 years ago

Did you see the new movie "Constipation"? Of course not, it hasn't come out yet.

0points

Carol Emory 6 years ago

My friends interaction with his daughter. Daughter "Dad, I'm thirsty!" Dad: "Glad to meet you Thirsty! My name is Jason!"

0points

Gemma Lees 6 years ago

My father-in-law lives for when we're in restaurants and someone drops something so he can shout "sack the juggler!" What makes it really funny is how much it embarrasses my mother-in-law!

0points

Nicklas Linder 6 years ago (edited)

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender asks why he has a steering wheel down his pants and the pirate answers "Yarr! It's driving me nuts!"

0points

John L 6 years ago

I don't think I can make it to the second page already...............:(

0points

Hannah’s Vlogs 5 years ago

What kind of bear has teeth?

-1point

Hannah’s Vlogs 5 years ago

A Gummy Bear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1point

POST

K. LNU 6 years ago

Anyone else keep hearing the "ba-dum-dum *cymbal crash" after each one? lol

9points

Maria Windsor 5 years ago

YESSSSSS lol in real life actually my lil bro was at his drumset when I was reading these aloud and he made that sound after each one :P lol!!!!!!!!!!!!

1point

Sarah O'Dwyer 5 years ago

What do you get when a sheep, drum and a snake fall off a cliff? Baa-dum-hiss...

1point

Phoenix 4 years ago

Yes ha ha ha ha

0points

Brayden 4 years ago

for sure

0points

JillVille 6 years ago

4points

Maria Windsor 5 years ago

Ha that's great lol

1point

BlueGlue 6 years ago

I'm definitely guilty of using a few of these. Such fun

4points

SykesDaMan 6 years ago

By cringe you mean laugh (or at least smile)? Right ? :)

2points

Night Owl 6 years ago

Dad jokes are fun but dealing (or even living) with someone who uses them very often and often even repeats the same couple of jokes can be frustrating and exhausting.

2points

duffy dennis 2 years ago

What did the Vegas chicken salad say? I'm on a roll!

1point

McKenna Simmons 4 years ago

why did the coffee go to the police? because it got mugged. :D

1point

Scott Allam 5 years ago (edited)

Hold my beer... Three dads walk into a bar. The first one tells a joke while the other two laugh.

1point

andy w 5 years ago

I have 3 eyes, 2 nose, 5 ears and 2 mouths. What am I? Ugly

1point

Hersch Knapp 5 years ago

Why do nurses carry red pens? So they can draw blood.

1point

Kelly Horrigan 6 years ago

6 year old niece listening to adults asks my dad "Papa what is Happy Hour?" with out a pause he said "when you're sleeping" She was not pleased.

1point

Maria Windsor 5 years ago

THAT'S AMAZING ROFL-5d6bc...0afad4.gif

0points

Stella Rose 6 years ago

Here's one: Why did the old woman fall down the well? She couldn't see that well.

1point

Nicklas Linder 6 years ago

I went to a zoo once. They only had a dog there. It was a Shitzu.

1point

Goalshakers Football Highlights 6 years ago

Humm, funny though

1point

_-DungeonKeeper-_ 4 months ago

0points

Crystal Vaughan 5 months ago

My dad's favorite dad joke was: when is a door not a door? When it's ajar /-:

0points

Karl Weaver 1 year ago

My favorite joke is: Where do bad rainbows go? They go to prism, but it’s a light sentence!

0points

Mitch Gray 4 years ago

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLPO:LLOPOLOLOLOOLOLOLOKLKLKLLOLOLOOLOLO

0points

Syifa Ain Zulaika Binti Rosli 4 years ago

it funny but It is too punny

0points

Gabriel Liburdi 4 years ago

I thought it was cool but I didn't know what some of them ment

0points

Brianna Perez 4 years ago

Have you heard of the blind gynecologists?.......He reads lips

0points

Marrdiyat Ahmed-Moro 4 years ago

The ones with the higher points were the most funny. When the points decreased, so did the level of how high I would laugh.

0points

spencer mason 4 years ago (edited)

s**t aki mushrooms

0points

Mark Leonhardt 5 years ago

My oldest boy was with his wife at a store. The sales lady ask if he need help, "Do you have a psychiatry degree?" His wife groaned and said "OMG you've become your father. I've never been so proud!

0points

Lauren Montgomery 5 years ago

SON: Why is there a possum living in our backyard? DAD: Because this is a home of possumblities.

0points

Tootoo 5 years ago

Sup uglyburger

0points

Kelly Horrigan 6 years ago

Dad to a 14 year old indignant me: "Kelly, this house is not a democracy it is an anarchy but I am the ruler"

0points

Kelly Horrigan 6 years ago

0points

Rebekah Getz 6 years ago

Did you see the new movie "Constipation"? Of course not, it hasn't come out yet.

0points

Carol Emory 6 years ago

My friends interaction with his daughter. Daughter "Dad, I'm thirsty!" Dad: "Glad to meet you Thirsty! My name is Jason!"

0points

Gemma Lees 6 years ago

My father-in-law lives for when we're in restaurants and someone drops something so he can shout "sack the juggler!" What makes it really funny is how much it embarrasses my mother-in-law!

0points

Nicklas Linder 6 years ago (edited)

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender asks why he has a steering wheel down his pants and the pirate answers "Yarr! It's driving me nuts!"

0points

John L 6 years ago

I don't think I can make it to the second page already...............:(

0points

Hannah’s Vlogs 5 years ago

What kind of bear has teeth?

-1point

Hannah’s Vlogs 5 years ago

A Gummy Bear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1point